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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
Hey guys. I’m writing again about THAT feeling. I’ve wrote about it before. It went away for a while and I felt like a human being for a few days. But now it’s back. That numbness, desensitization and drowning apathy. Someone posted something in another thread that stood out – something about how in times of extreme insecurity, she becomes gripped in what she calls ‘the void”. I think it is like this for me right now-I am feeling extremely vulnerable, powerless, insecure and gripped with insecurity. I feel unmasked and vulnerable.

I need to get this all off my chest, and if any of you have advice or insight, please contribute? I have been getting sleep lately, so I cant blame this on no-sleep anymore, but I’m just so afraid of being unmasked that i feel so insecure - i go through phases of being in terror of being unmasked and then to this emotional apathy.

Edit: thank you to everyone who posted. thanks for the Hug too. really aprpeciate it.
 

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Firstly, and probably most important - here's a BIG HUG for you.

The walls you've built are tumbling down. The masks you have been using are turning out to be transparent. You feel exposed. What to do now?

- Have a good cry.
- Take a deep breath.
- Instead of thinking your thoughts, count them. As soon as a thought enters your head, interrupt it with a "1!", then the next thought a "2!".
- After a while of not thinking your thoughts you will hopefully feel a little more relaxed. Then:
- Talk to your INFJ friend about your fears. He probably sees, but that doesn't mean he is judging. He could help you.
- Stop playing games with your XNTJ (they may not feel like games because they aren't fun, but he might be thinking you are doing things on purpose. At this point, are you really any worse off actually being totally yourself with him? Even if that is a blubbering, nervous wreck? At least he won't suppose that you hate him).
- Try to top worrying about being exposed, and instead try to objectively notice how people are really reacting to you. Stop putting thoughts in their heads. Take them at their own word for a little while.
- Remember this is only temporary. A temporary period of your life and your life is only a temporary period of the world's history and future. Tell yourself "It's not as big a deal as I'm making it. What I am feeling will pass."

I hope some of this at least will be of use to you. If you feel you may get totally lost in the jungle of anxiety, get some professional help. You don't have to deal with this on your own!
 

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I think it is like this for me right now-I am feeling extremely vulnerable, powerless, insecure and gripped with insecurity at everything I do, that everything I do falls short of what’s expected of me or that whatever I do lately will turn people away to not accept me or criticize me. More and more, I feel the growing pressure to “be chill” and socially govern myself well, but I just can’t and I feel super conscious of my ineptitude.
You seem to be a fellow Enneagram type 1, so I recognize this a bit in myself. This is what happens to ones under stress, in that the inner critic starts getting louder and louder. I'd recommend reading up on Enneagram Ones (like in the subforum here) to start, and then doing something to bring you into the present and slow the thinking down some (exercise, loud movie, etc..). The inner critic can be a strong positive force for growth, but it can drive you nuts if you can't turn it off once in awhile.
 

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- Try to top worrying about being exposed, and instead try to objectively notice how people are really reacting to you. Stop putting thoughts in their heads. Take them at their own word for a little while.
I like kateykinz's reply, especially this part.

I think that I have sometimes tried too hard to read people's minds, and if they tell me something contrary to what I think they are thinking, I don't believe them.

My instinct tells me that you are actually getting better, curious. It's a slow process perhaps, but I think you're going to make it, and I think your day will indeed come.
 

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Honestly, I think you're not alone in the way you feel at all. It's a feeling that people in general need to learn how to control, since, in the end, the feeling of insecurity doesn't exist anywhere else but in our own heads.

I'm going to take a wild guess and say that you often feel an overwhelming sense of self-consciousness and fear that everyone notices your faults more than they do your accomplishments? If so, I can tell you now, no one in this world is perfect, not even close. Not me, not your friends, not my family members, and not anyone you see on the streets. Even though it might be the thousandth time you've heard that "no one is perfect", it is true. And I'll go so far as to say that being imperfect is a much more beautiful thing than being faultless and "perfect".

Just imagine, if you were born into a world where everyone had to be perfect. You would be pressured your entire life to live up to the highest of expectations, and to be identical to every other "perfect" person. Everyone would be yelled at, day and night, for every single mistake they made. Is this how our world functions though? Nope, not at all. You realize that in reality, no one, not even your parents, expect you to be anyone but yourself. For me, I've found that the best parts about my siblings are their quirky imperfections, and hiding those would just be devastating and depersonalizing to their uniqueness. Everyone is special, and the characteristics that you may think are "faults" may be something that someone appreciates about you the most. Instead of feeling "different" and insecure, you should be flaunting your individuality.

Often times, I too have a bad habit of becoming so caught up in my own world and problems, that I feel like the world revolves around me, and that everyone else is looking at me, trying to judge me for my imperfections. When I'm in that state, I also become super insecure. But taking a step back, I realize that everyone around me is equally as scared of being judged, and so, what am I being scared about? If you take the time to think about it, it's really quite fascinating that 6 billion other people are living through their own lives, exactly as you are. And to become insecure about yourself is like saying that you are the only one in the world that makes mistakes. It's like the first day of kindergarten, when you first walk in. You have that feeling that everyone is staring at you and judging you by your every action. Everyone hates that feeling, but in reality, nothing is actually happening at all. Everyone there is new, and is just as self-conscious as you are. But by the end of the year, that feeling is gone. Why? Because everyone, including yourself, has eventually given up the insecurities and self-consciousness. Self-consciousness is just that -- a consciousness that you give yourself. No one else notices you more than yourself.

So the next time you feel insecure or conscious about yourself, just remember, you're merely one of the 6,000,000,000 people living their lives on this planet. No one is looking at you, and no one is expecting anything from you. If anything, the most that anyone will ever expect or wish for you is happiness. So you can see why, if you bog yourself down with negative thoughts and insecurity, you're the only person in the world that is causing yourself grief. No one in this world ever set a standard to how everyone "should be", so why should you, right?

I'm not sure if all of this made sense, but I hope you can see through to the end, and realize, that from the beginning, you have no reason to be insecure anyways.
 

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I am INFJ, type 1, and a Libra. I have been working on the issues you describe and what has helped me the most is listening to podcast by Tara Brach. Her teachings are extremely helpful to me.
 
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