[CrabHammer]

I'm absolutely certain this topic has been covered already, but I"m too lazy to look past the first page. There's about two paragraphs of me waffling here, so feel free to skip down the questions at the end.

I've been thinking a lot about internet dating recently. It was really spurred by the thread Cyber Love (I'll edit in a link later), and the fact that on this site, as well as in real life, I seem to fall into crushes wayy too easily. Seeing as these people are generally unavailable in some fashion or another, I've been trying to find some sort of distraction. Like say, someone else to fawn over instead.

So that brings me to my main question here. Would it be worthwhile to look to internet dating sites as a distraction? I don't think I'm going to be able to stop my easy-crush behavior any time soon, so instead of focusing it at a place like here, move it somewhere where people are actually looking for that sort of thing. On the other hand, I have reservations about internet dating in general. I don't mean to rain on any of those here who've found happy relationships online, more so that I'm skeptical that I could get it to work for me specifically.

So, do these sites work? Am I doomed to failure because of my skeptical attitude? Where's a good place to go? Does it have to be a pay site to work well, or could I find decent results on a site like OKCupid? I'm happy to have anyone address my thoughts specifically, but if you have any thoughts on internet dating and dating sites, please share them as well.

 

[mrscientist]

You are in the US. So why not try here. I see quite a few people finding relationships.

 

[CrabHammer]

I actually meant to say something specifically about that, but I must've gotten ahead of myself and forgot it.

My issue here, as well as in RL, is that I have a very difficult time differentiating between friendly and "more-than-friend"-ly interaction. I guess my thinking was that on a dating site, where everyone's intentions have been declared, I wouldn't have to worry so much about that.

Also, this post serves as a nifty passive-aggressive statement, that I might be interested.

 

[Zic]

I'm absolutely certain this topic has been covered already, but I"m too lazy to look past the first page. There's about two paragraphs of me waffling here, so feel free to skip down the questions at the end.

I've been thinking a lot about internet dating recently. It was really spurred by the thread Cyber Love (I'll edit in a link later), and the fact that on this site, as well as in real life, I seem to fall into crushes wayy too easily. Seeing as these people are generally unavailable in some fashion or another, I've been trying to find some sort of distraction. Like say, someone else to fawn over instead.

So that brings me to my main question here. Would it be worthwhile to look to internet dating sites as a distraction? I don't think I'm going to be able to stop my easy-crush behavior any time soon, so instead of focusing it at a place like here, move it somewhere where people are actually looking for that sort of thing. On the other hand, I have reservations about internet dating in general. I don't mean to rain on any of those here who've found happy relationships online, more so that I'm skeptical that I could get it to work for me specifically.

So, do these sites work? Am I doomed to failure because of my skeptical attitude? Where's a good place to go? Does it have to be a pay site to work well, or could I find decent results on a site like OKCupid? I'm happy to have anyone address my thoughts specifically, but if you have any thoughts on internet dating and dating sites, please share them as well.

They work. Take care and you'll be fine. Keep in mind there are lots of just plain weird people out there, but I see it as nothing more than an extension of "normal" life. Women usually get loads of messages from people so you would have to make yours stand out.
If they work in a country with a pop of 4,5 mil, then I see no reason why wouldn't you find someone in a 300 mil one.

 

[JoetheBull]

I haven't had much luck with it. Except I keep getting messages from scammers trying to get money from me. Being skeptical is what keep me from losing $$ because someone from Nigeria is pretending to be a girl from my area stuck in Nigeria for some odd reason.

 

[The Proof]

Being skeptical is what keep me from losing $$ because someone from Nigeria is pretending to be a girl from my area stuck in Nigeria for some odd reason.

it's a popular tourist destination afaik, especially now with the cholera outbreak, beats the hell out of bermuda off-season

also, I'm trying this internet dating thing right now, can't really tell if it works, I need to take some decent pictures of myself first, which is difficult because I'm so indecent most of the time

 

[Aßbiscuits]

The problem with internet dating (keep in mind this is coming from a seventeen-year-old girl who's never tried it) is that women who are already in relationships go on it. Why? Because they make the page in order to look for someone, which means they're looking in real life, too. If they're pretty they've more than likely found someone but they keep their page up. If you message them you won't get a reply.

Another problem with it would be girls take the most beautiful picture they can, they can catalogue their lives, make believe that they're perfect and have amazing lives, then they'll get attached to that image and not want it to end - meaning not wanting you to see what they're really like.

Some women go on to see how many messages they get and have no intention of actually finding someone unless someone perfect happens to come along. But mainly are just on for the confidence boost.

Some people are really men/rapists.

If you find someone who fits your criteria in every way, who's beautiful, funny, smart then they could end up wanting something completely different. Like you want a short term relationship...they want BABIES! :shocked:

HOWEVER, get a webcam, a new way of contacting these people, start off with your message being "hello, how are you?" blah blah blah, lots of small talk. "This is a little limited, want to talk on skype?" and then you go to skype with them. This is when you're doing good right? Because they're willing to show you what they're really like.

But how many times will this happen?



(I'm just letting my imagination run wild, I hope my theories are right. But remember, women are teases! You just have to keep trying until you find the right one on one of these sights. It's like real life basically then though, right? Just a pain. You'd have better luck at a club imo though you'll find smarter women with more personality outside a club)

 

[Zic]

You'd have better luck at a club imo though you'll find smarter women with more personality outside a club)

Exactly. The assumption is that more intelligent people don't really go clubbing all the time [yes, I do expect the onslaught of replies "but i'm intelligent and I go to clubs"], that the chances of getting in a serious relationship with someone you met at the bar is slim, and as a result, people tend think they can get a deeper person online since, it does require some knowledge and reflection to set up a decent profle.
Then again, I've seen numerous examples of women on other forums who comment, as you said, about how many messages she got and goes on quoting love poems and/or perfectly legit messages, of course with condescending remarks. It's a lottery.

 

[OctoberSkye]

I have an account on OkCupid, and I think it's pretty decent. However, your experience as a male might be slightly different than mine. A lot of the guys get frustrated because females tend to dismiss them out of hand. You have to have a really strong profile that stands out and flattering pictures, and even then... It's different on here I think because you can fall for a person over a length of time, post by post. We get to know each other somewhat first, without being distracted by "does s/he want to be in a relationship with me".
Anyway, I don't think it could hurt to try. :happy:

 

[Frannyy]

Good for you, it's VERY important to make sure both parties have similar intentions. However, as OctoberSkye pointed out, on a place like PerC, you can really observe the person and see their true self before you decide if you like them or not. :mellow:

 

[PrettyLush]

I met my boyfriend online and so far its worked out pretty well. We've been together almost 5 months now and I honestly dont know what I'd do without him. I really like reading the success stories on some of these sites too, their so adorable.

 

[Isis]

it depends on how skeptical you feel. it will come across to potential dates if you're put off by the internet dating format

 

[wonderfert]

I've never had luck with it. I go through phases of thinking it's the worst possible idea, usually after long periods of no luck, followed by thinking it's the best idea ever. Yeah, the last one occurs after receiving a message from someone who seems interesting, or bothers to reply to my messages.

Then again, I just got rid of my okcupid account because I grew so pessimistic about the whole thing. So who knows? I'd say its dependent upon the person doing it.

 

[SlowPoke68]

I was really into it around the time I met my second wife. It was still a bit of a novelty back then. Now it seems like everyone is out there.

To kind-of answer your question, I think it's better to spend time working out or learning to play guitar or paint or something.

 

[cavarice]

What is the worst that can possibly happen by setting up a profile on a dating website like OKcupid? Maybe nobody will be interested (or maybe you won't find a profile you like) - but then again, do you have anything to lose?

Aside from a bit of time invested in setting up a profile and exchanging messages, I don't see how it could possibly harm you.

As an extreme introvert, I like using dating websites primarily because they function as a direct medium to advertise myself for a relationship without having to entangle myself in a bogus social life just as a "front" to meet someone (and I have done such an evil thing in the past). In the offline world, most people meet romantic partners through shared activities (be they hobbies, work, school classes, etc) that aren't explicitly set up for the purpose of dating - a problem for hermits like myself.

I have an account on OKcupid and I actually have had some pretty good experiences with it. I like to meet the person in the flesh very early on, since there is usually a big gap between the impressions formed online versus the ones formed in reality with all of its nonverbal nuances.