Personality Cafe banner

1 - 19 of 19 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
76 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
I get the feeling that it's an INFP stereotype to be agreeable and non-argumentative, but I find myself to be quite the opposite.

I'm often compelled to say the exact opposite of what someone says, I'm not even sure why half the time!
Sometimes I genuinely believe in what I'm saying, sometimes I'm so upset by what someone said that I just say the opposite to annoy them, and sometimes I think I just say something outrageously different to stand out.

Is there anyone else like this?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,365 Posts
I stand for what is right and if my stance and perspective are invalidated I would challenge it.

That being said, I don't fair well when outnumbered by ignorant minds so in that scenario I would much rather just walk away.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,960 Posts
You've picked up a bad habit. I used to be like that too. But then again, it is how one becomes a protagonist. Be obtuse. Always say the opposite and never be aligned with what's been said.

You need to think about what made you start to do that to begin with, cos I came to realise that, it will make you become more ESTJ. Cos you are starting to analyse everything and that is not good. At one point, you will forget to feel the emotions based on your decisions.

You should always check your social audience to see if you agree or disagree to something. Even if you disagree to something, check to see if it is a situation whereby it's open for discussion or other. If it is not, then retract and not be obtuse, or to play devil's advocate. To me, I think you can get into the looping of Ne... always thinking, brainstorming, thinking why etc...

[Added]Just a hopeful comment. Because you start to think of the "other option" always, what you will find is that you have started to open up a large number of possibilities for yourself. For myself, I work in support for an IT system, and it has allowed me to become more of a super support personnel. I know that some people respect me for this, but then there are others who "do not want you to rock the boat" by highlighting people's mistakes... It is also, if over a long period of time, you will become socially more as an NT person than an NF person with empathy and compassion for others. This is because you continually to highlight the negative aspect of people than to highlight the positive and encouraging side of others etc.

Oh, I also realised that, because I point out mistakes of other people, then I am less likely to be collaborated with, obviously. Then there is also another area of concern which means that you do not win friends easily. On the other hand, if you play things more diplomatically then you will be the person who can indeed regenerate or rejuvenate an area cos your perfectionistic approach allowed you to find the absolute truth of something. But when you have gone this far, it would allow you to see that you have become a player in the play, rather than the mere spectator and you cause the chain of events to go another different way...
 

·
Over 300 Confirmed Kills
Joined
·
10,577 Posts
l find dominant Fi can be quite contrary in its very nature. lf you saw me with the INFPs l know, you'd see me as the peacemaker or the person who just leaves the room when the arguments erupt.

That is usually the young or unhealthy version, though.

By the way, this unhealthy Fi is mistyped as Ti a lot. The unhealthy versions of both functions may start to resemble each other to an extent.

ln certain situations where l didn't feel like negotiating with someone, l've put my INFP mother on the case. She's good for a bulldozer approach, l find Ti be too nerdy to pull this off and when l have tried the same approach, l probably look more ENFP :cool:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
76 Posts
Discussion Starter #5
I'm not a contrarian when I'm feeling calm. It's just when someone's upset me or said something that goes against my morals, I'll get in an argumentative mood which is hard to stop.
 

·
MOTM January 2013
Joined
·
10,621 Posts
I just got told I can be argumentative by my partner but I get obsessed with people's logical fallacies in conjunct with Fi's principles. And @OMG WTF BRO mentioned about fi/ti confusions is a valid point, Ti as the 8th function aside from MBTI becomes used in a neurotic way, I thought it might be inferior Te popping out but it's more to do with logical in-corrections and incorrect use of terms which I get intolerant and reactive about the misuse of and of course a long time in this phase, I start thinking i'm morphing into this alteregoic T type. That happens at my worst. But despite that, staying quiet in hypocritical scenarios isn't really an option, it's against my values, mwhahaha :tongue:

I think INFP's enneagram types will definitely play a roll here, 9s probably being the most avoidant of conclict, sometimes 9's can be really stubborn though, perhaps moreso 9w8.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
17,161 Posts
I'm too lazy to piss my energy up the wall in trying to tell someone what an idiot is UNLESS i'm quite stupid and tired in that instance that I blow things out of proportion and feel the compulsion to defend some point that they can't realize because they are incapable or they just don't give a toss about.

There certainly are times my immediate reaction is I cant believe you think this I must say something hahahaha
But really i'm not one to go charging head first with my morals against someone elses. Unless they are indeed doing something that is quite wrong, not in a matter of a opinion but they are clearly hurting someone else or something of this nature. So i'm more motivated for someone else's pain than someone shitting on my thoughts.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
76 Posts
Discussion Starter #8
I just got told I can be argumentative by my partner but I get obsessed with people's logical fallacies in conjunct with Fi's principles.
Hmm, this has made me think...
I have pretty much no F friends, so when we're all chatting in a room together, it gets very logical!
I get most annoyed when logic gets placed as a priority above someones feelings, which I find happening often. I just get more and more upset though 'cause anything I say gets crushed by waves of logic!
 

·
MOTM January 2013
Joined
·
10,621 Posts
Hmm, this has made me think...
I have pretty much no F friends, so when we're all chatting in a room together, it gets very logical!
I get most annoyed when logic gets placed as a priority above someones feelings, which I find happening often. I just get more and more upset though 'cause anything I say gets crushed by waves of logic!
Yes, I agree, personally, logic objective(Te) or subjective(Ti), when dealing with it, needs to be wielded carefully, it's like with wisdom for example, there is a certain amount of integrity towards handling that wisdom, not something that should be thrown around willy nilly and without taking the people impact into account seems like quite an immature way of handling such information. I guess it's being humble with that logic, knowing it's strengths and it's limits and consequences. I have learnt better dealing with the coldness of logic but it just seems so lacking of other subtle nuances that make up the human spirit and that not everything can be boiled down to a simple formula because there are unpredictabilities, things that don't neatly fit the logical sequence, for example love can be boiled down to a formula but that is only one aspect of interpreting love, from an experiential p.o.v it is the warmth that a human being needs, without that warmth we wouldn't survive, so I may have just added logic to that scenario but a feeling function would recognize the malleability of the human spirit without placing terms and formulas which I think is also a subjective bias in some respects.

 

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,960 Posts
Hmm, this has made me think...
I have pretty much no F friends, so when we're all chatting in a room together, it gets very logical!
I get most annoyed when logic gets placed as a priority above someones feelings, which I find happening often. I just get more and more upset though 'cause anything I say gets crushed by waves of logic!
Then they are not the kind of friends that you want them to be, isn't it ?
Cos if they respected your feelings, then they would know when to back off. I do have NT friends too, and they "give me space", i.e. quiet time on my own, and not continue to hark at something. That is the best that they can do under circumstances. I think most people back off and accept this approach. Not everybody is self aware of their actions, cos most just do not take in what someone else said, but instead blame the other person for what and how they are. It takes more to be open-minded. You have to have a strong conviction, and very solid values in order to make the other person also respect you and slow down too.

I often say now:
"Let's change the subject, it's giving me a headache. What will be will be. I can only go by my gut instincts?"
"I do not want to talk about it right now."
"This is a sad situation for me, I need to be on my own."
"Can I get back to you tomorrow on this?"

You have to ask yourself seriously, if you are looking for something from these people that you want, because it does not seem that they can give you what you want etc. If you want to see if they are friends, then maybe divert their attention to more sociable things like outdoor activities etc? Talking intensely with logic sometimes is such a bore !
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
15,254 Posts
More so on the internet, for me. I'm very much a nine, btw, who has a five score often. I can be very detached from the world and certain dramas or issues. I think I've only been in 2 or 3 *fights* since I've been here and that has been since 2009. Compare that with some of the people you know here who always seem to be into stuff with others. I've lost track of all the threads here where I've posted a contrary opinion to the majority of those in the thread. Lol, there will be like 40 responses of "oh we are so the same" and then I'll just feel the need to say "sorry, I'm not a cat lover, rain lover, storm lover, dark/depressed INFP, I don't like touching and hugs and in no WAY do I talk to myself out loud." :tongue:

I love standing apart from groups, who are looking to be groups of, "we all believe & act the same".
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
247 Posts
When it comes to arguments, it all depends on my preexisting mood. If I'm tired, I'll just pretend to agree because I just don't care at that time and place. If I'm in a regular mood, I can get fairly riled up and always end up being the emotional one/taking the emotional stance. If my friends are arguing, I play peacemaker, which I'm fairly good at.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,960 Posts
I just also realised today that being the opposite depending on the context of the situation, it can be classed as "critical thinking". Sometimes when working in a large group and you want change to happen. Challenging somebody on what they mean and say is actually a good thing. But this kind of thing can only really happen if your company or the role that you are in, is indeed supposed to be like that, and allows you to be so...

I used to read on concepts by De Bono.. I forgot to mention that. The Ne is actually lateral thinking. But when it comes to close relationships, then this is not good because it shows that you are being obtuse or that you are not listening and accepting what someone else says...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
69 Posts
i've always been pretty contrarian yeah. especially when it comes to the eating of meat/vegetarianism...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,931 Posts
I get the feeling that it's an INFP stereotype to be agreeable and non-argumentative, but I find myself to be quite the opposite.

I'm often compelled to say the exact opposite of what someone says, I'm not even sure why half the time!
Sometimes I genuinely believe in what I'm saying, sometimes I'm so upset by what someone said that I just say the opposite to annoy them, and sometimes I think I just say something outrageously different to stand out.

Is there anyone else like this?
No, why would you say that? I completely disagree! :tongue:

Yes, I can definitely find myself playing devil's advocate or just simply disagreeing, though oftentimes I have learned it is not worth it to put a voice to my objections.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
176 Posts
Agreeable and non-argumentative is how I am most of the time, so as a stereotype it does fit.

It's really only exceptional cases where I tend to be alternative or contra. Granted, these exceptional cases tend to make up most of the me-to-others interaction, it's still a fraction of the total time I spend around people. The exceptional cases tend to originate when others are using a seemingly unnecessarily limited view. And because I tend to maintain things in the largest possible view, it's often much easier to state things in the negative, i.e. by things that are not in the view, hence being alternative or contra becomes my normal mode of communication.

Though I speak through negatives, I still tend to rarely argue in favor for anything. When I do get into an argument with someone who is arguing in favor for something, I'm really only arguing until I believe the other person has given sufficient justification for their argument, not because I'm trying to convince them of something else. Of course, it's often misinterpreted as me pushing for some view, when all I really want to hear is something like: I'm aware that there are other views, but I'm choosing to ignore them at this time.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
95 Posts
Sometimes if I'm in a bad mood I'll just take it out on someone stupid who chooses the wrong day to complain to me about their life. I just do it to be a jerk really
 

·
MOTM Dec 2011
Joined
·
8,651 Posts
I am contrarian in some ways, although not as much as I used to be, and I didn't always or even often intend to be.

If I felt compelled to bring up an opposing point it was because
- I felt ALL perspectives need to be explored, out of a sense of fairness almost
- I liked to play devil's advocate, because of the above, and to empathise with a perspective that was not popular to get people to analyze their own feelings more, make them THINK, consider the holes & inconsistencies in their reasoning, be less dismissive of different feelings & less harsh in their judgements, etc
- I think I would sometimes do so in a way that seemed TOO challenging to people
- If my ideas were totally dismissed (often because I made people defensive or they had no patience for hypothetical things), then I get could irritated & become more insistent

I never would say something contrarian just to piss people off or stand out. I really was sincere, and I tended to see it as "discussion" and "analyzing" and not being argumentative, a dissenter, difficult, negative, etc, but I certainly got pegged as those things.

I think I am better I offering different perspectives now without seeming truculent, although I have my moments still. Because I'd often feel badly afterwards & emotionally drained & found myself nowhere closer to be ing understood (perhaps farther from it), I started to just let stuff go.

So there are still times I step on people toes, but there are more times I stay quiet now & don't feel compelled to "take a stand". I do manage sometimes to get people to see another angle without making them defensive, but I try to appeal more to their empathic feelings than their rational feelings, because I've realized how crap people are with the latter & how much more emotional their evaluating is.

In any case, I have never played a peace-maker role in any classic sense. I actually think I tend to stir up feeling in people, to make them care, to motivate them to stand up for what is right also. The healer role I may fall into tends to be helping people find some inner peace or resolution, not smoothing rifts between people, although sometimes advising an individual leads to that with their relationships.
 
  • Like
Reactions: refugee and mimesis

·
Registered
Joined
·
771 Posts
I tend to do that, actually...

I have no idea why. But I have a tendency on not agreeing with the other person, sometimes when I'd agree even... maybe it is when I envy the person for something? Not sure.. but it happens often, hahaha...
 
1 - 19 of 19 Posts
Top