Personality Cafe banner

21 - 27 of 27 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
82 Posts
LOL. No. Realizing you are INTP has nothing to do with it. It's all about accepting that you do not need to be perfectly understood to open self.
It's either others asking questions about our emotions that forces us to analyse it or expect some kind of action based on emotion. Using emotions as motor for action (while mind steers it anyway for us) is quite natural for us without even thinking about it. It's about openness to others with and not being sure how.
Hmm.. I agree with both. MBTI and those confrontations arrived more or less at the same point in my life, but I think it's safe to say that: If I would get confronted without knowing about MBTI, I'd probably react differently... Knowing about MBTI, helped me to discover blind spots in myself, helped me to understand my weaker areas... And hence helped me to work on those.

Where as, if I would be confronted before knowing about all these.. I'd probably be less capable off making sense of it all...If that makes any sense :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
812 Posts
I had at least one INTP want to be with me. It didn't end well. He was very nice, good to talk to, I enjoyed his company but he was so very awkward the minute he acknowledged his feelings were there to stay. Trying to rationalise his feelings always was unnerving to me.

I get this is what INTPs do, being logical thinkers and all. But the whole, "I must be able to explain love (and all subsequent emotions) with rationality and logic" kind of killed it for me. And I don't think even he knew how to deal with his newfound feelings. As an INFJ, I don't feel the need to be able to 'logically explain' something as awe-inspiring as love, that's where we differed.

I think he felt most comfortable around other introverts, didn't feel pressured to open up. Extroverts were not his game, but everyone is different. He also seemed to have a thing for F types romantically, at least that's what I gathered, but they confused him.
Lol actually I tend to "dampen" or logically map out the reasons for feelings between myself and my ESFJ or INTJ friends.

On the one hand, I do it intentionally to hint at ESFJ (who canNOT seem to ever turn off his dom Fe, hence dom I guess) that no, we are never going to happen, and you are spent on this more than I am. Lol I can sit there and bluntly tell him excuses as to why or in what ways we work or not (I bring up astrology or MBTI or anything technical) and he coils to it like "okay you hate me..." but he keeps trying, so I have to do it. =_=

For the INTJ, usually he is the one (surprisingly) telling me I am making things sound "duller than they actually are" when we exchange means of expression. I drop into Ti too easy, but that's because he is a Thinker with Te and I don't know how else to communicate OR combat it (because I'm sensitive >>) unless with my own thinking coherence to keep up.

I bring this up because your comment reminds me how intentional applying logic to sort out feelings is, at least from my perspective. I find I do it indirectly at times also, but that's because there is an underlying purpose to tell someone "yeah I don't believe that which you see we have going on here"...lol There's also the detail of "idealizing your connection with an INFJ" that comes to mind. I read that our type is victorious with people matters and relationships to the point some onlookers (or victims) can be like "who is this angel sent from heaven/ omg ive never been talked to so kindly and listened to before"... For me I guess there is a desire to come clean and show them that "this is actually whats underneath. This is who youre talking to. Lol" because Ni Fe can be too magical sometimes for its own good, it's not realistic in essence and it's a challenge to be genuine to ourselves as much as we can (try to) be to others i guess(?).

I suppose when INTPs are doing it though then they are being rather straight and short about it. And for them that is as genuine as they can get. I guess when I do it I am being emotionally manipulative and constantly referencing the dynamic between myself and another.
 
  • Like
Reactions: lavendersnow

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,858 Posts
Lol actually I tend to "dampen" or logically map out the reasons for feelings between myself and my ESFJ or INTJ friends.

On the one hand, I do it intentionally to hint at ESFJ (who canNOT seem to ever turn off his dom Fe, hence dom I guess) that no, we are never going to happen, and you are spent on this more than I am. Lol I can sit there and bluntly tell him excuses as to why or in what ways we work or not (I bring up astrology or MBTI or anything technical) and he coils to it like "okay you hate me..." but he keeps trying, so I have to do it. =_=

For the INTJ, usually he is the one (surprisingly) telling me I am making things sound "duller than they actually are" when we exchange means of expression. I drop into Ti too easy, but that's because he is a Thinker with Te and I don't know how else to communicate OR combat it (because I'm sensitive >>) unless with my own thinking coherence to keep up.

I bring this up because your comment reminds me how intentional applying logic to sort out feelings is, at least from my perspective. I find I do it indirectly at times also, but that's because there is an underlying purpose to tell someone "yeah I don't believe that which you see we have going on here"...lol There's also the detail of "idealizing your connection with an INFJ" that comes to mind. I read that our type is victorious with people matters and relationships to the point some onlookers (or victims) can be like "who is this angel sent from heaven/ omg ive never been talked to so kindly and listened to before"... For me I guess there is a desire to come clean and show them that "this is actually whats underneath. This is who youre talking to. Lol" because Ni Fe can be too magical sometimes for its own good, it's not realistic in essence and it's a challenge to be genuine to ourselves as much as we can (try to) be to others i guess(?).

I suppose when INTPs are doing it though then they are being rather straight and short about it. And for them that is as genuine as they can get. I guess when I do it I am being emotionally manipulative and constantly referencing the dynamic between myself and another.
I do the same when I'm coming up with a reason I don't like someone or don't want to be with them, not when I do like them and accept it. I don't think I've ever liked someone and been in denial about it is what I'm getting at, and then tried to use logical to strengthen my own denial. I don't mean you do, I mean the INTP that I previously mentioned did. He seemed to really like me, and said so, but was conflicted over why. Perhaps because he wasn't used to feeling so understood.

Many INTPs seem, in my experience, use that logical mapping more for the latter, trying to dissuade themselves from admitting their feelings, and it's a personal turn-off. I see it in a lot in Ti doms especially.

The only people in my life who I've told very clearly and quite harshly that I would not date them and they still refused to budge were both ISTPs. I did so because they couldn't get the hint, otherwise I really really don't want to hurt their feelings and it becomes a big fear of mine that if my rejection is too harsh, they might never have the confidence to approach someone they love in the future. Most people get rejected and are sad and slowly walk away, not these guys. They were both very macho and seemed to think they were the ones who would decide where our relationship was going.

Even if I wasn't along for the ride.

No was not a valid answer. In fact, neither was yes - they'd already decided for me as a complete absolute that the decisions that affected us both were in their hands. It wasn't negotiable. I was left thinking "How can you be into someone who has told you point blank that they don't want you and will never want you the way you want them?" I'd be very hurt if someone I loved or liked said that to me and it'd certainly make me like them less. Why like someone who doesn't like you? That's not normal.

Wow, couldn't have put it better myself. I do have those moments, where people are gravitated to me - especially NTs and I'm puzzled in many ways, as to why. I know why, it's just weird to me. Mainly because, I know, I wouldn't be attracted to me if I weren't me simply because I don't find my traits attractive in other people. I don't find difficult to read people attractive, I like open people, I don't like quiet and private people, like myself. That's why I'm not very partial to INTJs in a romantic sense, because it's like dating myself and that's boring.

Some people like introverts more because they feel less judged and like there's less conflict but I need someone the opposite of me. Not quite ESTP territory, as I find we're so opposites that they just don't understand anything I say. Also, Se-Ti is a no-go pairing for me. But I still need a high energy extrovert.

I'm a big believer that my partner needs to be complimentary - not the same. Their strengths are my weaknesses, my strengths are their weaknesses. What's the point in being great at the exact same things? Sometimes I try to get through to other people that I am not as perfect as they think. I don't know why I hear so many INFJs always saying this - it seems strange to want people to know you're not as great as they say. Maybe we fear being idealised, I know I certainly do and it's a reason I avoid relationships.

I am not infallible. I'm not always right and like many, often I can't take my own good advice. But I can definitely see the people who really really like me as thinking "Wow, she's everything I've been missing" and that usually comes from an NT or ST who is missing quite a lot of empathy and is fascinated by how it comes naturally to me.

While I consider myself someone with a fairly developed Ti (and very developed Te for an INFJ), logic is something I use to make my decisions, but not in accepting my attraction for someone. Logic never comes into it. Where I'm thinking about acting on romantic/sexual attraction etc is definitely when I start examining the logical outcome of the situation. Is it worth it? Are they worth it? What information proves it is or isn't.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
822 Posts
I only have a couple requirements for the type of person I go for.

Someone that accepts me.

That and they have to be female....lol

Call me shallow, but they also have to be at minimum a 5/10

I think that's a reasonable amount of vanity.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
91 Posts
Well, to me, a crush is finding someone attractive and find them drawing me in. A crush for me is purely superficial.

However, if I want it to develop in a long lasting romantic relationship, then I have my INTP requirements.

However, when INTP's fall in love, it's often childlike in how pure and honest it is. (Me included)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
280 Posts
I don't really get crushes.

When I do get crushes, they're often on people I principally or logically dislike.

I then fight my own crush and belidger myself for my bad taste because this person would obviously never work out.

I hypothesize over more suitable crushes but find myself inexaplicably unbothered to pursue them.


Basically, I need a male Jane to my Darcy.
 
21 - 27 of 27 Posts
Top