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Introvert-leaning ambivert.
I think I'd be all right...
I stumble upon mutual, healthy attraction only rarely, and don't go looking for it.
I'm really close to my mother and brother though, so I might search out an intimate partner if I lost them.
I'm sp/sx... the sx isn't excessively prominent but I do like affinity with certain special persons, romantic or familial.
 

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I consider myself an ambivert and I haven't been in a relationship since 2011.

One of my goals is to be with a life partner or to find true love or whatever, but I am happy to live alone until that happens. I would rather be by myself than with the wrong person.

It is possible I may never find a life partner and that is okay, because I can live with my idea of what love could be, rather than the reality of something more hurtful or stifling.

I love to see the people I care for in loving relationships--caring for their family. It makes it all worthwhile to know that love as an ideal is being achieved, even if it's not by me. I love to know the possibility is out there, even if it is not mine. Though tbh I always hoped for some kind of true love. But that doesn't always happen and even being able to comprehend and appreciate that it can happen in the world is beautiful and shows how beautiful the world is, which I am more than grateful for.

In some ways I love how many possible types of loving relationships there are, and I love to know those possibilities exist, even if I don't experience them in my lifetime. I am just happy they are happening in the world. It is so nice to have my mind free to comprehend what love can be, rather than be mired in some kind of unhealthy definition. So I am really happy to be alone.

Though of course, it makes me sad to think that I might never be in an ideal relationship, but I'm happy to be alone and not have to deal with the wrong person. I would love to find the right person but maybe that will happen after I cultivate myself better. Or maybe I'll just focus on something else.

I may be more introverted--I'm not sure. I go back and forth but tend towards considering myself introverted but then wondering if I'm extroverted. So I think I may be close to ambivert either way.
 

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I'm definitely an introvert, but I do have a craving for hugs and affection. I was single for many years but did not live by myself partly because I couldn't afford it. I concluded that as long as I had close friends I could talk with and at least one close by enough for regular hugs, oooor possibly a few pets for snuggles, I could live a happy life living alone - IF I was able to provide for myself through a job that didn't cause me a lot of grief.

My goal in life has always been to be a wife, mother, and 'homemaker", but I wasn't going to let that urge me into attaching myself to someone too quickly, and I didn't really actively pursue meeting guys. I definitely felt I might never find a person who would be a really good match, given some of my quirks.

There are plenty of things I appreciate about being the only one in the house, or would appreciate about having my own place, but there's plenty of things I appreciate about living with someone I care about as well. :)
 

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1. Do you consider yourself an introvert or extrovert?

Introvert

2. Let’s say your college girlfriend/boyfriend broke up with you after 5 years together. How comfortable are you with the idea of living alone for the next several years or decades? Or would that just not happen because you would make sure that you found someone? How comfortable and thriving would you consider yourself to be if living alone were what happened? Or Is your end goal fo be in a loving relationship? Would you be okay with never again being in a relationship if no one came along? Or would that never happen because you are going to find someone and no it would not be okay?

I dunno.. I actually love romantic relationships and no matter how much I say Im going to stay single I end up in a relationship again. but if I stayed in a relationship for 5 years itd be really hard to adjust being without the person, so I dont know how Id act.

I mean, Ive lived by myself for some time in the past and adored it. I got so much done and enjoyed the feeling of having my own space and privacy. I think regardless of whether Im in a relationship or not I could easily live alone again.
 
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1. Do you consider yourself an introvert or extrovert?

2. Let’s say your college girlfriend/boyfriend broke up with you after 5 years together. How comfortable are you with the idea of living alone for the next several years or decades? Or would that just not happen because you would make sure that you found someone? How comfortable and thriving would you consider yourself to be if living alone were what happened? Or Is your end goal fo be in a loving relationship? Would you be okay with never again being in a relationship if no one came along? Or would that never happen because you are going to find someone and no it would not be okay?
1) Introvert.

2) I never dated throughout my teens and twenties due to not being able to support myself financially. Thus no sexual intimacy. Doesn't mean I didn't have crushes or some intense urges, but I was very critical of myself and easily discouraged. Although I do like the idea of sharing my life with someone, I don't feel the urgency. My first "fling" was just before thirty. It died in less than two weeks and I stayed single for another year before my current bf and I crossed paths. I have no problem living alone and enjoying my own space, but I will not dismiss the opportunity to build a potential future with someone with whom I have good chemistry. Although I do tell my bf that I have no problem just having flings for the rest of my existence if he and I part ways. I can go for extended periods without a mate and I can live my life unattached if it comes to it. But I would prefer to find or have an intimate connection.
 

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I'm pretty happy on my own. But there's no way in hell I'd stay single for a long period of time because of an ex; if I would be single it's because I want to be. That said I don't think that there are soul mates or 'intimate connections'. IMO that sort of language is often used to keep people from leaving bad relationships.
 

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1. Do you consider yourself an introvert or extrovert?

2. Let’s say your college girlfriend/boyfriend broke up with you after 5 years together. How comfortable are you with the idea of living alone for the next several years or decades? Or would that just not happen because you would make sure that you found someone? How comfortable and thriving would you consider yourself to be if living alone were what happened? Or Is your end goal fo be in a loving relationship? Would you be okay with never again being in a relationship if no one came along? Or would that never happen because you are going to find someone and no it would not be okay?
1. Introvert.

2. I could go through life alone--I've done it for the past 25 years. I'm on the fence about being in a relationship. On the one hand, who wouldn't want a loving relationship? On the other hand, I grew up with alcoholic parents who bitterly divorced when I was 11, and I'd rather be alone than wish I were alone.

I guess I'm looking but not desperate.
 

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1. Do you consider yourself an introvert or extrovert?

2. Let’s say your college girlfriend/boyfriend broke up with you after 5 years together. How comfortable are you with the idea of living alone for the next several years or decades? Or would that just not happen because you would make sure that you found someone? How comfortable and thriving would you consider yourself to be if living alone were what happened? Or Is your end goal fo be in a loving relationship? Would you be okay with never again being in a relationship if no one came along? Or would that never happen because you are going to find someone and no it would not be okay?
1. I consider myself an extrovert.

2. Not very comfortable at all with the idea of living alone for that long. I've done it recently because I was out of control and needed to get my shit together. I don't regret it, but life is so much better when you have a woman you love in it. I don't think I'd let this happen again. Living alone has it's benefits. I had the time to focus on myself, my dreams for the future and so on. I have direction and focus and that's helped me become more grounded. Being in a loving relationship is not my end goal, but I see not being a loving relationship as a suffering, and if I'm going to suffer it would have to be for a good reason. Yeah, I don't think that would ever happen. There's no shortage of beautiful intelligent women on this planet.
 

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Discussion Starter #30
@ENFPathetic. Agreed. Something that is very interesting to me about this whole thread is the sense of whether the person talking kind of feels like these relationships just “happen” or “don’t happen” as if there is no control. I mostly feel like finding the right person has to do with time and energy spent to find them. I have plenty of energy. It did take me about 1 1/2 years of dating to find my husband once I understood how to find dates. It’s not like I’m not picky. I’m very picky.... but yeah... there are WONderful men out there and “it just happens”. Or “it just doesn’t happen” are concepts that are reserved for sudden illnesses and miracles. I exspect to get out of this life what energy I put into it. I realize other things kind of “come” to people. I can’t understand waiting or not feeling like an active part. I’m an active part.
 

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I never had a relationship and have only been on a couple of dates. I have no wish to be in a one. Nothing personal I just like my time and freedom. Relationships require too much compromising. I would like to be able to do things without worrying about someone else. I feel the same about kids,
 

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I.

Its bizarre, but I havent really ever been totally alone. Id love to though. But its like someone will always start to gravitate around the places I go to, and then the relationship evolves and then there I am again, in some arrangement. But why do they always have to end. Guess everything has its own lifespan, then.

I like relationships. Its nice to consult on various matters. Nice to deep dive into the realm of intimacy too. And attractive to spend time with someone who you miss even if that person is right there, glued to you.
 

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@ENFPathetic. Agreed. Something that is very interesting to me about this whole thread is the sense of whether the person talking kind of feels like these relationships just “happen” or “don’t happen” as if there is no control. I mostly feel like finding the right person has to do with time and energy spent to find them. I have plenty of energy. It did take me about 1 1/2 years of dating to find my husband once I understood how to find dates. It’s not like I’m not picky. I’m very picky.... but yeah... there are WONderful men out there and “it just happens”. Or “it just doesn’t happen” are concepts that are reserved for sudden illnesses and miracles. I exspect to get out of this life what energy I put into it. I realize other things kind of “come” to people. I can’t understand waiting or not feeling like an active part. I’m an active part.
I've had trouble with purposely dating though. Last time I did try (a long time ago) I felt like I could see good qualities in everyone I met or talked to.

I ended up going on actual dates with two men and again, both of them had great qualities and were different. I felt sort of conflicted. I didn't kiss either one of them or anything, so it's not like I was doing something unethical, but ultimately I ended up finding it easier to just not date at all then to try to figure out how to manage time. It also took time--like I only had one weekend and that pretty much took up the entire weekend even though I have other ambitions.

So that's why I decided it'd be better to just follow ambitions and the right person would probably fit in with those (like oil painting).

I also think there's something that feels off about dating for the sake of dating vs. just meeting and liking each other and otherwise being suitable as friends, and then later finding out we are suitable for dating.

But I've mostly worked with women and I haven't been active in my own interests. I like to think that once I become more active in doing things outside my house and learning about new stuff (which I like to do anyway and have been neglecting), then it's possible I might meet someone that way. So "it just happens" would be that meeting someone and finding them interesting would happen along while doing something else. Or who knows--maybe one day I'll decide to start going on dates again to meet people. But going out to eat is not particularly interesting. I wouldn't be spending time sitting at restaurants by myself so I end up feeling like it's a waste of time to do it to get to know someone. I'd rather go to a museum or an art gallery, or do something interesting, alone. I am still thinking of dating sites though where usually going out to eat is the easiest thing to do and because you don't know the person well, you can't exactly go out in nature alone with them (imo). But really--a lot of people are busy and you could end up meeting someone on such a site who did have similar interests. Maybe next time I'd just spend less time going out to eat.
 

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Discussion Starter #34
I've had trouble with purposely dating though. Last time I did try (a long time ago) I felt like I could see good qualities in everyone I met or talked to.

I ended up going on actual dates with two men and again, both of them had great qualities and were different. I felt sort of conflicted. I didn't kiss either one of them or anything, so it's not like I was doing something unethical, but ultimately I ended up finding it easier to just not date at all then to try to figure out how to manage time. It also took time--like I only had one weekend and that pretty much took up the entire weekend even though I have other ambitions.

So that's why I decided it'd be better to just follow ambitions and the right person would probably fit in with those (like oil painting).

I also think there's something that feels off about dating for the sake of dating vs. just meeting and liking each other and otherwise being suitable as friends, and then later finding out we are suitable for dating.

But I've mostly worked with women and I haven't been active in my own interests. I like to think that once I become more active in doing things outside my house and learning about new stuff (which I like to do anyway and have been neglecting), then it's possible I might meet someone that way. So "it just happens" would be that meeting someone and finding them interesting would happen along while doing something else. Or who knows--maybe one day I'll decide to start going on dates again to meet people. But going out to eat is not particularly interesting. I wouldn't be spending time sitting at restaurants by myself so I end up feeling like it's a waste of time to do it to get to know someone. I'd rather go to a museum or an art gallery, or do something interesting, alone. I am still thinking of dating sites though where usually going out to eat is the easiest thing to do and because you don't know the person well, you can't exactly go out in nature alone with them (imo). But really--a lot of people are busy and you could end up meeting someone on such a site who did have similar interests. Maybe next time I'd just spend less time going out to eat.
It’s all individual. It has to do with cost/benefit and risk ratios for each person. I met my INFP husband at a church function... but I guess I don’t see that as just “letting things happen”, but maybe you would? He was actively looking for a girlfriend/fiancé and he put himself out there and took lots of risks to win me. Actually it was his risk-taking that was so romantic. It made me feel very wanted. I don’t think I would have even looked his way twice if he hadn’t been so vulnerable and offered so much and decided to be so outgoing. Which I found out later is not his natural state at all. And we are very happy.. also in part to him working hard on himself later. Basically thank God this man thinks I’m important enough to make changes for... and that has to be true on both sides or else there is really too much hardship inherent in just living to pull people together.

I think someone at some point has to take a risk and open up and let the other person know that they like them in order for anything to happen at all. How that happens could be anything from working with someone for a few years and all of a sudden opening up or it could mean walking towards someone from across the room and trying to break the ice. The way I see it nothing “just happens”. There is too much rejection at stake.

A few ideas for you: if you were to date online and don’t want to go to dinner just tell the guy what you’re hoping to do. I agree that for a first meeting everyone should meet in a public place though, but that could be a museum. Museums are awesome first dates— usually with dinner though too. Or volunteer projects are awesome first dates. The point is to get to know each other. The point of dinner is the talking. Personally I like the thrill of letting the man plan and I like it too if they check in with me on their ideas and maybe even give me choices on what I like to do... but that is part of assessing this person for compatibility. Plus In my opinion if a guy does an awesome job on planning they should feel fantastic about it. There’s a lot of skin in this game. People are offering themselves basically. I personally want everyone‘a confidence to grow. But it did take until just before meeting my husband for me to be ready and also to really appreciate each person I dated and what was trying to be accomplished. What I hope is that we all walked Away with more confidence than before and somehow I did not figure out how to do that at all before age 26... but by then had the opportunity to learn and practice how to be such a better communicator. I’m grateful for it all, for the people I got to know and the experiences I had.
 
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Oh @WickerDeer. Sorry, I was intent on my one point and neglected that you said it was very confusing to see the good in each partner. Well.. it can be seen as a positive. I agree that I probably wouldn’t have kissed either one.. maybe I would have eventually to have that be part of figuring out which one I liked, but likely not. I’m more like you that way, I think it’s good that I was careful with my physical affection because my experience with my husband let me know that I can totally be sucked in by the physical part of a relationship... ugg? How can I say? I wasn’t sucked in with anyone else before that... so I guess it’s just more proof that he’s the right one. Anyway... what I suggest if that happens again is just to keep getting to know both of them because the longer you know someone the more problems and different feelings arise. It can become evident over time who is moving forward. I sympathize that this was confusing and might even make you feel like you were doing something wrong. As long as you werent committing to be exclusive and as long as you were honest, then in my opinion you did fine. I do think “time tells” though. All of your experience is understandable. There’s a huge growing curve with dating in my opinion. Okay that’s my long-winded 2 cents. :)
 
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1. I am an introvert +++

2. I have been living alone for about 9 years now, during those 9 years I did have a 2 years relationship and we did get to live together. So I would say that yes I am capable of living alone and be quite happy at the same time. I would not pressure myself to find someone simply because I would have broken up with my partner, those stuff should come naturally you know. But yes, it is one of my many goals in life to build a solid relationship with someone on the long term so if I were to never be with someone again, I can't say that would be "okay". That would be quite sad tbh.
 

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1. Do you consider yourself an introvert or extrovert?
Introvert

2. Let’s say your college girlfriend/boyfriend broke up with you after 5 years together. How comfortable are you with the idea of living alone for the next several years or decades? Or would that just not happen because you would make sure that you found someone? How comfortable and thriving would you consider yourself to be if living alone were what happened? Or Is your end goal fo be in a loving relationship? Would you be okay with never again being in a relationship if no one came along? Or would that never happen because you are going to find someone and no it would not be okay?
I lived alone before getting married & I loved it. I did just fine. :) I think I'd feel like something was missing were I still alone. I crave an intimate & intense bond with 1 person. I wouldn't settle just for the sake of companionship. I'd rather be (physically) alone than in a relationship but emotionally alone.
 

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Well, I couldn't get past the 2-year point in a romantic relationship, let alone 5 years. It all sounds so remote and out of reach ...

I am about to buy my first home this month and yes, I will be completely alone in that space without a steady significant other. I had never envisioned doing this alone, but to be fair I have spent basically over 90% of my life alone, deciding and celebrating typical life milestones by myself. It feels so empty, yet at the same time I will never, never, never, never, NEVER ... settle for less. Either I get the ideal I want and need, or I get nothing at all. Settling for less will only make it worse. Dead simple.

So honestly, living alone and thinking of the possibilities being there for things to to turn around the way I want it is a million times better than filling your house with a below ideal relationship, essentially blocking the possibility to dream and get want you want to get, even if it takes a billion years. It's just not worth it. It won't work.

On the flipside, I'd pray for anyone to rob me from my standards and ideals so that I can be intensely happy and fulfilled with the most simplistic person and not even notice it. I think this may touch on the fact that the INFP knows about the intense emotions, feelings and idealistic dreams and only wanting that, in the most pure and pristine forms. Because... if we'd even flunk on that one, then a lot of magic in this life is lost and we're just not making it any better as opposed to being alone. It's one of the most scary things.

Anyway, where's this post even spiralling into? I'm clearly very opinionated and dedicated. It got me very far in other facets of life, yet unfortunately(?) not everything can be forced and chased into how you want it to be. I guess that strong will and the dreams is what keeps me going for a good part. Gotta keep believing and fooling yourself of course in order to stay somewhat sane.

:D
 

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Discussion Starter #39
@nicoloco90 hugs Nico and congratulations on the new house! Life keeps moving forward alone or with someone else, there’s always things to work towards. So way to go! ❤
 
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