That is, how do you?
A Duke Gifted Letter article says, "Perfectionists, says Greenspon, constantly struggle to achieve goals, make high grades, or produce other excellent results to prove themselves to their parents or others. They feel no joy in working hard or meeting challenges. Instead, they have the mistaken notion that hard work and success will make others love, respect, or value them as people." I think he means the neurotic sort, since I tend to think perfectionism itself is just an aspect of temperament ... again that it's not what you have but what you do with it that counts.
What is the way of keeping it healthy? Because I don't know how to feel less driven or less ambition, but if there is a way to enjoy challenge and excellence for its own sake and not worry if things don't come out right, then that is where I want to be. As it is, when the quote above reads "they have the mistaken notion that hard work and success will make others love, respect, or value them as people", I half want to ask ... "it won't?" Well, of course it won't, because that's ridiculous, but just my saying that sounds far more hollow than I would ever want it to.
I guess I have some answers, although I would like to hear if and how others work through this. I guess I want just to feel I'm not alone with it is all. I would want to hear your story. The best I can do is, even though it looks grim and like my past is dominated by this and that I really am quite poor at seeing to my emotional needs, to relax a little and say, "it is not so convincing. I can and do trust in others all the time. Do not frighten yourself so. Even though I do not know what is best, a guess is good enough, because if you do not know, there is nothing else to be done, and surely no other way to learn. It is not a shame, but have faith in yourself. You are given time so you may use it after all. Take your time. Be patient." Or as Rilke says, "I beg you... to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language."
Anyway, thank you.
A Duke Gifted Letter article says, "Perfectionists, says Greenspon, constantly struggle to achieve goals, make high grades, or produce other excellent results to prove themselves to their parents or others. They feel no joy in working hard or meeting challenges. Instead, they have the mistaken notion that hard work and success will make others love, respect, or value them as people." I think he means the neurotic sort, since I tend to think perfectionism itself is just an aspect of temperament ... again that it's not what you have but what you do with it that counts.
What is the way of keeping it healthy? Because I don't know how to feel less driven or less ambition, but if there is a way to enjoy challenge and excellence for its own sake and not worry if things don't come out right, then that is where I want to be. As it is, when the quote above reads "they have the mistaken notion that hard work and success will make others love, respect, or value them as people", I half want to ask ... "it won't?" Well, of course it won't, because that's ridiculous, but just my saying that sounds far more hollow than I would ever want it to.
I guess I have some answers, although I would like to hear if and how others work through this. I guess I want just to feel I'm not alone with it is all. I would want to hear your story. The best I can do is, even though it looks grim and like my past is dominated by this and that I really am quite poor at seeing to my emotional needs, to relax a little and say, "it is not so convincing. I can and do trust in others all the time. Do not frighten yourself so. Even though I do not know what is best, a guess is good enough, because if you do not know, there is nothing else to be done, and surely no other way to learn. It is not a shame, but have faith in yourself. You are given time so you may use it after all. Take your time. Be patient." Or as Rilke says, "I beg you... to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language."
Anyway, thank you.