Personality Cafe banner

3021 - 3040 of 3061 Posts
Joined
·
9,999 Posts
She'd sometimes tell me things like she'd end her life soon and had done something to herself (again)...and I honestly don't know what else to do. She's taking meds (which her other friend finances) but she said she doesn't have money to go to therapy sessions. I would try to listen to her and tell her to stay but each time she would just insist that nobody loves her, that no one would care if she died.
I know that situation all too well V_V Ultimately, you cannot force anyone to stay alive. Whether they live or not is not up to you. There is a reasonable level of support one can expect from a friendship depending on how close the connection is. You do no one a favour by pushing yourself beyond that - you probably won't help your friend anyway, and you'll exhaust yourself.

As painful as it is, you need to draw a clear boundary and say "I'm with you up to this point, beyond this I can't help you". It can be done gently but it has to be done firmly, repeatedly if need be.

It sounds like your friend lives in the Philippines, in which case there probably aren't a lot of helplines etc. available. In most 1st world countries, you can usually point someone in the direction of various NGOs who would be able to help, no idea if there is anything of that sort there.

The only way this kind of relationships ever work out, if they do, is with clear boundaries. They never, ever work out if one party keeps sinking in quicksand and the other keeps pulling, with no regard to their own health. That said, it's a very painful seat to be in, and you have to toughen up and not be as kind as you'd like to be.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
1,841 Posts
@temptingthesea

You may like to know; the people who really want to suicide usually just suicide without letting people know they are suicidal therefore, people may surprise to know they suicided by thinking "he/she was always happy, why?". These people seem "happy" because they don't want to upset people and they try to be happy by smiling even it's unnecessary. Because they don't talk about it with their loved ones to avoid upsetting them, they try to deal with it alone and unfortunately they may give up. For example, when I really wanted to die, I made a plan but I couldn't do it for some reason. Sometimes I write some message about how I want to die to empty my feelings. It really helps me but others might be unfortunately upset because of my wish therefore they may think; I might do some bad stuff while I'm falling or something. If I ever suicide, I'll just leave this reality without letting people know about it.

Your friend clearly feels alone therefore wants a friend therefore she does anything to ensure to be in touch with you therefore I'm sorry but you really shouldn't feel bad just because you don't want to do what your friend wants you to do. I may want to die and I'm alone for now but I don't force my friends to make me feel good because it's my problem and my friends have their own problems. If I ever suicide, my friends will probably surprised to know it.

Your friend may really believe no one cares about her life but people care and people don't need a reason to care for other's life. I care therefore I did some silly stuff before but I'm no superman therefore I unfortunately failed. She may feel good to know these.

As far as I understand, your friend already gets helps therefore it's not really your job to care for her life. Don't forget; you have your own life. You can't save everyone. If you want to be in touch with her, be honest to her and make it clear that you have your own problem and life. Because you have your own life and problems, don't prioritize your life over other's life. If she really decides to suicide, her body may prevent suicide even though she really wants to die (like what happened to me). If she suicides then it's her life. She can do what she wants with her life. No one asked for her permission to be born therefore she has a right to suicide. Also, I suppose people who are close to her probably knows she is suicidal therefore even if she tries to suicide, they may prevent it. If they fail then it's their responsibility. You are just a friend, not her mother or something.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
7,896 Posts
My friend has basically told me that I'm the only one who understands her and that I'm her lifeline and that she needs me to come back home for her. She's been coming to me as her 'counselor' since college and as much as I want to be a good friend, it's just been draining me and becoming so toxic I've recently had to come up with excuses every time she asks to have a video chat with me. :(

I don't want to trigger her tendencies. She'd sometimes tell me things like she'd end her life soon and had done something to herself (again)...and I honestly don't know what else to do. She's taking meds (which her other friend finances) but she said she doesn't have money to go to therapy sessions. I would try to listen to her and tell her to stay but each time she would just insist that nobody loves her, that no one would care if she died. So it's hard for me to just keep running away from her because then it'd appear I'm justifying her assumptions all along. I don't want to make her feel like she's been abandoned but at the same time, it's also been taking a toll on me. :3

How do I let her know about all this? :((

I think she's also felt that I'm 'getting tired of dealing with her' but I don't wanna confirm anything because it might just push her over the edge. I feel so guilty.
I have a sister like this, diagnosed by various doctors as borderline, bipolar or histrionic, but regardless of the diagnoses, the problem is her locus of focus on her and not on others, so comparing my sister to your friend, my situation to yours where applicable:

I had to end our relationship--and I helped raise her. She simply would not or could not see my needs, my preferences and so on--I was an extension of her or a tool, and she used me most as a counselor even going so far as to say her counselor didn't help, that she should pay me. I dryly said, "Yes, you should."

She exhausted me. Interesting part is that she gained energy from her monologues and complaints.

I gave her decades then said, "I can't do this any more. I need a relationship of equals..."

She cut me off as I knew she would when I would no longer abandon or set aside my own needs for hers.

Your friend is responsible for her life, her choices, whether or not she seeks therapy and so on just as you are responsible for your life, your choices, whether or not you set (and say to her that you have set) a clear boundary between where you begin and end and she begins and ends as well as the minimum requirement needed for a friendship with her or with anyone.

If you have trouble with boundary-setting, can you get counseling? Learning to be assertive (which many mistake for aggression and the other way around) can be a slow, but worthwhile process.

We need to have mutual exchanges, ones of give-n-take.

I don't mean we have to keep some kind of tit-for-tat balance sheet but when we spend time with someone and come away drained each time, something is wrong and needs correcting in the relationship 'if possible,' and if not possible, the relationship needs to be set aside firmly but without blame--toward the friend or toward one's self.

Good luck with this.

It took me so long to cut this sister loose. I diapered her and otherwise acted as a surrogate mother so letting her go and finding peace about it took me a long time.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
29 Posts
Hello! Pretty happy this thread exists. As I am usually the one giving people advice. Have any of you gotten to a point where you know yourself so deeply and love yourself so rawly, you lose the motivation to connect with other people? I know I can effectively make connections but I just don’t want to... I enjoy my alone time and I keep busy, if they aren’t incredibly interesting to begin with I just don’t bother. I know the importantance and benefits of friendship and I would love a best friend; but I don’t know how to regain this motivation. Do you have any ideas?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
120 Posts
Hello! Pretty happy this thread exists. As I am usually the one giving people advice. Have any of you gotten to a point where you know yourself so deeply and love yourself so rawly, you lose the motivation to connect with other people? I know I can effectively make connections but I just don’t want to... I enjoy my alone time and I keep busy, if they aren’t incredibly interesting to begin with I just don’t bother. I know the importantance and benefits of friendship and I would love a best friend; but I don’t know how to regain this motivation. Do you have any ideas?
How do you connect to others? You must be doing something right to believe that you don't need to make other connections, to continue growing perhaps... Maybe look at these things and see if there is a way to connect with somebody over what you love? Just an attempt at help. I have no trouble making relationships, but like you perhaps I'm not motivated to put forward hanging out with these people I like, except for one other... whom is a girl I'm not even romantically interested in, strangely enough... but it's like we're cut from the same cloth, and we could talk for ages, about nothing...

Anyway, I have a 'stuck' question too I'd like to ask someone here. No one else has answered this question of mine, maybe they have no patience for it... I'm stumped, and my life could really move on if I knew the answer.

First of all, I love reading. My dream vocation is to be a 'real' artist and my artwork is the stories I've had in my head all this time since my young adult years... I don't really mind what I do on the side to make a living. Fiction, and comic fiction are the areas that I want to grow as an artist, this is following my heart (obviously not my head). Problem is, whenever I try to work on these 'key areas of growth'--I feel like I'm wasting my time. Now, I know that I love these sorts of things because, reading previous works of mine, brings me back to that place I sincerely miss and where I could work on these things indefinitely. But when I try to continue it, albeit from a new vantage point, that's were the feeling comes in that, this doesn't feel natural, I'm just wasting my time, etcetera... I'm a student, and have all the time in the world, yet I still feel like I'm wasting my time doing these things I supposedly love. I don't know why. But it seems, I'm not supposed to live my life on the path of doing what I love, instead meeting the needs of others, or the needs of my mind. Why do you think I have this barrier when it comes to writing?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
236 Posts
Hello! Pretty happy this thread exists. As I am usually the one giving people advice. Have any of you gotten to a point where you know yourself so deeply and love yourself so rawly, you lose the motivation to connect with other people? I know I can effectively make connections but I just don’t want to... I enjoy my alone time and I keep busy, if they aren’t incredibly interesting to begin with I just don’t bother. I know the importantance and benefits of friendship and I would love a best friend; but I don’t know how to regain this motivation. Do you have any ideas?
Knowing myself so deeply and loving myself so rawly sounds very wrong. If there truly was a deep understanding of oneself - there would also be the understanding of one's own motivations - there would be no conflict - I don't need this yet I need it enough to put it in the words and want to try to pursue it.. If there was a raw love for oneself it would not be absorbed in just self - it would be open both inside and out and it wouldn't stay in the way of natural connections with everything else.. Something about it feels very wrong to me - I cannot quite put the finger on where and why..
The self sounded very strong - and knowing self and out of love felt very wrong..
Can it be the opposite? That you are not actually asking how to renew motivation for connecting on deeper level with others but more how to start renewing the connection with self - not the absorption into it but rather the open connection with it so that you won't need to be absorbed in it or it's activities such as keeping yourself busy but the real get to know oneself very deeply and out of love - here it would totally make sense and would be a part of the bigger picture and not an absorption into some motionless status quo. Can it be you are keeping yourself busy and absorbed and avoiding contact with others because to truly connect would mean you would have to come out of your comfort zone and as a result getting to know yourself deeper? And out of raw love you would love to get more in touch with yourself - motivation to get to know oneself does show to the outside too - you get much more interested in getting to know others - it goes hand in hand. I wonder what is it that keeps you in the place of stagnation.. You sound like a tremendously motivated person who can do whatever she puts her mind too. Can it be that you just have mixed up inside and outside and as a result you cannot move much either way?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
29 Posts
Knowing myself so deeply and loving myself so rawly sounds very wrong. If there truly was a deep understanding of oneself - there would also be the understanding of one's own motivations - there would be no conflict - I don't need this yet I need it enough to put it in the words and want to try to pursue it.. If there was a raw love for oneself it would not be absorbed in just self - it would be open both inside and out and it wouldn't stay in the way of natural connections with everything else.. Something about it feels very wrong to me - I cannot quite put the finger on where and why..
The self sounded very strong - and knowing self and out of love felt very wrong..
Can it be the opposite? That you are not actually asking how to renew motivation for connecting on deeper level with others but more how to start renewing the connection with self - not the absorption into it but rather the open connection with it so that you won't need to be absorbed in it or it's activities such as keeping yourself busy but the real get to know oneself very deeply and out of love - here it would totally make sense and would be a part of the bigger picture and not an absorption into some motionless status quo. Can it be you are keeping yourself busy and absorbed and avoiding contact with others because to truly connect would mean you would have to come out of your comfort zone and as a result getting to know yourself deeper? And out of raw love you would love to get more in touch with yourself - motivation to get to know oneself does show to the outside too - you get much more interested in getting to know others - it goes hand in hand. I wonder what is it that keeps you in the place of stagnation.. You sound like a tremendously motivated person who can do whatever she puts her mind too. Can it be that you just have mixed up inside and outside and as a result you cannot move much either way?
I don’t think so. I’m not “busy” I used to be very much a busy bee. But now I really just enjoy giving myself what I need- activites that interest me, mental stimulation, self care - warm bath, time with my dog! time with my boyfriend, presence at work! Just really being in tune. I wouldn’t say it’s an absorption that could have been how I typed it. It’s contentment, and because that’s “strange” in our world to be content doing our own thing. I think I need to regain that motivation to connect with others? Could be an inner attempt to just feel “normal” now that i think about it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
308 Posts
My life has been marked by a series of epiphanies into the greater mysteries of life which I throw myself at perpetually compulsively. These epiphanies are sometimes about the world at large and sometimes simply about my own journey in it. Just the other day, after a long, long quiet period, I believe I had the next epiphany and am currently assimilating it into the greater picture. It didn’t hold quite the mind-boggling pizazz as most of my epiphanies do which could just have to do with how worn out I’ve been this past month or two.

It also could have been because this revelation had been there staring me in the face for a loooong time and I just never really defined it really. It was more of the definition coming together rather than an overwhelming and completely new concept.

I’ve known that Shame, Guilt, Regret aren’t like most other negative “emotions.” They really aren’t emotions at all even though they sometimes feel like them. Let me go more in depth with how I perceive the hierarchy of emotion.

There are the Freeing or Celestial class of emotions: Love, Joy, Serenity, etc.

Then there are Human class of emotions: Anger, Sorrow, Grief, Hurt
(these emotions I don’t consider negative but protective and healing, I consider anger as protective and rage as destructive even though they are very similar. Anger I take as a defensive mechanism when you or your principles, virtues feel violated and is a natural emotion many unfortunately suppress that urges us to confront the source of this violation. Maturity I hold as the learned ability to confront personal violation with dignity, non-inflammatory responses that prevents negative suppression and teaches the violator at the same time of the consequences of their actions/words.)

Then there are destructive emotions: Rage, hatred, loathing etc. (these don’t really need any explanation – they are toxic to oneself when held onto and affect others negatively when they boil over)

The final class of emotions are – shame, pity, regret, and GUILT. These aren’t really emotions at all… they are the death of emotions. Even destructive emotions are better than these as the person experiencing destructive emotions are still alive and grasping to overcome negativity. These “emotions” are the root of negativity and do nothing but cause spiritual decay and eventual emotional death.

This was the source of my latest epiphany was that the beast that plagues humanity as a whole the MOST … IS Guilt and is the source of true death. It is the stagnation of growth and the death of emotion as a whole. It is the root of, hate to say it but, evil itself which before right now, I once thought ignorance was the root, I feel like I’m hitting the nail on the head much much much closer now.

It veils our perception of reality, prevents us from facing truth, it actually tells us that truth itself is horrific. IT is the force that most prevents us from reaching our true potential more than anything else.

In my opinion ultimate perfection is the ultimate pressure of responsibility. The greatest gift of being human is that we are far from perfect and it's actually our imperfections which make us truly beautiful.

Shame is the voice that tells us otherwise. It's the one telling us that our own personal humanity and imperfections are ugly and it makes us fold in on ourselves because of that. It is the force pulling humanity into the pit of hopelessness more than anything else.

Thoughts?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
246 Posts
I started off the day feeling optimistic. There was a song coming out by my favorite artist, I meditated, I did yoga, I got to my desk, listened to the new song, loved it. I felt a wave of catharsis and hope from it as it was about being pulled out of a state of anxiety and self-pity by a friend. I shared this song with a friend of mine who responded by saying it was 'depressing' and 'sounded desperate'.
I know that she didn't mean this as an attack on me, but it really hurt. Now I can't listen to the song that I was so excited about because I feel like I'm 'desperate' or pathetic for relating to it or needing comfort like that in the first place. I see the song more like being a burden on that friend instead of the hopeful light I saw it in the first place.

I know I shouldn't get so upset over other people's opinions about songs, I just want to know how to brush it aside and keep appreciating it for myself, but every time I listen I just hear 'desperate'
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
308 Posts
pls share the song... I loooove depressing and desperate songs ... songs that wrench me let me know I'm alive, that I can still feel on extraordinarily deep levels. I can't tell you how much I love soaking in the anguish of others ... wow that sounded sick but it's not like that at all ... I never wish that on anyone but I cling to the pain in others like trying to smother it with love ... taking part of that to myself all while trying to replace it with hope...

I couldn't stop talking until I explained myself thoroughly... >.<... PLeaaaaaaaase hit me with the song if you are willing
 

·
MOTM October 2013
Joined
·
6,424 Posts
I started off the day feeling optimistic. There was a song coming out by my favorite artist, I meditated, I did yoga, I got to my desk, listened to the new song, loved it. I felt a wave of catharsis and hope from it as it was about being pulled out of a state of anxiety and self-pity by a friend. I shared this song with a friend of mine who responded by saying it was 'depressing' and 'sounded desperate'.
I know that she didn't mean this as an attack on me, but it really hurt. Now I can't listen to the song that I was so excited about because I feel like I'm 'desperate' or pathetic for relating to it or needing comfort like that in the first place. I see the song more like being a burden on that friend instead of the hopeful light I saw it in the first place.

I know I shouldn't get so upset over other people's opinions about songs, I just want to know how to brush it aside and keep appreciating it for myself, but every time I listen I just hear 'desperate'
Perspective? A friend doesn't like a song you played. So what? My friends sometimes listen to really irritating songs that they love but I can't stand, or we sometimes get something out of them that the other doesn't.

Unless you think there's a deeper problem brewing with this friend, or with this feeling, again...so what? :wink:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
673 Posts
I can’t take the pain anymore.
Faery, I don't know you, I joined PerC fairly recently, but I feel gratitude toward you in that I recall your past posts being some of the ones that made me think the INFJ forum might be a place I would like to spend some time.

Going by your post on another thread: I have known pain in the category you are experiencing. I have never known worse.

Get through the day. Get through the night. Get through the day. Keep on. I can't promise you this will happen for you, but I would like to say that I was sometimes surprised by a day or a night when the pain was less, out of nowhere, not because of anything I had done, but just because that was how the pain worked, as it turned out. You're welcome to PM me, if it would help to talk to someone who was in place similar to the place you are a year and a half ago.
 

·
MOTM October 2013
Joined
·
6,424 Posts
I need a little advice. I have a good friend, who has recently started a friendship with another person, whom she now spends the majority of her time with. She wants the both of us to hang out more often. My problem is I really don't care for her other friend. She's not a bad person, in some ways very sweet, but she's overwhelming and I feel like my boundaries are being pressed whenever I'm around her. I don't find the activities we do together to be fun, instead I'm having to bite my tongue a lot; the one time I tried to point out to the new friend my feelings on how she was coming across, it was a buttload of "poor me, you're being cruel and mean and now I have to run and hide from you" drama. If I try to tell this to my first friend, she accuses me of being controlling and judgmental, and blames me for hurting her new friend. And I'm sitting here wondering if maybe I'm also just jealous under the anger and overwhelm.

I'm feeling pressured now to cut ties with both of them, because, as stated, if I try to ask for space or lay down boundaries for how much time I want to spend with the new girl, things blow up and it gets turned back around on me for being a bad person in some way. I don't care who my friend is friends with (why would I?) but the constant judgment, criticism, and difficulty of getting my old friend to spend time with me without this other woman is exhausting.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
23,927 Posts
I'm feeling pressured now to cut ties with both of them...
I don't know if you've solved this already, but when I first read it the other day, I immediately wondered what classifies that person as a 'good' friend? If they are a 'good' friend, shouldn't they already know you to a certain degree? Your likes/dislikes? What you're able to tolerate in others and of activities? Reads a bit callous of them; and even by you: to cut ties over another.

Psychologically they're probably just hurt that you aren't as interested in the new friend as they are, cause it probably reflects on them/their choice(s). Maybe try first to reassure them that you 'love' them and 'love' hanging out with them, but that you'd rather not do x, y, z, and hope they'll understand; as you've always been that way. Inform them that you miss being able to hang with just them, to confide/share/whatever and see how they respond. If they still shit all over you, that probably says something about what a 'good' friend they are... then proceed as you see fit.
 

·
MOTM October 2013
Joined
·
6,424 Posts
I don't know if you've solved this already, but when I first read it the other day, I immediately wondered what classifies that person as a 'good' friend? If they are a 'good' friend, shouldn't they already know you to a certain degree? Your likes/dislikes? What you're able to tolerate in others and of activities? Reads a bit callous of them; and even by you: to cut ties over another.

Psychologically they're probably just hurt that you aren't as interested in the new friend as they are, cause it probably reflects on them/their choice(s). Maybe try first to reassure them that you 'love' them and 'love' hanging out with them, but that you'd rather not do x, y, z, and hope they'll understand; as you've always been that way. Inform them that you miss being able to hang with just them, to confide/share/whatever and see how they respond. If they still shit all over you, that probably says something about what a 'good' friend they are... then proceed as you see fit.
Well, we had a couple spats over it since I posted, but things are tentatively back on the even. She's learned to change her tone when discussing issues, and that's helped--she had a way of getting really condescending and hit-below-the-belt before, and I don't think she entirely realized how unhelpful that is until I gave her ultimatum about it. >.< (She's been in and out of some crappy romantic relationships in the past, so I don't know if she ever truly learned how to "fight fair".)

But then things smoothed out... I told her I'm a introvert and don't enjoy a lot of noise and partying, and resort to pulling back when I'm overwhelmed, and it's not a judgement on her or our time together when I do that--that I value our time and wouldn't make such a big deal over it if I didn't (I hate fighting). Though her life circumstances leave her a bit short on friends at the moment (adjusting to a new country, some problems with the ex), I get the feeling she's more of an extrovert, so before that all got explained to her, it came across as illogical and passive-aggressive.

She did say she felt it like it was coming across as a bad judgement on her choices in people. (And...as that was behind some of my guff, couldn't help her much there, except to reiterate I don't care who she's friends with, so long as everyone is treating everyone civilly and not intentionally trying to leave people out--she agreed.) She was also worried about a split between us, which is ironically why she pushed me so hard to hang out with the overwhelming friend.

She's now making an effort to include me and spend time with me, and overwhelming friend is a little more civil, too--pretty sure she had a word with her.

I think part of it was the whole thing got my goat rather severely. >.< I don't have a good history with controlling friends and knowing when to let them go vs negotiate. So my emotions were on high up there. ...sorry about that. x.x
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,301 Posts
I need a little advice. I have a good friend, who has recently started a friendship with another person, whom she now spends the majority of her time with. She wants the both of us to hang out more often. My problem is I really don't care for her other friend. She's not a bad person, in some ways very sweet, but she's overwhelming and I feel like my boundaries are being pressed whenever I'm around her. I don't find the activities we do together to be fun, instead I'm having to bite my tongue a lot; the one time I tried to point out to the new friend my feelings on how she was coming across, it was a buttload of "poor me, you're being cruel and mean and now I have to run and hide from you" drama. If I try to tell this to my first friend, she accuses me of being controlling and judgmental, and blames me for hurting her new friend. And I'm sitting here wondering if maybe I'm also just jealous under the anger and overwhelm.

I'm feeling pressured now to cut ties with both of them, because, as stated, if I try to ask for space or lay down boundaries for how much time I want to spend with the new girl, things blow up and it gets turned back around on me for being a bad person in some way. I don't care who my friend is friends with (why would I?) but the constant judgment, criticism, and difficulty of getting my old friend to spend time with me without this other woman is exhausting.
Wow, I'm not how to help you (sorry) but I have a similar situation that whenever I want to hang out with a certain friend she always wants to invite somebody else we're friends with. Like, I like both of my friends but I don't always want to see both at the same time, especially since our interests are different. And whenever all 3 of us do hand out I feel like the third wheel. Also sometimes it makes me feel like I'm not good enough if someone wants to invite other people all the time.

Maybe tell he/she that you just want some one on one time together and explain why?
 
  • Like
Reactions: Aizar

·
Registered
Joined
·
89 Posts
Okayyy so i need advice.

I dont know about you all, but when I was little I was veeeery introverted. I could spend the entire summer without contacting my friends, just painting and reading a lot and being with my family. Also, when I grow up, in high school, I still was very introvert, except with my close friends, with who I was like a crazy ENFP xdxd
In that time, as I saw my friends 6 hours in school we didnt go out often (like a couple times a week or something like that).
I didnt have the necesity to say NO to plans because we were young. But then we became older xd and my ENTP friend began to complain about me saying no to a lot of plans.
I dont really remember it, tbh.
Then, I entered in university and at first it was very hard (having to make new friends with that age was veeery weird and difficult), but I learnt to be more assertive and became friends with incredible people.
However, when I came back to my village each weekend i was totally exhausted of socializing every day, with new people, and making a lot of small talk to be able to know them and , you know, create bonds :'D Also, I was in a shared flat, so I was socializing every fucking hour of my life in that time xd So when my ENTP started demanding to meet her a lot i was like "please, I have almost anxiety and I need to relax from the constant stress of unversity...please....stop"
It was a hard moment in our friendship, because I started seeing our relationship as a burden, as a responsability I needed to accomplish so she didn't get angry with me (because that affected me a lot back then). To make things easier (irony) she (ENTP) is quite...critical. She critised my body ("oh, you got fater, did you notice?" I HAVE A MIRROR SO MAYBE, JUST MAYBE, YES) and my personality basically, even when I became more "extrovert" and say more "yes", it was never enough. She wanted more because "i could do more" she said. Okay, so do you.
Well, the thing is... I dont feel very comfortable with her anymore, she is very critical at me, and she makes any desicion I take looks wrong or that I think my opinion is the only one (when she never take into account my opinion xd). I can be with her and have a good time, but i can't call her best friend anymore (anyway, i dont believe in just one best friend xd) and after a couple of hours i feel drained and bad with myself :/



So------------ the next part of the history.
The last couple years I have being sharing flat with a very emotional dependable ENFJ xdxd We were having incredible time together until this year. she started to cross my boundaries (not letting me time to recharge or making me feel bad for letting her alone in my decompress time ).
Once I said "no" to a plan (Seriously, it was the first time I said to her "no"), she got angry, and stop talking to me the whole weekend (that was mixed with more coexistence problems but that was the main reason she did that)
I was so dissapointed. I had talked to her about the ENTP friend and how bad she make me feel when she didn't respect my alone time and then, she, the first time I reject a plan, stops talking to me .......
Well, after that weekend we talked about it and solved our disagreement.
But... this weekend ENTP came here for my graduation and ENFJ and her were talking about me when I wasnt in the flat.
I dont have a problem about that, but ENTP told "her version" of our past problems (me saying no) to her and ENTP told me she said she hadn't been able to stand me...
And wwoooow, that hurts. Above all bearing in mind she has stayed in horrible and toxic relationships her whole life (and still does).
I dont know. I just needed to vent it.
it hurts :(
 
3021 - 3040 of 3061 Posts
Top