[Isildin]

Earlier today, while taking a long shower and contemplating the intricacies of the universe and stuff, I had an epiphany! What I realized was that whenever I’m in a social environment and I feel uncomfortable I talk a lot more and a lot louder than I would normally. And when I do feel comfortable around people I talk less and I speak softer.

For example, at school (where I feel uncomfortable) I might just be the loudest person in my class, and not just because my voice is just pretty loud, I also tend to say whatever crosses my mind (and usually regret it right after). In my personal life however with people I’m comfortable to hang out with, I am content to just sit there, watch my surroundings and in most cases barely speak to anyone, just sit around listening. Which is awesome if you just want to be a wallflower (and I usually don’t mind!), not so awesome after you realize that all your friendships involve people “using” you to feel better, while not being an outlet for you in any way shape or form.

(Worst part of this of course is that when I’m with a girl I like and feel comfortable with, nothing happens. She talks, I respond but nothing more. )
​

So has anyone else ever noticed anything like this? How do you deal with it? Any tips/suggestions/advice on how to properly connect with people?

 

[Angeli Rose]

Oooo I do this too. Its weird, I used to not, then I kinda forced myself to learn to extrovert. Now I personally feel, I'm tired a lot and don't want to look tired so if I feel nervous/uncomfortable I will be louder and weirder and talk a lot, but when I am comfortable ill talk less too. I think its like a defensive mechanism. Its usually just with people I want to like me and don't know and I'm stupidly worried of how they will perceive me which makes me more nervous and louder. I can't say I know any techniques except to try and be aware of it and I try to calm myself and tell myself to just be me, even if that means being quiet or loud or whatever. *shrug*

 

[eternal_sunshine]

You can't change other people's perceptions of you. If you're unhappy with your current circle of friends, find new friends. If you're unhappy with your own behaviour in certain situations, you can either change your behaviour or learn to accept yourself as you are.

To properly connect with people you have to be content in your own skin. Stay true to the person you want to be. You can only find authentic connections with others when you're being authentic with yourself.

:kitteh:

 

[refugee]

When I do extravert, people are often surprised when I tell them I'm actually an introvert.

Wanna share intricacies?

I had an epiphany that God was going to take me to heaven on chariots of fire.

When I get comfortable with someone, I'm like a housewife on Oprah.

 

[ethylester]

When I do extravert, people are often surprised when I tell them I'm actually an introvert.

Wanna share intricacies?

I had an epiphany that God was going to take me to heaven on chariots of fire.

When I get comfortable with someone, I'm like a housewife on Oprah.

This post is great. Every sentence and how it flows. Just wanna say that.

 

[JoCZker]

I know this. I always feel like being under the spell. . . .

I am very introverted. When i feel uncomfortable, i dont speak at all, or bable or something like that.

But there are situation, where I am absolutly stunning speaker.
I dont mind doing presentation. I was great at my job intervieves. (I did 3 in my life and immediately get 2 job offers). I was great when i was in oral exam at school or university . . . I wasnt studying much, but i almost always get an A (or 1, since we have numbers in my country. )

For me, its like magic, as i wrote before. But its also like acting. I am great actor. I am silent in real life, but sometimes it just kiddnaped me and I act like crazy.

Unfortunately, this is not me.

And I am able to look like i am smarter and more competent then I actually am. Which you might see as advantage, but it took me to some places and my current job, that I am not able to survive.
But always, when i am at the edge, I am able to look and talk absolutly brilliant and explain everything, so nobody notice yet how much I actually suck in my work . . . .

And whats worst. When I met girl that could like a silent, gentle boy like me, this spell is also triggered. And I look just like another big mouth stupid jock.

Which is sad and unfortunate.

But its also funny. I want to be silent and deep type always, and not be able to do this.
But I bet, there are silent and deep types who are dying to be able to look like confident extroverts.

Funny world, indeed.

 

[perfectcircle]

Part of relating to others isn't just being a inert object that absorbs whatever they have to say and giving them a 'supportive' reaction, basically watering down all your opinions, reactions, and the person that you are and giving them a comfortable, boring, fake person to deal with; but hey, we'll validate everythign they have to say, whether it needs ot or not!!

When you disagree with someone or have a real reaction to give, be it expressed through serious advice, humor, sarcasm, people see who you really are, and they like it. You can't relate to people by softening yourself to the point you hide away all your good stuff; what is there for THEM to react to? And then one wonders, why don't they reciprocate my needs? They don't even know how, you've never let them know you, and yes, their understanding of the relationship is, I vent, they listen.

It's easier if you start from the get go being more "yourself", and the peopel who like it will come to you and those who don't won't.

 

[Bago]

Oops. wrong thread.

 

[illicit iridescence]

For example, at school (where I feel uncomfortable) I might just be the loudest person in my class, and not just because my voice is just pretty loud, I also tend to say whatever crosses my mind (and usually regret it right after).

Uncomfortable -> 'stress' -> Te @ work -> calm down -> back to Fi -> hence regrets. Perhaps. ^^

In my personal life however [...] So has anyone else ever noticed anything like this? How do you deal with it? Any tips/suggestions/advice on how to properly connect with people?

You may never 'feel that connection' with everyone, just a handful of people in your entire life. That's how it's been for me up til now. I feel sad saying so, but I've grown accustomed to it. That's how I 'deal' with it: "such is life".

I do however try my best to understand someone - this means trying to trace their thoughts and feelings, how their ideas and emotions interact with one another. Ask open questions, rephrase in your own words followed by "Is that what you mean to say?", a lil bit of confirming body language, offer your own ideas, those kind of things. If I can't connect, the least I can do is trying to understand them. They may feel 'connected' because of your understanding, sympathy etc, and that, personally is already a satisfactory accomplishment worth putting effort in.

 

[Autumn Raven]

Whenever I’m in a social environment and I feel uncomfortable I talk a lot more and a lot louder than I would normally. And when I do feel comfortable around people I talk less and I speak softer.

This describes me perfectly. I often feel as if I'm being artificial around groups of people I'm not well acquainted with. I attempt to make others comfortable at the expense of my own comfort.

 

[purplewool]

I'm feel the same way as AutumnRaven.