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Discussion Starter #1
Hey everyone! As an INFP, one of the things I long for most in life is to connect with people on a REAL, and DEEP level, not just a superficial one. I've never really had a human best friend (my dog is the closest thing to a best friend...lol) because most people around me do not seem to understand my passions and what makes me the way I am. Not to say that I'm a loner, I get along fine with just about everyone and have many "acquaintances", but either people cannot or will not connect with me on a deeper level, so our relationships stay sort of in a frivolous limbo. Sound familiar to anyone?

So about a year ago I discovered that I knew 3 other INFP's from my school who took the MBTI test around the same time that I did, and I was sooo excited to find this out because I was thinking, "FINALLY! these people will understand my geeky obsessions and chronic day-dreaming and it will really be great to maybe have a best friend who can share in my INFP style merriment!"

But I soon realized something about those 3 INFP's and what seems to be common to a lot of other INFP's today.. all 3 LOVE reading fantasy novels, playing TONS of video games, watching anime, and drawing. Maybe I'm just a weird 21st century INFP, but I hate reading (unless I can learn something important I can apply to my life), I do not play video games that much, I know basically nothing about anime, and drawing doesnt really interest me. I DO do all of the above listed things every once in a while, but none of them are my passions like they are theirs.

I can really identify with the MANNER in which my INFP friends go about obsessing, daydreaming, etc, but the problem seems to be that we are passionate about DIFFERENT things. At least I am. Most INFP's I've seen online seem to be very similar to the ones I know in person...they seem to speak "video game" or "anime" and can connect with each other because the fantasy worlds that they live inside their heads are somewhat based on what they saw in an anime or a video game that they grew up playing, so they can connect well with others who base their worlds on those sorts of things. Me on the other hand, my fantasy world is more based on romanticized parts of the real world, like living in other countries (probably stems from my greatest life passion: languages) and I feel almost like I'm left out of the "typical" INFP world that seems so prevalent. :/

Anyone else care to agree/disagree about the "typical" INFP fantasies/passions being based mostly on reading, video games, anime, drawing?
And I guess what I'm asking is, do any of you feel the same disappointment in trying to connect with other INFP's?

Sorry for the length of this post...although I guess if you've read all the way down this far, you really probably aren't that bothered. ;)
 

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Hi there!
Welcome to the forum!

I totally relate. I usually dislike reading too, unless it's something I'm VERY interested in reading about. I have a bad habit of 'skimming'. I wouldn't judge your friends on being INFP just by a test, It has to be what they feel they are. Not a questionnaire or 5 minute test. I usually get totally different results when I take online tests these days, I hardly get INFP, instead I get ISFJ or something random like that.

I wouldn't go by the 'stereotype' of being an INFP. There are parts of my personality that aren't very 'INFP' at all! (see one of my old posts where I complain)

Although, I do like gaming,anime and day-dreaming, it has nothing much to do with gaming at all. I've NEVER played fantasy games, the only games I've ever played are CAR RACING GAMES. I find fantasy games freaky! :/:unsure:
A lot of my fantasies are based upon things I've seen, but a lot are to with my own imagination.

You don't have to try and 'conform' to be like other INFP's. Although INFP's generally are like what their type 'says' they are. We all have different 'personalities' not the Myers Briggs 'personalities'. We all have quirks!

Don't worry about it. I feel like I'm not like other INFP's either. Not all 'INFP's' have extreme fantasies ^_^
I wouldn't say I was very open with my feelings like other INFP's are, I'm quite secretive. Actually, a bit TOO much
 

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Well you don't have to be exactly like them, i think it's rare to find someone you sync with on almost every topic. It's good you know them, try to get to know them more, listen to their thoughts, contribute your own thoughts. I'm in a slump right now with friends, but i've always listened to my friends and try to give them my creative input if they wanted. I love to hear other peoples ideas, especially when it comes to my interests. If i can get a new perspective on something i love then I've grown as a person. Of course, sometimes that would get annoying if it was all the time, but if someone got to know me and i got to know them, and we both knew what was cool, then it'd be a totally cool time. We don't need to agree on EVERYTHING, just common interests. You can go deep with ideas, whether they're relevant to your ideals or to anothers ideals.

And even so just because they're INFPs doesn't mean they're going to be the cure to your dilemma. I think that you can be good friends with any type, if you keep an open mind,(except ESTJ's lol no offense).

Give and take. Treat others the way you want to be treated, and it will be reciprocated. Hmm i'm going to start following my own advice lol.
 
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In regards to traits, mbti may not be able to explain that directly (you could argue from a functional pov but I wont do that here because i wouldn't know what to say).

I will suggest though, that the "big 5" or the 5 factor model of personality contains within it various domains. Within these domains assorted higher order and lower order traits corresponding with greater correlation.

Higher order to lower order facets of the domain of 'openness to experience' are

Higher order
1. fantasy (active fantasy life)
2. aesthetics (artistic interests)
3. feelings (emotionally open)
4. actions (flexible)
5. ideas (intellectual)
6. values (unconventional)
Lower order

Simply, there could be a difference between you and your friends in regards to openness to experience. They may be highly open, and you may be slightly or moderately less so. Some may correlate this with p-ness in mbti and/or ne jungian functions wise. I don't really know. There are many differences within types that are hard to isolate factors to explain. People within types are far too different to really pin things down.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
Even though I can be unrealistic, I'm not SO unrealistic to think that all INFP's should be able to match up on every level of understading! lol that would be a bit much to expect...even for an INFP! XD

I am good friends with them and I enjoy hanging out with them and discussing the things I listed as their main passions, but on the other hand I'm a bit saddened by the fact that their interests seem to match up with each other, and my interests are still a bit "out there" even within the INFP group which is notorious for being "out there" with their ideas and passions.

@susurration: I'm afraid I don't quite understand your response :unsure: could you please explain it a little more for me please?
 

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I was about to argue for a second...
But that more or less describes me...
It describes one of my INFP friends...
and it describes my other friends INFP brother...
We're just nerds as a whole I guess, doesn't stop most of us usually
 

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You sound like me. I read for the sake of finding new information. I'd rather live and experience everything else. I don't play video games, though I don't mind watching my friends play. I don't know a thing about anime. I do draw, but I don't like to. I just need to work on my artistic skills that have gotten rusty over the years.

I don't know any INFPs, something I have whined about on here before, but I do have some great INTX friends who get the depth and love the conversation. They connect on a less emotional level, which can be a nice juxtaposition. They help keep me level headed when I am beginning to float away from the real world. I have a few friends who are other types of NFs, and they get me on some levels, but they are mostly Es and Js, so they don't quite pick up on some of the things I say.

Open your options to NTs. You may be surprised. I wish I could vouch for knowing other INFPs, but I can tell you that you are not the only one who acts the way you do.
 

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I only discovered this MBTI stuff a few months ago, so I don't really know if I've ever met any other INFPs before. I don't think I know any right now. But based on everything I've read on this forum and elsewhere, I really relate to the way we all think, but it doesn't mean we have the same interests. I don't even really know what a fantasy novel is, and I'm not into video games, anime or drawing. Like you, my day dreaming more often than not consists about thinking about living and travelling in other countries. Two days ago, I kid you not, I practically spent the entire day dreaming about living abroad (again) and scheming with my best friend about the best option for us to get away in the summer or next winter - looking up yachts and motor homes for sale on buy and sell sites, reading round the world trip reports, and I actually read, over the course of the day, an entire 750 message long thread titled "Laid off people turned Ex-Pats Living on the CHEAP?" on a motorcycle forum. I think that is some pretty extreme INFPness right there.

I'm not passionate about languages, but I enjoy them, and living abroad I learned to speak Spanish at an advanced level. At school right now I'm taking three classes: 1 taught in English, 1 taught in Spanish, and 1 taught in French (discipline classes, not language instruction). But we're allowed to do all our written work in English, though, and my French is only at a lower intermediate level.

I just registered on the forum yesterday, but so far I can't say I'm disappointed in trying to connect with other INFPs. I mean I'm responding to a post written by someone whose interests are very similar to my own, and its only my second day here. I assume from your username that Spanish is one of the languages you're interested in. In real life it is very unusual to meet people who think so much like myself and have these similar interests.
 

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Even though I can be unrealistic, I'm not SO unrealistic to think that all INFP's should be able to match up on every level of understading! lol that would be a bit much to expect...even for an INFP! XD

I am good friends with them and I enjoy hanging out with them and discussing the things I listed as their main passions, but on the other hand I'm a bit saddened by the fact that their interests seem to match up with each other, and my interests are still a bit "out there" even within the INFP group which is notorious for being "out there" with their ideas and passions.

@susurration: I'm afraid I don't quite understand your response :unsure: could you please explain it a little more for me please?
um, basically...

there are different levels or dimensions of personality. Within the iNfp, there may be varying levels of interest in 'the abstract'. You mention your friends are into anime, drawing, fantasy novels and gaming. These are all highly abstract endeavors. Whereas your fantasy life is based around more "real world" pursuits.

We may be able to explain this with mbti. We may say that this is due to some infps' having a more active fantasy life, or we may suggest the differences are due to sensing/intuition or even thinking (perhaps you might be an isfp). Or we could explain the differences through another personality system like the enneagram, or through a trait system like the big 5. Or we could say none of that matters, and it's just about what an individual infp is interested in.

IMO I think you'll be able to find plenty of infps' not particularly interested in fantasy fiction, gaming, reading etc online. I personally am not a gamer. I like reading for readings sake though. I didn't read fiction for something like 10 years! now i'm back into it. I'm more intersted in science and philosophy than anything else really.
 

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I think I know what you mean about wanting to connect. People don't often expose their deepest selves since they're trained to think it's shameful. You are only allowed to take pride in yourself inasmuch as you have in common with others. It's a way of uniting people by making them define themselves by / identify with one small and arbitrary characteristic, as if the only way to unite is to kill individuality or complexity, as if it's worth it. (sorry for the rant, I can't help it but after years thinking it just happens that people can't communicate I reached the frustrating conclusion that it's systematic)

In short, yes, I do feel that disappointment in trying to connect with anyone, including INFPs. It takes alot of work to overcome the communication problems.
 

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I wonder though, what ARE you into? If anything? It sounds like you might be focusing on differences rather than similarities.

I've never been big on reading. Other than what was required for school, I've only read like 7-8 books in my life (including 2 sets of related trilogies I got from my dad). That was largely because I needed something to do at certain times while waiting during school, too.

To me, reading feels like I'm shutting down my thoughts in favor of running somebody else's, and I don't feel comfortable doing that for any reason. Literally I get physically uncomfortable. Maybe it's an ideal I formed at some point or something, I'm not sure, but I want to be running in the highest mode as possible for as long as possible, right up to "always on."

I also don't like the linearity of it, just like with TV (but that comes in smaller bits). It feels too passive. I get impatient the same way as when doing meaningless routine work.

It seems that anything people say they get out of reading, I find elsewhere. But yes, that elsewhere includes video games and anime, among other things. As far as reading and writing ability, well, I've been on the internet a long time and I've never been big on using voice chat. I've never worried about it much as it seems to happen on its own, I just look stuff up as I come across it and was always ahead of my classes.

But anyways, if you're not into those things, what are you into? If it's something, I'd be surprised if you were the only one. Also, are you sure about your type? Wouldn't be the first to be mistaken. :tongue:

I know for me it can be hard to admit liking certain things, but sometimes you find others had the same thing and you were just holding back for nothing. Maybe that's just me though...
 

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Hey I can relate to your post a lot. I've been on here for a year now, and I post about some of the interests I have and really, I get either no response or only one person says "yeah, me too!" Then someone will post something about an anime character or whatever, and it gets 50 responses and I'm like "well shit." It does make me feel alone, like maybe I don't belong, but I can accept that I'm not gonna fit into the stereotype completely. Really though, who wants to be a stereotype?

I'll tell you what, I have 9 INFP friends. That's NINE. And none of them are interested in being on this forum, though I've told them about it and tried to get them to join. They all say they are too busy, they don't want to "Sit at a computer" all day, they want to be outside, and one guy even said he doesn't think he could connect with anyone on here. One of my INFP friends in big into dance, she likes to move around, not sit at a computer. Another two of my friends are into gardening and farming, being outside. They don't want to be on the computer either. Two of the others I know are busy getting their advanced degrees - one in family therapy and one in English. They just don't have time. So maybe the folks on here, and just by chance, the folks in your school, just happen to be the type of INFPs that like sitting at a computer. Because really, that's what we are doing here. If I didn't have a job with a TON of down time where I HAVE to sit at a computer all day, I wouldn't be on here either. I would be outside experiencing new things, traveling, etc. Maybe that's why I feel out of place here because I'm not really that anti-social and into staying home all the time. I want to get out and DO things. The only reading I ever do is in autobiography or biography. I couldn't care less about fantasy reading, fantasy movies, fantasy games, any of that. BOR-ING! I want to know what's REALLY happening with people. And F-k video games. I get ansty as hell playing video games. I can't stand it. So yeah, I can relate to you a lot. It just so happens that the INFPs you met are less like you. But INFPs who are more like you DO exist. Don't give up hope.

And also, I want to second what Hotspur said about warming up to the NT's. Most of my favorite people ever are NT's. They are awesome. I love them. I think you would too. :)
 

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The INFPs that I know get along with me and all that but there's hardly any balance in our conversations. Personally, I like things that are different, rebellious, etc. and being with someone who is so similar to me is actually a little tiresome and uninteresting. I like to explore and hanging out with TJs or ESs is really fun and interesting because I usually can't figure them out right away, making me want to continue further in the relationship. For instance, two I's could end up having trouble keeping a sustained conversation going at some times. And two E's might interrupt each other too often...but an I and an E together can sometimes be the right balance. We're good listeners, you know. I'm often searching for a broader understanding of people and hanging out with people who aren't like me is a nice way to do that.

As far as gaming goes, I can take it or leave it. Not into fantasy or anime either. When I read, I like reading classics to find out why they're classics.
 

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Discussion Starter #14
Yes, I am 100% sure that I'm INFP at this point in my life. I've taken the test 4 different times in different locations/ from different sources with the same results every time, and the descriptions of INFP's fit me REALLY well. :)

As I've already stated, my main passion is for languages, but this also includes cultures, and getting to know people who are different from me. I enjoy music (LOVE THE 60's!!!!), documentary films, and I always enjoy having one on one discussions with people about meaningful topics or things that are odd or unique.

ok! I will be on the hunt to find some NT's! :wink: although its not that I'm limiting myself to only INFP's, and @possibilities I DO enjoy getting to know all kinds of people same as you! People in general fascinate me (except for the cookie cutter people who copy everyone else :tongue: ) but before I knew any better, I thought that I would be able to connect on a certain deeper level with other INFP's because of the fact that we all feel sort of different from everyone else...but it seems to me that not everyone necessarily can connect with their own type like I would have thought..
 

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I seem to relate to "typical" INFPs almost perfectly, from what I've witnessed on this forum. However, I've never been friends with an identified INFP online or in real life, so I'm not sure how well I connect to them on a personal level...
 

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Hmmm, well the INFPs I know have similar interests in fantasy. Not necessarily drawing, or video games, or anime, those are more like various manifestations of the deeper fantasy interest. Still, just from what I've seen here on the forum, I'm sure not all INFPs are into fantasy, and I feel very lucky to have met INFPs who also share my interests.

Just had to mention One of my INFP friends and I met through linguistics classes, and another friend who is possibly also INFP but I don't know for sure. We love other cultures too, but I will admit that fantasy is even more important - but there is a connection there, we enjoy the other cultures and languages, among other things, found in fantasy worlds.

I have found it interesting over the years comparing how I get along with people who are similar to me inpersonality but different in tastes, vs. how I get along with people who have similar tastes but different personalities. I'd have to say I tend to enjoy the ones with similar tastes best, but it is definately a breath of fresh air to talk with anyone who just has the same communication style and way of thinking. I love that feeling of 'getting' eachother, though it does make it hard to really talk and do things when our interests are different. I definately feel very blessed to have the friends that I do.

An interesting thing is that one of my INFP friends, though very like me in many ways, also seems very different in other ways. IN fact I wouldnt' have even guessed she was my same type because we think so differently, yet when I stopped to think about it INFP really does fit her too. In contrast an INTP friend of mine thinks very much the same as me on many of the very things I differ with this INFP on. So type isn't always what makes you feel like you're really on the same page with someone.
 

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I also discovered my MBTI profile a few months back, I did it under protest though.
Now I see it as a silver lining, because I started to really stop and think to understand myself, and also all the people who I have met, and why I did not gel with them. I thought that I had become very picky and selective in my friendships? I also did not manage to maintain the work relationships either. (Well, I tried to, but you can see where it starts to break down and why. I felt so used when they bypassed me for things.)

I was into games and anime too when I was younger, but you do change. I know that we're quite into our aesthetics. I used to listen to all sorts of music to find something that I truly like? I found that I love salsa, and dancing in general. I also tried singing in the choir as well. As I was egged on by another friend. So, I do encourage you to befriend these other INFPs, and maybe when you get used to each other, then you can start to make other plans and to even start experimenting and seeing the world?

I love travelling as well, and I love hillwalking. When I was going through a phase of "gaining confidence", it's when I started to do those kind of things. I was so surprised of my own strength and stamina. As INFP, we sometimes need to find something new to experiment with. So, I wouldn't lose hope just yet. These INFP may also want to balance life out a little bit more later on, so...
 

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I can really identify with the MANNER in which my INFP friends go about obsessing, daydreaming, etc, but the problem seems to be that we are passionate about DIFFERENT things. At least I am. Most INFP's I've seen online seem to be very similar to the ones I know in person...they seem to speak "video game" or "anime" and can connect with each other because the fantasy worlds that they live inside their heads are somewhat based on what they saw in an anime or a video game that they grew up playing, so they can connect well with others who base their worlds on those sorts of things. Me on the other hand, my fantasy world is more based on romanticized parts of the real world, like living in other countries (probably stems from my greatest life passion: languages) and I feel almost like I'm left out of the "typical" INFP world that seems so prevalent. :/

Anyone else care to agree/disagree about the "typical" INFP fantasies/passions being based mostly on reading, video games, anime, drawing?
And I guess what I'm asking is, do any of you feel the same disappointment in trying to connect with other INFP's?

Sorry for the length of this post...although I guess if you've read all the way down this far, you really probably aren't that bothered. ;)
That definitely does not describe me. Although I have some phases where I like drawing, and if I have friends who are into a certain video game I will play it but all in all I can't normally keep my attention on that kind of stuff. so it doesn't interest me too much. In fact most of my SP friends are into that way more then me. Reading I can do but I have to be really motivated. and no interest in anime at all.
 
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