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I have been struggling with typing myself, I am probably a whitdrawn type considering my lifestyle has been sort of isolated from people in real life. I only had made a very few friends in real life, I interacted with people in my childhood but growing apart happened and my social life has mostly been online. I lost a few friends because of mental health issues, and so I find it a little more difficult to trust pepple again. Why did I not interact much with people? Well, there was shyness and feeling awkward, there were also periods where I did not feel like doing so but the older I get (I am 30 now), the more regret not having made more friends and I did often had wished to have friends who were inspiring and would be supportive and we would have all sorts of adventures with.

My lifestyle has pretty much been reading, trying to brainstorm on a book project, trying to write, watching tv shows, going on the internet and a job. Which is a lonely life and I intend on changing that, it's not what I want for the rest of my life because I know I'll just be miserable and bitter and I do not want to be that kind of person.
What was I like as a child? I vaguely can remember being a playful child but also shy. Sometimes I did play with other kids. As a teenager I was more by myself when I was at school, I interacted with people online because it was more comfortable for me. I also woke up every day, sleepy and unmotivated to go to high school. I was not sure what I wanted to do with my life. I was not the worst at school but not the best either - my grades were mixed.
The kind of parties I have been were mainly birthday parties and I had been to a school party once.

What are my motivations? Now I would say is to inspire people in some way, I don't think I am amazing but I do believe to be a decent person who has her flaws and weirdness. I want to make my mark in the world by perhaps writing a book, and writing about themes that are relatable. I hope to have something to say. I might want to contritube to break the stigma around mental health because I have had my struggles with it and I would have wanted to be helped when I did not have it. I want to do something meaningful and now I feel like I am watching my life go by and hardly anything changes. And there are days when I feel this anger and resentment. What do I do with this anger? Nothing. I complain. I try to talk about my feelings with people close to me, to have people understand. For me, I also focus on writing a book because it feels good to have a goal to work on, to accomplish something, when I feel accomplished it makes me feel good about myself.
Other motivations... I always had this idea of wanting my life to be of having many friends, havimg a job I enjoy and being succesful and travel because I feel like those things would make my life better. That it would be fullfilling. But my life has not been reflecting any of that.
I do feel like I can not always trust my own judgement and that I need a support system to get ahead in life. Without having connections, you'll remain at the bottom of the social ladder. I'll just be lonely and useless.

Ever since I had a period of mental health issues again last year, fear has been more present in my life than before. Fear of the future, I am afraid my fate will be locked up at a psych ward for the rest of my life if I have mental health issues again, fear that all my family will abandon me and that I can not really trust to rely on them. But the thing is, I had mental health issues in 2015 and I did not have these fears but when I had it again in 2019 I did end up with these fears. And I live with this every day.
I had always been a cautious person, not wanting to risk harming myself.
Lately I see myself as a tragic figure and sometimes I do feel sorry for myself and how I feel everything is unfair. Friends have abandoned me because of my mental health issues, and it was because I was really confused and I had delusions and I kept sending weird messages - I was not in control and not myself (I had a psychosis). And I have been living with many regrets.

Why would being locked up in a psych ward for the rest of my life be a nightmare? Because of the isolation, no freedom, no control of my life, being rejected, not being in control of your own mind. (I had been committed in a psych ward for 2 months in 2015, it was not a fun experience).
How do I act under stress? Sometimes I cry, sometimes I isolate, sometimes I just distract myself when there is nothing I can do by watching a tv show or reading or obssessing over a subject. But I also can obssess over a subject when not stressed, so. I manage to keep a calm demeanor for most of the time when stressed though I can have a bad temper at times. I have always been a relatively calm person, though I have become more fearful for the past year and a half. A lot of gloom and doom thinking.
I do think I have often been passive in my life and I want to work on being more proactive. I feel like I had not stood up enough for myself, that I did not work hard. But I don't want to be that person who has done absolutely nothing with their life. Who has accomplished nothing. But I have not been working hard enough, so it is my fault too.
I want to feel apprecciated, and I think I want to be a valuable human being (though doesn't everyone?).To be comepetent (but people have called me intelligent, so there is that I guess, though I don't find myself intelligent).

I mean, maybe because of my mental health issues and because of the social isolation it is ditficult to type myself, to find my core type and my tritype? What idea of type and tritype do you all think I have based on what I told about myself? Or do I need to dig deeper? What kind of questions should I ask myself?
 

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MOTM Nov 2012
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3,819 Posts
Withdrawing from people is not the same as being a withdrawn type. The question I recommend you focus in is how you approach uncomfortable problems, do you need to face them and be fully aware of them, or do you prefer to numb them out and pretend they don't matter?
 
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