[TracyCook21]

I am currently in a "relationship" with an INFP and I must say it is insanely frustrating. I'll admit type probably has something to do with it, but I genuinely am always like this when I am in relationships. I find it much easier to be single and focus on things I love or have flings than to dedicate time to one person who cannot live up to expectations and constantly says I "want too much" from them. Still, I do not wish to just give up on this yet. I really like them.

There are multiple problems though, I wonder if other ENTPs share these problems in relationships? If anyone has any advice (from any type). Input etc. I just need to talk and my INFP doesn't really seem to like having stimulating conversations.

Cue one obvious problem.

My big thing is control. Feeling like I have none. That is how I feel in this "relationship." It's very difficult for me to keep my mouth shut and not hurt them, as with most people, with my opinions. Even though to me they are just thoughts or concerns and I don't feel them. A big thing is they live with their ex and when around them they don't want to have sex. This makes me feel second best. Bruises my ego. And makes me really pissed off -- frankly. Then my pride is hurt and I don't want to have sex anywhere but right next to their ex to spite them. Thus we are at an impasse. I can't understand their feelings and why they would care what their ex thinks if they are with me now. Not to mention, when I try and talk about it they go away for days and leave me to stew in my thoughts because they refuse to have a FUCKING CONVERSATION.

Another problem we have is the fact that we have literally zero things in common. From literature to television to personal views. Because I have no political or emotional views and don't care about kids starving in Africa and they want to save everyone on the face of the planet. I'm far more...selfish.

Even as I typed this I already know the answer to the question. This is a failed relationship waiting to happen. It just sucks

 

[Haldir]

This is a venting post? This is a venting post. I'll listen if you want me to, but you're right. You know the answer.

 

[TracyCook21]

This is a venting post? This is a venting post. I'll listen if you want me to, but you're right. You know the answer.

Sort of, but I don't really want to talk. I want to know if any other ENTPs have this struggle with control in relationships.

 

[Haldir]

Sort of, but I don't really want to talk. I want to know if any other ENTPs have this struggle with control in relationships.

Yes, we do. We have them, move the fuck on, and then shut the fuck up. Perhaps you should do the same whippersnapper.

 

[FueledByEvil]

Sort of, but I don't really want to talk. I want to know if any other ENTPs have this struggle with control in relationships.

If your opening post is a nut shell on your
workings during conversations with him. I would
not contact for days at a time either.

Starving kids need not be cared for but to voice it
in a harsh way as to say "not my issue so who gives a care"(not a direct quote obviously)
well that may be half the reason he is taking issue in the first place.

Not specifically the kids thing just the brash representation of your feelings
or thoughts.

I cannot solve the worlds hunger problems...sounds reasonable but comes
across as lighter. Easier to swallow. Less leaving you looking like your avatar.

On top of the fact that you are an ENTP we can get anyone to talk about anything.
Its not the message its the delivery.

I myself as an ENTP would find your approach to be far to absolute.
Open it up a bit. Turn on your F for a spell. Feel for yourself and him.

We are all starving kids at some point if not in the literal indeed the
figurative.

As you are in here now asking for a hand. So whats the dif?

What I could say is "Its not my issue to help all the immature young first world
ENTP kids who think they have everything figured out"

What I will say is try a softer handed approach.

 

[Geonerd]

You are dealing with an INFP. They notoriously avoid confrontation, get hurt easily, and are probably one of the most hermit-like MBTI type. Based on your rant (that is what I got out of this post), you are coming on too strong for him and are demanding in general and that is pushing him away. I am guessing you are doing that immature ENTP thing where you debate with everyone as a means of conversation and have not figured out who and where debate is appropriate. I was like that too. I dated a guy in late high school that really liked sparring with me (with no feeling hurt) who was at the time thinking about becoming a lawyer (and probably would have been good at it). I am guessing he was an ENTJ but I also dated an ISFJ who was really sensitive but I was too immature to notice that debating with him hurt his feelings. I also had the feeling of being out of control when I was getting serious with someone and tended to break up when that feeling came on. That all went out the door when I met my husband. Commitment and working through things did not seem that hard.

Regarding not wanting to have sex while their Ex is around (which living with your ex is a pretty F'd up situation), again it probably goes back to avoiding conflict. They have to live with that person when you are not there (and having loud sex with them to spite their ex's) so keeping the peace is important to them. Also, I don't know the situation on why they are living with their exes but I am guessing their previous relationship was pretty serious. I am also guessing you have never had a relationship that intense and serious. I don't care how much you are "over" your serious ex, there is still a part of you that doesn't want to see them with someone else. Your INFP might not want to stick it (your guy's relationship) in the ex's face (or want the ex to retaliated by doing the same to him). Your attitude about screw their ex's feelings tells me you have never had an ex that you felt intensely about (at least enough to have the breakup not just be a temporary blip in your life). Listen, I understand what you are saying, I was similar when I was young. I liked being single more than being with someone, mainly because I was unencumbered (and like you, want control of my self) but truth be told, I think the issue lies with you. If you really like him, you'll have to work hard make it work being very different people. However, I think you really are looking for a reason to break up.

 

[Geonerd]

@Haldir and @FueledByEvil I decided to take the more diplomatic approach but I think we are all on the same page as grizzled veterans.

 

[Haldir]

@Haldir and @FueledByEvil I decided to take the more diplomatic approach but I think we are all on the same page as grizzled veterans.

Yep, agreed. I don't do the slow slide into misery anymore. The best avenue I've found is a quick end. Proselytizing about it and hurting yourself doesn't provide any benefit.

Edit: This is why I like you here. As stated in another post; I can be of help, but there is nothing like an intelligent female ENTP to give input. Yes, I just called you intelligent. Now go fahk yaself.

 

[FueledByEvil]

@Haldir and @FueledByEvil I decided to take the more diplomatic approach but I think we are all on the same page as grizzled veterans.

As per the usual a ladies touch was in order and appreciated.

Thanks Geo.

I thought I was being soft in my response

 

[Geonerd]

Yep, agreed. I don't do the slow slide into misery anymore. The best avenue I've found is a quick end. Proselytizing about it and hurting yourself doesn't provide any benefit.

Edit: This is why I like you here. As stated in another post; I can be of help, but there is nothing like an intelligent female ENTP to give input. Yes, I just called you intelligent. Now go fahk yaself.

You could just say "old". Really that is more what I have going for me. Nothing gives you wisdom like experience. :tongue:

 

[BroNerd]

I can relate to the need to have to filter what I say with certain people since they're easily butthurt.
It sounds like you're trying to figure out whether you should break up with them.
I was in a relationship recently where I found it very hard to end things but it was for the best when I finally ended it.
I'd say that you should end it especially if you are finding it impossible to talk about problems in the relationship or bring up the words "break up" and see what happens. Let them know that you're not going to keep being fucked around - especially because of the ex situation.

 

[Juiz]

So um... May I ask, what do you like about him so much then if you have nothing in common? You can still have a caring and close relationship if you want to, just not "be" together. I think you know yourself best as to what you'd rather want...

 

[ZateFeto]

Edit: This is why I like you here. As stated in another post; I can be of help, but there is nothing like an intelligent female ENTP to give input. Yes, I just called you intelligent. Now go fahk yaself.

Most intelligent female ENTP's seeks approval before they fuck things up so they don't blame everything on their self alone, Sounds legit.
(i'm just saying)

 

[There4GoEye]

BTW I'm also dating an INFP, and similar situation. She doesn't live with her ex, but keeps in constant contact with him. I understand this is common for the type, that they prefer to keep everything the same as it was pre-relationship.

I can't say I love it. You know what is worse than someone who talks about their ex during a date? Someone who talks TO their ex during a date. That happened.

 

[Scarlet.Black]

Heh. I keep telling my INFP friend that the main reason men don't even try to date her is that she is keeping both his good male friends so close (they sleep at her place and do everything together). It's like a plan B - she has to have a man in his life since she is afraid to be alone even when she has never really being in a real relationship. She is so bad asking for anything aloud so she just wish that some of the guys she is hanging with are finally give her what she want. Trying to keep people very close. I think that it's INFP thing since I have seen the same situations with many of my INFP friends. It's a funny since it looks like INFJs and INFP has the opposite reaction in these situations. I am very clear with my own boundries with my male friends while she is open to everything else except sex.

 

[ZateFeto]

ENTx are considered as control freaks, It won't work out that awesome if the 2 ends like to lead/control, Unless both of them are practicing it separately.

 

[lavendersnow]

How does this work? Aren't you miserable? To not be able to get, what you consider, stimulating conversations from your partner? Everyone ENTP I know would run a mile before settling in a relationship they didn't find stimulating.

As @Juiz said, what is it that's making you stay and think he's worth it? Maybe you're just not compatible. But before thinking that, you should at least give your INFP a chance to say whatever is on his mind - invite the conversation otherwise he won't likely to do it himself. INFPs are afraid of relationship dissolution as a result of conflict and so he may be feeling the same way you do but is scared of pushing you away.

You saying you have nothing common is worrying, why are you together then? Me and my ENTP friends have a lot in common, it's our stance on political issues, economic issues etc. that differs wildly and is the cause of our disputes. But to not even have some common ground, how did you even get together in the first place? It sounds to me like you're both walking on eggshells trying not to disturb what little foundations you have and at this rate, it can only end badly.

 

[Blue Ribbon]

I don't want to sound shallow or rude or give a wrong idea of ENTPs, so I'll just say this from my perspective. (That's right, my perspective, before some ENTP douche attacks me for defaming him.) I've often had the idea to gravitate towards people who show me warmth even if that's all they can give me. Like... just warmth. They're being nice to me, so I suddenly become interested in them. This could be just my tert Fe doing that. But decisions made like this cannot be trusted. So, after ending it with an ESFP with who I had absolutely nothing in common, I realized this:

For me to truly love someone, I need to be able to first close the psychological distance first, followed by the emotional and last comes the physical. Of course, all three are important but it should go in that order. That ESFP was in my life for a long time and I did feel strangely attracted to him, but the physical distance was not the first that needed to be closed. I know it's tempting, for ENTPs like myself when they meet someone nice, they feel like attaching, but the emotional distance comes second. Sure, I've never been in a real relationship, so you can argue that my points are invalid. However, I know now why I have relationship issues to begin with. This is how I get to know the right person for me. However, this is just my experience.

 

[Desthro]

I am currently in a "relationship" with an INFP and I must say it is insanely frustrating. I'll admit type probably has something to do with it, but I genuinely am always like this when I am in relationships. I find it much easier to be single and focus on things I love or have flings than to dedicate time to one person who cannot live up to expectations and constantly says I "want too much" from them. Still, I do not wish to just give up on this yet. I really like them.

There are multiple problems though, I wonder if other ENTPs share these problems in relationships? If anyone has any advice (from any type). Input etc. I just need to talk and my INFP doesn't really seem to like having stimulating conversations.

Cue one obvious problem.

My big thing is control. Feeling like I have none. That is how I feel in this "relationship." It's very difficult for me to keep my mouth shut and not hurt them, as with most people, with my opinions. Even though to me they are just thoughts or concerns and I don't feel them. A big thing is they live with their ex and when around them they don't want to have sex. This makes me feel second best. Bruises my ego. And makes me really pissed off -- frankly. Then my pride is hurt and I don't want to have sex anywhere but right next to their ex to spite them. Thus we are at an impasse. I can't understand their feelings and why they would care what their ex thinks if they are with me now. Not to mention, when I try and talk about it they go away for days and leave me to stew in my thoughts because they refuse to have a FUCKING CONVERSATION.

Another problem we have is the fact that we have literally zero things in common. From literature to television to personal views. Because I have no political or emotional views and don't care about kids starving in Africa and they want to save everyone on the face of the planet. I'm far more...selfish.

Even as I typed this I already know the answer to the question. This is a failed relationship waiting to happen. It just sucks

@Haldir is an INFJ hater, I'm an INFP hater. INFPs are great until you get their Fi stuck up your ass.

 

[Haldir]

@Haldir is an INFJ hater, I'm an INFP hater. INFPs are great until you get their Fi stuck up your ass.

Easy now, I might not always be kind, but...fuck it. You can only be fucked over so many times before you call it a day. Doesn't mean that you still can't be a nice guy though.