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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So a lot of people agree that the INFJ is a feminine type. That's not to say that males of this type cannot be 'manly', no. But I believe it has alot to do with the INFJ's prized intuition.

But how exactly does gender identity play into this?

Let's bring into light the case of the INFJ male. First and foremost, congratulations, you have won the MBTI lotto. Your prize? Misunderstanding from your peers and an almost masochistic woefulnesss. The INFJ male learns early on that the world has a perceived notion for him to fill. So he enhances his Ti, knowing it will get him through. Neglecting Fe, though perhaps nurturing it now and again.

For me, it didn't work out so easily.

Since I was a child, I've been 'suffering' from what people like to call Gender Identity Disorder (GID). Throughout my life, I've been mistaken for a girl. And not just in appearance. At my call centre job, my customers thought I was a girl too. As a child, it went the stereotypical way... I had a little friend and we'd play dress up. Of course, all this stopped once my mother caught wind of it. After that, I was cut off and raised to be like a normal boy. Of course, I suppose this would be the time where I learned to "flex my Ti".

It was halfway through high school where problems began to arise. Girls would comment they were jealous of my tiny waist, or that my hair was layered well, or that I had "prettier eyes than they did".

Now, just to make sure this isn't boring at all, I grew up in a small-minded backwoods town full of judgemental people. My father, while I hold nothing against him, is also one of the main problems. He has an almost demonic desire to vanquish drag queens. He hates them, moreso than anything. Why, he has never explained.

But this doesn't stop me from feeling the way I do. I want to be a woman. There is no denying it. And if I have one life to live, then what should stop me from living it to the fullest?

I feel as though this side of me is my Fe. My Fe that has been neglected for years and years while my strict Ti resided over my brain with an almost martial law. While this may offend some (and I'm not sorry if I do), I don't see myself as an effective father. If I ever have the fortune of getting a child of my own, I need to be able to show it love like only a mother can. This is my personal choice.

So, how does your personality type reflect your sexuality? Are you a female INFJ with a strong Ti? Are you a Male INFJ with a nurtured Fe? And not just INFJ. What types seem to identify the most with certain gender roles?

Thanks for bearing with the text dump guys. Alright, insight is GO!
 

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It's pretty bold to come and said say something like this, so I'll back you up. I've always felt more like a woman than a man myself. Even wondered if I was "supposed to be" gay. Too bad I'm way too attracted to females to find out. lol Having said that, I usually get along better with females and they often see me as "the nice guy to talk to." If anything though, I'm a lesbian. haha :laughing:
 

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I've always been really protective of the people I care about -- protective to the point of being willing to fight for them. That's generally considered a more masculine trait. However, sometimes I feel uber feminine. I love the idea of spending the rest of my life devoted to one man. When I care about someone, I enjoy "serving" that person -- washing my roommate's dishes when I wash my own, helping a friend clean her bedroom, tutoring someone in a class he has trouble with. I'd have made a great Victorian woman. In high school, I struggled with my feminine side, uncertain how to reconcile the "soft" side of myself and its yearnings with the images I saw of modern, femi-nazi womanhood. How could I one minute assert my independence and the importance of supporting myself with my own career, then the next long to be wrapped up in his arms? Took me a while to realize we each have to define gender for ourselves; it's too complicated to just accept the definitions of "masculine" and "feminine" that are described to little kids. I'm more than the generic image of "female" printed on signs hung on bathroom doors, and if the world insists on describing me by my triangular dress, then the world will miss most of what I am. I can't control if the world makes that mistake or not, but I can at least not place the same limitations on myself.

Thanks for sharing.
 

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It's pretty bold to come and said say something like this, so I'll back you up. I've always felt more like a woman than a man myself. Even wondered if I was "supposed to be" gay. Too bad I'm way too attracted to females to find out. lol Having said that, I usually get along better with females and they often see me as "the nice guy to talk to." If anything though, I'm a lesbian. haha :laughing:
Dood! Get out of my head!

I have been wondering about this since middle school and showed signs of it since elementary school. I wondered for many years if I was a gay man on the inside. I used to have dreams about it

Of course, I see my womanly side and relate to it but it does not explain alot of thoughts, feelings and actions of mine.

OP, I am INFJ female with very "flexed" Ti since about middle of highschool. My Fe developed really early too. I was already using it very strongly in elementary school. I already knew how to act as a man while playing house and barbies when I was young. I was good at it too. This sounds wierd, but I prefer to be in relationships that alow me to be/act as both male and female as I feel the urge to be one or the other. I prefer it when the other person switches too.

:blushed:

Edit: Actually everything of mine "developed" really early, even Ne and Fi and... you know... hint hint. The only exeption being Se and Te. I have been good at Se in spirts but it has yet to truly blossom. I think Te will be a realization of necessity eventually.
 

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Oh there's a girly side in me for sure. I like to watch girly movie once in a while. I dance and sing on chick songs in my room (yeah you'd rather not see this lol). Also, I try real hard not to cry on sad movies. I kind of envy woman for their spontaneity, elegance, feminine behavior, talkative nature, etc.

I can also relate to the Ni->Ti->Fe development order for INFJ man as you stated. I really like how you explained it. I'm still a bit confused about who I really am so I like insight like these.

I've considered the idea of being a woman. It has it's ups and downs but I think I'm happy the way I am. I only wish my English was better :\
 

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Hey!!

Hmm I guess I wanted to say that...well...growing up I was a tomboy (as apparently 1/2 of women growing up are...and later sorta leave that side of them.) This is a touchy subject for sure. Honestly..for me? I've gone through the phase of being one of the guys. Then it was...man I can't be one of the guys anymore. It's really difficult for me to have a guyfriend before one of us falls for each other and then the relationship dwindles. In Highschool I had those silly relationships that lasted 2hrs-2 months. I've never been in a relationship that lasted over 7 months I think?

But that Tomboy side of me...will always linger. I've never liked the thought of some guy having the ability to be more powerful than me. Mostly physically I suppose. I'd work out whenever I could and knew if a guy thought he could mess me up I could give it right back at him.

There was a phase when I entertained the lesbian idea..that doesn't go over well with my beliefs though (and yes my religion). SO then I thought. Heck I'm androgynous. I think I'm beginning to realize that I love people in general. There is an appreciation for beauty of course but I think I'm finally at a point were I'm content knowing that I love people and I don't need to confuse this with my sexuality. Ya. I think that's it. :mellow:

Guys are awesome. I'm attracted to them. But it's a whole other story whether I feel safe with them. (Still) That whole concept of being able to get a feel for what one is thinking creeps me out. Heck, I could be wrong for all I know. But when I get that look from a guy it chills me to the bone. Hmm that really was off topic wasn't it. *Sighs* Hence why I can't be in a relationship...:frustrating:

Sure I do "womanly" things. But this is the idea that society has placed onto us anyways. Your mom disapproving that you're dressing up in females clothes, etc. Gender roles..Some I think are completely understandable, and there are others that I would question.

Women: Cook, clean and do laundry. They cry all the time. They don't have a job...they stay at home and put band-aids on knees.
Men: Work 60 hrs a week and spend 5 minutes with their kids. They don't show affection and talk little about say..their emotions etc.

Just saying... Stereotypically. And when someone steps out of those boundries..someone is always there to give us the eye of disapproval. "You set the table and cleared it off? That's a woman's job!!" "How come you work so much? Doesn't your husband do that? You should be changing diapers." I mean I want to me a good parent someday...but someone is always going to be looking at me going.."Shouldn't you be done school by now? Why do you want to have that job?"...You're never going to please everyone. And I will end this obvious sentence with..If you know what you're doing is right. Do it. Always have and always step on other peoples toes because of it. Here's a band-aid and I'm going on my way.

I didn't talk about Ti or Fe..because I don't feel like I'm informed enough to touch that subject...But as you can see from my signature I have a strong Fe and underdeveloped Ti..so that says something.
 

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i've had the reverse problem growing up. i was always mistaken for a boy. i hung out with them, dressed like them, acted like them...

i used to have really long hair, then one day in seventh grade i decided to cut off all 18 inches to donate to locks of love... i also got glasses that day, the super flexible unbreakable kind. anyways, i had a sub teacher in one of my classes that week. he read my name off the roster (a common female name), looked at me, shrugged his shoulders. i noticed that when he spoke about me, he said "he"... but i was just hoping that none of my classmates picked up on it. then later in class, he must have got annoyed with my daydreaming or doodling on the desk, "YOUNG MAN! STOP THAT AND PAY ATTENTION!"

i stood up and crossed my arms and said, "excuse you. i'm a girl."

this happened SO OFTEN when i was growing up. it probably didn't help that i was an abrasive little shit and would attack anyone that said something like that, thus confirming their remarks.

anyways, i have always identified more with guys, much easier to connect with and communicate. i wear the pants in the relationship, i never show weakness, i walk around like a "tough guy"...

i just have a (by society's standards) masculine approach to life. i've never wanted to be a guy, but i have always felt like i belonged with them more.


thanks for sharing by the way.
 

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Tell you what, that took a lot of guts to come out and say all that Zomboy. Thanks for telling us. To be honest, I share some of the same feelings, like sometimes it feels like I should've been born a girl or something, and that would've made my life a little easier so I don't have to always act stereotypical male. I've never considered gender reassignment, and I probably never will, but I definitely do feel a lot more feminine than the average guy (emotionally, not appearance-wise).
 

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This sounds wierd, but I prefer to be in relationships that alow me to be/act as both male and female as I feel the urge to be one or the other. I prefer it when the other person switches too.

:blushed:
agreed 100%... that's a much better way than how i expressed it.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
It's pretty bold to come and said say something like this, so I'll back you up. I've always felt more like a woman than a man myself. Even wondered if I was "supposed to be" gay. Too bad I'm way too attracted to females to find out. lol Having said that, I usually get along better with females and they often see me as "the nice guy to talk to." If anything though, I'm a lesbian. haha :laughing:
Yes! This is how I have felt inside.

I have a very childish and naive understanding of sociological concepts. At the beginng (in high school) I worried that I might be gay. But alas, it always came to be that male genitalia disgusted me. I won't go any further than that.

In college, I was far from home and thus given the ability to open up and explore myself a little more. I had a few (lesbian) friends who would dress me up and take me out to gay bars... And still, I didn't have relations with any men. Then I realized... All through my life, men (large men) have been the main symbol of brutality and thoughtlessness in my life (Think about a dog who was beaten as a puppy).

So it became a joke that I was a 'male lesbian'. And I was accepted. The gay community gave me no criticism whatsoever.

Haha, I had no fear posting this for you guys to see. I was actually quite interested in the output I'd receive, to be honest. Thanks for your support everyone. ;)
 

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At the beginng (in high school) I worried that I might be gay. But alas, it always came to be that male genitalia disgusted me. I won't go any further than that.
This is how I feel about women. Everything about them is as spectacular as the next human except for the genatalia part. Yes, I know that it would be spactacular to someone... most likely a straight man or a lesbian, but I just am not attracted. I can objectively see how it would be wondrfull but I can't deny the natural reaction.

It is another story how I am attracted to certain men and not others...
 

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This is so interesting,

Firstly, kudos for Zomboy for sharing his feelings. Powerful stuff.

I wonder if blurred gender lines is an INFJ thing?
I was a tomboy growing up too!
Don't get me wrong, I like my body and being a woman, I like dressing up over the top (and even buy fake lashed from drag shops because they're so pretty and interesting) but, sometimes I joke that I'm a gay man stuck inside a female body ;)
I remember mum spanking me when I was only a little thing because I said "I wish I was a boy so I could dress up as a girl". ... it made sense at the time :D

I wonder how many other INFJ's have similar feelings.
 

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thanks zomboy for your honesty and an interesting conversation!

i too was a bit of a tomboy.....and still am i suppose. i always like action/scifi/fantasy boy type movies......can do the odd romance, but it just isnt my thing if the truth be told! i was given matchbox cars and i had a remote control car for my 10th bday when they were super expensive and just out. on the outside i have never looked like a boy......used to get a lot of attention for what i looked like.......but when I looked in the mirror.......i always thought i looked like a boy????!!!! weird for some one who rarely was without a boyfriend.

now, i do feel very much like a girl, but i missed out on the shopping gene, the shoe gene, the 'clucky' gene........in a relationship......i tend to dominate and be driven......in every area :blushed:

but wow, so interesting to hear the male take!
 

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great post! i can relate a lot a lot.

in my last relationship at least, i go in waves. sometimes i'll rely a ton on Ti and shrug life off, but there would be times that i would break down crying because my girlfriend at the time wouldn't show me enough affection. definitely felt like i took on the feminine role at times, yet at the same time due to society, i was also expected to "wear the pants". it was hard because right now around half or so of my friends are gay, and i know a ton of these guys would treat me more how i wanted to be treated than she did. i definitely had some times through high school that i'd even wish i was gay because that seemed to make more sense to me, but i never felt attracted to guys. i just wasn't like any other guys i knew. sometimes we'd randomly play some spin the bottle game where i'd kiss a guy but the facial hair always freaked me out beyond repair, and i've always just known i wasn't gay, probably like gay people know they are. i love women more than most manly guys do.

i guess finally at 22 i just finally feel like me, some mixture of masculine and feminine. in middle school i had a ton of friends that were girls and i developed a lot of Fe, but then parts of high school had me feeling very vulnerable and weary of where my life was headed so i'd regrettably come to rely a ton on Ti, which would make things worse. hit the worst part in early college when i came to rely only on Ni-Ti and had a year or two that looking back, seriously feels like i lost my mind. the irony of everything is that the latest ex i had was the one that completely revamped Fe and just my feelings inside in general, and now i feel completely comfortable and whole in my own skin, whatever that means to me. i think the way i'd describe myself deep down is like a little boy, rather than a man. i feel like a girl hanging out with guys when i'm with guy friends, yet a gay guy hanging out with girls when i'm with girl friends. relationships have been the only outlet to fully open myself up, and even i'm surprised at what comes out in that completely comfortable setting.
 

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I'll start off by saying that I identify being a heterosexual male.

Growing up, I had an amazing, close-knit network of friends. We were all there for each other. We were good kids, stayed out of trouble (most of the time). No one judged one another for personalities, we all accepted that so-and-so was ENTJ, so-and-so was ESTP, etc. Thinking back on that core group, I'd say that I may have been the sole introvert. I'm going off on a tangent. The point is, we were free to be whoever we were in our group. The standard high school cliques didn't really apply to us because we didn't necessarily belong to one, and I think that was one of our greatest strengths and a blessing for me (in particular) because it didn't assign us any "clique" stereotypes.

That being said, I was always a dreamer when I was a kid. Ni overdrive and all that fun stuff. I excelled in classes where I could be creative. This led me to romanticize and idealize love. I'm the quintessential "hopeless romantic." That's not really a young straight male's prime motive, right? I should have been all about tits and ass (and let's not kid ourselves, I was, to a degree) I didn't really bother with Ti - in fact, I really don't care for that function at all. It relates too much to math, and I don't like math. :tongue: I prefer a dominant function in which I have the freedom to bend the rules to my comfort, if that makes any sense.

That's was all development. Do I have personality qualities that some would consider feminine? Damn straight. I'm sensitive. I'm emotional. I'm nurturing. Luckily, due to my adolescence, I developed a strong sense of "fuck the haters," and the rest came sort of easy-street.

Reading through this, I'm not sure whether it addresses the topic at hand, but I'll leave that to you. :happy:
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
Haha, I thank you for your input. I think a large part of the drive towards achieving this goal is that I find, as a male, I am greatly inhibited to fully express myself. I'm competent enough to know that if I go prancing about the mall and gush over clothes as a male, I wouldn't really be able to convince anyone that I like women.

Not only that, but I've always felt rebellious, like I've had some sort of hidden urge to push my boundaries. Life to me seems much like a science experiment. I want to see just what I can and cannot change (no pun intended) on my little stay here on Earth. ;)
 

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Not only that, but I've always felt rebellious, like I've had some sort of hidden urge to push my boundaries. Life to me seems much like a science experiment. I want to see just what I can and cannot change (no pun intended) on my little stay here on Earth. ;)
i can totally relate to this!!!! i like you :laughing:
 

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I'll start off by saying that I identify being a heterosexual male.

Growing up, I had an amazing, close-knit network of friends. We were all there for each other. We were good kids, stayed out of trouble (most of the time). No one judged one another for personalities, we all accepted that so-and-so was ENTJ, so-and-so was ESTP, etc. Thinking back on that core group, I'd say that I may have been the sole introvert. I'm going off on a tangent. The point is, we were free to be whoever we were in our group. The standard high school cliques didn't really apply to us because we didn't necessarily belong to one, and I think that was one of our greatest strengths and a blessing for me (in particular) because it didn't assign us any "clique" stereotypes.

That being said, I was always a dreamer when I was a kid. Ni overdrive and all that fun stuff. I excelled in classes where I could be creative. This led me to romanticize and idealize love. I'm the quintessential "hopeless romantic." That's not really a young straight male's prime motive, right? I should have been all about tits and ass (and let's not kid ourselves, I was, to a degree) I didn't really bother with Ti - in fact, I really don't care for that function at all. It relates too much to math, and I don't like math. :tongue: I prefer a dominant function in which I have the freedom to bend the rules to my comfort, if that makes any sense.

That's was all development. Do I have personality qualities that some would consider feminine? Damn straight. I'm sensitive. I'm emotional. I'm nurturing. Luckily, due to my adolescence, I developed a strong sense of "fuck the haters," and the rest came sort of easy-street.

Reading through this, I'm not sure whether it addresses the topic at hand, but I'll leave that to you. :happy:
This is pretty much how I feel too.

I think part of the reason I was so depressed when I went to school was because I have an easier time talking to females than males but there weren't really any females that talked to me until round the end of my High School years.

Now up until recently most of my friends have been female, I don't like being called "the gay friend" but that's pretty much what I was. I think part of it how ever is due to wanting a girlfriend hence now after coming out of a relationship I've been talking more to guys.
 
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