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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I do not like to generalize even within the same personality type. But I would like to know how it was for other INFPs to grow up in their Communities. I have a very unique up bringing (My father is a ENTP Politician) and as I read through most of the descriptions of an INFP, I realized as these described how I used to be. I feel like I have evolved as an Individual because I exposed myself to situations I may not have been comfortable with, but I adapted. It was something I was taught since I was a child. The more I look back and analyze my up-bringing it leads me to realize what I was most passionate about, was the thrill of learning something new. Whether it be academically, psychologically, or sociologically I was always living my life learning something new, experiencing something new. That's in essence is constantly adapting/evolving for the better.

I remember being at odds with my father all the time as a child because I felt misunderstood, but what I learned is that my Father saw my personality before I did and he would always mention these words. You have tremendous potential but you must find your "focus", without that focus I would waste my potential. That stuck with me as I continued to grow, because I always felt like a Jack of all Trade yet a Master of none. Until I realized everything that I learned can apply to other things just with different circumstances. I want to hear your thoughts and hope to share experiences with all of you. :ninja:
 

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Hello! Sometimes in my community it felt hard to be myself. I often felt pressures from my parents and teachers because I was quite clever as a kid and this meant I was somewhat perfectionistic, at least as a child. In my teenage years I have mellowed out a bit. But yeah, as a child, I often felt like I had to be independent and do things by myself and wouldn't like asking for help. I also think I always felt strongly about things, but hated speaking up about them, for fear of hurting others and myself, so I often kept quiet. Unless I was with my friends or people I knew well, in which case I'd be more talkative about how I felt.

However, my school was rather accepting and other students, while they could be bitchy behind each others', were generally always nice and there was never any bullying, which was nice. Conflicts between friends didn't go down so well, though. Nor did conflicts with my family for me. I wanted to be having more fun than I was, but I also enjoyed school and learning a lot and felt that was my priority at the time, although I could sometimes go off and be a little rebel sometimes. I didn't push against the rules unless I felt I needed to, though.

I remember being at odds with my father all the time as a child because I felt misunderstood, but what I learned is that my Father saw my personality before I did and he would always mention these words. You have tremendous potential but you must find your "focus", without that focus I would waste my potential.
I also feel I had a similar experience to this. My parents were always pushing my to find my calling and do well when I have no idea what my options even were. It wasn't exactly fun. But they also wanted the best for me, so I could see where they were coming from. It did get me a little down in the dumps sometimes though, and it also caused me to go into the grip every now and then if I was feeling particularly stressed, although this happened further down the line when I started to develop my Te.

I hope you enjoyed reading this, it was interesting to hear the experiences of a fellow INFP!
 

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I can't say that I had much trouble with my community in general. I mean, if I'm talking about my same-age peers, I was never considered popular because I was too into artsy extracurricular activities in a place where everything was ruled by sports. And although I'm introverted I was fine with the amount of social interaction I had. In some ways, I feel like I'm more awkward socially now than I was when I was a kid growing up. I'm not entirely sure why that is; I think because I was always in my own head, as INFPs are wont to do, I was kind of oblivious to the opinions of me that others may have held, so I just went on being myself, and when you're a kid some awkwardness can be forgiven. Plus, when I was a kid, I wasn't nearly so stressed by "real world" things and was thus able to put more energy into interacting with people.

That said, the stuff you mentioned about your dad really stood out to me, about feeling like a jack of all trades and a master of none, and your father telling you that you had to find your focus. In that way, I'm almost jealous of you, because I still feel that way and I haven't found my focus. My parents always just accepted me for who I was, and because I always did great in school they had no reason to expect that my personality would eventually hinder me. I know it must have been really hard to be at odds with your dad (I'm actually constantly at odds with my dad as an adult) but at the same time it would have been nice to have someone who could help me with the things I struggle at ... but maybe they're just too much like me to see it or know how to help.
 

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I enjoyed growing up with my immediate family, but I felt like an outcast in society.
At a young age my mother labeled me a loner, and I pretty much casually decided that was true [and still is] so it stuck.

My parents encouraged me to become something great when I grew up, but I became mesmerized by the possibilities. I think that their encouragements backfired in a way because they probably see me as lazy and selfish now, but I really feel like I can't help it.
My favorite thing in life is something intangible and will probably never be accepted by society. Just the same, I intend to be myself, despite the loneliness. I'm glad that my parents are so open-minded, but I rarely show how much I care, so I feel kind of bad and scared they don't know that they're appreciated.

Sometimes I want to do something amazing to prove myself to them, but honestly, they aren't the only ones I want to impress.

I don't know my father's type or my mother's type, but I admire them a great deal. They aren't famous or anything, but they work very hard to make the world a better place, so I would like to honor that at the very least.
just in my own way. :p xD
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 · (Edited)
Thanks for sharing your experiences,
@thebigdragon- Reading your post really made me evaluate my school life as a whole. I was very distant in High School, I played football was a "Jock" from that perspective of at least how the school viewed me. Yet, I never felt that way I was always bored with the people I surrounded myself with because of that concept of "popular". Which initially intrigued me, I would ask myself why are they considered popular? They do not have much depth in the sense of self-reflection or thinking at least for that age. So I started to branch out meet new student hangout with new perspectives. That is when My INTJ friend said that I was a "Chameleon" he told me that he was jealous that I could adapt so easily. I know this sounds lame but I viewed it as why cant I meet someone who just was open-minded enough not to care about these labels. Like what makes someone more "cool" than someone else its all perspective and stupid to live life like that. Idk, I'm a big advocate for treating everyone with respect, no matter what walk of life your from, because life is just perspective. You can not see what someone else has seen, you can only empathize with the feeling. So we should try to focus on that fact, that we are all tied by those feelings and should understand that no one whats to feel left out.

@zewology- The trick to finding your focus is keeping your mind open, and taking that step outside the comfort zone. Its hard at first, even though My father told me I needed to learn to focus. I was extremely against focusing the way he wanted me to focus. We INFPs need to find the answers ourselves. Yes, someone can illuminate a pathway or perspective, but its ourselves who decide to walk that path. I wanted to throw myself into situations because I wanted to preform Immersion Therapy on myself. That's how I get over my irrational fears or beliefs, so I challenge myself. If you ever want someone to talk to about that I'm free to discuss what I have done to find that focus and keep myself motivated to pursuing that focus, because believe me It's a daily struggle to keep the same enthusiasm.
@Rune- I have been labeled a Loner, by some family members mostly my Aunt, But I look at it as Selectively Social. As I feel, and this may be messed up but within the first time I meet and have a conversation with someone I know whether or not I will be interested in continuing the level of communication. I will say hello, etc. the normal pleasantries but I tend to search for depth in people and when I see that you are trying to be "fake" or have no personality I'm immediately throwing them into my acquaintance status, and they will stay there until proven otherwise. This is a defense mechanism that I feel I learned just being around my father since he is in Politics. But it does help shed the unwanted fat in you life with people you want to surround yourself with and the people who you truly should value. I have the same drive, with proving my worth but not to my parents more to myself because. I recognize my own potential and I want to just live up to my own expectations. I'm my own worst critic and I feel this is important for us INFPs because it helps keep us not only humble but also open to new perspectives, we know our weaknesses so if pointed out it wont hurt us we face it with pride because we are working to change it. That's how I rationalize it at least lol. You will definitely honor your parents, very few people nowadays use that word. I use it quite frequently because its a big moral principle of mine so with just that alone you will find your path.

Once again thanks for sharing your experiences, If you have more to share not just about what I discussed but what your opinions are on Life or in general anything lol. Love to hear these perspectives.
 

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I think my upbringing would have been quite lonely if I had've been more reliant on external approval. As it was, I was very much caught up in my own thoughts and feelings and so I could use my imagination to make up for any perceived lack of friendship or understanding.

My family all tried their best, although I think some members clashed with others on how I should be treated. The extraverted ones were always trying to encourage me to talk to people and come out of my shell, and talked all over my ISFP father who knew there wasn't anything wrong with me. Teachers loved how well-behaved and kind and intelligent I was, but worried about my sensitivity and how I reacted to other kids giving me a hard time... On my end I just couldn't understand why people would intentionally be so cruel; it was so obvious to me how it would make the other person feel that I could never do it. Of course I did have friends but I learned not to count on their loyalty.

One thing my mother did right was to sign me up for more than one hobby. I tried a couple of sports as well as some more creative arts, but only the arts really stuck. Her idea was that I'd find one thing to specialise in by high school, but I couldn't choose so she kind of just rolled with it. I set the standard for my younger siblings, too - they were equally reluctant to give anything up. I really do believe that learning these skills not only gave me an outlet in some dark times, but that they've helped given me some confidence and sophistication that I might not otherwise have had.

I have mixed feelings on how strict my upbringing was. There are a few issues underlying it - a parent vicariously living through their children, me showing signs of potential but also lacking self-discipline are two that immediately come to mind. On the one hand I do think it gave me some discipline, but on the other, the constant invasion of privacy made me retreat deeper into myself. I still can't stand it when people look over my shoulder while I'm doing something, or interrogate me about my plans.

As someone who's now living with an ENTP (my partner), I've actually heard similar words about finding my focus from him! Kind of funny, how much more faith they have in us than we do. I haven't found anything like a calling yet, but I have some kind of direction that should last a few years at least. XD

If I had to take one lesson from my life up until now, I guess it would be the importance of trusting myself to know what's right for me and to just go ahead and do it. Might not be a good lesson for some, but my problem has always been second-guessing myself and then finding out that most of the time I'd been right all along.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
As someone who's now living with an ENTP (my partner), I've actually heard similar words about finding my focus from him! Kind of funny, how much more faith they have in us than we do. I haven't found anything like a calling yet, but I have some kind of direction that should last a few years at least. XD

If I had to take one lesson from my life up until now, I guess it would be the importance of trusting myself to know what's right for me and to just go ahead and do it. Might not be a good lesson for some, but my problem has always been second-guessing myself and then finding out that most of the time I'd been right all along.
Yeah the faith my Father had in me, honestly motivated me to focus. When I was a child he said that I Lacked focus because things came to easy to me and I never struggled. I blew him off as a child until, those words really hit at home and I started to struggle with life in general. I had a heart to heart discussion and he broke-down every strength and weakness but was treating me as an equal which made the whole discussion more powerful in my eyes. I really intrinsically looked at myself in that respect and started to see that I can literally do what ever I want I just have to find the one thing I'm truly passionate about because for me, that passion means more than the monetary reward. I need to love what I do, not love the money it pays me.
 
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