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Discussion Starter #21
By the way, using the rubber band reminds me of the Kurt Vonnegut, Jr., short story "Harrison Bergeron", specifically of Harrison's dad who, by virtue of being smarter than average, must be "handicapped" by a device to emit a loud noise and jumble this thoughts every few seconds. Anyone else read it?
 

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Logical/rational thinking works pretty good for me. I sometimes just remind myself of which beliefs of mine are true/untrue and which emotions are justified or unjustified (because some are based on a wrong belief). Its not about trying to convince yourself, its about reminding yourself of whats actually true.
This video is kind of about that topic and pretty amazing :) it just brings clarity (to me at least but I guess it could help lots of people), especially helpful around 1:42, but you should whatch it all :)

This video was very good. Thank you.

I apologise for this. I know it seems childish, but it appears we ENTPs like to just proclaim how awesome we are. Even though we logically realize we are not. Thus I'd say this guy strikes me as an ENTP. Is their hope to learn emotions through logic then?

Not ENTP, you say ...
Check this out. I am Curt Cobain



BTW, is this INFP? :)
You guys are creepy! :)


 

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@Istbkleta Yep I love this guy, ENTP's are so cool! I always thought of him as an INTP though or just on the borderline to an extrovert.

"Is their hope to learn emotions through logic then?"
Thats an interesting thought. For us INFP's its probably the other way around.
But since you are an ENTP.... is it like that for ENTP's?
A feeling of personal awesomeness is an emotion/feeling too, isnt it?

Yes it is creepy, might be a talent of hers though! In my eyes she might be an INFP but I dont think that creepiness is a sign of INFP-ness :).
 

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It's pretty well accepted that INFPs crush hard! It makes sense -- we idealize, we feel deeply, we envision the future.

Today i'm thinking about how this tendency toward emotional entanglement isn't always healthy. To an extent it's OK, but when we grant one person such control over our sense of well-being, without an underlying commitment, we're really not exercising good emotional boundaries.

But disengagement is tough. Disengagement when there's still potential for things to work out with another person, when it's too early to give up, when thinking about a future with them is oh, so tempting, well... it feels damn near impossible. But it's still an important skill to learn.

We can learn emotional and mental self-discipline. We're not going to learn it all at once, but we can work on it. When we catch ourselves going down that road, we can snap a rubber band on our wrist or just start staring and thinking deeply about whatever we literally see right in front of our face. If we must indulge in futuristic emotional thinking, we can time-box it and push it off in the future. "Tomorrow i will let myself process my emotions toward her for 15 minutes. That's all."

Thoughts?
If this ain't the truth I don't what is. I think the mistake I intentionally made (in life) was over indulging in the fantasy of being her who ever she is. Looking at the future and not paying enough attention in the present. Compounded with a fear of rejection the whole thing would end before it even started.

What you said is what I do. When I am alone at the end of day and replay all of the flirting, and glances from a far, I stop myself and say, "it is what is". This motto is my rubber band. By telling myself this, I can stop myself from adding unneeded emotions so I won't make a problem where it is not parented. Of course I now know not to completely ignore them either. Not going to far, and not being afraid to go at all is what I seemed to have learned through trail and error.
 

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Discussion Starter #26
@Blackbeard: Thanks so much for the feedback.

When I am alone at the end of day and replay all of the flirting, and glances from a far, I stop myself and say, "it is what is". This motto is my rubber band.
Interesting. That sounds like a declaration of resignation, which may well be a good thing. ("God grant me the serenity...") Can you explain more about how this helps clear your mind? Like, what is the next thought after that?
 

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Well I met this new girl over the weekend, and it reminded me of this thread because the whole weekend I was trying to stop myself from falling for her and idealizing her and all that. It was a constant loop of thinking damn this girls really cool I could see myself with her, and picking her apart to try to destroy any notion of a future with her.

Fortunantley, her friend revealed something about her to me, that for me, is a deal breaker in a relationship. However, even after that fact, I was still thinking well she'll still be a cool friend. And maybe one day something more.. Anyways, I found it easier to look at her as a potential friend rather than a potential lover. Maybe the next line of thought is to look at her with no potential at all and see where that takes me.
 

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@Blackbeard : Thanks so much for the feedback.



Interesting. That sounds like a declaration of resignation, which may well be a good thing. ("God grant me the serenity...") Can you explain more about how this helps clear your mind? Like, what is the next thought after that?
In a sense it is. I am not giving up on anything, but more like accepting what is. I'm not giving up on what could be, I'm trying to accept my present, and move accordingly to what I may want my future to be. This is because I tend to get tripped up on thinking of so many possible outcomes, both good and bad, that I sometimes defeat myself before I even begin. Simply keeping my mind in the moment helps me focus on the task at hand. Working towards my future/my end/love/happiness/. Instead of just thinking about it to the point that I create some reason why I don't want to try. I have to take it as it comes otherwise I'll become lost in my own mind.

There is not really any thought after "it is what it is". I try to just keep moving.
 

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And then I actually watched the video, and I realize that this guy is a T. Obviously.
Emotional Intelligence? Rejecting my emotions??!
Does. not. compute... :mellow::tongue:
I can...kinda...understand him. Somehow. Possibly. But that doesn't mean I can use his technique... =S
 

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Discussion Starter #31
I've been progressing fairly well on this (still think of her at least once virtually every hour of every day) but the past 24 hours it appears to have gone to shit.

And by the way, thanks to all who've provided positive feedback by thanking the OP. @Jingo, @Blackbeard, @refugee, @under skies, @vvv., @Aelthwyn, @Silt, @glisten, @Marshmeli, @Rothko, @soulsearch, @rainbowchelle, @bigtalljay, @zewology, @minerva83, hope it's not too annoying to mention you by name here. I'd love to continue this conversation, to hear all of your stories.
 

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Re: Rubber Bands and Other Suppression Techniques.
 

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Ok so I'm an enfp, bit his definitely sounds like me....! Like... To a tee! I wonder sometimes about my E... Anyhow, I like what someone up there said about logic. I try that but then it causes me to just think more and psychoanalyze situations. So basically nothing works. Ever.
 

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I got through about 20 seconds and it became way too fast and intense for me! slow down dude!!! ahhh! too much stimulation! haha
I got a bit motion sick also. The ideas weren't the problem, it was his constant moving back & forth from the camera & quick editing cuts between sentences. I get the impression this is supposed to be energetic & more engaging to people, but it's a bit overwhelming to this introvert :p.
 

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Yeah, this is me.. My friends have simply given up listening when I bring up a girl now >< The rubber band technique is interesting, because I've never seen it as a 'remedy' for this, but rather as a tool for when dealing with depression. I'm almost tempted to try this out..

But currently it has been 10 months since I've met who I still think is the perfect one.. However what tends to happen every couple of months is that I'll get over her for a week or two, but eventually it just comes back to her :\ Consciously, I've given up on her, but it's still pretty hard to control. Oh dear, just realised the irony of the last few sentences together..

I think its time to try the rubber band!
 

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I got a bit motion sick also. The ideas weren't the problem, it was his constant moving back & forth from the camera & quick editing cuts between sentences. I get the impression this is supposed to be energetic & more engaging to people, but it's a bit overwhelming to this introvert :p.
It's like a kid with ADHD (or if it's ADD?) hopped up on caffeine was in charge of the editing. Jump-cut extravaganza! Point is valid tho.

Ok so I'm an enfp, bit his definitely sounds like me....! Like... To a tee! I wonder sometimes about my E... Anyhow, I like what someone up there said about logic. I try that but then it causes me to just think more and psychoanalyze situations. So basically nothing works. Ever.
First, this is not directed at you personally, I'm speaking rather broadly about the issue, so don't go taking offense now.

I think that most people have a tendency to be somewhat occupied with what could be as opposed to what is. This is something that has been evolutionary beneficial for us, as it enables us to plan ahead and not be caught off-guard by chance. But it is somewhat of a Janus-faced trait as well, as it can make us predominated with possibilities and leave us unable to act in the present, as always balance is key. I think acknowledging and adopting an accepting stance towards your emotions goes a long way. That is unless they pose a real problem for you.

In that case, I think that if you're truly to walk away from the problem permanently. If you're looking to solve it rather than postpone it, and eventually having it end up biting you in the ass, you basically have to psychoanalyze (not necessarily in the Freudian sense. :wink:) Get to the bottom of why you fall into this kind of thinking patterns and the effects it has on you. Something you might not be able to do completely on your own. We're usually too close to our own situation to be able to truly analyze our emotions objectively and accurately, this is especially true regarding NFs.
 

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Yes, you just totally described me, @CynicallyNaive. In fact, crushing is kind of the way I live my life. If I don't have some idealized version of a guy in my head all the time, I kind of get panicked. Like, well, maybe there isn't anybody out there for me.

Right now, I'm definitely crushing on someone. However, it's more intense than usual because he's different than former guys. Even my best friends agree on this. Usually they put up with my twitterpated monologues and probably roll their eyes when I'm not looking. But they all agree that this guy is different. It's actually exciting, because he's probably the most emotionally mature person I've been interested in, and I've never been at a better point in my life to be with someone like that. He also fits all the categories of what I'm looking for, which is rare. Usually there's something I just have to put up with--political views, type of religious observance--but this guy happens to have them all "right." Also, I'm actually physically attracted to him. That is very rare. Usually, I convince myself that a guy who has potential is "cute" or that I could grow to become attracted to him. In this case, the physical attraction makes it all the more overwhelming.

In a way, it's cool, because it's like, "what did i do to deserve this?" But in another way it's very, very scary. Because the stakes are much higher this time. So I'm really, really glad this thread is up here! Because man have I been having a difficult time sleeping lately! Sometimes the only way I can get myself to cool off is to just force myself to think he's not interested in me. Amazingly, that can work for brief periods of time, and I can get some work done. But it is hard.

I have a suspicion that, like all relationships I pursue, the dream will soon be over. And I'll retreat to my cocoon and try to heal.

Is it worth it to feel this happy, y'all?
 

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Discussion Starter #39
In a way, it's cool, because it's like, "what did i do to deserve this?" But in another way it's very, very scary. Because the stakes are much higher this time. So I'm really, really glad this thread is up here! Because man have I been having a difficult time sleeping lately! Sometimes the only way I can get myself to cool off is to just force myself to think he's not interested in me. Amazingly, that can work for brief periods of time, and I can get some work done. But it is hard.

I have a suspicion that, like all relationships I pursue, the dream will soon be over. And I'll retreat to my cocoon and try to heal.
You can't imagine how much i relate to this. Only, it's 8 months on, and i still have no resolution. All i really know is, she's healing, the interest might or might not be mutual (and yeah, i've told her), and until she's ready for commitment she doesn't deserve for me to invest this much emotion in her.

But yeah, it's gonna be a huge letdown... except that viscerally, i don't think it's going to be a letdown... which is what makes this nerve-wracking.
 

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Discussion Starter #40
Mixed results lately. When i've blocked her out for a while, then come back to thinking about her, it feels so good to realize that i don't have to think about everything all at once. I can think about her a bit, then think about other stuff.

But this weekend, from Friday afternoon to Sunday night, was sort of overwhelmingly full of new data. I've given myself license to daydream about the future for a while, and i'm not 100% sure that's healthy. Sure feels good though....
 
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