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Have you ever come across these kind of people? I was recently trying to help a friend of mine with social anxiety and insecurity issues but all she seems to do is reject any of my suggestions and continues complaining. I don't know what to tell her anymore. Plus, whenever she sees me she treats me as if I was her therapist. She once said "Where is -----, I need to talk about problems." After that I started paying less attention to her. :frustrating: Anyway, do you ever come across people like this and if so, how do you deal with them?
 

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Have you ever come across these kind of people? I was recently trying to help a friend of mine with social anxiety and insecurity issues but all she seems to do is reject any of my suggestions and continues complaining. I don't know what to tell her anymore. Plus, whenever she sees me she treats me as if I was her therapist. She once said "Where is -----, I need to talk about problems." After that I started paying less attention to her. :frustrating: Anyway, do you ever come across people like this and if so, how do you deal with them?
Yep. Then I realized pretty much what was written in your link, that it really wasn't about getting help, and that the individual in question really didn't want to change anything. I don't act unfriendly towards them, but I've stopped playing their game.
 

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I understand !

My advice, pure apathy.

And let that one see that you are apathetic, in the hope that this person will see the stupidity in just complaining and not progressing !

Worst case is, you don't need to worry about that person burdening you with everyday life.
(Face it, you get enough of that everyday)

Best case is, you can start treating that person as a person !
 

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Have you ever come across these kind of people? I was recently trying to help a friend of mine with social anxiety and insecurity issues but all she seems to do is reject any of my suggestions and continues complaining. I don't know what to tell her anymore. Plus, whenever she sees me she treats me as if I was her therapist. She once said "Where is -----, I need to talk about problems." After that I started paying less attention to her. :frustrating: Anyway, do you ever come across people like this and if so, how do you deal with them?
I don't tiptoe around the issue.

I'd say: ''You often come to me to tell me your problems. I don't mind this, but I notice that whenever I have ideas about solutions, you ignore them. Why? Are you just not interested in help, or do you just think that you can't be helped? And, if you can't be helped and you just want to talk, I think you should probably get a therapist. A friendship is gonna go two-ways, and we can't just always focus on you.''
 

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Have you ever come across these kind of people? I was recently trying to help a friend of mine with social anxiety and insecurity issues but all she seems to do is reject any of my suggestions and continues complaining. I don't know what to tell her anymore. Plus, whenever she sees me she treats me as if I was her therapist. She once said "Where is -----, I need to talk about problems." After that I started paying less attention to her. :frustrating: Anyway, do you ever come across people like this and if so, how do you deal with them?
How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only 1 but the light bulb has to be willing to change.

I have heroically wasted my breath and massive efforts on others many many times in life. I have learned that unless the other person is both genuine about wanting to change and in a place with their health that allows for them to make that change and heal, they simply cannot or will not do it.

The critical part is this: You do nothing but help without giving advice until ...
1) They bitch and complain to you.
2) They flat out ask for advice.

In each case they have opened the door for you. Then you do this:

a) You point out to them that they have requested your advice.
b) You tell them you are reluctant to give advice as it is never followed.
c) You wait until they ask again or whine some more.
d) You re-iterate a) above
e) You begrudgingly give the same wisdom you've been clamoring to give all along.
f) You tell them you realize it was useless because they are not going to follow it.
g) You get mad at them for making you waste your breath but not with drama just matter-of-fact.

This pattern has the most potential for success that I have found.
 

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Yeah, the one person l am forced to keep around who does this probably sees me as a very no-nonsense, intolerant person since that's the only approach l can really use to communicate with her.

l think that most people speak to her that way though, as she tends to approach most people with the same behavior. At first they're sympathetic but eventually she has the same dynamic with everyone.

l love that site by the way, it's helped put a name to so many things l was describing with entirely too many words.
 
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Yeah, the one person l am forced to keep around who does this probably sees me as a very no-nonsense, intolerant person since that's the only approach l can really use to communicate with her.

l think that most people speak to her that way though, as she tends to approach most people with the same behavior. At first they're sympathetic but eventually she has the same dynamic with everyone.

l love that site by the way, it's helped put a name to so many things l was describing with entirely too many words.
I really wonder if they don't see that in themselves, that they actually begin to frustrate others with their complaining. On the one side, one can be hard on them and on the other continue to lend an ear, but either action will cause them to further believe that they're truly helpless. And yes it's a very informative site isn't it? :kitteh:
 
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I really wonder if they don't see that in themselves, that they actually begin to frustrate others with their complaining. On the one side, one can be hard on them and on the other continue to lend an ear, but either action will cause them to further believe that they're truly helpless. And yes it's a very informative site isn't it? :kitteh:
Friendship wise-l'm not drawn toward types who want to befriend me specifically for ''support'', especially if we don't seem to have anything in common.

What is the difference between approaching me and anyone else on the street for ''support'' in these instances, when very little back-and-forth or even initial spark takes place?

Usually they will try to flatter you here when you start to question the validity of the entire dynamic and bond itself, but it's ultimately turned out that they didn't see me as special. l think that a person who needs support is perfectly fine, but that type is very distinctive.
 

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I don't tiptoe around the issue.

I'd say: ''You often come to me to tell me your problems. I don't mind this, but I notice that whenever I have ideas about solutions, you ignore them. Why? Are you just not interested in help, or do you just think that you can't be helped? And, if you can't be helped and you just want to talk, I think you should probably get a therapist. A friendship is gonna go two-ways, and we can't just always focus on you.''

Nicely put !

However the problem is most likely an attention-whore (I'm sorry, it's a harsh way to put it, but it applize).

And the thing is, they do this for the sake of attention, when they realize that their not getting the attention that they Want, then maybe we can start making progress. I can't really give you a guarantee though.
 

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Yup! I have to agree with most of the posts above. I had a co-worker who was the same exact way. She would whine and bitch about our supervisor not treating her fair, not being able to get along with others, etc. It got so bad that I would either keep my office door close or simply tell her that I am really busy and falling behind in my work. She eventually got the message.
 
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