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Discussion Starter #1
"In the case of any person whose judgement is really deserving of confience, how has it become so? Because he has kept his mind open to criticism of his opinions and conduct.

Because it has been his practice to listen to all that could be said against him; to profit by as much of it as was just, and expound to himself, and upon occasion to others, the fallacy of what was fallacious.

Because he has felt, that the only way in which a human being can make some approach to knowing the whole of a subject is by hearing what can be said about it by persons of every variety of opinion, and studying all modes in which it can be looked at by every character of mind."

-J.S. Mills (Famous Utilitarian)

Don't see criticism as an attack, my fellow INFJs...

see it as an oppertunity.
 

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Good point

The key thing for me is to allow myself to make a choice - do I accept or reject what they are saying and am I going to do something about it or not.
 

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Btmangan... i think you are criticizing me.... are you trying to attack me...? because i think you are.....

JUST KIDDING. :wink:

But yes, I definitely agree.

And it takes a strong person to be able to take criticism. A strong person who is firm and grounded in their values and ideology. They won't get fazed by criticism, because they would be able take it as an opportunity to hear different aspects. And because they are grounded in their own understanding, they have the ability to appreciate the nuances of the greater picture.

When it comes to some things... I think I am well- grounded and open to hearing other aspects. However... there are some things that I am still forming my own values about. On those issues, I will likely take the criticism more personally (until my values/thoughts are fully formed) because it is something I am developing my understanding on (hence it is in the sensitive period of my growth). I'll take everything with a grain of salt, but it definitely throws me off balance sometimes when something completely different is thrown in my face when i'm just trying to find a good grip to stand on in the first place!

as a general rule of thumb though... i found that people who are HIGHLY sensitive to criticism almost all of the time aren't very well-grounded in their own beliefs and values. It seems to me they seem threatened when someone has a strong opinion on something when they don't have any understanding of their own self or own opinions (or maybe they do, but just a really shallow one).
 

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see it as an oppertunity.
You misspelled opportunity.

I only accept or consider criticism from people I respect or at least consider as rational or polite. If they're having a rage-attack while criticizing me, I'm not going to take their criticism to heart.

That is, at least, an ideal I strive for. Doesn't always work out...
 

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I'm currently reading Mills' "On the Subjection of Women." He's a really interesting guy. I'm enjoying the book so far. Throughout he makes all these clever observations that make you say, "Hey, he's right, but I never thought about that before!" :proud:
 

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Discussion Starter #6
You misspelled opportunity.

I only accept or consider criticism from people I respect or at least consider as rational or polite. If they're having a rage-attack while criticizing me, I'm not going to take their criticism to heart.

That is, at least, an ideal I strive for. Doesn't always work out...
I agree.

For me it's a battle between my conscious and subconscious mind. Rational/irrational.

My rational side wants to be an ethical and good person, and so consciously attempts to fight my knee-jerk negative reactions to criticism. But that's only because long contemplation has convinced me to fight against my true nature.
 

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The kinds of criticism I usually hear is either "stop whining" or "you're not trying hard enough".

Point well-made however; I am just saying that for criticism to be useful, it has to be made useful first.
 

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Constructive criticism is great.

However...I usually don't like to be criticised unless I've asked for it. If I've asked for it I'm more prepared to listen and not get upset or think I am being attacked personally.

I get upset very easily so criticism is something I find difficult to listen to, especially when I've poured my heart and soul into something!
 

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I am with Umbrella on this one. As I have said in other posts, I do not accept unsolicited criticism, constructive or otherwise. I simply do not listen to it. As Robert Heinlein once said, "80% of all human wisdom is minding one's own business." I agree. I mind my own business unless prodded. On the same note, I do not criticize. I am not capable, and, unless a behavior affects me directly and negatively, I do not really care what or how (or when or why) anyone else does anything. Criticism is very much an opportunity; an opportunity for me to ignore someone.

Everything I do it is within my nature to do. Everything I believe, all of my convictions, values, etc. I realize are nothing more than opinion. And I likewise understand that the same is true for everyone else. Why should anyone assume that her or his opinions or methods or natures are superior to mine. It seems rather presumptuous. If someone does indeed feel that they have a superior method of accomplishing something, there are diplomatic ways to broach it that do not register as criticism; passive, indirect.

On the other hand, if I ask for someone's opinion regarding something, I will be much more open and will listen and weigh her or his opinion against my own. Along the same lines, if I am inadvertently doing something to harm another person, I will certainly accept them pointing it out, though, like in Jeopardy, it needs to be phrased in the form of a question, or some other gentle, sugar-coated fashion. If it has been going on for a while, and they are at the breaking point, and I have not realized it, and they have not pointed it out, it is on them, not me. It can even be direct, as long as it is nice.

I am like a cat on a ledge. If you think you have a valid reason why I should not be sitting on that particular ledge, you must approach me according to a certain protocol, and on my terms. And it had better be a super fantastic reason.
 

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I generally don't get upset when being criticized, but I must admit it easily discourages me from carrying on with whatever it was I was doing. Maybe because I am a perfectionist and as such think I have already looked at something from all angles to find fault and correct it, then someone comes along with a completely different perspective and it throws me for a loop and makes me doubt myself.
 

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There's something else about criticism:

like katey said, when I get criticism... I get discouraged from doing what I was doing. I start feeling that people see me as inadequate or something wrong with me.

A lot of psychological reasons behind that, including how I was raised. Recently, I was offered constructive criticism from two people that I respect -- they were polite and helpful about it. From one person (that I didn't know as much), the criticism didn't bother me at all even though the feedback was offered completely on their own initiative. He just pointed out some things we could do to improve things. It was in private, too. On one hand, I got criticism from another person who I knew better (and there were people in the same room, but in their respective cubicles), but that one discouraged me a little... the focus.. i think was more on the current condition (what was wrong), rather than on what could be done to change things. I definitely know it wasn't meant to be offensive or belittling, but I got heavily discouraged. and I felt I was an inadequate leader of the project, i basically beat myself up for it. :sad: Went out for a drink, and then slept it off. I'm still feeling really vulnerable right now though.
 
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