Personality Cafe banner

1 - 12 of 12 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
73 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Okadokes..

Lately... I've been feeling really lonely.. unwanted.. and guilty..

I try to distract myself through babysitting, working around the house, playing with my little brother..
and my friends are usually a big part of my over wanting emotions.

But lately.. seems like my friends are trying to avoid me.. i don't wanna say my whole family crap and everything.. but myfriends are my EVERYTHING.. and i try so hard to make time for them, be there for them and stuff..
Just when it comes down to it.. either they don't make time for me.. they don't even invite me to do things with them anymore and truly i don't know what i did wrong :(
I stay positive with them.. i do as much as possible for them..
and it seems like they don't even care what i do for them..
it's really really destroying me inside.. if you had any idea how important friends are with me..

Also.. How can i help my sister that's on bipolar.. that's 19 and pregent.. off her meication, very sad.. moodswingy.. and she's my older sister and i kinda wanna be there for her much as possible.. ican just see her so lost..
my mom doesn't help much with this..cause she's still trying to figure things out... and i want to help SOO BAD but i can't cause..she refuses to let anyone in.. so only i understand our family problems kind of deal..
But i don't want to make her feel lost and hopeless and she can't take care of herself..
how can i approach her by being a kid? when she acts like a kid? i dont want to make her feel like a bad parent...

I dont think there is really any advice to give to that stuff.. cause i didn't say much or go in much detail.. but for what you smart people know.. what can i do?
How can i help?
I'm doing as much possible to keep me upbeated but i feel lost? why do i feel lost?
i'm kinda losing it i think :( well.. i promise i'm usually not a reck like this.. this stuff is so small and usually i can hold things together so freakin well!! what is wrong with me?
:unsure:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,059 Posts
I actually read in a neurobiology book that bipolar women are actually more manic when their pregnant than depressive. One actually said she worked three jobs when she was pregnant. The part you really have to be there for her will be when she's not pregnant anymore. Then bipolar women have an immense problem with post-partum depression. Okay, in the meantime she's probably just in withdrawal so you're going to have to wait that out a little. Personally, I recommend that you limit the amount you spend with her when she's depressive because it can be very draining. But it doesn't mean you can't do nice things for her and then dodge her. You have your own emotions to deal with.
As far as your mom goes, just tell her stuff who cares if you make her feel like a bad parent. Tell her before you start that you understand it must be difficult to be a mom in this situation. Most likely if you do it right, she will end up thinking you are a brilliant kid and that she must have done something right to have raised such an insightful child.
On your end, you really have to make sure your mom is on your side as you're going through this. I mean you're doing the right thing by staying busy but maybe its your business that is alienating your friends. Be sure to make time for fun stuff with them so that you don't lose them. Make sure to live your life and have your fun because you need to remember how important you are. But be safe! For goodness sakes!
Hey, being a teen and going through stuff like life is hard. You've never experienced any of this kind of stuff before and you are going through hormonal stuff and everything is so confusing and amazing at the same time. Stop worrying so much what other people think. Either people like you or they don't. If you are yourself all the time then the people who do like you actually like you for who you are and you find the people you don't have to pretend around. And those are the people that are the frickin coolest anyway!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
417 Posts
Hello! It sounds like you're overloaded with stuff. I want you to take a step away from the panic, and take care of yourself before you take care of anyone else.
Now, I want you to go visit the INFP forum, and tell them what's wrong.
have you tested MBTI yet? I think you sound like a to-be INFP. I'm really sure they'll help you.
I hope things get better.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
656 Posts
Okadokes..

Lately... I've been feeling really lonely.. unwanted.. and guilty..

I try to distract myself through babysitting, working around the house, playing with my little brother..
and my friends are usually a big part of my over wanting emotions.

But lately.. seems like my friends are trying to avoid me.. i don't wanna say my whole family crap and everything.. but myfriends are my EVERYTHING.. and i try so hard to make time for them, be there for them and stuff..
Just when it comes down to it.. either they don't make time for me.. they don't even invite me to do things with them anymore and truly i don't know what i did wrong :(

I stay positive with them.. i do as much as possible for them..
and it seems like they don't even care what i do for them..
it's really really destroying me inside.. if you had any idea how important friends are with me..

Also.. How can i help my sister that's on bipolar.. that's 19 and pregent.. off her meication, very sad.. moodswingy.. and she's my older sister and i kinda wanna be there for her much as possible.. ican just see her so lost..
my mom doesn't help much with this..cause she's still trying to figure things out... and i want to help SOO BAD but i can't cause..she refuses to let anyone in.. so only i understand our family problems kind of deal..
But i don't want to make her feel lost and hopeless and she can't take care of herself..
how can i approach her by being a kid? when she acts like a kid? i dont want to make her feel like a bad parent...

I dont think there is really any advice to give to that stuff.. cause i didn't say much or go in much detail.. but for what you smart people know.. what can i do?
How can i help?
I'm doing as much possible to keep me upbeated but i feel lost? why do i feel lost?
i'm kinda losing it i think :( well.. i promise i'm usually not a reck like this.. this stuff is so small and usually i can hold things together so freakin well!! what is wrong with me?
:unsure:
Your post really touched me because I can relate to it so much and your pain :sad: I had a friend in school that had a dad who was sick and went about things just like you do, trying to stay positive etc. I tell you I wasn't the best friend I could be to her at the time and we did grow apart for a while because (much like some of your friends may be feeling) I was scared and uncomfortable. I didn't know how to deal with the fact that her dad could just as well be my dad which is hard to go through when you have your own stress to deal with in life. Mostly I just didn't know what to say or do for her.

If you aren't seeing the school counselor this may be a good time to see them because some of those things you are going through may be too heavy for your friends to deal with. He/She may even have information for your family on where they can get help/support for your sister and your mom. The other thing is that it would be great if you reached out to your friends and let them know what they can do for you. Really be specific like...."[insert friend here] I'm really stressing about my situation can we walk down the block and talk for a while or I really need to get away and do something "normal", you want to go to the movies for a couple of hours?" A lot of times friends can be very clueless also about what it means to go through something like this because they never had to. If you are feeling left out let them know because you are keeping yourself so busy they might just assume that you are off doing something else.


There is nothing wrong with you and the same thing you are going through now happens to us adults too. Chances are your mom might just be going through something similar with her friends. The fact that you love your sister is enough. She definitely needs a support group and therapist because you can't be off meds by yourself and think things are going to be okay. She has to deal with the effects of not being on her meds and hormones. Sometimes I feel like I need a counselor when it gets to that time of the month for me :shocked:because I can be very mood swingy and feeling all kind of weird tingling/pain in my hands and feet from swelling etc.

Being upbeat doesn't mean you are holding things together well. It does mean you are putting a lot of effort which is a good thing but you also need to allow yourself time to just break down and cry. It's healthy and normal to allow yourself to do so. In fact my friend who went through her dad dying used to cry quite a bit. She didn't let it overtake her or anything but she let her emotions and frustrations out and that helped her get through things. She is one of the strongest people I know and today and she teaches Jr. High. Her students don't call her Mrs. B just because of her last name. They love her all the same since they know she cares about them because she's not afraid to show how she feels.

There are a lot of things we can't control in life (hormones, the weather, my brother's dog from peeing on the carpet) and the good thing is that no one expects you to. I can see you are a strong person already by the way you reached out to us in the forum. A lot of people can't even do that. I'm sure there are people in your life that are willing help be your guide, cheerleader, and rock to lean on when things get tough but you need to do your part and reach out as well. Reach out now to those who are physically close to you (this includes any trusted relatives you may have though you didn't mention any in your post) I wish you all the best, they are lucky to have a daughter, sister and friend in you who cares so much for others. :happy:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
73 Posts
Discussion Starter #6
Your post really touched me because I can relate to it so much and your pain :sad: I had a friend in school that had a dad who was sick and went about things just like you do, trying to stay positive etc. I tell you I wasn't the best friend I could be to her at the time and we did grow apart for a while because (much like some of your friends may be feeling) I was scared and uncomfortable. I didn't know how to deal with the fact that her dad could just as well be my dad which is hard to go through when you have your own stress to deal with in life. Mostly I just didn't know what to say or do for her.

If you aren't seeing the school counselor this may be a good time to see them because some of those things you are going through may be too heavy for your friends to deal with. He/She may even have information for your family on where they can get help/support for your sister and your mom. The other thing is that it would be great if you reached out to your friends and let them know what they can do for you. Really be specific like...."[insert friend here] I'm really stressing about my situation can we walk down the block and talk for a while or I really need to get away and do something "normal", you want to go to the movies for a couple of hours?" A lot of times friends can be very clueless also about what it means to go through something like this because they never had to. If you are feeling left out let them know because you are keeping yourself so busy they might just assume that you are off doing something else.

There is nothing wrong with you and the same thing you are going through now happens to us adults too. Chances are your mom might just be going through something similar with her friends. The fact that you love your sister is enough. She definitely needs a support group and therapist because you can't be off meds by yourself and think things are going to be okay. She has to deal with the effects of not being on her meds and hormones. Sometimes I feel like I need a counselor when it gets to that time of the month for me :shocked:because I can be very mood swingy and feeling all kind of weird tingling/pain in my hands and feet from swelling etc.

Being upbeat doesn't mean you are holding things together well. It does mean you are putting a lot of effort which is a good thing but you also need to allow yourself time to just break down and cry. It's healthy and normal to allow yourself to do so. In fact my friend who went through her dad dying used to cry quite a bit. She didn't let it overtake her or anything but she let her emotions and frustrations out and that helped her get through things. She is one of the strongest people I know and today and she teaches Jr. High. Her students don't call her Mrs. B just because of her last name. They love her all the same since they know she cares about them because she's not afraid to show how she feels.

There are a lot of things we can't control in life (hormones, the weather, my brother's dog from peeing on the carpet) and the good thing is that no one expects you to. I can see you are a strong person already by the way you reached out to us in the forum. A lot of people can't even do that. I'm sure there are people in your life that are willing help be your guide, cheerleader, and rock to lean on when things get tough but you need to do your part and reach out as well. Reach out now to those who are physically close to you (this includes any trusted relatives you may have though you didn't mention any in your post) I wish you all the best, they are lucky to have a daughter, sister and friend in you who cares so much for others. :happy:
Thanks.. this helps alot..

And really.. what is taring me.. and i really don't wanna sounds like a person that has issues alot.. and everything.. andi don't wanna be a burden.. i don't wanna hurt anyone..
But.. it's like.. i have noone i truly trust. <sounds kinda lame.. dramatic.. but i try so hard to be with others..and i try to hint i need someone so much.. i TRY so hard to be there for my friends and family.. and i love seeing people happy.. i know i shouldn't feed off of it.. but seeing a person happy.. makes me feel better about myself.. especially that i caused it.. but lately.. seems like noone is trying to be there for me. and i'm trying so hard to reach out.. and i know doing good for others, i shouldn't expect anything back.. cause i serisouly will drop anything if a friend needs help.

Like on of my friends was going through a breakdown.. she lived across the street and i was cleaning and stuff.. i dropped everything to go comfort her.. ive done this alot.. andi feel good about it.. but it just hurts that i'll do that for someone.. and noone will try to do it for me. it sounds so selfish and i feel even more horrible EXPECTING someone to be there for me when i try so hard to be there for them. is that oka? cause.. really.. i'm shakin so bad typing this.. i'm not a type that talks about MY feelings.. i'm sorry.. i'm kinda blabbing.. :( i'm just kinda hurt.. confused..
I'm sick of being used.. but then i think.. it's kinda worth it cause if it makes the person happy.. why not? at least i can say.. "i can do good without expecting anything" but lately.. i can't say that.. and :( i feel guilt.. hurt. it's quite pathetic.

You are right.. i should try to reach out more to friends.. hint abit more. cause they probably don't know what to do.. cause they know i'm hurting and i won't allow them to help so they are jsut blah.

Thanks again you guys..
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
656 Posts
Thanks.. this helps alot..

And really.. what is taring me.. and i really don't wanna sounds like a person that has issues alot.. and everything.. andi don't wanna be a burden.. i don't wanna hurt anyone..
But.. it's like.. i have noone i truly trust. <sounds kinda lame.. dramatic.. but i try so hard to be with others..and i try to hint i need someone so much.. i TRY so hard to be there for my friends and family.. and i love seeing people happy.. i know i shouldn't feed off of it.. but seeing a person happy.. makes me feel better about myself.. especially that i caused it.. but lately.. seems like noone is trying to be there for me. and i'm trying so hard to reach out.. and i know doing good for others, i shouldn't expect anything back.. cause i serisouly will drop anything if a friend needs help.

Like on of my friends was going through a breakdown.. she lived across the street and i was cleaning and stuff.. i dropped everything to go comfort her.. ive done this alot.. andi feel good about it.. but it just hurts that i'll do that for someone.. and noone will try to do it for me. it sounds so selfish and i feel even more horrible EXPECTING someone to be there for me when i try so hard to be there for them. is that oka? cause.. really.. i'm shakin so bad typing this.. i'm not a type that talks about MY feelings.. i'm sorry.. i'm kinda blabbing.. :( i'm just kinda hurt.. confused..
I'm sick of being used.. but then i think.. it's kinda worth it cause if it makes the person happy.. why not? at least i can say.. "i can do good without expecting anything" but lately.. i can't say that.. and :( i feel guilt.. hurt. it's quite pathetic.

You are right.. i should try to reach out more to friends.. hint abit more. cause they probably don't know what to do.. cause they know i'm hurting and i won't allow them to help so they are jsut blah.

Thanks again you guys..
Don't let them fool you....real people have issues. We don't stop growing just because we hit a "magical" age where we are supposed to know and experience everything and sail through the rest of life.

I know it does hurt that people can't always be there for you in the way you need them (friends or family). A lot of times you will see in life that it is a complete stranger who ends up helping you when you most need it (i.e. police, firemen, salvation army etc.) What can I say, we are humans and we are limited. But a lot of time people close to us do want to help but try to be direct about it because the majority of people don't always pick up on hints or they don't understand our hints.

You are a very giving person and I used to be that way too but as you get older and experience things you will see that sometimes holding back can be a good thing. You can't give what you don't have because ultimately the person who knows how to take care of you best of all is you. If you give away all your energy/possessions etc. you will not have anything left for you to go about your life. It is sort of like the poor person's dilemma living in a poor neighborhood. When you get stuck with a problem who do you turn to? Everyone else is just as poor and miserable as you LOL! You just helped your friend who was having a breakdown up on her feet but she is too wobbly to be able to be of any good to your right now isn't she! So yes it is not surprising you feel this way. So you do feel empowered when you helped your friend, not only because you did a good deed but because you have the skills to solve problems...a lot of times in my head I have to imagine that I am the friend in need and counsel myself as to what it is I need to do to feel better.

Oh I just wanted to add that I know what it is like to have a family member who is not "all there". My dad had Alzheimer which effects your brain. He had hallucinations, confusion, memory loss, would get emotional and had to be on medications which helped take the edge off but that was about it. We were on our own me and my mom as we lived it together. My sister and brother-in-law were great but they weren't the ones who had to sometimes sleep by the door in case dad got confused and tried to leave the house which was dangerous as we lived by a highway, as well as other issues that come with taking care of a sick loved one. My sister did get a taste of it one night when I took my mom out for a breather only to be called back with my sister in tears and very upset. Dad was confused and didn't see us there and his mind just went wild and he ended up throwing coffee in my sister's face (don't worry it was just warm) and accusing her of trying to poison him (because he saw her pour a packet of Splenda into his coffee to sweeten it) Sending him to a facility was out of the question as he was still manageable and frankly strangers and having to eat American food would have really put him over the edge! For the most part he was calm and quiet at home.

So the reason I mention this is I could just imagine what you go through at home. It's hard for your friends to understand or even handle this kind of stuff at times (even adults have the same problem) because you don't really know what a person goes through unless you are that person. I think the most important things that helped me get through it was the fact that despite some of the scary times, we always knew how to laugh and make the best of the good times. Also it helps to tell yourself....this is not my dad/sister, this is his/her illness talking. Sometimes you have to say it loud and not just in your head. At times I would look at my dad and say "You don't know who I am do you?" and he would just look at me with innocent eyes and a sheepish grin on his face and chuckle and I would just laugh right back and say "That's okay because the only thing that is important is that I love you and you don't need to know who I am to appreciate that.":happy:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,059 Posts
Don't feel guilty about needing someone to comfort you or needing people to drop things for you sometimes. To begin with you have to think about yourself first because if you aren't healthy (emotionally, physically, or otherwise) you can't be of use to anybody. I always wanted to be a superhero as a kid and when I got older I wanted to be a doctor to take care of people then I realized when I got to college that I was cold, hungry, alone, and broke. How the heck could I take care of anybody like that? I could barely take care of myself. You probably shouldn't hint so much. Some people can't take hints. Sometimes you have to ask directly and I know it sucks but sometimes it's what you have to do. Maybe even talking to your high school guidance counselor would help you find somewhere to go to get the help you need. Like a support group or something. I personally started facilitating a support group for people with addictions and while I was there I discovered the group was all about healthy boundary setting and I found that I was benefiting from the group just as much as anyone else. A lot of the people in there just need to maintain good boundaries. And as a perceiver and a feeler that's something I (and you) could really relate to. And I think all people to some degree struggle with it but feeling perceivers really struggle to the point of emotional collapse at times. And everything that CuritadeRana said. :wink:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
73 Posts
Discussion Starter #9
All i can say is thank you so much... and ha.. i feel for ya CuritadeRana.. the scary times are tough.. but when i look back.. there are some pretty funny times:) and i'm a big laugh it off, shrug it off kinda gal..

Ya know.. you guys are some great people.. often humans just think of humans as horrible people.. but i know.. someone is always good at something.. or has some good in them or alot:)
thanks.. it's hard.. but in the end.. hopefully.. worth it:) :laughing:
I took your guys advice and forced my mom to listen.. i broke down big time.. i felt extremely ashamed for crying.. and i hate being touched when i cry.. but i actually let her hold me once.. it was.. different.. usually the other way around.. and the best part.. she actually listened and not turn everything to her problem like she usually does kinda deal..

I was like helping her with her hair before she went to work.. and just started being my blunt blabby stuff.. and i was like.. mom i'm going to tell you some stuff and i just need you to listen.. andi it's not a big deal but it's really is bothering me.. i didnt tell her EVERYTHING.. but it was a great start. thanks for the extra push! sometimes things are easier said then done.. it's like i know what i need to do.. i just sometimes need people to asure me and push me to do it. A positive peer pressure :D thanks again..
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
656 Posts
All i can say is thank you so much... and ha.. i feel for ya CuritadeRana.. the scary times are tough.. but when i look back.. there are some pretty funny times:) and i'm a big laugh it off, shrug it off kinda gal..

Ya know.. you guys are some great people.. often humans just think of humans as horrible people.. but i know.. someone is always good at something.. or has some good in them or alot:)
thanks.. it's hard.. but in the end.. hopefully.. worth it:) :laughing:
I took your guys advice and forced my mom to listen.. i broke down big time.. i felt extremely ashamed for crying.. and i hate being touched when i cry.. but i actually let her hold me once.. it was.. different.. usually the other way around.. and the best part.. she actually listened and not turn everything to her problem like she usually does kinda deal..

I was like helping her with her hair before she went to work.. and just started being my blunt blabby stuff.. and i was like.. mom i'm going to tell you some stuff and i just need you to listen.. andi it's not a big deal but it's really is bothering me.. i didnt tell her EVERYTHING.. but it was a great start. thanks for the extra push! sometimes things are easier said then done.. it's like i know what i need to do.. i just sometimes need people to asure me and push me to do it. A positive peer pressure :D thanks again..
Two thumbs up :happy::happy::happy:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
73 Posts
Discussion Starter #12
Ha ya.. i'm trying really hard to stay.. happy. :) it isn't that hard.. plus i have soccer tonight, so this should make me feel better with excirsising... and talking with people.
I mean yesterday i got so desperate to get away from my family cause no matter how hard i tried.. some how they felt was my fault.. and i tried to fix it.. i was a failure at that.. so i went on a walk by myself.. tried to get SOMEONE to be with me.. but noone would.. then i found these random kids that i just started talking too.. they aren't the best people.. they just do bad things.. not a bad person kinda deal.. there is a difference. But i talked with them. then this little kid kept following me around and that totally made my day 10X better:) but.. i'm trying:)
 
1 - 12 of 12 Posts
Top