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Discussion Starter #1
How often (if ever) do you cry? What compels you to cry? Do you ever cry in front of other people? What would you think if someone cried in front of you? (I don't mean feeling like you want to cry, but actual tears coming down your face, crying)
 

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Let's see. I cry a lot. At least a couple of times a week. Clinical depression is the main cause, but secondary causes include medication side effects, anxiety, stress, and sleep deprivation (that last one will turn me into a sobbing wreck). Because I'm so messed up, I do end up crying in public sometimes, but I will do everything I can to hide it. I avoid looking at people, try to mentally distract myself, etc.

What would I think if someone cried in front of me? Well, if I suspected that it was being done as a manipulation thing, then I'd be put off by it. If I knew it was because of genuine sadness, anger, frustration, etc, then I would probably have a hard time seeing it, and might feel tempted to leave that person alone, but I would be sympathetic in that instance.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
I just realized I never filled out my own questionnaire thing!

How often (if ever) do you cry?
I don't cry ever really. Maybe once a year, or maybe twice if it's a particularly stressful year. I usually cry at the dumbest things when it happens, but it will be a culmination of a lot of things. I feel like I want to cry a lot though.

What compels you to cry?
Stress, and not meeting the pretty high internal standards I set for myself.

Do you ever cry in front of other people?
No.

What would you think if someone cried in front of you?
As my hero Abby Lee Miller says, save your tears for your pillow in your room. I have a hard time empathizing with people who publicly display emotions but I try to comfort them, even though I'm not very good at it.
 

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I cry 4 times a year, much to my dismay(I'd rather never cry, for I see crying as the world's biggest humiliation). It's usually(ironically), because I have accidentally humiliated myself in front of others(ruined a performance or looked extremly stupid--which makes me feel helpless, in addition to feeling humiliated--). When I feel this disgusting liquid being on its way to my cheeks, I do anything I can to repress it. My first instinct is to isolate myself. If for some reason I can't, I discreetly hurt myself until I concentrate on the physical pain instead of the tears so they dry before falling on my cheeks, in a desperate attempt to restrain them. I resort to any strategy that I feel will work.

I however have no problem keeping tears at bay and delaying the emotional turbulence when major events like death of a loved one happens. For some reason, I seem to automatically detach from everything and keep on going like nothing had happened. I actually don't feel a thing for the following 3-4 months, and when the horror finally sparks whithin, I am a master at getting rid of it until I can be alone(and even then, I decide if I want to explore it). I've been seen as "cold, unfeeling, wrong" because while everyone expressed their grief and whatnot at funerals & other rememberance moments, I just sat still with an eternally impassive face. Society is so judgmental...It horrifies me to realize how emotionally intrusive 99% of the people are, how deep runs their lack of understanding... (Though in retrospect, funerals are not the greatest places to mention you're against the idea of funerals...)

The only thing that succeeds at making me tear up despite all my attempts to control myself is living an humiliation. I know this sounds very shallow...

If I cry, it's an humiliation, failure, loss of dignity, the death of my poised image, and etc. I need to be repsected and project an impressive image, and crying publicly ruins that. If it's someone else crying, I do not judge or loose respect. I'm much harder on myself...

I respectfully keep my distance when someone breaks down, as I know what it feels to be intruded upon against my will. I may ask questions and/or say something comforting if I sense the other person wants to be comforted, but otherwise I just make them some tea/coffee and silently empathize.

"When someone is crying, of course, the noble thing to do is to comfort them. But if someone is trying to hide their tears, it may also be noble to pretend you do not notice them.” --Lemony Snicket.


How I wish people around me would take the second road...
 

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When I cry, it's because of deep wounds from or worry for one of my loved ones. I can take all the physical pain in the world and not cry, but if I'm crossed or touched emotionally by one of the few people I share that deep bond with, I will have my moment to cry. I don't like crying in front of people unless I'm sharing a something sincere. The tears can help express sincerity, and in that case, they're nothing I feel ashamed of in that moment.
 

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@LittleB81 - Sounds like you're going through a really tough time. :c If you want an ear, feel free to pm me. That being said, I'm kind of glad I can't tell when people are trying to manipulate me by crying. It'd get Sir Critique-a-Lot up in arms in less than ten seconds flat.
@mpobrien: I relate to the failure to meet high standards thing very well. So frustrating when it happens.

It really depends on the type of crying for me. I am easily moved in a "omg that was so touching/beautiful/sad/" type way, and those tears fall pretty readily. Yes, I'm overly sentimental. Tears of actual personal pain and stress though, are far less common, and if it happens, I can sometimes go in a funk for days doing nothing but crying.

A wide variety of factors get me to cry actually. Sad movies, some plights of loved ones, death of said loved ones, stress, letting myself and others down, making myself look stupid, etc. I can't say I cry in front of many people myself though. My partner is the only one who has seen it recently, though family members have seen me do such multiple times when I was younger. I find myself crying less as I get older. I'm not sure why that is though, I just hope I'm not becoming jaded.

When people cry in front of me, eh it depends again. If it's a stranger on the street or something, I'll ask if he or she is ok, and if they need some help. If it's someone I know, I'll often just pat their shoulders reassuringly and stay quiet throughout. If I know they accept hugs, I will offer one. I'm not actually that physically demonstrative though and I stay quiet throughout.
 

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I don't like crying in front of people unless I'm sharing a something sincere. The tears can help express sincerity, and in that case, they're nothing I feel ashamed of in that moment.
That's a good way to look at it. And I agree. :)

Nymma said:
I am a master at getting rid of it until I can be alone(and even then, I decide if I want to explore it). I've been seen as "cold, unfeeling, wrong" because while everyone expressed their grief and whatnot at funerals & other rememberance moments, I just sat still with an eternally impassive face. Society is so judgmental...It horrifies me to realize how emotionally intrusive 99% of the people are, how deep runs their lack of understanding...
It can be frustrating I'm sure. Sometimes people don't get the fact that people have different ways to cope.
 

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I cry maybe once a couple of months on average. But that's very much an average...during some emotional periods of life I cry almost every day, sometimes once a week or so, but normally it's once a month or two months.

I cry because I am powerless, ashamed of myself, because of regret, or wanting things to be a certain way when they can't and trying to believe in vain they'll get better but knowing deep down it's impossible. But oddly for an INTP, I am also very good at crying "on command". I'm the opposite of the OP. I can summon tears even when I'm not feeling that strongly inside.

I've cried in public before, but I try my best to hold it in. I once cried on a train and managed to hide it, but my eyes were still red, which freaked the shit out of people when I talked to them after I'd wiped my tears and put my great big 3 "things are just fine" smile on my face. :laughing:

I can deal with other people crying. I may not understand why, or necessarily cry for the same reasons they do, but I do try to be there, especially if it's a friend. I don't like it when people cry to manipulate me though.
 

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How often (if ever) do you cry? What compels you to cry? Do you ever cry in front of other people? What would you think if someone cried in front of you? (I don't mean feeling like you want to cry, but actual tears coming down your face, crying)

1. Last time I had a proper cry was when I had a bit of a breakdown involving my parents. It was largely due to frustration, I was very confused at the time.

2. Not if I can help it, only because I want to be that guy who is always happy, silly I know but that image is kind of important to me.

3. That depends on the circumstance doesn't it, I imagine it would be a little uncomfortable at first but I would be compelled to help any way I can.



If I do cry its usually due to frustration and isolation, I have never been in a situation where my friends or family has not been able to cheer me up before I come to that
 

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I try not to cry, espcially infront of others. Even like at funerals, or with someone who is dying, I don't cry because I want to be strong for the other people who are with me. I want to be strong for their sake. But if it is something really heavy, I will cry and mourn in private.

I will say this though, that ever since I almost died in a car accident in 2008, I became alot more sensetive to things. Like wanting to cry at movies, or reading a really powerfull quote. I hold it back of course, but it's pretty hard sometimes.

If someone cried infront of my, I would freeze up and not know what to do. I guess I'd hug them, or hold their hand -try to comfort them in someway. But everyones different so it would put me on the spot. Because if I cried in front of someone I would just want them to go away, not say anything and leave me alone. But not everyone is like that, so it would confuse me and I wouldn't know what to do. Okay, I'm going to go and cry about that now. :(
 

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I try not to cry. But I have cried. I repress the need to do so for as long as possible. I've trained myself to hold the tears in. I'm one of those men who let loose a single tear while maintaining a stern composure.

I let others cry in front of me to their heart's content without saying a single word till they're close to stopping. when it's a genuine cry - one that has come about because of some external circumstance .. I still normally let them cry or vent to their heart's content before making some sort of joke or light hearted comment to start building them back up.

I also have a bit of sadistic side to me where if someone who I consider has done me wrong in some way, I will do nothing to comfort them in their moment of weakness. And in fact tell them to stop manipulation trough tears. My ex used to do that a lot - and after a year or so of her crocodile tears, I would just let her cry for hours without caring. She would hurt me and then pretend to make it my own fault and use tears to manipulate me. At one point I just had enough and stopped caring altogether.

At the same time, I walk away from someone who tries to use tears to manipulate me. If I've taken a stand about something - nothing can break my stand, even tears.
 

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Discussion Starter #12
I however have no problem keeping tears at bay and delaying the emotional turbulence when major events like death of a loved one happens. For some reason, I seem to automatically detach from everything and keep on going like nothing had happened. I actually don't feel a thing for the following 3-4 months, and when the horror finally sparks whithin, I am a master at getting rid of it until I can be alone(and even then, I decide if I want to explore it). I've been seen as "cold, unfeeling, wrong" because while everyone expressed their grief and whatnot at funerals & other rememberance moments, I just sat still with an eternally impassive face. Society is so judgmental...It horrifies me to realize how emotionally intrusive 99% of the people are, how deep runs their lack of understanding... (Though in retrospect, funerals are not the greatest places to mention you're against the idea of funerals...)

"When someone is crying, of course, the noble thing to do is to comfort them. But if someone is trying to hide their tears, it may also be noble to pretend you do not notice them.” --Lemony Snicket.
I try not to cry, espcially infront of others. Even like at funerals, or with someone who is dying, I don't cry because I want to be strong for the other people who are with me. I want to be strong for their sake. But if it is something really heavy, I will cry and mourn in private.
I'm the same way at funerals. My grandmother died in February and I felt that I had to be the strong one for everyone else, but my whole extended family construed me more as cold and unfeeling, like Nymma. But then it kind of 'hit me' last month on my school trip to Disney. We were at mass and the girl whose mother planned my grandmother's funeral walked by and I said "I don't really like her, but I have to be nice to her because her mother planned my grandmother's funeral." And then all of a sudden I was about to start hysterical crying and I had to just look straight ahead and not move because I couldn't cry in front of my entire school!

Nymma, I also agree with you about the intrusive nature of society. People seem to think that unless you have a 3 hour, crying "heart-to-heart" with them, you're unfeeling and not a good friend. What a world.

I love that quote!
 

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Interesting time for this thread --- I had a doctor's appointment today - and I broke down and cried while telling her about my disability and existential crisis .. my mom was there as well.

I haven't cried in front of someone in over 20 years - and it had to happen today.

It felt ... strangely cathartic --- but humiliating at the same time.
 

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It's strange, but as I get older, I find myself becoming more emotional despite really not wanting to. Like if I see something sad on TV, such as animal cruelty in extreme forms, I will become this sobbing wreck, scream in vain at whoever is causing the torture to please, please stop, but of course, that is illogical- the action has already been done, and the animal has probably either been saved by this point, or put out of its misery.

I am somehow able to keep my composure in public, for the most part. But cracks are starting to show. If I think I'm going to get emotional, I will try to remove myself the public situation if possible. I don't want people to see this side of me, even though it has become a part of who I am.
 

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Interesting time for this thread --- I had a doctor's appointment today - and I broke down and cried while telling her about my disability and existential crisis .. my mom was there as well.

I haven't cried in front of someone in over 20 years - and it had to happen today.

It felt ... strangely cathartic --- but humiliating at the same time.
I can believe it. It's not like a doctor is there to judge you, they're there to help you. And most of them care very much about confidentiality.

I've found that sometimes tears don't actually even come until it's shown that someone actually cares for you. I didn't cry for a couple days when I broke up with my 2nd love. But as soon as a co-worker saw how 'dead to the world' I looked and asked me what was wrong, I started bawling right on the spot. I'm glad I was on break lol.
 

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I've cried in public before, but I try my best to hold it in. I once cried on a train and managed to hide it, but my eyes were still red, which freaked the shit out of people when I talked to them after I'd wiped my tears and put my great big 3 "things are just fine" smile on my face. :laughing:
I don't think anyone really likes crying in public. And I see a lot of people who've mentioned that. Why is that though? Is it like a fear of being judged? *is curious*

I don't like doing such in public as I don't like causing a scene or attracting attention. My mother drilled that into me when very young that people don't like seeing such behavior, especially from children. It gets them upset and worried.
 

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Discussion Starter #17
I don't think anyone really likes crying in public. And I see a lot of people who've mentioned that. Why is that though? Is it like a fear of being judged? *is curious*

I don't like doing such in public as I don't like causing a scene or attracting attention. My mother drilled that into me when very young that people don't like seeing such behavior, especially from children. It gets them upset and worried.
It's kind of a 3 thing, I think. We want to present the best public image possible, and crying in public skews that image into a weaker one, less in control of our emotions. It is a bit of a fear of being judged -- but this is just my experience as a 3.
 

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How often (if ever) do you cry?
I don't really know.

What compels you to cry?
Frustration, anger, extreme disappointment.

Do you ever cry in front of other people?
Sometimes my fiance, but other than that, no.

What would you think if someone cried in front of you?
This is how I typically respond:



Comforting people is not my strong point. The only exceptions are my fiance and my mother.
 

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You would be surprised by how many doctors judge. I, too, have received shitty treatment from physicians, and was told, right to my face, "Accept that you will always be in pain. Chronic pain never, ever goes away". Well, it depends on the pain condition, as well as the individual, but this is promising doom without evidence, and is very, very damaging to patients. It *is* possible to recover, at least to some extent, and individuals do function again after lengthy illness (but it can take years to see change). A lot of people with chronic conditions get that statement thrown in their face. What's really terrible about it is that it leads to self-fulfilling prophecies. When people are told "Expect a shitty life", many will believe it, and will consciously or subconsciously gravitate towards negativity. It's disgusting how many MDs violate the Hippocratic Oath.
...I am sorry to hear you have experienced such disgusting care. Yes chronic pain tends to be well, chronic. But I agree it's not always a permanent deal, people are just too varied to make a call like that. We've all seen amazing recoveries, and they happen more often that people think if motivated enough.

Makes me wonder if those doctors who behave in such a damaging fashion are just in it for the money. Or if they're just worried about being sued for giving patients 'false hope' in the face of ailments experts find incurable. I can't see a doctor who actually loves his job saying stuff like that.

I wonder if modern doctors nowadays have even heard of the Hippocratic Oath, if they're even taught it.
 
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