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Discussion Starter #1
I don't know what exactly the point of this thread is.
However, as a person-more specifically an INTP-, I have noticed that my nature attracts people who love to control and manipulate others. Those are not a real problem, since I am not obligated to deal with them. However, I have noticed that my parents expect a lot from me, it's like they have already have made up their minds and have chosen my life path. First I resist, after years and plenty of experiences that it's not working I stopped, just stopped living. Totally apathetic and empty person. It's like people disregard me being a human with feelings and dreams for myself. All they see is the potential of me being something they want me to be. I am not here to complain or anything I would just like to know if there are others who have noticed that the person they are causes people to treat them as if they are super machines, as if they do not feel pain, sorrow or anything. As of they are less capable of being a human. All that is seen is my potential. So anyone with similar experiences?
My theory is that since I don't show my emotions often, and that my thoughts and knowledge about somethings is all what others get to see from me they really think I am less of a human or something...
Your thoughts?
 

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Iron Fist
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When I was confused, apathetic and lost about which university and career path to undertake, I found that my parents took things into their own hands literally paving the way for what they thought I should be. I later took that as manipulation on their part. But now I can see (especially after dealing with my fair share of INTPs) how you would attract people who would set out your life for you. Some will do it coz they care, and think you are incapable of doing it yourself, others just because.

Good luck anyway :)
 

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Discussion Starter #4
When I was confused, apathetic and lost about which university and career path to undertake, I found that my parents took things into their own hands literally paving the way for what they thought I should be. I later took that as manipulation on their part. But now I can see (especially after dealing with my fair share of INTPs) how you would attract people who would set out your life for you. Some will do it coz they care, and think you are incapable of doing it yourself, others just because.

Good luck anyway :)
Maybe, thank you for your post :).
I don't believe in luck, but thanks!
 

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I've noticed it to some extent. I have my own theories on it. People usually manipulate others for their personal gain. There are many people for whom a sense of power over others is important, thus they try to control others. Or again, they want to control others for their personal gain. Control is also way to get the people who are difficult to manipulate to do the things you want them to do, such as in religion or politics. And aside from the reasonable and normal expectations of everyday life, people often expect others to do what they would do, or what they want them to do.

I think people in general think introverts are easy to manipulate and control. I think this because I've had a lot of people I know try to persuade me into doing something (usually for their benefit) by throwing a line in the conversation such as, "you don't have anything else going on." Probably because they see keeping to yourself and being a recluse on the weekends is not having anything to do.

The other side of it is I think some extroverts perceive being manipulated as a bonding session in some situations.
 

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I have encountered this problem many times. I am not about to put up a fight unless I really think it's worth it. Your future is definitely worth doing what you love. I think the key is to create some very strong personal values and stick to them. Intps have issues determining what they believe in and what they are really willing to fight for. I think this makes it easier for others to attempt to enstill their own beliefs. We don't accept them but oftentimes we aren't really motivated enough to fight them either. It's this perpetual indifference that plagues us. Just make it a priority to assess what is really important to you.
 

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Hmmm.

I don't know, I have had an issue attracting types who think I want to hear about their problems, but not many manipulative types.

I was talking about that in another thread, but maybe you draw those types for the same reason. They feel comfortable with you, for me it's like the intuition makes people feel "understood" by me. I sound like a douchebag but I've been old this several times, people say they feel really connected to me.

So in the case of the manipulative people maybe they just feel really comfortable with you and because they're assholes, they choose to manipulate. In my case it's more like people feel really comfortable with me and never consider that I might not have the same desires as them or might not be totally content with our friendship/relationship/whatever.

But I can't blame them when I'm the one who's especially easy going. I don't force it, I just connect to a lot of people easily. BUT, I will drop out of contact when I don't like someone and I've also made random decisions without letting anyone know or "consulting" them.

People act like I was supposed to consult them afterward, I just give them a blank stare. That's how they know that I'm cool with them but I fully intend on doing whatever the fuck I feel like lol.

So just do what you want, honestly. If people react strangely at first they'll adjust. My family has acted strangely about my moving out of state but it's still going to happen.
 

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Discussion Starter #8
I have encountered this problem many times. I am not about to put up a fight unless I really think it's worth it. Your future is definitely worth doing what you love. I think the key is to create some very strong personal values and stick to them. Intps have issues determining what they believe in and what they are really willing to fight for. I think this makes it easier for others to attempt to enstill their own beliefs. We don't accept them but oftentimes we aren't really motivated enough to fight them either. It's this perpetual indifference that plagues us. Just make it a priority to assess what is really important to you.
In fact, I know exactly what I want from life and what is really important to me. However, it makes me feel too selfish at times. Sometimes support is important. Plus I know that responsibility sometimes requires us to do things that we don't want to do.
 

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Sometimes you just have to tell 'um how it is. I learned this the hard way as I'm sure many INTPs will.
 

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my parents were the same way. i spent years letting them control me to make them happy. but who suffered? i did. living your life to please others will only bring you unhappiness. on the same note, not giving a care will make others unhappy and perhaps might bring you satisfaction but won't always be the case.

i find there is a divide in some sense between my inner world (what i know to make me happy) and the outer world (expectations). sometimes you need to make others unhappy to make yourself happy, sometimes, making others happy will bring me happiness. it's always about balance.

also, as a much older person, i've learned over the years, sometimes when you follow your own voice and that voice goes against the voice of others, they may get upset initially, but the one's who truly care, will get over it in time.

also, don't disobey just for the sake of disobeying. i did that for years thinking i was witting the battle in some ways. i did a lot of stupid crazy things that was so against who i was and ultimately lost myself for a few years. which was quite ironic since i had rebelled with the intent of finding my voice. looking back, i was just trying to do the opposite of what my parents would say rather than doing what i truly wanted and knew was best for myself.
 

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I have that same tendency as far as my friends go. They like to have people around them who are essentially 'yes' men. And I don't really care, I'm just that kid in the background who does what she feels comfortable with and then leaves when she's uncomfortable or too lazy. But I stay around them because I like having people who will influence me to try new things (not illegal things, though).

But if I don't like someone I'll let them think whatever they want of me, and do whatever they want to themselves - because it doesn't matter to me. If I like them, I try my best to set them straight and set boundaries...especially if I know I'll be dealing with them for a longer period of time than just an hour or day or whatever.

You don't seem to be comfortable in that kind of relationship, and it's not healthy. So I'd just say ... leave. And keep looking for people who won't treat you like that. It could take a while, so be prepared. But it's worth it, because you need to have a strong support system - whether it's internal or external - in order to really be happy.
 
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Heretic
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When you focus on things outside your control, like others expectations and manipulative behavior, you lose your control over yourself.
Focus on yourself and what you can do and your control over your life will return.
 
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