Personality Cafe banner

1 - 5 of 5 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
454 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Hey everyone.. so I need some advice from people who've already been to a psychotherapist on an individual basis. I was in family therapy for a short while back when I was around 13 or 14, not long enough to make much progress though. I'm just kind of wondering what to expect...everything past this part kind of details what I've been dealing with...


I come from a separated family which happened when I was 12. From that age I think my issues with depression started to form, also the same age I got into expressing myself in art forms like writing and music which I've found came in handy as a coping mechanism over the past few years (I'm recently 23). When I was a teenager I spent every second weekend traveling for about 4 hours to get to my Father's house which was in a place where I knew no one...which resulted in me having little of a social life in the area of both my homes for much of that time and feeling entirely alienated. There's still a lot I don't know about my family history and its been admitted to me.

The thing is that, despite having a lot of time to work on self-development because I was a very solitary person, I've suffered from suicidal ideation since about the age of 14, varying in intensity. Recently its gotten worse and I can't see myself living for another decade....but my saving grace has been being able to channel all of this into creative projects and I'm pretty sure that without them I wouldn't be here. I have great friends too..but I think I've just been accepting that all of this is normal. The hardest part has been not admitting that all of this has been going on as everyone I know just assumes nothing is wrong when I'm suspecting that I have some kind of major depression. I've worked on improving my diet and doing more excersise but even still I was prone to self-destructive behaviour, breakdowns and subtlety undermining relationships I've had...for a while I was convinced feeling good was no much better than feeling bad as one always turns into the other eventually...I remember when I said that and my girlfriend at the time held my hand and looked at me and I just felt nothing.

I've heard depression is something that can be harder to admit for guys sometimes, I've found it particularly difficult in admitting all this...so I appreciate any advice, no matter how blunt. Thanks.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
539 Posts
@John Coltrane

Seeing as how you're getting worse, I would say therapy would be smart. The fact that you're working towards improving yourself is great though; therapists and psychologists can do a lot, but they can't help you without you trying to help yourself, so you going the extra mile to help yourself as well will really yield results.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,869 Posts
Therapy at any stage of growth can be very helpful, in my opinion. If I had unlimited funds, I would see a therapist/psychologist at least twice a month, preferably once a week.

The benefits are fantastic, even if they are unrelated to your actual "problem." You get to talk about yourself for one thing, and do so in an open and constructive manner. Like I said, even if the problems aren't directly addressed, you can learn a lot about yourself and about the world you live in.

Unfortunately, I do not have the funds. (And don't get me wrong, I think I'm a fairly healthy guy. But my mental state is really quite irrelevant to the benefits gained in seeing therapists.)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
165 Posts
Also note that not all therapists will suit you. Some are less experienced in what your particular problem is. If you find one that happens to not be helping, don't assume all of them are useless to you.

My brother had major personality disorder, and as often happens in life, your issues define you and he became a therapist. He also hated his job, and frankly I doubt someone that hates their job can help patients all that much.

There is also the fact that most people these days go to university to avoid going to work yet, and most of them don't really give a crap what they study, and as a result most people are very average at their job, and not many are passionate and really great at their job (in all fields!).

So again - if you happen to find someone who doesn't work out for you, don't assume you are beyond help - you would have just found someone who doesn't suit you.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
152 Posts
I was convinced feeling good was no much better than feeling bad as one always turns into the other eventually...
Close, but not necessarily the case. Rather than thinking about the feeling transforming into another feeling, perhaps think of it as "my body produces good feelings, but eventually my body produces bad feelings." Why do I make this distinction? So that it becomes apparent to you that your feelings are produced in response to events you observe, events you participate in, or sequences of thoughts your subconscious mind seemingly strings together. Once that realization is identified, you can then start studying yourself in depth. Look over all the events where you're happy, all the events where you're sad, all the events where you're angry, and look for the underlying theme of each. Each time you come to a theme, be a little 5 year old and ask, "why?" x99. It takes you to the root of the problem (seemingly).
Ex: Does doing your favorite activity make you furiously pissed? No? Makes you happy/you enjoy experiencing the event? Interesting, so find the theme that unifies all of your "furiously pissed" events and question why that theme seems to be the theme that triggers being pissed.


This is what I did when I had tons of alone time and was curious as to why I was "so fucking angry," but my only response was, "I don't know... I just am." That answer pissed me off further and I'd be like, "you just are? You just are. -.-? Nothing in this fucking universe 'just is' so find the fucking reason." I was very vulgar with myself apparently l0l. It's a lengthy process and can feel very annoying, ESPECIALLY if you aren't really interested in understanding your own emotions & thoughts & interpretations of events around you. The end result is that I used rationality to prove that certain ways I was interpreting events were 100% inaccurate and not true, and I'd call myself out on it. Luckily my mind responds to reasoning like that, and my mind would actually change how I was instantaneously perceiving a situation.

Ex: I went from thinking "I should have known better. I'm a fucking dumbass!" to "I should have known better... wait no. No, I shouldn't have known better because I LITERALLY didn't know [x] in the past, and I cannot blame myself for "consciously knowing" when in actuality I was "blissfully ignorant." I simply didn't know, that's why it was an accident." Also, I don't own a time machine, so there is no point in being stuck in the past to the coulda, shoulda, and woulda. All I can do is learn why I didn't realize it was a mistake, why I thought I was right, why I now know I was wrong, why I now know the "correct" thing to do, why I think what is "correct" is indeed correct, and how I can incorporate all of that knowledge to react to similar situations in the future.

(hardest part for me to realize highlighted in bold)


If you can find a therapist who can take you through a similar process to what I just described, I'd highly recommend it because life is quite nice.
 
1 - 5 of 5 Posts
Top