[curious0610]

i asked an intj if he could help me out with organizing something similar to our interests. through email. didnt get a response for the past 3 days, though hes been sending out emails to us as a group. im totally okay if he doesn't want to/cant help, but im afraid he might feel burdened because of me asking him? and i feel like things are awkward or i feel like he things im being too intrusive? i see him on thursday, but any advice would be appreciated on how i can handle damage control in this situation. i make things awkward huh?

 

[nyn]

You worry too much. Seriously.

 

[wonderfert]

I don't see why you're worried. You're seeing him Thursday, it's likely he may want to discuss options in person. It may simply be that I'm lacking information, but I really don't see how A + B = being intrusive.

 

[Jomama]

I can't speak for every INTJ out there, but as for me, I'm just not that sensitive. Someone merely asking for help wouldn't be something I'd find too intrusive; it would be far more likely that I just inadvertently overlooked the email (I tend to get so focused on various tasks/thoughts that I'll miss things from time to time). Basically, I wouldn't be too quick to assume he's feeling awkward or put upon because if he's anything like me, that's the furthest thing from his mind in this situation.

I'd just give it time and ask if he received your email when you see him on Thursday if you receive no response before then.

 

[beth x]

Do you like this INTJ romantically or are you just being a bit of a perfectionist here?

In which case...the advice is kinda the same for now....just relax, you will give yourself a hernia:wink:

 

[Apollo Celestio]

Deal with it on Thursday. Casually mention it at least.. if he's avoiding you on purpose or whatever, bad sign.

 

[PaintingThoreau]

Yup - don't worry about it.

If you are interested in this INTJ you have to imagine Mr Darcy in Pride and Prejudice (whom some have rated as INTJ) - nothing is going to happen in a hurry. They are a tough personality to crack.

BTW - I have had close relationships with both NTs and NFs and one was an INFJ and a darling. If you haven't known many NTs perhaps spread your net a bit wider and go for an NF. If you are worrying about this level of interaction you might be up for too much of a challenge as you get closer. They won't validate your emotional needs...it is their weakest point and you might end up feeling needy.

Good luck either way!

 

[curious0610]

Just casually mention it? I was thinking of straightforwardly reminding him about it because it seems weird to leave it just hanging. i need closure. Isn't this a J thing?

with INTJs, is it okay to just not address it or....?

should i casually mention it, provide him with more information about it (i didnt say much in the email) and...?

 

[Apollo Celestio]

If he actually saw it, I imagine he's expecting a mention. He may have seen it but forgot to reply after thinking "I'll respond later".

 

[Filo]

1) Use capitals
2) Stop worrying so much. It's immature.
3) If you are this insecure, don't bother dating, especially not with an INTJ.

 

[TurquoiseSunset]

i asked an intj if he could help me out with organizing something similar to our interests. through email. didnt get a response for the past 3 days, though hes been sending out emails to us as a group. im totally okay if he doesn't want to/cant help, but im afraid he might feel burdened because of me asking him? and i feel like things are awkward or i feel like he things im being too intrusive? i see him on thursday, but any advice would be appreciated on how i can handle damage control in this situation. i make things awkward huh?

When I do this it would mean that my first reaction was, "I don't want to do it/I don't want to do it that way/I don't want a weekly or montly obligation/It's going to eat up too much free time/etc" - it depends on what "organizing something similar to our interests" actually means. Then I would have a million questions about it and that is why I would wait for Thursday.

1) I don't want to answer immediately, because I don't want to commit to something I'm not sure about.
2) I need time to think about it and consider the options and what I would be comfortable with.
3) It's easier and less frustrating to ask a million questions in person.

Just casually mention it? I was thinking of straightforwardly reminding him about it because it seems weird to leave it just hanging. i need closure. Isn't this a J thing?

with INTJs, is it okay to just not address it or....?

should i casually mention it, provide him with more information about it (i didnt say much in the email) and...?

When you see him casually mention the email and tell him you don't want him to feel obligated and that it was just a suggestion. If he has any questions/reservations he will state them at that point.

Don't bug him about it in the mean time. Relax! :wink: