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Hi, I'm 22 and I feel like I have yet to have any kind of meaningful emotional relationship with anyone. At this point I feel like I am unable to. I am far more comfortable around people than not but I do not feel like I know how to show affection especially for the opposite sex but also in general. Based on internet research and my very limited knowledge I have considered depersonalisation disorder and borderline personality disorder.

not looking for a pity party, just your comments
 

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As someone who used to be in a similar place, have you considered that your troubles stem from a complete lack of experience, and thus, useful data to analyze, model, and extrapolate?

I don't mean to discredit the possibility that you have depersonalization disorder or BPD, but I've found that I tend to completely avoid situations that I have no information to work with.
 

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lack of useful data? yes. "complete lack of experience?" i wouldn't say so. i don't mean to credit the possibility of those disorders. i brought them up to maybe point in the right direction? i have a fairly large group of friends and a lot of the time its hard to tell who cares about me and who i care about, if anyone at all

 

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I can actually relate to this very much. I've been with several friends and those of the opposite sex and have yet to feel that connection and attachment which others describe. Which leads to the inability to show affection as easily as others... generally it's forced, awkward and noticeably unattached.
Interesting that you would consider borderline personality disorder, I always thought this presented itself in different ways when relationships are concerned. Could be a personality disorder, but I think the personality disorder would present itself in multiple other situations as well.
I've thought that it just might be some (deep rooted?) fear, perhaps of getting attached to the person? It varies for everyone. I'm not so sure how much experience has to do with it, I've had experience with people and it still ends in the same way because I don't like the idea of getting attached to anyone so I'm always emotionally and physically distant (not really much by choice either). Even with old friends I've had since childhood, I don't feel like I have much of an emotional connection with them at all.
Perhaps someone really special will come around some day and throw us out of it.
 

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well, l worked all of this out at an earlier age (at least somewhat worked it out) but l think most ENTP's will experience this on some level.

l was thrown into a lot of different social situations, the most notable being at 16, in a completely foreign environment without my family for about two years, and establishing friendships and a new family-like dynamic was probably most important to me at that point.

So, what l relate to is not feeling like there's an internal compass or gauge, so to speak. Other types may have a more clearly defined idea of exactly what it is that solidifies a relationship/friendship.

Life story aside, l do think experience is a huge factor.

You sort of take completely random actions first, and learn based off of that, then you're left with something that resembles a pattern of how you interact with others.

l can't really give advice on the ''how'' to show initial affection/interest. l think some over analysis happens, though.

Other types may not think about exactly what it is that establishes connections. l do find l outgrow friendships, but l don't really think that's so bad.

lf l could, l'd leave here and establish some connections though. l don't think it's impractical if you're able to do it...l don't really think that drifter mentality disappears completely :cool:
 
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hmm. Did you ever considered to define your boundaries? your desires and expectations? We need to understand this ourselves before we're can communicate this to others. It's not so much an issue of connecting with other people but finding the right people to connect with. I don't want to be with anyone and have to forfeit on my life.

I'm not somebody who wants a family, a mortgage and a retirement plan. Their security is my prison.
 
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Hi, I'm 22 and I feel like I have yet to have any kind of meaningful emotional relationship with anyone. At this point I feel like I am unable to. I am far more comfortable around people than not but I do not feel like I know how to show affection especially for the opposite sex but also in general. Based on internet research and my very limited knowledge I have considered depersonalisation disorder and borderline personality disorder.

not looking for a pity party, just your comments
That is not unusual for an ENTP I think. I was the same and can say that although I had relationships they were too brief to be meaningful in any way until I was 26 or so. So you have 4 years to beat me ...

And I am fine now at least that's what my mom tells me and my best friends, at least they say that when I pay them, and it usually only takes a little begging after that.
 

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I can relate. I recently visited my old college that I hold a lot of fondness for and talked with a few different people there that I enjoyed and one of them in particular seemed to have a kind of platonic love for me as a person and a friend. As cold as it will sound, if she were to die today I'm not sure I would feel anything but indifference though. Everyone that is supposed to be close to me in my life, if they all were to die, I don't think I would care at all, I do not believe that I would feel anything.

I sometimes wonder if I'm an animal loving sociopath...
 

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I didn't have a meaningful relationship until I was 19 and really haven't had many since platonic or romantic. Obviously learning about the person and just kind of observing them is important but try to have a conversation. I am not sure if this is strictly ENTP but I usually get a gut feeling about it there is an almost instantaneous connection. I don't rely just on the gut feeling obviously but it is a good indicator and most often you get it when you converse with someone 1 on 1.
 

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Yeah, it's a gut feeling. Something between a horny ass desire and a wack ass attraction, but mostly platonic.
 

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Hi, I'm 22 and I feel like I have yet to have any kind of meaningful emotional relationship with anyone. At this point I feel like I am unable to. I am far more comfortable around people than not but I do not feel like I know how to show affection especially for the opposite sex but also in general. Based on internet research and my very limited knowledge I have considered depersonalisation disorder and borderline personality disorder.

not looking for a pity party, just your comments
To me nothing strange here, still takes me effort to express affection in a convincing (to others) way, and i'm 10 years older then you are, also you have a considerable easier way of connecting to others. :wink:

Don't think you have an actual disorder or anything , just a "different" (once again, to other people :dry: ) way of expressing yourself, do you display affection in other ways then by verbal communication ?

Something along the lines of "making an effort" or going out of your way to help others ?

Once my girlfriend at the time remarked that it was "typical" for me, that i would offer a homeless person a cigarette as well as buying a newspaper from him ( in the Netherlands, homeless people sell a special newspaper in order to earn some extra money), especially since some of her friends told her i have the emotional expression capabilities of a rock (well to them anyway)

Also what "helped" me was paying attention to my conversational partners body language , if one is to mirror this it should (theoretically) be easier to reflect on the emotions they experience , so you can experience /view their reaction to you displaying affection , you can also use this to your advantage since if someone likes you, they tend to mirror you "back".

And as you probably know body language makes up a big part of communication, well, in face to face anyway.

You can check this by "reading up" on mirror neurons if you like, some interesting info from a reasonably reliable source here : Do Mirror Neurons Give Us Empathy? | Greater Good
 

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Yeah, this seems normal to me. I've had no meaningful romantic relationships and have very few people I consider close friends! I have a strong bond with my immediate family and also bond quickly with animals (they make more sense XD).
 
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