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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hello. I'm head over heals about this girl I met the other night. I talked to her for maybe half an hour and she was really awesome. Just talking to her made me feel all giddy and dopey, and she caught my eye the minute she showed up to the party where I met her.

I think she may be an INFJ, though maybe she's an INTP with amazing social skills. I think she must be an NF type.

The one thing I'm worried about is how strong to come on. I'm EXTREMELY taken with her, and I don't want to scare her off with my enthusiasm or be too cool.

We have a date tomorrow, and when figuring out what to do, I was this close to saying "I don't care much what we do, just so long as I get to spend time with you." Except I might have made it more eloquent.

Advice, plx?
 

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I think you should just be yourself and be honest. INFJs tend to like that in people.

We have a date tomorrow, and when figuring out what to do, I was this close to saying "I don't care much what we do, just so long as I get to spend time with you." Except I might have made it more eloquent.
That seems really eloquent to me. I wonder what others would say, but IMO that's a beautiful thing to say because it is honest and clear and direct.
 

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Step back and consider all the stuff you don't know about this person. Do you know her occupation well? Do you know what vices she has? Do you know how she'd handle being sick?

While you are caught up in an infatuation, remember there is a lot you don't know about her. Spending time with her and talking to her can help fill in some gaps though there can be a difference between what she'll say and how she really is. After all, lots of people may want to believe they are mostly above average yet this isn't realistic.

I'd be concerned about sounding too cheesy as the "I don't care much what we do, just so long as I get to spend time with you," would sound like a line from a corny romantic comedy. While I can understand the intent, would you be willing to submit to her every whim for a few hours straight? There are more than a few extreme negative scenarios that aren't hard to imagine here that would likely make you care a great deal about what you do.
 

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Dude, be yourself. INFJ's will tell if you are lying and that is the biggest turnoff! It's not just an INFJ's turnoff, it can also be anybody's turnoff. Once they see the real you, they will feel betrayed because you technically lied (internally).
Good luck :)
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Cool. That sounds like really good and easy advice. I like the idea of being straightforward. And the best part was that I felt totally comfortable being honest with her, though I tend to try to make myself sound better than I really feel I am. I just didn't feel pressured to do that while talking to her though. It was very genuine interaction, and that's what I liked the best.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
How do y'all feel about overt displays of affection like flowers or statements about feelings? Do you want/need to know how we're feeling - do we need to voice it, or is being obvious enough of an indicator?
 

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With an extrovert, we usually know what you're feeling before you know what you're feeling :)

As to the rest of it, it will depend on some variables:
1) How long you have been dating
2) What her primary and secondary love languages are
3) Is she a shy introvert, or is she simply reserved?

Statements about feelings are always welcome, if they are truthful and not overdone. And it is nice to have what we think you're feeling validated by the person themselves.

I hope you had/will have a wonderful date :)
 
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Just be yourself (the best version of you) for now. Always be honest. Know what you want.
If you don't know what you want, you won't want what you have.

Brush your teeth. Make her laugh. A LOT. Brush your teeth and don't look like a slob.
As in, don't wear that shirt from the bottom of your closet.
No, shaking it out and spraying febreeze on it - won't work :tongue:

Just be yourself. The better half of you. The not so cool half, wait till she trusts you(knows you) so she can put it all in better perspective. Brush your teeth. Floss. Don't be a slob. Don't ever ever ever EVER get sloppy drunk. That's so repulsive when men do that.

Practice self control. For the things you want to say but know you shouldn't, and later, for the things you should say but don't want to. Grow. It takes courage to be honest. The world needs more courage. When you're courageous, she'll be strong. Brush your teeth.

Smile. Even when you want to pout. Get over yourself. Understand that there are things outside yourself that effect people's behavior and speech. And there are situations outside that person that influence them other than you. Know what you want. Because she does. And she wants what she gets. And so should you. If you don't know what you want, you won't want what you have.

No one likes to have their time wasted.
Time is the only currency we have in life
and how we spend it is through our efforts. Make effort.

Know that INFJ's are more alike with ENTP than different. Sure, many prefer labels and outside structures but more times than not, we like to take things just as slow as you do. Depending on her age and experience, will depend on how this manifests. Take your time. Take your time and brush your teeth and make her laugh. A LOT. smiling and laughing is the only time spent that strings our efforts along. Make effort.

Be nice. Above all else, BE HONEST. Honesty takes courage.

The world needs courage. When you're courageous, she'll be strong.

Yes, our words and behavior really do matter...

A good man in a bad system is better than a bad man in a bad system.

Notice what you do. Notice what you don't do. It communicates what you do, or don't want.

Brush your teeth.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
I get the feeling she's the type of person who will bring out that sort of behaviour (the better than strictly necessary kind) in me.
I think that's one reason I like her. I'm keeping in mind that I'm seriously infatuated and that it will color my impressions of things, but that's SOP. I will brush my teeth. A lot. :p

@sunflowersprite - what's a love language? To answer 1) We've only just begun and 3) Reserved, I think. That's why I'm concerned about being over the top.
 
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I get the feeling she's the type of person who will bring out that sort of behaviour (the better than strictly necessary kind) in me.
I think that's one reason I like her. I'm keeping in mind that I'm seriously infatuated and that it will color my impressions of things, but that's SOP. I will brush my teeth. A lot. :p

@sunflowersprite - what's a love language? To answer 1) We've only just begun and 3) Reserved, I think. That's why I'm concerned about being over the top.
We've only just begun...might be a song in that line (smile) Then take it slowly. At least you recognize you're infatuated, which allows you to consciously make a choice to think before you speak/do.

Love languages (Home | The 5 Love Languages®) are basically five ways people 'receive' or 'give' love: Touch, Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Acts of Service, and Gifts. Normally, we 'speak' to others in the language we are most comfortable, our own. We give love to others in the way we recognize and appreciate love. That's fine, if the recipient shares the same language as primary or secondary. You mentioned flowers (Gifts) and speaking your feelings (Words of Affirmation). If she is reserved, Touch or Acts of Service may be more in line with her language. It's fun and interesting and free to take the test online that I linked you to.

Be as much yourself as you possibly can, just take your time. Get to know her, and she you. There's never any error in taking your time.

I wish you much success!
 
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What do you like about her?

I ask this because when I become extremely invested in someone in a short amount of time, there's almost always something about them that's rare enough for me to want to keep. If that's the case with you, it may be worth your while to discover exactly what that is. Having that particular piece of knowledge at your disposal is usually quite handy. You'll find it easier to determine if she's looking for a similar connection, and you'll probably learn a little bit about yourself while you're at it.

If you're right about her type, the good news is that being an introverted intuitive with Fe can get pretty lonely. Opportunities for deep connections - albeit not necessarily romantic - are few and far between, and if you're more interested in her than the possibility of a romantic relationship with her, she'll more than likely meet you halfway.

Other than that, I agree with pretty much everything others have said. Both INFJs and INTPs tend to dislike being pressured and manipulated, so genuineness is a big thing. If she seems to enjoy your company, I'd recommend opening up to her. Chances are, she'll also give you some insight on who she is and what she cares about. Regardless of what kind of a relationship you'll end up having, that's generally a good place to start.
 

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As others have pointed out, for the love of all things sacred -- be genuine.

Also, if you have only spoken with her for half an hour, being head over heels isn't exactly realistic. I know, love at first sight, yada yada yada... But.. do you know what makes her tick? Chances are she will conceal these things from you until she is comfortable enough with you.


And yes, brush your teeth.
Don't be pushy. Don't make her feel like you're over-eager.
 

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How do y'all feel about overt displays of affection like flowers or statements about feelings? Do you want/need to know how we're feeling - do we need to voice it, or is being obvious enough of an indicator?
No. you need to talk. But this is all dependent on where you are in the game.
If it just started, don't come on so strong. It'll freak her out and she'll probably be flighty.
 

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Lol "courtship" Fe Ti and Ti Fe are great. My dad is an ENTP And my mom is an INFJ. I think they work well together. One thing my mom likes about my dad is his honesty, humor, intelligence, and ability to be laid back and give her space. She has told me she would hate to be "smothered" emotionally and is glad that dad gives her room. That is probably more down the road relationship advice (they've been married 36 years.)

My mom and dad both recall their earlier dating period as casual and not too formal, but I'm sure that just means they felt relaxed doing anything together. They hung out in groups a lot too. Anyway, good luck and yeah I know I'm an INTJ, but I think hygiene is really important as well (might be an Ni/Se thing?) Def brush your teeth! Haha @Ningsta Kitty
 

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Lol "courtship" Fe Ti and Ti Fe are great. My dad is an ENTP And my mom is an INFJ. In think they work well together. One thing my mom likes about my dad is his honesty, humor, intelligence, and ability to be laid back and give her space. She has told me she would hate to be "smothered" emotionally and is glad that dad gives her room. That is probably more down the road relationship advice (they've been married 36 years.)

My mom and dad both recall their earlier dating period as casual and not too formal, but I'm sure that just means they felt relaxed doing anything together. They hung out in groups a lot too. Anyway, good luck and yeah I know I'm an INTJ, but I think hygiene is really important as well (might be an Ni/Se thing?) Def brush your teeth! Haha @Ningsta Kitty
YAAAY! Christicake is back! :kitteh:

and p.s. Luvie your post. <3
 
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YAAAY! Christicake is back! :kitteh:

and p.s. Luvie your post. <3
Wooo! Haha :D I was gone for a bit because I was processing a BUNCH of stuff. I am hanging out with my INFJ friend IRL again now and I'm glad she is able to give me space and welcome me back just like you! :p Love you guys!!

Ok, enough about me. Good luck @ OP :)
 

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In cases like this it is more appropriate to look around the fact or notion that the lady you are pursuing is an INFJ and look at her as an individual. Don't ask what do INFJs like? What does she like? What does she do in her free time?

If this is your first time getting to know her than honestly there isn't much advice that INFJs can give you besides the general be yourself, but anyone can say that and ALL PEOPLE LOVE PEOPLE WHO ARE HONEST WITH THEMSELVES or at the very least they respect people who are honest with themselves.

Just be yourself, have fun, and don't think about what you should be doing just enjoy the time you have.
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
I think what I like the most is the sense (and reward, including possibly nonjudgment/acceptance) that I am free and encouraged to be genuine.
 

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In cases like this it is more appropriate to look around the fact or notion that the lady you are pursuing is an INFJ and look at her as an individual. Don't ask what do INFJs like? What does she like? What does she do in her free time?

If this is your first time getting to know her than honestly there isn't much advice that INFJs can give you besides the general be yourself, but anyone can say that and ALL PEOPLE LOVE PEOPLE WHO ARE HONEST WITH THEMSELVES or at the very least they respect people who are honest with themselves.

Just be yourself, have fun, and don't think about what you should be doing just enjoy the time you have.
My first thought was, "It depends - what she is suspected of?" but the quote above is right on, much better than a Marxian ( Groucho, not Karl) double entendre response. If you are not true to yourself, all you are doing is using her. Nothing good can result from that.
 
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