Personality Cafe banner

1 - 4 of 4 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,155 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi ENFPs! :happy:

This is my first post in this section of PerC. This will kind of be a long post so apologies in advance!

I was wondering if you guys could help me? I've been trying to figure out which type my sister fits into recently. I'm not trying to pigeon hole her into a category or anything, it's just I feel like i've never understood her properly. Over the years she's becoming more and more reclusive towards me and the rest of the family and I can't help but feel it's because no one understands her.

This is my thread from the INFJ forum if anyone cares to read it :
http://personalitycafe.com/infj-forum-protectors/340450-my-sister.html

The person I was speaking with in that thread said she sounds like an ENFP - and that perhaps she is pulling away from us due to frustration from being the only extravert in the family.

Here is a little bit of information about my sister incase you can't be bothered to read my previous thread. :tongue:

My sister is an oldest child, she lives with her daughter and partner and their 3 cats. She has her own jewelry buisness. She loves movies, music, yoga, reading. She is very outspoken, opinionated and fiery. Whether you like it or not you will hear her opinion. She is passionate about all of her interests, about her family she lives with, about life in general. She has a very sarcastic and dry sense of humor, and loves to laugh. In school she loved performing arts. She is really bossy and always thinks she knows best (which could just be because she is an oldest child but could also be an extravert thing? No offense!). She is usually the one at the center of all conversations, unless she is absorbed by something on her phone, texting etc. :tongue: I love her very much, even though we don't see eye to eye a lot of times and I think she can be very harsh, she can also be really sweet and kind, caring. She is slowly becoming more and more reclusive from our family over the years and I want to put a stop to it before we lose her altogether. Part of me can't help but wonder if it's just because none of us really understand her very well. I can never seem to make sense of her. I don't want her to feel like she's alone.
Do you think she could be an ENFP? :happy: If not, do you have any other theories as to which type she could be?
I know it would be simpler to ask her to take the test, but I don't want her to think i'm just trying to put a label on her.

Please @ mention me when you reply so I get a notification. Thanks! :proud:
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
2,373 Posts
We know she's an extrovert, that much is certain.I don't think her type is much importance. Instead, I much rather concentrate on the issue at hand. What I'm seeing is that your sister wants to distance herself from her relatives. Your claim is that she's misunderstood. Could it be possible that there might be other reasons as to why she might want to keep her distance? Don't equate that with anything negative. It could be something simple as a need for privacy or a need to make independent decisions without external influence and obligations.

Sometimes people love selfish reasons. I'm often weary of people who are disproportionately nice and supportive. I often feel they're fishing for reciprocity or commitment by doing favours I don't need or want and most importantly, favours I haven't asked for. I've also had people claims to this illusory social capital only to be feel offended because I cut them out of my life. This is nothing more than cheap emotional sadomasochism and I much rather live and die alone than feel coerced into obligations and feelings I would naturally never have. I don't know anyone in my life who feels as strongly about this as I do, @INFJRoanna. Are you inadvertently sending the wrong message? Love freely; never on a leash.

I'm ENxP in MBTI, but IEE 2Ne in socionics. Close enough. Your sister can be anything from an ESTJ to ENFP. What concerns me is some of the adjectives you use. Because I promise you, between her partner, daughter and friends, she is NOT lonely.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,155 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
We know she's an extrovert, that much is certain.I don't think her type is much importance. Instead, I much rather concentrate on the issue at hand. What I'm seeing is that your sister wants to distance herself from her relatives. Your claim is that she's misunderstood. Could it be possible that there might be other reasons as to why she might want to keep her distance? Don't equate that with anything negative. It could be something simple as a need for privacy or a need to make independent decisions without external influence and obligations.

Sometimes people love selfish reasons. I'm often weary of people who are disproportionately nice and supportive. I often feel they're fishing for reciprocity or commitment by doing favours I don't need or want and most importantly, favours I haven't asked for. I've also had people claims to this illusory social capital only to be feel offended because I cut them out of my life. This is nothing more than cheap emotional sadomasochism and I much rather live and die alone than feel coerced into obligations and feelings I would naturally never have. I don't know anyone in my life who feels as strongly about this as I do, @INFJRoanna. Are you inadvertently sending the wrong message? Love freely; never on a leash.

I'm ENxP in MBTI, but IEE 2Ne in socionics. Close enough. Your sister can be anything from an ESTJ to ENFP. What concerns me is some of the adjectives you use. Because I promise you, between her partner, daughter and friends, she is NOT lonely.
That is an interesting point of view @Spastic Origami. Thanks for your reply!

I used the wrong word, alone, what I meant was I didn't want her to think that myself and the rest of the family don't try hard enough to understand her, or that we don't want to understand her. I don't want her to think I'm not interested in a closer relationship with her. But then I guess I forgot all along that the harder you try with my oldest sister the more she pulls away. Sometimes I just have to let her come to me. Maybe I am sending the wrong message. It was wrong of me to assume she isn't contented just the way she is. I guess it's because I've never come across someone who is reclusive, for no reason in particular. It always seemed personal, I realize now that isn't the case.

This has been helpful, really. This is why I needed answers, I think for too long myself and the rest of the family haven't really known how to deal with my oldest sister. It's always been hard to decipher what she wants or needs from us personally, and on the other hand when she doesn't need us particularly. Maybe I could have saved myself a few disagreements with her had I discovered MBTI a few years earlier.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
2,373 Posts
What if she doesn't need anything? Maybe her idea of a close relationship is different from your idea of close relationship. Here. Read this, if only for a different perspective:

"The Prodigal Son" by Rainer Maria Rilke - Lindaland

... it's the closing chapter of R-M Rilke's Notebooks of M-L Brigge. He's retelling the story of the prodigal son. The novel is a collection of images or diary entries without any coherent plot. It's ties together by theme and reflection and order doesn't matter very much.

Consider the son's perspective. He doesn't know love that is free. He only knows love that is binding which he rejects along with the expectations of his family. Instead he chooses freedom and identity. The tragic part is that he returns home in desperation and the family interprets his gestures as an apology. Nothing changes.

When he speaks of God, he's working with a personal theology. I personally think he's a pantheist who believes in God's becoming. A perfection of which all things are an ancestor. He speaks of another love as the coming together of two solitudes. I understand him to mean kindred spirits except he chooses the word solitude in place of soul because he believes that identity is something you find in silence. On your own without external influence. I happen to agree with him there.

... she might appreciate you being a sincere friend more than a traditional sister. She has her own family right now, and perhaps this might be simple case of the passing of generations. Old ties are broken. New ties are formed and that's just the natural order of things. Maybe it's time to transcend the idea of sister, mother or daughter and do away with traditional roles. They're convenient token to have with children or in social functions but they also get in the way of us getting to know somebody.

... oh yeah, @INFJRoanna. The tag.
 
  • Like
Reactions: INFJRoanna
1 - 4 of 4 Posts
Top