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Hi guys! :proud:

INFP here - I met this ENFP girl about 6 months ago and fell for her quite hard. She's absolutely amazing: she's confident, artistic, open-minded - your typical ENFP, and I love that! We went on a few dates and I had a great time and it seemed like she did as well.

But here's where things get a bit weird: she said she can't see me for a while because she has a lot of stress at the moment, but that it wouldn't change "the way she feels about me". I understood what she was going through and told her to let me know when things settle down a bit.

We haven't talked in a couple of months (btw she lives kind of far away) so I decided to reach out again - it seemed like she was happy to hear from me and we actually met again after a while. But I started losing hope, because even though we've been having all of these amazing conversations, we never took things further..

She knows I like her because she found out I wrote a poem about her. But I'm confused whether she would want to take things to the next level or not. After our last meetup I stopped messaging her because I thought she wasn't interested. But lately she's been on my Instagram a lot, tagging me in a photo that reminded her of one of our conversations from months ago, liking my pics (she didn't really like a lot of my pics before) or reacting to my stories.

So, I guess my question is: does any of this mean anything? Is she trying to start a conversation again, does she want me to message her? Or should I just move on without ever finding out "the way she feels about me"?


My problem is that she hasn't turned me down yet - she has to know I like her, I may not say it directly, but I wrote a poem, bought her flowers, invited her out for dinner, etc. Is it normal for ENFP's to stay silent instead of hurting someone's feelings?
 

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This isn't an enfp matter but an individual matter. There's a possibility that she doesn't know whether she likes you enough yet or that she only sees you as a friend but is flattered that you're interested in her, also having a crush on somebody doesn't necessarily means that you want to be with them/date them...
What do you think ? Put yourself in her place- what would you do


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@3000egal I think you're being hesitant, she sure seems that way as well, I think she expects you to march forward with confidence and grace and take things further. Perhaps it's my intuition that's at play here, or just sheer optimism and idealism, but you better go all the way and say what you have to say before you give up and desert the scene. You'd regret it afterwards if you don't at least tell her face to face what you feel for her.

As for her liking your pics, yeah, if she didn't want to go further she'd avoid it altogether. Besides, if I were in her spot and I wasn't interested I'd just end things as soon as possible and save the drag of the false hope. It's an uncomfortable position to let you stay in.
 

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I'd still suggest like always that just ask it directly from her and you'll get the answer (which ever it'll be) quickly, saving you time from scanning the hypothetical possibilities and feeling bad without reason :) It works regardless of our types :)

It's perfectly fine to express it using different methods instead of making "big words" (I'm not good at this either) but be sure that the message is clear enough and shows what you expect. I can't speak for all ENFPs or even if it depends on type at all but I'd say staying silent and weighing all the options carefully before saying something so that you definitely don't hurt anybody is more like INFP thing (based on how I see my INFP friend differently from myself). If I was somebody's crush, I'd not hide it when I definitely didn't want to date her.

Unfortunately in realw world people are not mind-readers and it's more effective to remove guessing from the path in order to get what you want or at least move closer to that :)
 

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@3000egal I think you're being hesitant, she sure seems that way as well, I think she expects you to march forward with confidence and grace and take things further. Perhaps it's my intuition that's at play here, or just sheer optimism and idealism, but you better go all the way and say what you have to say before you give up and desert the scene. You'd regret it afterwards if you don't at least tell her face to face what you feel for her.

As for her liking your pics, yeah, if she didn't want to go further she'd avoid it altogether. Besides, if I were in her spot and I wasn't interested I'd just end things as soon as possible and save the drag of the false hope. It's an uncomfortable position to let you stay in.
Damn, I guess that means I need to gain some confidence now before it's too late lol
But you're right, it's better to go all the way than doing nothing and regretting it afterward..
 

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I'd still suggest like always that just ask it directly from her and you'll get the answer (which ever it'll be) quickly, saving you time from scanning the hypothetical possibilities and feeling bad without reason :) It works regardless of our types :)

It's perfectly fine to express it using different methods instead of making "big words" (I'm not good at this either) but be sure that the message is clear enough and shows what you expect. I can't speak for all ENFPs or even if it depends on type at all but I'd say staying silent and weighing all the options carefully before saying something so that you definitely don't hurt anybody is more like INFP thing (based on how I see my INFP friend differently from myself). If I was somebody's crush, I'd not hide it when I definitely didn't want to date her.

Unfortunately in realw world people are not mind-readers and it's more effective to remove guessing from the path in order to get what you want or at least move closer to that :)
Are ENFP's okay with people expressing their feelings directly to them? I don't want to put her on the spot you know?
But I think you're right, staying silent and overthinking is definitely more an INFP thing :D So, if you knew somebody had a crush on you, you'd turn them down directly, right? Well, she hasn't done that yet..so I guess I still have a chance ^^
 

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This isn't an enfp matter but an individual matter. There's a possibility that she doesn't know whether she likes you enough yet or that she only sees you as a friend but is flattered that you're interested in her, also having a crush on somebody doesn't necessarily means that you want to be with them/date them...
What do you think ? Put yourself in her place- what would you do


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Hmm yeah, I guess you're right...maybe she's just flattered - because she hasn't turned me down yet, but she also hasn't reciprocated when I "showed" her my feelings in some way..

If I were her and somebody I didn't like that way had a crush on me, I'd probably avoid them if they started making any moves and turn them down eventually when things go too far for me. So, I guess she could only see the flowers and poem as a nice gesture, but nothing romantic..
 

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Are ENFP's okay with people expressing their feelings directly to them? I don't want to put her on the spot you know?
But I think you're right, staying silent and overthinking is definitely more an INFP thing :D So, if you knew somebody had a crush on you, you'd turn them down directly, right? Well, she hasn't done that yet..so I guess I still have a chance ^^
Yep, definitely would prefer if another person is clear about their expectations and hopes. I think I'm pretty bad at reading such signs out of somebody and when I was younger, never realized if anybody could be interested in me unless they showed it clearly :) So it might be the case for you too. And there's nothing wrong with being concrete - worst thing which could happen is that you get to know sooner if she has no interest in you or she does. Both options have only pros I guess :)

Probably it doesn't work exactly that way for absolutely everyone but for some girls there is so called friendzone system too - if you wait too long without making your move, you become befriended before you get upgrade :)
 

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Yep, definitely would prefer if another person is clear about their expectations and hopes. I think I'm pretty bad at reading such signs out of somebody and when I was younger, never realized if anybody could be interested in me unless they showed it clearly :) So it might be the case for you too. And there's nothing wrong with being concrete - worst thing which could happen is that you get to know sooner if she has no interest in you or she does. Both options have only pros I guess :)

Probably it doesn't work exactly that way for absolutely everyone but for some girls there is so called friendzone system too - if you wait too long without making your move, you become befriended before you get upgrade :)
Now that you say it, I think I noticed that my ENFP friends are the same - I always have to tell them when someone seems to like them a lot lol :D
Thank you for your advice, I think I'll make my move soon - better than doing nothing, and who knows, maybe there really is still a chance she likes me back ^^
 

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Now that you say it, I think I noticed that my ENFP friends are the same - I always have to tell them when someone seems to like them a lot lol :D
Thank you for your advice, I think I'll make my move soon - better than doing nothing, and who knows, maybe there really is still a chance she likes me back ^^
Yeah, definitely do try as otherwise you have no chance anyway. You have nothing to lose and there's a chance that you "win" :)
 

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Hi guys! :proud:

INFP here - I met this ENFP girl about 6 months ago and fell for her quite hard. She's absolutely amazing: she's confident, artistic, open-minded - your typical ENFP, and I love that! We went on a few dates and I had a great time and it seemed like she did as well.

But here's where things get a bit weird: she said she can't see me for a while because she has a lot of stress at the moment, but that it wouldn't change "the way she feels about me". I understood what she was going through and told her to let me know when things settle down a bit.

We haven't talked in a couple of months (btw she lives kind of far away) so I decided to reach out again - it seemed like she was happy to hear from me and we actually met again after a while. But I started losing hope, because even though we've been having all of these amazing conversations, we never took things further..

She knows I like her because she found out I wrote a poem about her. But I'm confused whether she would want to take things to the next level or not. After our last meetup I stopped messaging her because I thought she wasn't interested. But lately she's been on my Instagram a lot, tagging me in a photo that reminded her of one of our conversations from months ago, liking my pics (she didn't really like a lot of my pics before) or reacting to my stories.

So, I guess my question is: does any of this mean anything? Is she trying to start a conversation again, does she want me to message her? Or should I just move on without ever finding out "the way she feels about me"?


My problem is that she hasn't turned me down yet - she has to know I like her, I may not say it directly, but I wrote a poem, bought her flowers, invited her out for dinner, etc. Is it normal for ENFP's to stay silent instead of hurting someone's feelings?

I don't know... but she did say she feels something towards you... I don't know how old she is she might just be confused. I don't know what she is going through... it depends. Maybe she is not as confident as she tries to show herself to be, maybe in reality she is insicure. I think you should give her time. But don't stop going out with people and getting involved in other things. The only thing that would be a red flag is if by "stress" she means I don't know like just stuff to study or work on and not an actual struggle
 

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I don't know I think it's not an ENFP thing but just a ME thing... when I don't like someone I let them know without any problem. You know, I think the problem is just a modern world thing: always trying to define, define... just let it evolve. And don't keep it to much an online thing. You don't have to move on just live and if things are meant to be trust me they happen don't rush her thoughts, her feelings you might have different timings
 

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I don't know I think it's not an ENFP thing but just a ME thing... when I don't like someone I let them know without any problem. You know, I think the problem is just a modern world thing: always trying to define, define... just let it evolve. And don't keep it to much an online thing. You don't have to move on just live and if things are meant to be trust me they happen don't rush her thoughts, her feelings you might have different timings
100% agree but I would say the YOU thing actually isn't appropriate advice for MOST people.

People seem to love to enthusiastically get together just as easily as they enthusiastically fall out with one another. The concept of fidelity and loyalty seems to be a fading precept these days.

And to the OP. Give it a shot. You'll end up regretting not trying and just giving up. Make a move! :)
 

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ENFP female married for 15 years to an INFP here.

Let me get this straight. You two got kind of close somehow and then she said she was busy but it wouldn’t change how she felt about you. I agree with @Ele30 if I don’t like a guy, he will know it immediately. I will resist and say no and beat around the bush. I would not say something like “The time apart will not change how I feel about you.”
So I’d just be waiting for the INFP to ask me out again and actually date me.
Like... date her. You want good memories from your life from this time. My husband had a bit of a hard time understanding what I meant on this one too, actually, when we were dating. I don’t mean to make it sound too commercial or anything and it didn’t really have to do with spending too much money.... but if I’ve found the guy I want to be with then I want him to romance the heck out of me.
I don’t know if that is where she is at with you or what... it kind of sounds like it. But basically I felt like I should have that experience no matter what so that I felt like I knew this one was my guy and was showing me that he was my guy. I think whether you end up being the one or not I’d just thinking “Why the hell isnt he pursuing me?” “Why hasn’t he asked if I’m done with my project? Has he moved on? Doesn’t he see me checking out his Instagram?”

Lol
Sorry, but Do go make it into a rom-com as much as possible... but also realize that ENFP girls want to analyze the experience of being with the guy for a bit longer than INFP guys before we commit. Like you’ll have to show her who you are and what you want for a while longer than what an INFP would expect so that she can figure out if you are able to meet the possibilities in her mind that she wants and also so that she can judge the quality of what it is like to be together with you.

I knew I didn’t want to stop dating my husband but I was a lot slower to commit than him. Also if he hadn’t pursued me like a cheetah trying to down a gazelle then it would have been a no-go. I need to see commitment as a gazelle.

I don’t know... hope this helps. Give her a bit more time than what you would take. Pursue her longer than you thought you’d need to. ENFPs take longer to commit then INFPs do. Also I personally like being pursued by my husband NOW and every day if possible, so no wonder I’ve got to see the commitment before hand.

Sounds like a lot. Yeah it is. I wasn’t going to commit otherwise, though.
Again, hope this helps.
 

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Also he did scare me sometimes with how fast he was trying to take me down and that almost made things not work too. So know that she will want to be dated for a bit longer than you’d like probably... but definitely go for it! She will let you know if she isn’t interested or if you are moving too fast... but unless she says no then you are free to keep perusing her until she can’t do without you anymore and never wants to be apart. And basically are as loved as my husband is right now by me, which feels like the most important thing about me. Ever.
 

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The ENFP is probably thinking ahead about probable scenarios how it would play out if she were to commit to you. This takes forever for them to figure out (if ever). You're better off helping her sort her thoughts through dialogue. A lot of dialogue.

I think when a ENFP isn't fully going after you with some form of conviction, it is very hard to get them to stick to you permanently. It will just by highs and lows, warms and colds. Not relationship material at first glance.
 

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100% agree but I would say the YOU thing actually isn't appropriate advice for MOST people.

People seem to love to enthusiastically get together just as easily as they enthusiastically fall out with one another. The concept of fidelity and loyalty seems to be a fading precept these days.

And to the OP. Give it a shot. You'll end up regretting not trying and just giving up. Make a move! :)
God it's so sad how people just fall out of love these days and move on. Sorry just had to say that
 

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God it's so sad how people just fall out of love these days and move on. Sorry just had to say that
Yeah... Oh. No, you don't need to apologize to me for saying something that's true. I think it really is sad that people just start new relationships, then end them when it's no longer convenient, it runs into the slightest of problems or do something egregious like secretly cheat on their love. Hookup culture has always existed, but now that it's become the default mindset, it makes people do shit that they're for sure going to regret when they're older and less enthusiastic about starting new relationships. Sorry for swearing, but the way society currently is makes me kind of angry and makes me want to take out the people responsible for the way things are today. I have no problem with doing so but ick, ick, ick. :\
 

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I knew I didn’t want to stop dating my husband but I was a lot slower to commit than him. Also if he hadn’t pursued me like a cheetah trying to down a gazelle then it would have been a no-go. I need to see commitment as a gazelle.

I don’t know... hope this helps. Give her a bit more time than what you would take. Pursue her longer than you thought you’d need to. ENFPs take longer to commit then INFPs do. Also I personally like being pursued by my husband NOW and every day if possible, so no wonder I’ve got to see the commitment before hand.
Could it be difference of genders not difference of INFP/ENFP? I never needed time to commit when I felt I match with someone. For example: even skipped one good "opportunity" before I had first date with my current SO after we first met - once, one girl who looked like she's came from front page of model's magazine started to talk to me and was definitely interested in me but it felt wrong and I didn't want to mess chances with my soon-to-be SO although we didn't have any commitment yet that time and I could have been used that chance for my own "profit". Also which woman doesn't want to be pursued by their husband and vice versa :)
 

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Yeah... Oh. No, you don't need to apologize to me for saying something that's true. I think it really is sad that people just start new relationships, then end them when it's no longer convenient, it runs into the slightest of problems or do something egregious like secretly cheat on their love. Hookup culture has always existed, but now that it's become the default mindset, it makes people do shit that they're for sure going to regret when they're older and less enthusiastic about starting new relationships. Sorry for swearing, but the way society currently is makes me kind of angry and makes me want to take out the people responsible for the way things are today. I have no problem with doing so but ick, ick, ick. :\
Yeah, I know it really hurts... I'm going through the biggest regret. I really was (still am) in love with a guy. But I met him when I was only 13. So we were both immature and he would make fun of me a lot because he was a kid and he had issues and he didn't know he was hurting my feelings, and peers told me to forget him cause he hurt my feelings. I listened to them cause I thought he did not like me anyways and at 16 I decided someone else would become my boyfriend. Looking back he was just a friend. Well, turns out the boy I loved actually loved me back and was going to tell me. Now, at 19 after having gone through the worst moments of my life and having gone through an illness I realize that thinking of him was the biggest cure for me and I am still in love with him. Boy, do I regret having listened to the "mainstream way of thinking" I could have lived a beautiful love story in an age in which everything seems magical. I will never have those moments again, not a love like that one for I will not be 14/15 again and I feel like life just doesn't enchant me as much as it did in those early teen and pre-teen years anymore
 
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