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1. Do you consider yourself an introvert or extrovert?

2. Let’s say your college girlfriend/boyfriend broke up with you after 5 years together. How comfortable are you with the idea of living alone for the next several years or decades? Or would that just not happen because you would make sure that you found someone? How comfortable and thriving would you consider yourself to be if living alone were what happened? Or Is your end goal fo be in a loving relationship? Would you be okay with never again being in a relationship if no one came along? Or would that never happen because you are going to find someone and no it would not be okay?
 

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Introvert

I think I would be quite ok with living alone, possibly even prefer it, as in not sharing livingspace with someone(at least bedroom), but likely not with not having someone to share life with. It would not have to be a new girlfriend/boyfriend though, it could be some really close friend instead. But I think I really want to be close with at least one person, to feel known, preferably more, perhaps 2-3 people. I want to be allowed to give affections to someone.

Then there would be the question of children... I think I might have opted for insemination if I was living alone, or some kind of deal with someone else without there being a relationship possibly, if finding someone suitable. I think I would be ok with that, but not if I was all alone, so again, it would depend on if I had other people around me, family and friends, if not I don't think I could manage to have children on my own.

It seems a romantic relationship is easier, but I think I could be ok without one, but it would depend on what other relations I had, a combination of them could likely make up a romantic relationship. I sometimes miss the independence of not being in one, to be honest, but not enough to not want to be so. But if there wasn't anyone to miss... I am not sure I would not have preferred to stay alone, don't know really. But I would likely be ok, as long as there were other people (which there almost isn't now, so in reality it would not be ok, too lonely and I tend to go a bit mental when not talking to people for over a week, daydreamthinking takes over)
 

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1. ENFP - I don't consider myself being extravert in typical way but I've found out that I'm more extraverted than typical introverts, but in another way not socially.

2. Interesting question :) As I'm in relationship and living under the same roof, I can answer only from experiences I got when I became single a few ago for a while.

I have a couple of male friends of my age (40+) who have been single for a lifetime. I couldn't exactly imagine that how they've managed it - as I feel it'd be my sex drive which, at some point, "forces" me to act. Thus I most likely wouldn't be single after some time.

We were in sort of LDR (meeting mostly at weekends only) for first 4 years of my new relationship and initially I didn't imagine if I'd ever want to live together again with anybody after previous 15 years of relationship with Fe dom. But times and people do change and at some point it felt like being alone most of the time doesn't give me anything special any more. All aspects of life just smoothly and timely reached so far that it was time to move together :) But I probably wouldn't have been wanting it again if the match of personalities wasn't that perfect.
 

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1) Do you consider yourself an introvert or extrovert?

I am an INTJ, and I am pretty introverted.

2) Let’s say your college girlfriend/boyfriend broke up with you after 5 years together. How comfortable are you with the idea of living alone for the next several years or decades? Or would that just not happen because you would make sure that you found someone? How comfortable and thriving would you consider yourself to be if living alone were what happened? Or Is your end goal fo be in a loving relationship? Would you be okay with never again being in a relationship if no one came along? Or would that never happen because you are going to find someone and no it would not be okay?

I went through high school without having a girlfriend, and I have been living by myself for the past two years.
I would like to be in a relationship one of these days, but until that time comes, I believe that I will be just fine on my own.
 

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1. Ambivert /social introvert

2. I don’t seek other people when I’m single- so I guess whatever happens will happen . I was never the type whom idealize finding “the one “, so it wouldn’t be my end goal . Knowing myself at that age - it’s likely that I’ll look forward to making a list of things that that I want to try out /achieve and it’s likely that I’ll travel alone but will meet up with friends from different states/countries during my exploration- up until I was 25 I was pretty adamant on not wanting to have kids or deal anything with marriage so its likely that I would be fine without a romantic partner and perhaps even prefer to be alone /live alone . Heck even if I were to end my relationship with my current beau right now ( hypothetically speaking - I’ve been with him for nearly half of my life ) a relationship wouldn’t be something that crosses my mind . I’ll be bum sure but being the optimist that I am - it’s likely that I’ll look for other possibilities that I could try out and relationship would be the last thing that would cross my mind .
Losing my kids otoh isn’t as easy - haha so I guess I’m more extroverted in that sense - I cannot imagine living without my kids at this point , when they’re adults perhaps- but if my little ones were to be taken away from me forever- it’ll be an eternal heartbreak
What about you ?
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

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I was 25 before I had a boyfriend and it was hard losing my independence then so That was a short relationship as were the next several as I navigated the pros and cons of independence versus full commitment. What I mean by full commitment is sharing everything I was working on, where I was, what I was doing, what I was thinking and feeling. I didn’t fully commit to anyone until the boyfriend just prior to my relationship and engagement to my husband. It took a while and a special person to really commit to.
I was married at age 27. My husband is so non-controlling and yet really enjoyable to be with that no.... I wouldn’t want to be without a solid good relationship. I would t want to be without a best friend like him with me. I love being with him. I actually just want more from him and at times have had a hard time with him not being in my face and all over me. What a trade-off. Lol. Like... how interesting it is that I really doubt I’d feel this way if he were more involved. Thank heavens though I don’t think I could ever stand being controlled.

Bi it I also dislike being alone. I love sharing everything with at least this man whenever I can.

I talked to him too about this... and he said “I don’t want to be alone I don’t think. Maybe it would be different if you died.” I said “I don’t want you to be alone either. It’s not healthy. I don’t think it would be good for you. I think men live a lot longer when they are in a relationship. But raise the kids first, probably.” He said “Just being very careful about selection then.”

So that was pretty tender. I think I am luckier than I even realize to be married to my husband — someone who it is so important and wonderful to me to spend time with.

But as for making it happen, my introverted INFP husband would make it happen. He’s very capable of that. And as for me making it happen... I THINk I am also highly capable of making that happen...at least I can bet I would be persistent. No I don’t want to be alone unless it seemed like the right thing for my kids and then later I’d look for a best guy friend to be with.
I love sex. I love talking and bonding. I love being in love and loving someone and being loved... being adored and adoring actually. But as my husband said... selection is the important thing in how happy you are. Single would be preferable to a bad relationship and happy relationship is very preferable to single for me.

I think this might have to do with my variant? And i wonder how much it would depend on variant for each person answering because it doesn’t seem to actually correspond with Extrovert or introvert, actually.
 

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^You're very lucky, indeed to find someone that really is meant for you. You and Ai. Your relationship to your S.O.s are both so sweet!!

And I agree that living a single life or choosing to has little to do with extroversion and introversion.

I consider myself to be more ambivert. My family definitely says I'm not an introvert. And in public, I'm not your typical loud and in your face extrovert. When I meet people I prefer to meet people in person. I highly doubt I'll ever find someone I'd want to marry at this point in my life. It's something I've come to accept. And I'm totally happy with it.

I think what you said is true- intimacy, sex, bonding- those whole package is very important. Some people get lucky. And it is a matter of luck. People can't force relationships to work out. And being single can be just as fulfilling as being in a committed relationship.

Maybe you are onto something with variants. My enneagram tends to be both 4 and 7 equally high, with sometimes 5 being high (I don't know the full depth of enneatypes). 4s definitely prefer independence. And 7s definetely enjoy the ride. Both love their freedom.

So..maybe you're right. Or it could be like your husband said- our choices and decisions in life can determine a lot. And a twist of fate- (too many fates can be not good either).
 

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@strawberryLola. I thought I wrote it down in that post ^ but I don’t see it. I am sx/so variant. And I think I’d say 80% sx, 15 % so and probably 5% so and that sp has grown as my therapist has convinced me over time that self care is a thing and has some importance. So I have a strong drive to find relationships that feel very intimate (sx is not about sex only and anyone who thinks so does not really remotely understand this drive/this concept) and what doesn’t get fulfilled with close friendships and close family relationships... ( thank goodness for my husband and for @ai.tran.75 ) probably needs to go into my writing and music. There proper channels for my strong sx drive that need to get utilized.

I made a thread about intimacy (intimacy in its many forms like for instance mother to child as one) a while back... and it mostly seemed that people experienced it the same, I was glad to find. Many people talked about childhood relationships and current romantic and non romantic relationships... even between us and our pets. And so even though I was about to postulate that maybe intimacy is not experienced the same or different levels may be uncomfortable for some... actually and reassuringly that post I had a while back showed it differently. It showed to me that the intimacy that most of us experience as babies stays with us. To me, intimacy like that... like that of mother (or father) and child where the baby couldn’t be without the parent is probably us at our most basic humanness. And in my opinion us humans at our best. In my opinion our only saving grace would be those feelings and I do think every MBTI type unless severely neglected experience and crave forms and levels of the same intimacy that means bonding as humans.

What do you think, though?
 
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1. Do you consider yourself an introvert or extrovert?

2. Let’s say your college girlfriend/boyfriend broke up with you after 5 years together. How comfortable are you with the idea of living alone for the next several years or decades? Or would that just not happen because you would make sure that you found someone? How comfortable and thriving would you consider yourself to be if living alone were what happened? Or Is your end goal fo be in a loving relationship? Would you be okay with never again being in a relationship if no one came along? Or would that never happen because you are going to find someone and no it would not be okay?
1. I'm more of an ambivert. I can do either to an extent (I am a 5w6 So/Sx 584 ENTP, or a contradiction wrapped in an enigma straddling a quantum realm, or six).

2. I was with the same woman for 20 years and married to her for 15. I've been mostly alone for the last 5. I'd love to find another special woman to share my life with. It simultaneously terrifies and electrifies me to think about it. I'm terrified she'll crush my heart the way my ex did, and I'm electrified by the idea of having someone to go to sleep and wake up to every day. I loved being married to my ex. I miss her presence more than I'll ever be able to admit. I wish I could have fixed what was broken with our marriage but we drifted apart (and then she cheated on me). She's found herself a nice rich guy to shack up with and I don't begrudge her that. We still text nearly every day. She sends me care packages, gift cards, and other things. I don't know. When it was great, it was REALLY GREAT. When it was bad, it was REALLY BAD. We just had a lot of differences that ultimately drove us apart (she's a 8w7 Sp/Sx 863 ISTJ).

I suppose the notion that I am an extroverted MBTI with a usually introverted Enneagram type and she's an introverted MBTI with a usually extroverted Enneagram type might be telling, but what do I know? We built something beautiful, and then tore it apart. It had roots that went deep and they hurt when they got pulled out. I'm afraid I might not have it in me to let someone in like that ever again. I may live the rest of my life and die alone. That is a sobering thought.

Any questions?

PS: Sorry I'm not an NF, but I just felt like participating. Even NTs can have it hard at times.
 

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We can hope @tanstaffl128. My good wishes to you going forward in this area.
 

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@strawberryLola. I thought I wrote it down in that post ^ but I don’t see it. I am sx/so variant. And I think I’d say 80% sx, 15 % so and probably 5% so and that sp has grown as my therapist has convinced me over time that self care is a thing and has some importance. So I have a strong drive to find relationships that feel very intimate (sx is not about sex only and anyone who thinks so does not really remotely understand this drive/this concept) and what doesn’t get fulfilled with close friendships and close family relationships... ( thank goodness for my husband and for @ai.tran.75 ) probably needs to go into my writing and music. There proper channels for my strong sx drive that need to get utilized.

I made a thread about intimacy (intimacy in its many forms like for instance mother to child as one) a while back... and it mostly seemed that people experienced it the same, I was glad to find. Many people talked about childhood relationships and current romantic and non romantic relationships... even between us and our pets. And so even though I was about to postulate that maybe intimacy is not experienced the same or different levels may be uncomfortable for some... actually and reassuringly that post I had a while back showed it differently. It showed to me that the intimacy that most of us experience as babies stays with us. To me, intimacy like that... like that of mother (or father) and child where the baby couldn’t be without the parent is probably us at our most basic humanness. And in my opinion us humans at our best. In my opinion our only saving grace would be those feelings and I do think every MBTI type unless severely neglected experience and crave forms and levels of the same intimacy that means bonding as humans.

What do you think, though?
I think you're absolutely right. The quality of our first bonds truly shape our experiences.
 

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introvert. i'm 55 and actually have spent most of my life single, by at least 50% my own choice.

i do kind of admire people who can take that more pragmatic approach to relationships, i.e. could potentially get along with anyone so long as they were housetrained and met other threshold criteria. or at least, who might be determined to get along with whoever they're partnered with, for the sake of the partnership itself as much as the individual person.

didn't used to see any value in it, but i've been around a lot of old people recently and now i do recognize 30 or 40 or 50 years as one part of an intentional structure is more of an accomplishment than i used to think.

but with that said, for whatever reasons it just isn't my kind of accomplishment. i don't think i'm asocial exactly, but there really needs to be an affirmative reason why any given person is in my space and breathing my air. 'just for company, not over-picky on who' - to me that's the kind of threshold that's appropriate for a coffee date or short-term company outside of the house. but definitely not for inside. i'd take single over that every time.
 

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1. I seem like an introvert but wondering again lately if I'm secretly extrovert (nfj)

2. Hmm, I don't think I'd go out of my way trying to hasten a relationship. With time I've come to realize there's other things I need to sort out before I can enjoy a truly fulfilling romantic relationship. Love is very important to me but, I'm not afraid of being alone. I prefer the absence of something and the freedom it gives me to explore my ideals vs. rushing into something that I know is less than I really want.
 

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I know, right? People are so different. See the above things people have said, though.
yeah, but to be honest I'm not really a person who would tend to stay at forums like here. Honestly, I usually only stay if someone wants me to; after that I get da fuq out real quick. But back on topic, even if the person is really awesome, I usually don't try to stay single for a long time just in the hopes of getting back together, or to 'give myself time to heal'. That limbo state of hoping and not knowing, and denying myself experiences because of the aforementioned reasoning is misery.
 

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Introvert. I could live on my own easily enough. Though maybe I'd get a cat.

I don't really look for partners, though if I had a house all to myself then maybe I'd feel more secure in my position to begin looking.
 

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yeah, but to be honest I'm not really a person who would tend to stay at forums like here. Honestly, I usually only stay if someone wants me to; after that I get da fuq out real quick. But back on topic, even if the person is really awesome, I usually don't try to stay single for a long time just in the hopes of getting back together, or to 'give myself time to heal'. That limbo state of hoping and not knowing, and denying myself experiences because of the aforementioned reasoning is misery.
it’s good to show the full spectrum And have both pendulum ends discuss their experience. I feel the same, unless thinking about what is good for children... I enjoy being in a relationship and I really enjoy the selection process as well. There are too many experiences missed. I do wonder if I’d feel like I was really even living.

I do think it takes skills to live happily with someone else and to be happy and to make sure they are happy.... but I think it is scientifically proven to be part of happiness. There are lots of skills involved and that you also build skills by necessity. I think there is a lot of growth involved.
 

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Ambivert, currently snagged in a strongly introverted phase. I'm never getting married/ dating ever again. Just not gonna happen.

I desperately wish I could live alone.

(Yes, I know it was supposed to be theoretical, but... it happened. :p )
 
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