Controlling parents and the effects of freedom.(Yes Im asking)
So Easter break is coming to a sad end and I have finally started to do some serious studying.
I always have conflicts with my parents I have always been scared of my dad even now I'm bigger, stronger and more trained I'm still scared because hes always made me feel that way.
My mum and dad love controlling me making me do things when they want me to do when they want. I hate this I hate being controlled but I have had to live with it. They have always expected conflicting things from me and contradicted themselves and the worst part is their hypocritical attitude to parenting. Now I am the oldest and I have the worst relationship with my parents talking things through is never and option since they are cold stern Asians. I'm 17 and always feel uncomfortable round my dad we can talk and stuff but very minimally usually out stupid things like movies or 'his long list of financial problems
I have decided to move out for university and rest in the bosom of sweet freedoms what things should an ENFP be weary of when given freedom?
And is freedom all its made up to be?
Finally is it normal for ENFP's to not like being controlled?
I always have conflicts with my parents I have always been scared of my dad even now I'm bigger, stronger and more trained I'm still scared because hes always made me feel that way.
My mum and dad love controlling me making me do things when they want me to do when they want. I hate this I hate being controlled but I have had to live with it. They have always expected conflicting things from me and contradicted themselves and the worst part is their hypocritical attitude to parenting. Now I am the oldest and I have the worst relationship with my parents talking things through is never and option since they are cold stern Asians. I'm 17 and always feel uncomfortable round my dad we can talk and stuff but very minimally usually out stupid things like movies or 'his long list of financial problems
I have decided to move out for university and rest in the bosom of sweet freedoms what things should an ENFP be weary of when given freedom?
And is freedom all its made up to be?
Finally is it normal for ENFP's to not like being controlled?
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I think its normal for all humans to not like being controlled 
Not just because you're an ENFP. If you're asking what you should be weary of when given freedom the answer is nothing. The fact you are even asking this question tells me you're going to be just fine. It's the kids who think they're super heroes who get into drugs, partying to much, ect. I don't know how overbearing your parents have been, but college is about balance. My personal motto is work hard play harder. I have great grades and i party pretty hard. School always comes first but after that live your life. Ages 18 to whenever you get married really are your experimenting ages. Go out and get shitfaced till you can't remember the night. Go on a random roadtrip with people you just met. Live your life. And yes freedom is all its made up to be. Mom won't be doing your laundry anymore but its a small price to pay In highschool i had a pretty terrible relationship with my parents. Since i went to college i've become extremely close with them. It's a different dynamic completely. So to summarize, 1. Freedom is great 2. Don't be weary you seem like a smart guy 3. Don't devote your entire life to your studies. Get all A's but don't neglect your personal life. 4. HAVE FUN. its the journey not the destination. yes you're going to college to get a degree but you're also going there to learn about yourself. hope this helps
Not just because you're an ENFP. If you're asking what you should be weary of when given freedom the answer is nothing. The fact you are even asking this question tells me you're going to be just fine. It's the kids who think they're super heroes who get into drugs, partying to much, ect. I don't know how overbearing your parents have been, but college is about balance. My personal motto is work hard play harder. I have great grades and i party pretty hard. School always comes first but after that live your life. Ages 18 to whenever you get married really are your experimenting ages. Go out and get shitfaced till you can't remember the night. Go on a random roadtrip with people you just met. Live your life. And yes freedom is all its made up to be. Mom won't be doing your laundry anymore but its a small price to pay In highschool i had a pretty terrible relationship with my parents. Since i went to college i've become extremely close with them. It's a different dynamic completely. So to summarize, 1. Freedom is great 2. Don't be weary you seem like a smart guy 3. Don't devote your entire life to your studies. Get all A's but don't neglect your personal life. 4. HAVE FUN. its the journey not the destination. yes you're going to college to get a degree but you're also going there to learn about yourself. hope this helps
Yeah...at least for this ENFP. I despise being controlled.
Parents kind of have to make decisions for their kids sometimes, but it shouldn't be all the time because they want you to be a certain way. Also, utilizing threats (won't pay your tuition if you do _____) and manipulation to control is inexcusable and makes me want to scream.
The good thing is, we grow up and move out (freedom); once you are at that point, it'll be up to you whether they continue to control you or not. Hang in there.
Parents kind of have to make decisions for their kids sometimes, but it shouldn't be all the time because they want you to be a certain way. Also, utilizing threats (won't pay your tuition if you do _____) and manipulation to control is inexcusable and makes me want to scream.
The good thing is, we grow up and move out (freedom); once you are at that point, it'll be up to you whether they continue to control you or not. Hang in there.
Yes, I think this is normal for ENFPs, others controlling us too much means our Ne is stifled. My parents were a bit too controlling/overprotective, and it made me quite unhappy, even underachieving, because the way they treated me and their inability to trust me, even though I gave them no real reason not to trust me, made me feel unsure about my own thoughts and opinions and capabilities for a while. Freedom is very nice, the problem is once you're given that freedom it's easy to take advantage of it to the point of doing unproductive, even unhealthy things, especially if it's in reaction/rebellion to other things. Once you realize this it's easier to rein yourself in, so it's something that's good to be aware of.
Wow, I could've written this post. Just, wow...I mean, even down to their inability to trust me even when I never gave them a reason not to.
Yeah, my parents were pretty good, but they held on a liiittle too long without enough communication during that time. I'm going to try very hard to change that up if I have kids
Mine too...and my parenting is much different. I try to parent them according to their individual needs. I don't expect them to be like anyone other than who they are. I also follow unconditional parenting (by Alfie Kohn) as a tool.
My goal is to make them feel loved unconditionally...regardless of their mistakes, secure, confident, understood, and trusted.
Hopefully I can pull it off!
My goal is to make them feel loved unconditionally...regardless of their mistakes, secure, confident, understood, and trusted.
Hopefully I can pull it off!
Yeah, my parents were pretty good, but they held on a liiittle too long without enough communication during that time. I'm going to try very hard to change that up if I have kids
That all sounds good to me! I'm sure you're doing a great job
I'm sure you're doing a great job
What to be wary of once granted freedom? Try not to go off the deep end with bad decisions. MANY kids that I knew in college (of controlling parents) made horrible decisions: about drugs, booze, studying, dating, etc... Going against one's parents in ALL ways will likely bring some degree of harm as most parents make at least SOME rules to protect their kids from real danger.
Is freedom all that it's made out to be? Heck YES!!!! I've positively thrived since taking life on in my own way. Very much so.
THIS ENFP hates hates HATES being manipulated or controlled! I always have, and probably always will.
Is freedom all that it's made out to be? Heck YES!!!! I've positively thrived since taking life on in my own way. Very much so.
THIS ENFP hates hates HATES being manipulated or controlled! I always have, and probably always will.
My dad was somewhat controlling, we used to hook horns often. Freedom means more than just making your own decisions, it also allows you to have the freedom to help others.
I can't think of anything that urks me more than someone trying to fix me. This is where the controlling starts in my mind. ENFP need freedom to make their own mistakes, its the only way we can grow. I need to experience things in order to do this, regardless if the path is right or wrong. If i get a sense i'm being played or manipulated ( controlled ) i rebel. The best thing for an ENFP is to move out, take responsibility and accountability for their own success or failure. You will find your way.
I can't think of anything that urks me more than someone trying to fix me. This is where the controlling starts in my mind. ENFP need freedom to make their own mistakes, its the only way we can grow. I need to experience things in order to do this, regardless if the path is right or wrong. If i get a sense i'm being played or manipulated ( controlled ) i rebel. The best thing for an ENFP is to move out, take responsibility and accountability for their own success or failure. You will find your way.
Most parents try to do their best with what they have. Western culture is scary to some asian parents because they didn't grow up in it. Don't be afraid of the world out there. Use the freedom to discover what you want from life and act accordingly. You'll probably go wild for a bit, just use some street smarts and use a condom! Have fun!
Thanks guys seems my situation is pretty normal . Now ill just look to the future ENFP style!
. Now ill just look to the future ENFP style!Freedom = responsibility. Like if I allow my teenage children freedom I expect them to use that freedom responsibly ..... lets say like don't get caught smoking pot in the park while a cop drives by. lol Im laughing, but it is not funny.
Im really not a controlling parent. I want them to be responsible and so I allow them a lot of freedom. I don't want them to be dependent on me so I allow them a lot of independence. But sometimes people don't always make wise choices with their freedom, they become irresponsible and that is when consequences come in to play. I don't like to be controlling, but I will if I have to.
With that being said. YOU ARE NORMAL for not getting along with your parents. That is right, most teenagers are stuck between wanting independence but still have to be dependent and they resent it. It is a time for seeking autonomy and thus the pull away from the parents. I would be more worried about you if you said "I love living at home and I love my parents and I want to stay here forever and ever!". See what I mean? And then one day the shift comes back and your relationship with your parents will be better. Oh, and though you want independence and its normal....it is also normal for them to be scared to let you go which comes across with the control factor.
I couldn't wait to get out of the house. I really didn't have it all that bad but that doesn't matter because I was a normal teenager and would have found anything bad that I possibly could so I push away and gain independence. Even if they had been the most perfect parents I would have still found SOMETHING. Not that I am denying that your relationship with your Dad is bad. Just saying you are a normal teenager for NOT wanting to be controlled. A toddler doesn't even like being controlled that is why one of their first words is "NO".
My independent nature keeps my parents at arms length and I am 38 years old. I really don't want them all up in my business or telling me what to do. I got divorced once and didn't tell them for two years that the divorce was final because I didn't want their input. I still don't want their input but they like to share it anyway. I like my parents better now than I did when I was a teenager, though.
Im really not a controlling parent. I want them to be responsible and so I allow them a lot of freedom. I don't want them to be dependent on me so I allow them a lot of independence. But sometimes people don't always make wise choices with their freedom, they become irresponsible and that is when consequences come in to play. I don't like to be controlling, but I will if I have to.
With that being said. YOU ARE NORMAL for not getting along with your parents. That is right, most teenagers are stuck between wanting independence but still have to be dependent and they resent it. It is a time for seeking autonomy and thus the pull away from the parents. I would be more worried about you if you said "I love living at home and I love my parents and I want to stay here forever and ever!". See what I mean? And then one day the shift comes back and your relationship with your parents will be better. Oh, and though you want independence and its normal....it is also normal for them to be scared to let you go which comes across with the control factor.
I couldn't wait to get out of the house. I really didn't have it all that bad but that doesn't matter because I was a normal teenager and would have found anything bad that I possibly could so I push away and gain independence. Even if they had been the most perfect parents I would have still found SOMETHING. Not that I am denying that your relationship with your Dad is bad. Just saying you are a normal teenager for NOT wanting to be controlled. A toddler doesn't even like being controlled that is why one of their first words is "NO".
My independent nature keeps my parents at arms length and I am 38 years old. I really don't want them all up in my business or telling me what to do. I got divorced once and didn't tell them for two years that the divorce was final because I didn't want their input. I still don't want their input but they like to share it anyway. I like my parents better now than I did when I was a teenager, though.
I think it's normal for anyone who is 17 or 18 years old to be looking forward to more freedom and having some difficulty dealing with parents.
I certainly felt that way, and my parents weren't even terribly strict or controlling. I know my ENTP brother did too. I know my ESFJ best friend did as well. It's normal.
As far as what happens when given that freedom? Just realize that it comes with more responsibility. It comes with owning up to whatever mistakes you might make because of it. The best thing that anyone ever told me regarding freedom and kind of growing up, was: "Freedom can be being able to do what you want to do. It can also be being able to figure out who you are and start doing things that are right for you, regardless of if you want to do them." Sometimes what you want, or what would be fun, isn't always what's right for you or good for you. And the balancing act of the late teens/early twenties is figuring out where that line is and how to live with it.
I certainly felt that way, and my parents weren't even terribly strict or controlling. I know my ENTP brother did too. I know my ESFJ best friend did as well. It's normal.
As far as what happens when given that freedom? Just realize that it comes with more responsibility. It comes with owning up to whatever mistakes you might make because of it. The best thing that anyone ever told me regarding freedom and kind of growing up, was: "Freedom can be being able to do what you want to do. It can also be being able to figure out who you are and start doing things that are right for you, regardless of if you want to do them." Sometimes what you want, or what would be fun, isn't always what's right for you or good for you. And the balancing act of the late teens/early twenties is figuring out where that line is and how to live with it.
This is where I often clash with my ISTJ mother: she takes care of all of my expense and tells me how and when to do things, which, contradictory to what her goal is, (my independence and ability to take care of myself and make my own choices) is actually counter-productive. I've found that I'm strongest when I'm able to figure things out for myself.
Wow. This is the same situation I have with my parent. My mother doesn't trust me and she is also so secretive even though I've not done things to make her this way. My sister has complained of the same thing too so it felt great that I wasn't the only one. She had also been overprotective and controlling us which has made it near impossible to get along with her and things just got worse really. You're right though it is nice to be free but important to be careful and ground ourselves so we don't go overboard. Thank you for sharing this I could relate to it and I think it would help me to remember this along the way😊💖
I did the same thing with my mother and so did my sister. She tried to keep me from visiting friends who was in our neighborhood. I wanted to go because I wanted to and not planning on getting anything in return just to have fun together. My mother tried to force me to stay and I did the opposite and went out the door. She has destroyed some other friendships that were so important to me and my teacher complimented my friend picking too but my mother still didn't trust in that.
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