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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
So, I've been seeing this girl.It's been REALLY great, things have been easy, but we both recognized that we aren't long-term compatible (she's poly, I'm just not -- but after much deliberation and collaboration, she has decided she wants to enter a mono relationship with me). Today, I got a text from her. In her school's program, they did this "fun" Christmas activity. MBTI was involved. She tested as an ISFJ.I wouldn't say I'm PANICKING, but it made me nervous. I know it shouldn't, I know the responses to this thread that I'm going to get ("all types can be compatible with good communication, blah blah), but my initial reaction was, "nahhh. I don't think you are."But then I gave it some thought.And she might very well be.I feel terrible for making something as marginal as MBTI such a huge deal. I don't think it's going to mess anything up in our relationship, but it sort of planted a seed in my head (remembering my past conflicts with Si doms and auxes). Nevertheless, I told her that I'm going to give her the cognitive functions test when she's in a more "neutral" mindset. Right now with the holidays, she's talking a lot about Christmas trees, traditions, being with family, etc., which doesn't NORMALLY seem to be a focal point of her communication.I told her I thought she may be an IxTP, or even possibly the elusive lady INTJ. She read all the profiles, and said, "I can see any of them, but maybe I'm just reading into it at this point."I also worry that she's going to feel a sense of not being worthy for not being the type I prescribe her. I don't want to do that with her. What I'm saying is, MBTI may ruin this great thing we've got going on.
 

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Discussion Starter #2
Also, wanted to make a couple of notes.1) I swear I used paragraphs. PerC somehow turned this into one big blob.2) 'Edit Post' function isn't working3) My worries aren't as intense as I may have outlined. It's just on my radar now that she's an Si-dom, and I wish it wasn't.
 

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lol aw :sad:

MBTI won't ruin what you have, only your feelings about her supposed type will [and that's only if you allow your fear to put a wet blanket on fun times].

Try to relax and enjoy her company as much as you can.

The site is being janky. Open the edit option in a new tab if you want to fix the paragraphs.
 

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if you like her and she likes you, what else is there to it?
i'd rather be with a so with qualities i value regardless of their mbti, than an NTJ so who is lazy, arrogant,unkind, inconsiderate, etc
 

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if you like her and she likes you, what else is there to it?
i'd rather be with a so with qualities i value regardless of their mbti, than an NTJ so who is lazy, arrogant,unkind, inconsiderate, etc
 

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Also, wanted to make a couple of notes.1) I swear I used paragraphs. PerC somehow turned this into one big blob.2) 'Edit Post' function isn't working3) My worries aren't as intense as I may have outlined. It's just on my radar now that she's an Si-dom, and I wish it wasn't.
To edit (or quote someone), click on the Edit or quote button and open in a new tab. It's a work around while they're fixing the trouble they're having. Don't know what to tell you about formatting, though. I usually put at least one space between each paragraph. Perhaps that will work for you?

Edit:ponpiri's ninja response skills beat me again :ninja:

Don't know what to tell you about the test results. What strikes me is that if it's not long term, why ever stick around?

But then that's probably my penchant with hating to waste time on relationships speaking. I don't know if I was naive or really mature - I assume it might be a combination of both - but I think that maybe I always considered in the back of my mind that the guys I dated were long-term material from the start and then, I thought there was something wrong with *me* when I needed more space than they provided.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
AHHHHHH @brightflashes @ponpiriGoing into Edit in a new window, fixing the paragraphs, STILL didn't work.Weirdest thing is, we started off with her saying that she takes a long time to get involved, doesn't like talking about feelings, and is willing to consider a relationship if it goes down that route, but it's probably unlikely.After about 3 weeks, we felt like a relationship (right now, we are only 7 weeks in, feels MUCH longer. I see her 1-2 times a week usually for quite some time).The "feel like a relationship" is definitely her doing. I told her I didn't like the idea of her seeing other men (via text, unfortunately), and that if this was going to be more than a "once or twice" thing, I wanted to be at least sexually monogamous. She said it wasn't very appealing to her.Fast forward about a week, she's acting cold. She's about to go south of the border to visit family. Then, by the end of the night, she was incredibly warm again.She gets back from her trip (where she was CONSTANTLY texting me and sending me pics). She told me that she had every intention to end it the last time we hung out, but couldn't bring herself to do it. We sleep together, and the next morning she says, "we aren't long term compatible." I ask if we should end things. She says, "probably." I say, "damn it, because I like you." After about 20 minutes of silence, she asks, "well, what do you propose we do?"I tell her my stance on monogamy, saying that I also don't want her to change who she is, and will still have all the respect for her if she doesn't agree to terms.About a week later, we are in bed, she kisses me, and says, "I want to do it. I enjoy you, you're fun, this is easy."Ever since, she's been amazing. She cooks for me, I was sick this past weekend and she took REAL good care of me (driving me around, making sure I got my meds, cooking for me, even taking off the heat b/c it was bothering me due to the illness).She's just great.So great, to the point that I feel like there's a catch. My best friend tells me that I always date the wrong women and THAT'S why things always go wrong (usually, the woman grows distant, and I logically understand why, but I end up getting the short end of the stick. This girl seems like she genuinely likes me).
 

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Set MBTI aside, use it only as a tool.
If you don't want to get involved if it's not a long term thing, think what you NEED (7 weeks is not that long and you can be swooned by her being nice to you) and if SHE (not her type) can provide it to you. In other words, calm down, slow down, get to know yourself (especially if you date the wrong women) and her.
I'd be more concerned with her being poly and you mono when it comes to long term.
 

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1. ISFJs can be great. I could see being involved with the right one.

2. Good odds the test is wrong. Tests often are. I have found the cognitive function tests the worst of all.

3. Instead of thinking about what category she slots into,use personality theory to try to understand her better. Think about how she likes to communicate, how she likes to make decisions. It will be good for your relationship.

4. I am quite surprised to hear an ISFJ is not interested in monogamy. So much so, it makes me think it probable that she is not one.
 

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Discussion Starter #12
@Green Girl, you and I both. The whole "poly" thing is what makes me mostly think she is NOT an ISFJ (also, she comes across as the mad scientist intuitive type to me, often professing that emotions and feelings are really messy to her and she prefers to stay away from them) . @ukulele, the whole "poly vs. mono" thing is EXACTLY why she (we) think that we don't have much long-term compatibility. However, I get the sense that she likes the feeling of "falling for" people, and she has been burned in the past so she likes to keep her options open. I think I may be the first guy that has truly appreciated her and treated her right, so IDK. I don't fully believe that she is truly poly by nature, but more as a protective measure/desire to be with many people (which, if that's the case, I'm poly as well b/c I would LOVE to be sleeping with multiple women and could probably be "in love" with all of them). @Theories COMPLETELY fair. Thus far, however, it hasn't been much of a struggle (except that I saw she still had Tinder on her phone. I asked her about it, and she told me she doesn't check it anymore and has turned off notifications. I completely trust her). With that being said, she knows that if someone else comes into her life, I'm on my way out. Her communication/honesty has been INSANELY good up to this point, I don't imagine her ever lying to me or trying to deceive me. If someone else comes along, she'll tell me.
 

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@Darkest NiTe

I trust my own with loyalty as well. The struggles come when her strong S and my strong N disagree. Which can be fairly often if not for my N telling me to let it go more often than not.

She's a realist and I'm an idealist, so being an idealist I completely understand her realist, but when asked for her realist to understand my idealist...it doesn't happen. It's more her saying, "You have your beliefs and I have mine." PEER REE ID.

It's highly frustrating, but she loves me and I love her, so we work around it. Good luck to you and where your paths may lead.
 

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@Darkest NiTe

I trust my own with loyalty as well. The struggles come when her strong S and my strong N disagree. Which can be fairly often if not for my N telling me to let it go more often than not.

She's a realist and I'm an idealist, so being an idealist I completely understand her realist, but when asked for her realist to understand my idealist...it doesn't happen. It's more her saying, "You have your beliefs and I have mine." PEER REE ID.

It's highly frustrating, but she loves me and I love her, so we work around it. Good luck to you and where your paths may lead.
 

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Don't focus too much on mbti. Just love her. She's not an idea lol she's a human being. So she's complex than stupid mbti Bullshit
 

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Unfortunately, I do have a negative instance in mind of an INTJ and an ISFJ relationship. Both are people I hold in regard, but their interaction between themselves is volatile. Constant arguing between them, emotional volatility for the ISFJ, and the care the INTJ cannot provide. Observing the pair, I question how are they still together.

If I may request what was the girlfriends P and J %? I am suspecting she might be an ISFP. If so, then cognitively speaking you would be identical, albeit in different order.
 
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