Personality Cafe banner
1 - 13 of 13 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
417 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Little things building up over time without us taking any action? Usually due to emotion and/or not wanting to face criticism or confrontation? Then blowing up in our faces like a time bomb?

I know this used to happen to me a lot in my relationships. I didn't want conflict, so I just didn't say anything and then a while later, I would feel all this pent up frustration and suddenly it feels like my relationship is a direct, immediate threat not only to my goals but to me as a person and I cut and run (or attempt to.)

Another cited example in my life would be my jobs earlier on. Whenever I was working in retail, I would have to make up reasons in my head to continue showing up to work to stop the cognitive dissonance. Then, one day, all the reasons act like rocks on top of a trap door and it just caves in. I've walked out of all three retail jobs I've ever had. Literally showed up when it was time for work to hand in my things. At a banking job I had, I typed up my letter of resignation AT WORK and handed it right to my manager. I avoid the little problems until it's a massive obstacle that threatens my character (even though, I know it may not.)

Anyone else have this problem? I feel like it's an ISPF thing.
Or I'm just crazy.
And I'm telling you right now, it could be the crazy.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
385 Posts
Little things building up over time without us taking any action? Usually due to emotion and/or not wanting to face criticism or confrontation? Then blowing up in our faces like a time bomb?

I know this used to happen to me a lot in my relationships. I didn't want conflict, so I just didn't say anything and then a while later, I would feel all this pent up frustration and suddenly it feels like my relationship is a direct, immediate threat not only to my goals but to me as a person and I cut and run (or attempt to.)

Anyone else have this problem? I feel like it's an ISPF thing.
Or I'm just crazy.
And I'm telling you right now, it could be the crazy.
I relate 100%.

I have really good friends, but sometimes one of them will do something I don't like towards me, and I really don't want to confront them, so I ignore/avoid the person. I'll gradually let them back in, especially if I see them, but if the problem doesn't go away then I'll try to cut ties because I can't deal with it.

I haven't had a job yet, but I can definitely see myself doing something like what you talked about.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
126 Posts
I used to have that problem of building up anxiety and negative emotions until I either "exploded" or escaped the situation.
Lately it hasn't gotten that bad, because I'm more open about my feelings and will mention as soon as something is bothering me.
Of course this might seem annoying to some people but as long as they can deal with it, it's better than cutting ties for lack of communication.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
6,606 Posts
Uh, in my own way, definitely. Even if I can't literally do so, I definitely feel this way and behave in kind. I can literally not care if I feel the need to. I can't live on a hinge all the time. Sometimes I have to follow my own strong will that is so often bent to my higher intentions... But once in a while, I just need to be selfish and cold to the outside world. I think I usually use this time to beat myself up and be really analytical, sort of a way of sorting out excesses which wear on me. Caring too much, feeling too much, doing too much, pleasing too much, buying too much, reading too much, thinking too much, being too lazy... I need to reorganize and find balance. I think I've broke many of my less close bonds doing this. Friends don't understand how I can be so moody, so off and on, so hot and cold. I'm just seeking balance I think. My family have learned it just means I have personal things on my mind. Hopefully they don't take it personally. It really has very little to do with anyone directly.

I think it's a Fi thing. My ENFP aunt is like this all the time. It's easy to feel unloved, I guess, by someone like she or I, but I truly feel quite the opposite. I usually feel like I care too much. Sometimes, I need to put the line back where it belongs and not care for a bit. :)
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
525 Posts
I am like this as well. And maybe it's kind of odd because I can also do this with my close friends. Everything seems to be of relative importance once I find something that I could be deeply invested in. I could easily cut off ways to contact me, and not really feel regret. I've deleted my online accounts a number of times just to distance off from past friends. There always seem to be a need to leave certain things behind to be able to make it forward. Mostly it's when I'm having a decisive change about myself that I cut and run away from things that remind of my past life or preferences. I just don't know how to make a proper transition. :p It's like wiping the slate clean to be able to enjoy a new and completely different set of experience.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
385 Posts
I am like this as well. And maybe it's kind of odd because I can also do this with my close friends. Everything seems to be of relative importance once I find something that I could be deeply invested in. I could easily cut off ways to contact me, and not really feel regret. I've deleted my online accounts a number of times just to distance off from past friends. There always seem to be a need to leave certain things behind to be able to make it forward. Mostly it's when I'm having a decisive change about myself that I cut and run away from things that remind of my past life or preferences. I just don't know how to make a proper transition. :p It's like wiping the slate clean to be able to enjoy a new and completely different set of experience.
I do this, too!!

It's like out with the old, or the new can't come in. I'm constantly changing as a person so I find it hard to keep friends for a really long time.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,065 Posts
What you're describing sounds just like me. I quit a retail job an hour before my shift. I've gone 2 weeks without going to a single class. I just let things build up and build up until the problem is soo much bigger than it should've been. I have difficulty dealing with criticism and confrontation, too, but I'm a liiittle better now. Even if it's a small remark or a joke, it feels like a personal attack on my entire character. And then all this resentment towards the person builds up until my mind has morphed the person into some kind of cruel monster who I want nothing to do with. I also avoid things because I'm super afraid of failing. If I'm not positive I'll be great at something, I get cold feet and start to avoid it, trying to convince myself that it doesn't exist. But then...it exists. I don't know what advice to give since I'm still working on it, too, except to try to have more confidence (I know, easier said than done) and to speak up when you need something because everybody's needs and feelings are important. Good luck!

Oh, and it also reminds me of a lyric I like a lot, "Now my heart needs a polygraph, always so eager to pack my bags when I really wanna stay."
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
417 Posts
Discussion Starter · #9 ·
It's ironic I made this thread only to snap myself today.
Does anyone want to hear? It's no matter... I just need to tell it to get it off my chest.
You know those feelings you slowly let building inside until they're unbearable and then you snap? I've been keeping my mouth shut about my father smoking for a long time. I was trying to be selfless, knowing he'd quit when he was ready. I didn't want to annoy him if it wouldn't even change the matter. I know he's stressed and I know it's hard. I can't imagine how hard it must be to quit, I just know a lot of people that have died from cancer without having been a smoker and my dad means everything to me. My long time live-in boyfriend is a cancer survivor. That hovers over my head enough.
So today at work, he made an offhand comment which was supposed to be a joke about dying from smoking. I tried to compose myself but it all just came to a head inside me, so I went and got a cig and smoked it right in front of him. Since he knows I'd never do this without purpose (aside from a few months when I was in high school) he was shocked and appalled. I yelled at him, asking him if he even cared about being around for his grandkids, etc. Then I left work, leaving him with two employees to get a big job done before dusk.
Needless to say, I cried all the way to my boyfriends place of work and explained it all to him. Then went home and cried some more. Then, I wrote him an email because I'm great with paper words but horrible communicating in person. It was about how much I cared about him and how much he meant to me and everyone else and how I wanted him to be around for a long time for my kids and for his brother and wife that also worry for him. And you know what he wrote back hours later? That he wasn't mad at me and he loved me BUT he'd have fired me if I wasn't his daughter and that he's been stressed and he thinks about it all the time and he needs to work alone for the next fews days. And that we can 'talk' about ways he can quit smoking this weekend. Really? Did he completely miss the point of all that? Do you think I care if you'd have fired me if I wasn't your daughter when I vehemently opposed my own standards right in front of you to slap you in the face with your own habits? So maybe you'd wake up? It felt like he trivialized the whole thing...
Just my actions alone make me feel childish, but I don't have very good interpersonal skills. It was even fairly calculated. When I started to shake and tremble, I knew I had to do something, so I decided what I was going to do and did it.
And now I'll spend all of tomorrow along in my house since I won't be at work.
This cut and run thing sucks fucking ass, pardon my french.
If I could communicate better, my life would change drastically.

Sorry for the rant... just getting things off my aching chest...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
312 Posts
I don't really have much to add to what everyone's said, but I'm really glad this isn't a 'me' thing :')
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
33 Posts
I am also this way. I postpone all conflict, and isolate myself. A lot of the times subliminally, but lately my own perception of my behavior in this area has grown clearer, as I've been doing a lot of self-reflecting.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
116 Posts
Little things building up over time without us taking any action? Usually due to emotion and/or not wanting to face criticism or confrontation? Then blowing up in our faces like a time bomb?

I know this used to happen to me a lot in my relationships. I didn't want conflict, so I just didn't say anything and then a while later, I would feel all this pent up frustration and suddenly it feels like my relationship is a direct, immediate threat not only to my goals but to me as a person and I cut and run (or attempt to.)

Another cited example in my life would be my jobs earlier on. Whenever I was working in retail, I would have to make up reasons in my head to continue showing up to work to stop the cognitive dissonance. Then, one day, all the reasons act like rocks on top of a trap door and it just caves in. I've walked out of all three retail jobs I've ever had. Literally showed up when it was time for work to hand in my things. At a banking job I had, I typed up my letter of resignation AT WORK and handed it right to my manager. I avoid the little problems until it's a massive obstacle that threatens my character (even though, I know it may not.)

Anyone else have this problem? I feel like it's an ISPF thing.
Or I'm just crazy.
And I'm telling you right now, it could be the crazy.
You described me perfectly!
I do it all the time, exactly as you described. And usually don't look back, except with my present relationship.

I guess it would be good to be able to make demands, like lots of other people seem to do extremely easily, or even just voice my feelings.
I feel like a failure because when something isn't fully right for me I try different approaches, if they don't work, I'll just pack my things and walk away without a word, getting everyone by surprise(/shock, sometimes lol).
I wish I was able to voice complaints before getting to the breaking point, work with others to see if the problems can be overcome together. I feel extremely defective for this.
There are so few places and environments I feel comfortable in, that make me feel truly happy and free... I wish I was able to create them instead of always feeling frustrated and stressed, run away and continue the endless search for the right ones.

I'm relieved to see now that it's common among ISFPs, because most people I've known don't get it at all, which adds more bitterness to it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
55 Posts
This is such an awful problem for me. I'm getting better by addressing shit as it comes up, but most stuff just doesn't seem worth making a fuss about, and I don't want to draw undue attention, so I keep my head down. Eventually I get to a point where I go AWOL from the relationship or situation just because I've allowed too much stuff to build up and I can't handle it anymore.
 
1 - 13 of 13 Posts
Top