Personality Cafe banner

1 - 20 of 27 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,869 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
im back with another issue. last week, i had a problem with someone in my project who was slacking off. i took your advice on my thread and that problem has been settled. this week i have a problem with the opposite issue - i recently received two additions to my group - one is perfect, except for his formality which im used to now. when it comes to work ethic, i wish everyone was like him.

the other one ... where do i start... i think is an ENTP. she crosses every boundary possible, and does not follow directions at all. there is a specific format and outline for the work, but 1) she doesnt follow the directions and 2) even though she doesn't complete her assignments based on the directions, she starts doing other peoples work including mine. I'm having a talk with her tomorrow morning to reiterate what the responsibilities are, what the format is, and what the expectations are. She sort of creates her own projects even though this project has specific guidelines that i am enforcing to develop the final product. and her projects/work is not thorough or legitimate, she just throws together some random things that look really pretty but are filled with crap essentially. to explain, this project is a work done by my colleagues and I and i am in charge of facilitating and directing, and reporting back to the committee. she apparently knows someone in the committee, so i think this and her personality is giving her the idea she can just do what she wants, without considering the other people in our group (by just creating alternative projects to what we are working on, as requested by the committee), their roles as director for a specific project, and MY role as the director of the overall program/final project.

if i get any responses before the morning on how to approach this, i can take your advice with me. if not, i can use your advice/help for the next meeting with her. i am quite burned out from work right now, so i am not thinking too clearly. i just don't understand this person at all, or where she is coming from. she just seems like she's arrogant, thinks she knows better, and she's too good to adhere to the guidelines. she told me she has tons of time on hand this year, and this is the reason she's doing all this unwanted, improper extra work. For me, i give a lot of independence to the people that work for me in their own project, as long as they follow the instruction and produce the final subproduct needed for the final project we present. i just dont understand at ALL where she is getting her audacity to just disrespect all the guidelines for the project and feel like she can just do whatever she wants, which is basically what she is doing. I guess I am on the first step, which is talking to her tomrrow

thanks in advance for your help guys , i really appreciate all the feedback u give me, and it helps me out a lot! with the infj thread, sometimes what we get is a lot of relating (which is also good), but then being unable to figure out a solution to go from there. i feel like u guys always give me good advising on how to call people out, cracking down, being bold, and straightforward. so yesssss, help mee!
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
4,477 Posts
By doing all this work she could be trying to build a level of debt from you to her giving her the high ground in conflict. I would be very suspicious of her motives, and force her to deal with the consequences. Take responsibility for your responsibilities. I love making those sayings it reminds me of "The hat goes on the head" you just want to slap people for getting it wrong.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,869 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
i AM very suspicious of her in fact. Right now, I'm just trying to get her to put the hat on her head like you mentioned. and the gloves on her hand. But I have this gut feeling even if I tell her how the hat was made for the head, she will continue her sketchy behavior.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
582 Posts
She probably thinks she's doing you a favor and being helpful. The way you describe her though makes it sound like explaining that what she's doing is actually counterproductive will be difficult. I'm always for the direct approach though, albeit not gently, nothing gets a problem straightened out quicker.
 
  • Like
Reactions: niss and Rhee

·
Banned
Joined
·
4,477 Posts
She probably thinks she's doing you a favor and being helpful. The way you describe her though makes it sound like explaining that what she's doing is actually counterproductive will be difficult. I'm always for the direct approach though, albeit not gently, nothing gets a problem straightened out quicker.
Based on how she described the person (from the ENTP type) it sounds like in an argument giving that much ground to her would be a poor choice and its certain to come back to harm her.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,869 Posts
Discussion Starter · #6 ·
I will definitely be using the direct approach with her tomorrow, but I feel like even when I'm direct and spell things out, it won't work. Pretty sure she's ENTP and i have found ENTPs the most obnoxious type to wwork with. we had one entp come into our forum, and he had a 30 page thread going and basically at the end, all the INFJs at one point threw our hands in the air, and were like "yeah, whatever you say." and like Wake said, I do think there is something else other than innocent desire to help.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
4,477 Posts
I love that saying people have when they don't want to be direct. Drop the words "Things aren't working out" and the person will understand where this is going
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,869 Posts
Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Based on how she described the person (from the ENTP type) it sounds like in an argument giving that much ground to her would be a poor choice and its certain to come back to harm her.
I think it is possible ENTP is vying for my position hence taking over things, even though she is clearly not fit to.

I know sometimes I whine a lot about struggles i go through on here, but when it comes to it I believe that I have been asked to be in leadership positions because 1) the committee sees me as able, 2) i get things done efficiently and produce an excellent final product and 3) i'm responsible. I deal with keeping my emotional stability by venting a lot and asking for advice, but I view this more as problem solving, and when it comes to my work responsibilities, i know i'm competent.

So how do I manage this situation? if it is the case she is trying to take over? I think she is building up all this extra unnecessary work to bring a complaint to the committee, saying she should take over.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
4,477 Posts
I think it is possible ENTP is vying for my position hence taking over things, even though she is clearly not fit to.

I know sometimes I whine a lot about struggles i go through on here, but when it comes to it I believe that I have been asked to be in leadership positions because 1) the committee sees me as able, 2) i get things done efficiently and produce an excellent final product and 3) i'm responsible. I deal with keeping my emotional stability by venting a lot and asking for advice, but I view this more as problem solving, and when it comes to my work responsibilities, i know i'm competent.

So how do I manage this situation? if it is the case she is trying to take over? I think she is building up all this extra unnecessary work to bring a complaint to the committee, saying she should take over.
beat her to the punch. You see her plan, cut her off.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,869 Posts
Discussion Starter · #10 ·
beat her to the punch. You see her plan, cut her off.
How?

she just sprung all this on me, so i need time to "beat her to the punch" (push up my time and create an amazing final product) but in the meanwhile, what would be the best course of action?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,869 Posts
Discussion Starter · #11 ·
and when she prsents these alternative projects when our group meets, how can i dismiss this or brush it off or cut her off?
 

·
Registered
ENTP
Joined
·
821 Posts
Interesting problem. All the issues you describe with her sound like basic ENTP personality traits. Not knowing more about the situation, I would say that she is just being herself and no particular disrespect is meant. Crossing boundaries, not following directions, not considering other people in a group, doing alternative things, etc. are all standard traits. Generally, NTs and ENTPs in particular only need to know what the final product is supposed to look like and will proceed in their own way. We are allergic to instructions and not beyond a little brinksmanship to get our way. We are usually swayed by logical arguments though, so perhaps if you explain precisely why she must do things the way you want her to (not appealing to authority but the actual reason for the guidelines) then she might agree. Good luck.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,869 Posts
Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Interesting problem. All the issues you describe with her sound like basic ENTP personality traits. Not knowing more about the situation, I would say that she is just being herself and no particular disrespect is meant. Crossing boundaries, not following directions, not considering other people in a group, doing alternative things, etc. are all standard traits. Generally, NTs and ENTPs in particular only need to know what the final product is supposed to look like and will proceed in their own way. We are allergic to instructions and not beyond a little brinksmanship to get our way. We are usually swayed by logical arguments though, so perhaps if you explain precisely why she must do things the way you want her to (not appealing to authority but the actual reason for the guidelines) then she might agree. Good luck.
I have already made it clear why we do things the way we do, and have explained the logical reason behind the guidelines.

The world does not revolve around her, and the world does not owe her more explanations than what is obvious. There are certain duties and responsibilities and guidelines laid out. she obviously doesn't give a damn about anything except for what she thinks and does not care what the final product is supposed to be. I am writing about her, not ENTPs in general. I am completely FOR independence - I assign specific people what the final product is supposed to be like, the guidelines, and allow them to proceed in their own way. The problem is she keeps redefining what the product is based on what she wants.

At this point, I feel that I don't owe her more logical arguments or "swaying." There are expectations that are clearly set, and also very logical and reasonable way of doing things. She seriously has some issues, if she signs up for a project with the expectations laid out in the beginnig and then spends all her time, stepping over everyone.
 

·
Registered
ENTP
Joined
·
821 Posts
Then I don't understand. What is her reasoning for her actions? You are entitled to an explanation from her.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,869 Posts
Discussion Starter · #16 ·
to whytiger: i will ask for an explanation from her, when i talk to her tomorrow.. i am entitled to an explanation, thanks for pointing it out, and if I directly ask her for one, she will have to answer.

and Psilocin, I do intend to fire her if 1) she doesn't start following guidelines for her own project and 2) she doesn't stop meddling with others' projects and coming up with "better" alternative final products. in either of these situations, i will still need to build up my case though. so after the verbal meeting, i will email her to restate what we discussed. need a paper trail.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,245 Posts
to whytiger: i will ask for an explanation from her, when i talk to her tomorrow.. i am entitled to an explanation, thanks for pointing it out, and if I directly ask her for one, she will have to answer.

and Psilocin, I do intend to fire her if 1) she doesn't start following guidelines for her own project and 2) she doesn't stop meddling with others' projects and coming up with "better" alternative final products. in either of these situations, i will still need to build up my case though. so after the verbal meeting, i will email her to restate what we discussed. need a paper trail.
Sounds reasonable. Having read the whole thread, I say go for it.
 
  • Like
Reactions: niss

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,869 Posts
Discussion Starter · #18 ·
^ yeah. the meeting actually got moved to wednesday because theres another department thing we're going to instead. but after my talk with her i will update you guys.

Then, I am going to take a break from PerC. Work is taking over my life and I am noticing that i am grasping at straws lately, coming off incoherently, and just being stuck in a rut with a lot of negative emotions. I drafted what I was going to say to her (this is so me haha), and it is very calm and logical. hope this goes well so i can focus on getting other work done and finally getting that time out for myself
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,498 Posts
I think she's trying to suck up to someone and (as someone else mentioned) take credit for your work.
You set the record straight as to what was done, what was supposed to be done, what YOU did, and what THIS person did.
Document, document, document.
If she's as obnoxious as you say, give her plenty of rope. She'll hang herself.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,869 Posts
Discussion Starter · #20 ·
you guys hit it on the spot i think - she's def. trying to suck up to someone and take credit for my work. i totally see through what she's doing, but now i need to strategize to block it.

im definitely documenting this: "You set the record straight as to what was done, what was supposed to be done, what YOU did, and what THIS person did." Actually the next series of meetings, i intend on leaving a lot of paper trails and setting the record straight on the exact expectations of what is expected and to be done. this starts digging the grave and if she just fails at what she's supposed to do, she finishes the work for me.

but, i don't know what to do when she presents all her alternate products at a meeting, im taken aback like "wtf?" i do intend on pulling one on her , by completing the final product ahead of time and presenting that to the committee, but this is also limited because im on a schedule, and unlike her, i dont have tons of time on my time idk what to do if she would copy what is on my product and add it to HER product ? so i dont want to reveal it to her until after i show the committee
 
1 - 20 of 27 Posts
Top