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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My significant other and I were discussing the flaws in our relationship, and ways to improve it. The conversation transitioned from a simple discussion into an episode of emotional outbursts. His feelings were getting the best of him. Anyways, he started admitting that he has been taking me for granted lately. Based on my judgement on his recent course of actions regarding our relationship and daily life, I've believed that much. Although, hearing him admit it confirms that my judgement was correct.

I quickly transitioned from because supportive to cold-hearted. The moment he mentioned that, my first thought was to leave him. I stopped myself because it seemed impulsive, and I was kind enough to let him speak for himself. It got worse. He ATTEMPTED to take it back, and explain he didn't realize what he was saying. That was a major turn off. I feel no remorse for him at the moment. I requested we part ways for awhile. The last thing he said to me was how he's still devoted, and very much in love with me. Well, he made his intentions clear that he really wants to work it out with me, and the though of losing me is unbearable.

He's been a decent partner. Surprisingly, this is the first extremely intense disagreement we've ever had. Am I being too cold? Should I really be willing things out with a man, who has clearly grown too comfortable with the idea that I'd never leave?
 

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Two months isn't that much time, but it's still long enough. I guess you just have to ask yourself whether you like the guy enough to try and work things out.
I'd also be asking why his admission upset you so much. Sure, it doesn't feel great to be taken for granted, but there are many factors that could be contributing to his feeling that way.
-INTJs are loyal, and he could be mistaking your loyalty/lack of flirting/being interested in others as a sign of a type of strong emotional bond that you have with him.
-If he is immature or lacks experience with relationships he could be assuming that you have the same feelings for him.
-If you spend a lot of time together(as in see each other everyday) it is inevitable that one of you get bored or start feeling overly comfortable.

If I were in your situation I'd at least talk things out with him, but it's up to you to decide.
 
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Is he able to refrain from having emotional outbursts in most uncomfortable discussions? If so, I'd consider giving him a chance. If not, leave.

But let's take what else you've said into account.

He's been "decent"-doesn't sound good.
He "takes you for granted" after only two months-not good.
He "thrives on flamboyant affection"-as an INTJ, I would despise that. I'm guessing you don't like it, either.

Of course I don't know about all the "good times" you've had, but based on what you've put here it doesn't seem like a very good relationship.

If you do want to work it out, I'd sit down with him and be honest with him about what you're feeling. You don't have any remorse for him (or you didn't), and he doesn't seem to be all that devoted. Tell him that actions speak louder than words.
 

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i guess i'm not really getting the clear picture here. no real way of knowing what 'would' be useful when there's so little context.

I quickly transitioned from because supportive to cold-hearted.
so you had that feeling already, but his corroboration was what flipped the switch?

I was kind enough to let him speak for himself.
got to say, i don't call that kind. i call it - well, it sounds almost like you don't automatically assume people get to speak for themselves.

Am I being too cold?
well, it does seem to me like it's somewhat extreme to dump someone for one burst of unguarded speech. but there's probably an awful lot of extra information behind all of this that might make it easier to see the context.
 

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Uh why are you so focused on your supposed cold-heartedness? Clearly you aren't the latter since you're asking. I think you're jumping to conclusions. Hear him out and give it a second chance. If that's what you want.

He's been a decent partner.
Hm, wonder what he thinks of you?
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
My standards are really high, which is why one disagreement this early on had tempted me to just want to leave without any hesitation. Yes, I actually do feel like I was being quite kind to let him. I was actually patient enough to hear him make excuses about how he did not fully understand what he just said to me. I'm pretty sure everybody understands what 'I took you for granted' means. At that point, it was evident he was trying to climb out of the grave he had just dug for himself.

Well, you guys had given valid points, which I have taken into consideration. It really just comes down to my preference of whether or not if I'd want to continue being apart of this relationship. That's the only thing I'd really need to quarrel myself with. Thank you.
 

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You were turned off because he didn't stick to his guns. He made a firm statement yet wouldn't hold his ground. What he should have said was, "yes, I have done so in the past, but would like to change that. I wish to work on it." Can't really give advice to someone when i know how it feels to have logic tell you to leave, yet your emotions keep you at bay.

You said that this was the first incident. If you still care, give him another shot, see if he makes a noticeable effort. If not, I would leave. A relationship is supposed to be an added bonus in life, not a burden or life itself.

This is assuming you didn't leave out critical information.
 
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