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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
To explain further recently I have gone through traumatic incidents but was able to stay strong and take the steps necessary to heal everyone and remedy it, there's still a greater and much harder path but that will not deter my hope in the least.

My predicament has made me realize I am far to old now for my friends. I used to wear a mask constantly as the party animal, went to the clubs, screwed everything that moved and did all the drugs I could to never come down, I don't regret it in the least I'm very resilient against addiction I saw 2 friends go down a bad path because they couldn't regulate their usage, they used them to fix problems instead of just an enhancement for a period of time.

Now I am sober for 3 years, almost 4 coming up in November.

All my clean friends are now finally experiencing the club scene and I just can't do it, I can't handle talking to dumb ditzy broads anymore to get laid. I can't deal with the stupidity and feel bad as if I'm leading them on, not to mention the God awful terrible music played.

I got my dream job at age 18, I graduated and immediately got lucky enough to make it into the music industry.

After 5 years of it though I don't know anymore, I love my job and the lead musician and his wife treat me like family and really take care of me, almost like a family I never had. Though being gone for so long (7-10) months a year, leaves me coming back and seeing all my friends drift further and further away, because all my friends have had to live their own life and make new friends, I don't blame them for drifting off.

I'm just caught in a predicament, that I feel like I am unable to do it, it sounds so exhaustin and terrible.

The main concern is I feel like Peter Pan, everyone wishes they were him, he has experienced and done everything they want to do. They don't understand though that we are barred from the one thing we want, the thing people take for granted. Relationships and love, and those being reciprocated.

I have tried dating and with people I really liked but when you then leave for 3 months back for 2 weeks and then leave again for another month and back for one month etc... You lose them because no one can trust someone that early in a relationship lIke that.

I firmly believe the quote "there isn't enough money in the world to buy your past"

I love what I do for a job but would just like someone to conversate to. Instead I go 3 weeks to a month without hearing a word from anyone back at home, my phone only had notifications when I am emailed or texted by work.

I am not sure if this rant make any sense either, but it would be nice to feel a connection or a relationship with someone, I don't want to work my life away.
 

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I can't tell whether you're saying you're too mature ("too old for my friends") or too immature ("Peter Pan"). :) But it does sound like maybe you want to start putting down some roots. Can you take some time off, like a year or so, and maybe cultivate a relationship with someone willing to go back on the road with you? I mean, the nomads and the gypsy caravaners used to make it work, but by having their families WITH them.
 

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I can't tell whether you're saying you're too mature ("too old for my friends") or too immature ("Peter Pan"). :) But it does sound like maybe you want to start putting down some roots. Can you take some time off, like a year or so, and maybe cultivate a relationship with someone willing to go back on the road with you? I mean, the nomads and the gypsy caravaners used to make it work, but by having their families WITH them.
Work is a poor substitute for real relationships. In fact, without a real supportive relationship, work is hard to keep up. A close relationship helps you navigate the ups and downs of life by giving you a bigger picture of hope and the security that if the botoom falls out, there's something there to fall back on.

But the fact that you could go out a screw women, that is, use them for your own selfish needs without really getting involved is a sign that maybe you're not the close relationship type. Can you connect with people? Are you in touch with your own emotions? Or do you go through life with a wall that protects you.

My whole point is that you have quite a few things to work on before you could engage in the kind of long term relationship you desire. Having needs isn't the same as being able to provide for someone else's.
 

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I can't tell whether you're saying you're too mature ("too old for my friends") or too immature ("Peter Pan"). :) But it does sound like maybe you want to start putting down some roots. Can you take some time off, like a year or so, and maybe cultivate a relationship with someone willing to go back on the road with you? I mean, the nomads and the gypsy caravaners used to make it work, but by having their families WITH them.
Work is a poor substitute for real relationships. In fact, without a real supportive relationship, work is hard to keep up. A close relationship helps you navigate the ups and downs of life by giving you a bigger picture of hope and the security that if the bottom falls out, there's something there to fall back on.

But the fact that you could go out a screw women, that is, use them for your own selfish needs without really getting involved is a sign that maybe you're not the close relationship type. Can you connect with people? Are you in touch with your own emotions? Or do you go through life with a wall that protects you.

My whole point is that you have quite a few things to work on before you could engage in the kind of long term relationship you desire. Having needs isn't the same as being able to provide for someone else's.
 
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Or maybe, not that you're not the close-relationship type, but that you haven't had the chance to practice good relationship skills yet? Maybe take some time off to get to know yourself, and explore what you want to contribute to relationships, including friendships.
 

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@jke55 What are the priorities for you in this stage of your life? What would make you feel happiest? Sit yourself down and answer these questions honestly. Then you will know what to do.

But.

I think you already know what you want, but you don't dare to make a decision just yet, which is understandable by the way. I believe you want to settle down and find yourself a partner, that does mean however you have to give up on your job...which means no income for a while and giving up on a job you like. Tough decision. Good luck with making it.
 
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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
I can't tell whether you're saying you're too mature ("too old for my friends") or too immature ("Peter Pan"). :) But it does sound like maybe you want to start putting down some roots. Can you take some time off, like a year or so, and maybe cultivate a relationship with someone willing to go back on the road with you? I mean, the nomads and the gypsy caravaners used to make it work, but by having their families WITH them.
I meant Peter pan as an example not as a reflection of maturity, that my life seems glamorous to everyone and those around me, and I do enjoy it and love it, it's my passion, but to never be able to cultivate a relationship and as it stands to not have be able to have a family and become a father is a very hurtful thought, as those are things I do want.



Work is a poor substitute for real relationships. In fact, without a real supportive relationship, work is hard to keep up. A close relationship helps you navigate the ups and downs of life by giving you a bigger picture of hope and the security that if the bottom falls out, there's something there to fall back on.

But the fact that you could go out a screw women, that is, use them for your own selfish needs without really getting involved is a sign that maybe you're not the close relationship type. Can you connect with people? Are you in touch with your own emotions? Or do you go through life with a wall that protects you.

My whole point is that you have quite a few things to work on before you could engage in the kind of long term relationship you desire. Having needs isn't the same as being able to provide for someone else's.

You misunderstood, I went through that phase a while ago and do realize how selfish it was. I no longer do that, not even while on tour. I don't want some ditzy person, I would like someone I enjoy conversating with.

I can connect to others, but only have deeply connected with 3 or so people. All of which couldn't handle the fact I'm gone for so long.

I'm just worried I'll miss out on the thing I believe is the most important in life. To work my life away and not have someone to share it with really hurts.
 

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@jke55 Do you think there's anyway that you could share your passion in a relationship? Would there be any way to bring someone along with you while you're working? What if you quit doing what you love and don't find anyone? Or if you end up resenting someone you end up with because you gave up your passion and hate the new job you have?

I'm not claiming to have any answers, but your thinking seems a little black and white looking from the outside, on the limited amount that you've provided. Are there any possibilities that you think you might be missing? Wish you the best with wherever life takes you!!

*Edited to add when I read the first title to this post originally read it as "Curious about martyred INFPs* haha It probably says more about me than anything and the change a letter thread was right above it.
 

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I think there's a discussion on LDR (long distance relationships) in the dating/relationship thread, you might want to look at that for more targeted advice.

Growing distant from friends is just a fact of life. Most of my oldest friends are either too into video games or hard drinking/drugs to see them all that often (not that there's anything wrong with those things, per se, just not my lifestyle right now). Make new friends to supplement them. Maybe you could seek out people similar to you in your field, who could understand your work/lifestyle better?
 
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