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Saw this in my recommended...wanted to 'revive' this.

1. Do you consider yourself an introvert or extrovert?

Introvert, INFP. Very sociable, I just have to work up that energy.

2.

Let’s say your college girlfriend/boyfriend broke up with you after 5 years together. How comfortable are you with the idea of living alone for the next several years or decades? Extremely comfortable. I do not have any pressing desire to share a space with someone for a while. Could be because my immediate family is fairly large, but having my own place--a sanctuary truthfully--is my idea of bliss. I've only lived 2.5 decades so far, though...it's hard to think in decades. But living alone for the next several years sounds perfect.
Or would that just not happen because you would make sure that you found someone? Even if I was with someone, I would prefer to be alone! I would not be interested in that 'life merger'--I feel too young for it. And, it isn't that I'm a YOLOer or anything, I just need to settle into my life for a while longer.
How comfortable and thriving would you consider yourself to be if living alone were what happened? The peak of my existence, in my opinion. Being able to achieve that sense of wholeness and comfort alone is something tantalizing to me. Knowing that I am enough for me...I like that. But, getting to that point and remaining there is not necessarily my only objective.
Or is your end goal to be in a loving relationship? I would not mind being in a committed and long-term relationship with a partner. I don't have any hesitance about 'settling down'. It wouldn't feel like a settling to me--why would I not want to love someone for the rest of my life, and know that they also love me?
Would you be okay with never again being in a relationship if no one came along? However, it would be okay if I ended up 'alone' romantically.
Or would that never happen because you are going to find someone and no it would not be okay? Nope, I would be fine, truly. My other INFP friends are solidly in the camp that they need to find someone in order to be happy for the rest of their lives, though.
 
We're all alone in our minds even with others around, so that's never been an issue for me. I've also never thought that my happiness depends on other people, so being in a relationship hasn't been a goal in itself. But I liked being in a relationship because of the idea of forming a bond and a team to stand against the world with. Being with somebody I can trust and feel safe with, share our lives, and build something beyond ourselves. It just adds a really nice layer to life that cannot be gained alone. Once you've had that experience, you can't forget about it. Not having that anymore is not a source of great unhappiness, but being aware that it's missing can be a source of melancholy from time to time. It's not an all-consuming thought, but it's there.

"Make sure that you found someone" - this idea kind of makes me laugh. I'm interested in quality over quantity. I could bend over backwards, but if nobody of quality is interested then there's nothing I can do about that. Nothing to do with being an introvert either. Being placed in a position where I would have to settle for somebody I don't like has felt worse than the prospect of spending the rest of my life alone. I wouldn't be ok with somebody settling for me either.
 
Discussion starter · #43 · (Edited)
We're all alone in our minds even with others around, so that's never been an issue for me. I've also never thought that my happiness depends on other people, so being in a relationship hasn't been a goal in itself. But I liked being in a relationship because of the idea of forming a bond and a team to stand against the world with. Being with somebody I can trust and feel safe with, share our lives, and build something beyond ourselves. It just adds a really nice layer to life that cannot be gained alone. Once you've had that experience, you can't forget about it. Not having that anymore is not a source of great unhappiness, but being aware that it's missing can be a source of melancholy from time to time. It's not an all-consuming thought, but it's there.

"Make sure that you found someone" - this idea kind of makes me laugh. I'm interested in quality over quantity. I could bend over backwards, but if nobody of quality is interested then there's nothing I can do about that. Nothing to do with being an introvert either. Being placed in a position where I would have to settle for somebody I don't like has felt worse than the prospect of spending the rest of my life alone. I wouldn't be ok with somebody settling for me either.
“Make sure I found someone” doesn’t have to mean poor quality. Not at all. If they are looking with effort, they can set their own level of picky? But doesn’t it have to do with determination and effort?

I personally think the differences in this thread is faith-in-self or self-locus of control. This attitude: “Of course I would make my life exactly how I want it to be as far as is within my power, and finding and working on an awesome relationship is one of the things well within my power”.
Realistically, it could very much be in some people’s power and not in others, due to so many factors. However, I think some people undervalue their assets and some people overvalue theirs as assessed and determined by the preferences of the person they are pursuing.
 
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Introvert

I live alone, but my goal is to be in a happy relationship. I don't like living alone so much, but its not a catastrophe to live alone eighter, it has some upsides. It feels quite liberating at times, and I don't have to ask anyone to join me if I want to just go and do stuff alone. 🙆‍♀️ I do however hate dating so I have sort of given up atm. to look for anyone new, I am very picky and terrified of making the wrong choise. I am very lucky I have family and friends 😊
 
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Introvert.

I met my wife at the age of 22 and we have been together for 33 years. One of us is going to be left alone someday, hopefully many decades from now. My wife thinks I would handle it better, but I don’t know. When I was a boy I had male friends, played sports, college fraternity, etc. As I moved through college I came to realize that I prefer female companionship. Spending my life with my girlfriend, turned fiancé, turned wife has been the greatest privilege of my life...bar none. If that were to end, I don’t know I could replace it, and I know I wouldn’t be a happy man without her. My guess is that I would be alone. Alone, but searching. Not good.

Again, I hope that if it turns out I’m the one left holding the bag, that it’s toward the end of my days.
 
Discussion starter · #46 ·
Introvert.

I met my wife at the age of 22 and we have been together for 33 years. One of us is going to be left alone someday, hopefully many decades from now. My wife thinks I would handle it better, but I don’t know. When I was a boy I had male friends, played sports, college fraternity, etc. As I moved through college I came to realize that I prefer female companionship. Spending my life with my girlfriend, turned fiancé, turned wife has been the greatest privilege of my life...bar none. If that were to end, I don’t know I could replace it, and I know I wouldn’t be a happy man without her. My guess is that I would be alone. Alone, but searching. Not good.

Again, I hope that if it turns out I’m the one left holding the bag, that it’s toward the end of my days.
I hope you share this with her.
I know... I hope I die first too after we get as many years as we can get together.
 
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I never had luck with romantic relationships, I have a strained relationship with my parents, so I don't feel loved by anyone. I don't see how things are going to change.
 
Discussion starter · #48 ·
I never had luck with romantic relationships, I have a strained relationship with my parents, so I don't feel loved by anyone. I don't see how things are going to change.
Things can change. :)
 
I never had luck with romantic relationships, I have a strained relationship with my parents, so I don't feel loved by anyone. I don't see how things are going to change.
@Deezzee, I could get a date, but never had any luck in the romance department until the day I met my wife. Your run of bad luck can end quicker than you might imagine.

Just be the best version of yourself that you can possibly be. Work hard and pursue new hobbies and interests. Learn new skills. Fight your introverted tendencies and try to meet new people. Confidence can be faked until you naturally exhibit it. You will find people you naturally fit well with, for friendship and possibly more.

All the best to you!
 
I have done house sitting a few times

As much as I liked the space after a while it got quite lonely.

I could not live alone, no way. Not unless I had a dog or something.
But even then, a dog isn't a human.

I think it's just the reassurance and feeling of knowing there's people around you is comforting.

However, it is weird.

If I'm at home, and there's other people around, I'll be in my room, well, mostly. (I'm not saying I don't do anything! It's just my relaxing time is usually in my room.)

However when I was by myself I missed people after a while.

Strange huh....
 
I could not live alone, no way. Not unless I had a dog or something.
But even then, a dog isn't a human.
Same; I dislike the idea of moving out, to live entirely alone.
I'm still with my family also, but we own spacious property and there's only 3 of us, so it's not suffocating.
My sibling and I have even discussed moving out together to share a flat.
I find myself depressed and restless when facing extensive periods of alone time.
 
1. Introvert.

2. I'm OK being celibate for long period of times, only inasmuch I know that the possibility to find a partner still does exist. But then if I'm celibate, I need to live with someone, a casual colocation being the best option. Otherwise, since I don't have strong friendships nor strong family ties, that would mean loneliness in every respect, physical, emotional.

If I'm in a relationship, it's the contrary, I'm OK being alone then because the relationship grounds me enough and allows for a deep enoguh exchange of ideas and emotions to tolerate and even greatly appreciate the occasional solitude.

So that's the ideal for me : an healthy relationship on one hand and on the other, my own place but also with a cat or maybe a dog.

I also really have this idea when I'm getting old of having this big flat and welcoming 1-2 students as roommates !
 
extravert without a capital 'E'.

Living alone is my fave way of living. Oddly, I don't get lonely, happy being with people or without people. This is why for years, I've doubted my extraversion since people focus isn't my thing. What convinced me of extraversion would be the vast majority of test results, Jungian theory of one who seeks external, objective stimuli and Naomi Quenk's grip theories.
 
Extravert

I don't mind living alone, nor do I really mind living with someone.
I'll miss it if I had someone and they left, same is true for the other way around.
Habitual, somewhat, I guess. And temporary.

Much like the ENTJ above I'm not so much 'people oriented', so I don't really get lonely.
It's also the same reason I doubted my extroversion until I heard there was more to extroversion than that.

I don't really actively pursue relationships at the moment (haven't for a while). And I've been single for most part of my life. I guess if opportunity presents itself, and (metaphorically) the stars align, I'd jump.
But otherwise, I'm happy as is.
 
1. Do you consider yourself an introvert or extrovert?

2. Let’s say your college girlfriend/boyfriend broke up with you after 5 years together. How comfortable are you with the idea of living alone for the next several years or decades? Or would that just not happen because you would make sure that you found someone? How comfortable and thriving would you consider yourself to be if living alone were what happened? Or Is your end goal fo be in a loving relationship? Would you be okay with never again being in a relationship if no one came along? Or would that never happen because you are going to find someone and no it would not be okay?
Introvert!

I would make sure I'd be okay if that were to happen. I wouldn't really think of finding someone else right away. My priority would be to find myself once more, be okay, and move on with my life. If I found someone along my way, then I'd give it a try. If not, then I'd definitely still be okay. I guess my point is, I wouldn't actively seek a relationship as it has never really been my style. I'm kinda passive like that. xD
 
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“Make sure I found someone” doesn’t have to mean poor quality. Not at all. If they are looking with effort, they can set their own level of picky? But doesn’t it have to do with determination and effort?
I was thinking more about people who are in a position of "take the only thing that's available for you or leave it". Not talking about unrealistic standards and expectations. If they're determined and put in the effort, it would still mean more compromises for them because the pool they're able to appeal to and choose from could be extremely small. Which is basically the same as poor quality in the sense that they'd have to settle for things that are not that awful but still not that good. Is it really worth it? If their only goal is to find a partner, a life companion, then maybe they will be able to live with that when being alone is a much worse prospect for them. I know I wouldn't want to live like that, and would rather spend my life alone.

Realistically, it could very much be in some people’s power and not in others, due to so many factors. However, I think some people undervalue their assets and some people overvalue theirs as assessed and determined by the preferences of the person they are pursuing.
You're right. But the control is still at the hands of the person they're pursuing and there's nothing they can do about it other than stop and find someone else to pursue until they succeed or give up.
 
Discussion starter · #58 · (Edited)
I was thinking more about people who are in a position of "take the only thing that's available for you or leave it". Not talking about unrealistic standards and expectations. If they're determined and put in the effort, it would still mean more compromises for them because the pool they're able to appeal to and choose from could be extremely small. Which is basically the same as poor quality in the sense that they'd have to settle for things that are not that awful but still not that good. Is it really worth it? If their only goal is to find a partner, a life companion, then maybe they will be able to live with that when being alone is a much worse prospect for them. I know I wouldn't want to live like that, and would rather spend my life alone.



You're right. But the control is still at the hands of the person they're pursuing and there's nothing they can do about it other than stop and find someone else to pursue until they succeed or give up.
I think it’s an active process. Active in the finding, active in the analyzing, active in the improving. I don’t see any part of being in a relationship as a passive act. If so... no wonder it isn’t working. If it’s not working and you’re giving your all, then you look more, learn, give your all again elsewhere. I’m trying to think of an analogy, I guess I would say it is a bit like trying to mix every chemical in a lab until you start to narrow down something that is working and then if not quite right, just keep trying basically. Or I guess Edison trying to find the right materials for a light bulb. But do I doubt that I can find it or that the idea is a good one? I don’t doubt it because it’s too important to me to have a great relationship.


So there have been only a few people who have replied who have said “Of course I’d find someone if I want a relationship. Is this even a real question?” Because of course they would go find a new relationship and they know they can do that. And maybe not enough of those are on PerC, they might be out making things happen. Lol. This is how I am. I feel like I have fantastic taste in men and I wouldn’t ever settle... instead I feel like I have a great deal of choice. Because I have a great deal of energy for creating a good relationship, if I wanted one and... no of course not just any relationship but a stellar one only... I would search until I found one and make very certain that it was a keeper and then continue to put my energy into it to keep it great.

Anyway, I’m very in love with my husband who I have now been married to for 17 years and hope to have another 40 if possible. it took me a year and a half to find him which I feel is a decent amount of time when you’ve put yourself out there online as single. At that time as a young woman when there were probably 5 men for every 1 girl on there then culling out unwanted relationships and responding to the ones I was interested in was almost a full time job at the beginning. I narrowed down, removed myself from others to date one person, broke up. My husband found me in real life then. I waited for the men to ask me because then you know they really like you. Men just treat you badly if they don’t care and I am not in the business of being treated poorly. If I were a man (and with the dating choices I make) then I would not have to wait. I would just have to know what I was looking for and have the energy to keep going for it. Anyway, I think the limitation is effort, energy and personal locus of control. I do see stellar relationships as being a needle in a haystack... well more like a something that is one in a thousand... but I am very confident that I can secure that one in one thousand. Why not? I’m not sure how else to see it. I’m a joy, they are a joy. We can find each other! It happens every day.

I wrote this thread after hearing some people have thoughts the opposite of mine, like that they were wondering why someone didn’t keep trying to talk to them instead of trying to talk back and hearing “Oh.. well I just don’t have the energy to do what they do.. do you think he will arrange another get together?” And I’m thinking “if you want to show them that you really care, then why aren’t you arranging the get together?” Some people kind of wait for things to happen. I don’t wait for things to happen. Otherwise I feel like I’d be waiting and getting bored and disappointed and annoyed. I make things happen. I reach out to meet people. I search through the hay for the needle. Actually, I am always a bit bewildered that people don’t feel this way. It is easy for someone like me to think that the other person who is just waiting just doesn’t care enough. Well, do they?

To me it is totally worth the effort. Being with my husband is much better than being alone... but... I don’t know, I guess some people have different energy and maybe what it takes to find and build a great relationship is just not really part of their expertise? Must be, I’d think? I am glad my husband pursued me. I would not want to feel like he thought we just kind of passively were together for who knows why. I might be too far off the bell curve but I actually don’t understand how a relationship can be a passive thing and have it work at all. There is too much that can happen that without skills to rebuild you just would not be able to keep together. Things happen anyway, but if you don’t know how to fight for it and rebuild? Wow... because no relationship is happening in a contained safe place. Lots happens.
 
1. Introvert

2. I’d definitely want to be alone for awhile. One of the things I love about relationships is that you grow together and find common interests and merge routines and lean into each other’s quirks. If I got out of a relationship, I’d want time to make sure I was ‘me as me, accepting them as them’ instead of wanting them to slide into established roles that were already familiar. That doesn’t seem fair or like it would ultimately make either of us happy.
 
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