Personality Cafe banner

1 - 5 of 5 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
598 Posts
Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
Hello everyone. First of I'd just like to say that for anyone who was indirectly or directly affected by the Las Vegas Shooting you're in my thoughts, and may you and your family be strong enough to overcome the physical, mental, and emotional obstacles that will come afoot.

One of my friends' cousin passed away from this tragic event, and it sent me off into contemplation. If I know anything about this particular friend he's probably crying and grieving hysterically. I started wondering how and why I can deal with very big events well. I couldn't help but notice that if say..... my mom were to be killed in that mass shooting; I would certainly understand that it's an unfortunate situation. But I think I would be more focused on finding a place to live and how I was going to make it on my own, and put off the grieving until I was in a comfortable space to. I don't cry when bad things happen; I contemplate. I always ask myself questions I will never know the answer to but will always try to figure out the answer. I'm pretty stoic when it comes to tragic events. Not sure if this is an ego defense mechanism or just how I'm wired. Anyone else relate to this behavior?

I act as if it doesn't bother me (externally), but the gears in my head are always turning. I sort of go into my head and don't come out for a long time. I'm here but not in the moment. What do you guys think of this? Is this another form of grief? I've always looked at grief as depression, anger, or some other extreme emotional process. When things like this happen I always think about if I were there what I would do to help, and how I can prepare for something like that if it were to happen to me. I've also never been indirectly affected by events this way, but I always wonder how long before trouble comes into my sphere of existence? My uncle was murdered last year, but I've never been indirectly or directly connected to a tragic event seen or experienced by the masses.

I don't like putting up "Pray for (insert city or country here)". I just like sit in it all and respect the situation at hand. I never know what to say to people during these events, because I know my words wont help. At least that's how I see it if it were said to me. I like to give people their space, as I would like mine.

EDIT:

Randomly ran into this quote by Jordan Peterson in a video: "Do you want to be helpful in the face of tragedy or pathetic?". I never thought of those words but that's how I feel when bad things happen.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
189 Posts
I can relate with all of that. It's kind of hard to imagine what your life would be like if something like that happened. My parents just recently got a divorce. I saw it coming, but I never really stopped and asked what would actually happen if and when it did. Now that I'm going through it, a lot of it just seems fake. I'm not trying to say that divorce is as bad as losing a family member to death, but I feel like I've lost a lot of my family emotionally. I'm alone a lot, so I have a shitton of time to think, and I never really get emotional even though I'm in a place where I would be comfortable if I were to. I don't think it's grief. I think it's just our brains trying to figure out the most logical thing to do, think, and believe. Perhaps it is an ego defense mechanism, but it might just be us subconsciously not wanting to throw emotion into the mix. The most emotion I've put out during this whole thing going on with my family is a shitton of anger and a few tears but not many. But I always come back to my brain and I just think. I feel comfortable thinking, not feeling. Ironic, I guess. But, I get where you're coming from and I get that way a lot. When things are going bad and they don't directly affect me or even indirectly affect me, it seems as if they don't affect me at all. This mass shooting just made me think, "Oh, another shooting," and move on. Call me insensitive, I don't care. I just don't find it useful to be so hurt and emotionally broken if it didn't affect you directly or indirectly. If it did affect you directly or indirectly, I'm sorry, but it didn't to me, so I don't feel like you do. And it's certainly unfair that I can deal with things that do directly affect me the way I do, while other people would cry and sob their eyes out until they literally can't anymore if they were to go through my situation.

So, I think it's just our brains saying, "That just happened. Where are you going to go from here and what are you going to do about it?" Rather than saying, "Well, that fucking hurt."
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
598 Posts
Discussion Starter #3
I can relate with all of that. It's kind of hard to imagine what your life would be like if something like that happened. My parents just recently got a divorce. I saw it coming, but I never really stopped and asked what would actually happen if and when it did. Now that I'm going through it, a lot of it just seems fake. I'm not trying to say that divorce is as bad as losing a family member to death, but I feel like I've lost a lot of my family emotionally. I'm alone a lot, so I have a shitton of time to think, and I never really get emotional even though I'm in a place where I would be comfortable if I were to. I don't think it's grief. I think it's just our brains trying to figure out the most logical thing to do, think, and believe. Perhaps it is an ego defense mechanism, but it might just be us subconsciously not wanting to throw emotion into the mix. The most emotion I've put out during this whole thing going on with my family is a shitton of anger and a few tears but not many. But I always come back to my brain and I just think. I feel comfortable thinking, not feeling. Ironic, I guess. But, I get where you're coming from and I get that way a lot. When things are going bad and they don't directly affect me or even indirectly affect me, it seems as if they don't affect me at all. This mass shooting just made me think, "Oh, another shooting," and move on. Call me insensitive, I don't care. I just don't find it useful to be so hurt and emotionally broken if it didn't affect you directly or indirectly. If it did affect you directly or indirectly, I'm sorry, but it didn't to me, so I don't feel like you do. And it's certainly unfair that I can deal with things that do directly affect me the way I do, while other people would cry and sob their eyes out until they literally can't anymore if they were to go through my situation.

So, I think it's just our brains saying, "That just happened. Where are you going to go from here and what are you going to do about it?" Rather than saying, "Well, that fucking hurt."
I care a little bit. It's a pet peeve of mine when people do stupid shit. But I do just like to acknowledge and move on. I can tell the news is going to push this in people faces for weeks and then a new problem will arise. I always try to keep emotions out of it. I learned when to bring my emotions into something and when not to, and it's much better than what I used to do before. Which was be logical in all situations including situations where emotion needed to be involved.

I agree with you on being so comfortable thinking. It's too helpful more often than not, and it feels good to have control over myself. I often do feel betrayed by people who don't strive to do the same as well. Because they start to look more narcissistic than hurt. When I'm hurt I don't like to showcase it to people. I say what's on my mind, but not how I feel. I also believe my emotions should be private, especially with grief or depression. As far as anger, I have less control over that. I try to use my rage for good though.
 
  • Like
Reactions: zekzar

·
Registered
Joined
·
189 Posts
I care a little bit. It's a pet peeve of mine when people do stupid shit. But I do just like to acknowledge and move on. I can tell the news is going to push this in people faces for weeks and then a new problem will arise. I always try to keep emotions out of it. I learned when to bring my emotions into something and when not to, and it's much better than what I used to do before. Which was be logical in all situations including situations where emotion needed to be involved.

I agree with you on being so comfortable thinking. It's too helpful more often than not, and it feels good to have control over myself. I often do feel betrayed by people who don't strive to do the same as well. Because they start to look more narcissistic than hurt. When I'm hurt I don't like to showcase it to people. I say what's on my mind, but not how I feel. I also believe my emotions should be private, especially with grief or depression. As far as anger, I have less control over that. I try to use my rage for good though.
I've yet to fully figure out when and when not to throw emotions into my two cents of conversation. It's good that you've figured it out. I've been trying for years, lol.
But what you said about when people showcase their pain to people, and they end up looking narcissistic. I don't know if it's as much narcissism as it is just wanting pure positive attention, but sometimes people do like to say things like, "Oh, I've been through this and this and you're complaining to me about THIS?" That's annoying as shit. Just because you've been through more doesn't mean someone else's problems and emotions aren't just as valid. I have an INTJ friend of mine, and she's recently been talking to me about her life problems. She never really says how she feels, but she says what's going on in her mind. But I think that's an INTJ thing because of Te and Fi. When I'm hurt, I show my emotions and try to identify them. (I have a lot of trouble identifying my emotions.) I talk about what I think about my problems and how I think I should solve them, but no one really ends up caring enough to listen and talk back. Emotions shouldn't be private but they do need to be controlled and have limits. We all need to have at least one friend who actually cares and who can help us figure out what we're feeling, why we're feeling it, and how we can be helped with it. We don't need to be shouting into a void for an answer and being told, "FUCK YOU," right back. I see that a lot on social media. People will be genuinely hurting and have no one to talk to, so they bring it up in the form of a status, and people will act like they care, but it's just another piece of gossip to talk about the next day. It's because no one wants to hear negativity on Facebook because they're all afraid of the real world. That's why we have online personas. We don't need be posting every little bit of our lives on Facebook, but we can't just act as if our lives are perfect if they're not. However, when people post an extremely vague status and it's literally asking for attention, that's when I say, "fuck you," because that's exactly the thing you're talking about. Using their hurt to bring attention to themselves and away from everything else. It's kind of like when people post all over social media, "My thoughts and prayers for *whatever just happened.* I'm so sad." as soon as a tragedy happens. It's literally just to bring attention to themselves. "Look how perfect I am for being sad about something that didn't happen to me."

Kinda funny how I ended up digging myself out of the huge fucking hole I dug and got back on track to the original subject.
But anyways. Those are my thoughts. And I know I have a lot, and I probably have more, but I need to stop here before I end up digging a bigger hole than the one I just dug.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
598 Posts
Discussion Starter #5
I've yet to fully figure out when and when not to throw emotions into my two cents of conversation. It's good that you've figured it out. I've been trying for years, lol.
But what you said about when people showcase their pain to people, and they end up looking narcissistic. I don't know if it's as much narcissism as it is just wanting pure positive attention, but sometimes people do like to say things like, "Oh, I've been through this and this and you're complaining to me about THIS?" That's annoying as shit. Just because you've been through more doesn't mean someone else's problems and emotions aren't just as valid. I have an INTJ friend of mine, and she's recently been talking to me about her life problems. She never really says how she feels, but she says what's going on in her mind. But I think that's an INTJ thing because of Te and Fi. When I'm hurt, I show my emotions and try to identify them. (I have a lot of trouble identifying my emotions.) I talk about what I think about my problems and how I think I should solve them, but no one really ends up caring enough to listen and talk back. Emotions shouldn't be private but they do need to be controlled and have limits. We all need to have at least one friend who actually cares and who can help us figure out what we're feeling, why we're feeling it, and how we can be helped with it. We don't need to be shouting into a void for an answer and being told, "FUCK YOU," right back. I see that a lot on social media. People will be genuinely hurting and have no one to talk to, so they bring it up in the form of a status, and people will act like they care, but it's just another piece of gossip to talk about the next day. It's because no one wants to hear negativity on Facebook because they're all afraid of the real world. That's why we have online personas. We don't need be posting every little bit of our lives on Facebook, but we can't just act as if our lives are perfect if they're not. However, when people post an extremely vague status and it's literally asking for attention, that's when I say, "fuck you," because that's exactly the thing you're talking about. Using their hurt to bring attention to themselves and away from everything else. It's kind of like when people post all over social media, "My thoughts and prayers for *whatever just happened.* I'm so sad." as soon as a tragedy happens. It's literally just to bring attention to themselves. "Look how perfect I am for being sad about something that didn't happen to me."

Kinda funny how I ended up digging myself out of the huge fucking hole I dug and got back on track to the original subject.
But anyways. Those are my thoughts. And I know I have a lot, and I probably have more, but I need to stop here before I end up digging a bigger hole than the one I just dug.
Yeah it's definitely an INTJ thing. I never say how I feel. I just say what I'm thinking. We all do need at least one friend to vent to. I have one and she's great. She's an INFP.

I also don't like when people put up those types of statuses, but I just ignore them. People only do it because they feel they need to and are worried about how people view them. Normative influence. You can feel bad about something without having to share it with anyone. I talk about it with people in private though.
 
  • Like
Reactions: zekzar
1 - 5 of 5 Posts
Top