Personality Cafe banner

1 - 6 of 6 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
75 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
I am facing the wrath of a counterphobic 6/5 and have no idea what to do. It seems like he may snap soon and has decided to focus most of his wrath upon me. Sixes are full of contradictions, and this guy is no exception. Here is a little bit of background on him:


This 6 put on a façade of 9 to make a good impression upon people when starting at college. He can be obnoxiously polite (and I say obnoxiously meaning that he will not let anyone carry their own groceries or make their own sandwiches.) He will go well out of his way trying not to offend people, constantly apologizing for everything. He only expresses opinions to people close to him because he doesn’t want to scare people who disagree away.

Although he wants to be liked, this 6 is definitely an introvert who needs a lot of alone time to figure things out. When he nears emotional overload, he will go running to clear his mind. From what I know, he has two close confidantes, his brother and his best friend. These relationships are intense, and he is extremely loyal, perhaps to a fault. His best friend, a 5/6, had a relationship with me that ended. The 5/6 has gotten over it, but, one year later, the 6 is madder at me than the 5/6 ever was...

The 6 became very attracted to a 9/1, which makes sense because the 9 was stable, rational, and peaceful, things the 6 desired for himself. After discovering she didn’t return his affections, the 9 went numb and ignored the problem, continued the friendship as it had been going, which perhaps hurt the 6 even more because it gave him false hope. This dragged on for years, the 6 struggling to get over the 9, and the 9, trying to avoid conflict, giving only ambiguous answers. Perhaps this is why the 6 is so mad at me; he didn’t want the same thing that happened to him happen to his friend.

I thought for sure he was a 9 until he started in with the unhealthy loop. When recessing, 6 becomes more reactive; things slip out from being bottled up inside.
9, on the other hand, becomes more numb, ignoring and perhaps even denying problems.

He has a scientific, analytical mind that doesn’t know how to process his feelings. He tries to detach himself from them or rationalize them, and when that doesn’t work, he represses them. Sometimes passive-aggressive acts slip out of the repression, such as snarky comments and hostile remarks. Now, as an unhealthy 6, he makes no effort to hide his animosity toward me (and those I’m close to), but still acts sweet and polite toward everyone else.

This 6 can’t take compliments OR criticism. He brushes off affection; his way of showing affection for others is light-heartedly picking on them. When we went out of his way to throw him a nice birthday party, he got embarrassed and responded, “Thanks, guys. You don’t suck.” But after being criticized, he clams up and stores the criticism in his head. He’s very perceptive about the motivations of others (or should I say paranoid?), constantly evaluating and judging situations.

He is a master of procrastination and can only work under pressure. When he focuses, he is practically immune from distraction. He’s a pessimist who is prone to getting very anxious and nervous. He pushes himself too hard; he has tons of energy that seems to come from nowhere and will go days without sleeping. When he does sleep, however, it’s usually on the couch when people are around. Maybe it’s a comfort thing.

He has an intense self-preservation instinct and is quite security-oriented. After we (his friends) painted his nails while he was sleeping, he makes sure to always lock his door. 9s forgive and forget; 6es do neither. He also has a morbid sense of humor and a fascination with knives.


Do any of you 6es have any advice for me? I’m not sure what to do, and I’m getting pretty scared... this 6 has a double personality and can switch back and forth between the two sides easily. Most people love him and deny that there is an “other side” to him. I’ve been nothing but nice to him, and I do my best to stay out of his way. (I’m a 4/5 btw...) Do you think he could be a sociopath?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,688 Posts
Advice: repost this in the enneagram forum. and welcome!
 
  • Like
Reactions: Sina

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,540 Posts
You may be overreacting when you say they you're scared of him. He doesn't seem like a sociopath, at all. People are full of contradictions. How is he focusing his 'wrath' on you? The best thing to have a talk with him; make sure to sound respectful and calm. Nothing seems abnormal with the dude.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
14,865 Posts
I think you said a few unfair things about sixes. Not all of them are raging lunatics. Some are much more well-balanced, and yes, able to forgive.

Are you sure this guy isn't bipolar or something?

Is is possible to just stay away from him, minimize the time spent dealing with him, and when you do deal with him just act neutral?

I have only dealt with one "scary" cp 6 in my life, but he was waving around a gun to threaten me. I think the guy you're dealing with doesn't sound like an actual threat to you, and its probably not your place to find the keys of manipulation in enneagram to disarm him and play hero for everyone else.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Sina
1 - 6 of 6 Posts
Top