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It feels one-sided most of the time; I get them, but they don't get me. I would say that it's the quintessential INFJ problem. It used to really, really bother me, but I eventually learned to suck it up and just live my life. If someone does "get it", that's great, but I'll see it as a luxury rather than a necessity.

I have an ENFP boyfriend that I am very deeply connected to, and I feel that I can actually be myself around him. There are some instances where his EPness gets the better of him and he can act like he has ADHD, which makes me upset if I'm trying to tell him something. But, again, we can't expect people to hang on our every word; I know I don't necessarily hang on theirs all of the time.

I also have a friend who is a fellow INFJ, and I would say that she gets me more than anyone does. Unfortunately, we both have the ever-rampant INFJ problem of not being able to articulate our thoughts and feelings very well, so we don't really get into deep conversations about that sort of thing. Even so, I think that a part of the reason why we don't is because it's unnecessary. We have (or at least I have) this understanding of each other that goes beyond words, so there's no need to discuss it. I feel more at ease around her than I do with pretty much anyone else.
 
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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
It feels one-sided most of the time; I get them, but they don't get me. I would say that it's the quintessential INFJ problem. It used to really, really bother me, but I eventually learned to suck it up and just live my life. If someone does "get it", that's great, but I'll see it as a luxury rather than a necessity.

I have an ENFP boyfriend that I am very deeply connected to, and I feel that I can actually be myself around him. There are some instances where his EPness gets the better of him and he can act like he has ADHD, which makes me upset if I'm trying to tell him something. But, again, we can't expect people to hang on our every word; I know I don't necessarily hang on theirs all of the time.

I also have a friend who is a fellow INFJ, and I would say that she gets me more than anyone does. Unfortunately, we both have the ever-rampant INFJ problem of not being able to articulate our thoughts and feelings very well, so we don't really get into deep conversations about that sort of thing. Even so, I think that a part of the reason why we don't is because it's unnecessary. We have (or at least I have) this understanding of each other that goes beyond words, so there's no need to discuss it. I feel more at ease around her than I do with pretty much anyone else.
How does it show when someone doesnt get you? Like in what sense dont get you?

And how do you experience this deep connection like physically in an energetic level what is happening ?
 

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I am very weary of people. I have this front I put up a lot of the time but I have no idea what that's is from. I've read that INFJs are extremely private but I also know INFJs are supposed to have this easy found deep connection with people. I know that people usually find this deep connection to me, like they can trust me, or that they can go to with their troubles. I can never confide in people, however, except for one or two people. So I often find consolidation with books and those one or two bosom friends.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
I am very weary of people. I have this front I put up a lot of the time but I have no idea what that's is from. I've read that INFJs are extremely private but I also know INFJs are supposed to have this easy found deep connection with people. I know that people usually find this deep connection to me, like they can trust me, or that they can go to with their troubles. I can never confide in people, however, except for one or two people. So I often find consolidation with books and those one or two bosom friends.
My sister said the same thing. But she scored as INFp. So I thought she must be INFj. What I am curious is how do you get your energy up? What gives you energy? And what takes it away? Is there a day that goes by when you are not drained? Oveer 365 days % wise how many days do you feel energized and how many drained? And can you point out what Exactly makes this energy go away? And what maintains it.
 

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50 percent of the time, I am full blown energized and the other, I am full blown exhausted. It is really unhealthy actually. Usually my energy starts back up again because I feel like I have spent too much time in my room, laying in bed. For me it is really just a natural cycle. I go full speed and then I die full speed. On vacation I can maintain it, or writing usually maintains it, anything that excites me really. But especially at school, when we are doing the same routine over and over again, about stuff I have heard again and again; this usually exhausts me.

But your sister has been typed as an INFP. I don't know if she really has been or not but my mom is an INFP and she has the same sort of problem as I do but she is more easily revived. Usually she can be revived from a pep talk or a nice --purposeful --trip out.
 

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I like people, and find it easy to connect with people, but it's certainly not a deep connection. I don't really know what a deep connection is, you'd think by definition you'd only have that sort of thing with maybe one or two people. However we all live within a society, and there's a degree of connection just found in being socially motivated.

Like connecting with people on the basis of like a shared sense of good will? Sure. Often interracting with people is sort of like crossing paths with a pleasant stranger on the street. You both nod and go on with your lives, there's no need to make any more of it than what it is.
 

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How does it show when someone doesnt get you? Like in what sense dont get you?

And how do you experience this deep connection like physically in an energetic level what is happening ?
It's usually an S vs N problem -- I want to talk about theories and ideas, and they see it as a waste of time. Even with other Ns, there are certain function variations that make me feel left out (most of my friends are Fi-users, and they really don't get Fe). Also, having a sense of humor that's based in introverted thinking makes it seem dry, and a lot of people don't get why I laugh at the things that I laugh at.

The first person who I felt was "getting" me when I went on an INFJ rant was my boyfriend, and that was one of the biggest things that attracted me to him. He may not be able to understand certain things about me on a personal level, but anything that he doesn't understand, he finds interesting (ENFPs love it when they can't understand something right away; it keeps them occupied), and I appreciate the genuine efforts that he makes at getting to know me.

I've pretty much come to terms with the fact that I'm on my own where all of that is concerned, and I try to be grateful for the relationships that I have. It's still frustrating at times, but it really is uplifting when I see someone who's at least trying to get me.
 

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I love connection. so much. Not just about two people connecting infinitely and deeply.. But also the tangible, the conceptual, the living, the past, the future, time, the mysterious.. the ever expanding connections within and far beyond humanity. I love solitude too. I used to think solitude is a way to disconnect myself, to restore an independent mind. Perhaps to some extent. Now I think it's a way to expand connections~ through it, individuals can reimpose broken or lost strings.

I'm actually writing an essay on it for some comp.
 

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How does it show when someone doesnt get you? Like in what sense dont get you?

And how do you experience this deep connection like physically in an energetic level what is happening ?
If I am talking to someone and seeing if we can connect: If what they are saying, regardless of the topic, fits in with level 1 or 2 of Kolbergs stages of development, I can't connect with them. Even if I try, I actually cannot feel connected to what they are saying. I can empathize with how they feel that way but that is not the same as feeling connected with them because they are not understanding me at all.

They will work to put evertyhing I say into a pre-conventional or conventional moral framework and that is the opposite of connecting with me. I will barely feel like we are having a conversation about the same thing because it will feel so disconnected for me.
 

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I am weary of people but I can tell when people are genuine or not. Also, when people mean harm or not, they say something that has a lot of hidden meanings. I have learned that I get along very well with ENFP and INFP, sometimes with INFJ.

I seem to share deep connections with types 5 and 6, 5w6 or 6w5. I don't know if I'd get along with a type 9, in theory I should, but have not had the chance to study a representative of this type so far.
 
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To this day, I've never understood one specific facet to being an INFJ : being outgoing and caring on the same day that you are private and reserved.

Like most, I can talk to strangers, and within three minutes, we're getting along like we have known each other for three years.
Yet, on the same day, I will change my mind about going into a restaurant because of the presence of too many people (and the embarrassment of sitting all alone).

My kindness and concern for others is genuine and natural, but most times, it seems to be something that kicks in only when I'm confronted with a social situation right in front of me. Otherwise, I'm looking for a quiet corner.
It manifests itself whether the day is new, or whether I seriously need down-time to recharge.
 
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To this day, I've never understood one specific facet to being an INFJ : being outgoing and caring on the same day that you are private and reserved.

Like most, I can talk to strangers, and within three minutes, we're getting along like we have known each other for three years.
Yet, on the same day, I will change my mind about going into a restaurant because of the presence of too many people (and the embarrassment of sitting all alone).

My kindness and concern for others is genuine and natural, but most times, it seems to be something that kicks in only when I'm confronted with a social situation right in front of me. Otherwise, I'm looking for a quiet corner.
It manifests itself whether the day is new, or whether I seriously need down-time to recharge.
This is interesting to me. The way you describe it, that you can be chatting up with a stranger all comfortable and then the same day, not want to go into a busy restaurant, I don't find it odd at all. When I read it, I could totally relate. I find the one on one very different than a busy restaurant or store on a sensory level (restaurant usually loud, brighlty lit, fast paced). Your post reminded me of days where I'll go to the smaller shop that sells what is on my grocery list, pay a bit more but not have to be in a big loud super market. And it's likely I'll chat up with the person at the checkout; I just didn't want the equivalent of a rock concert while buying my milk and bread if I can get it at a coffee shop style space instead.
 

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A sense of connection is probably the most important thing to me at the moment, I'm not sure what I'm doing if not to eventually feel more connected to someone or another(even people I don't yet know).

Connection has something to do with their intention, their level of authenticity in expression, how they view themselves and others, how easily they can talk about deeply personal matters and how they talk about things that are meaningful to them.
 
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