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Discussion Starter #1
It could be because I'm a 4?, but have any of you ever been rejected so terribly only because you seek love, appreciation, the utmost type of adornment that you've tried finding for years, after being bullied from day one in school. Told cruel things to hurt you for no reason. When you do nothing but sit alone at the cafeteria table, watching all of the kids get along well and all you can focus on is how good your meal tastes. Singled out but only involved because the teacher makes them choose you to be on their team.

You grow further and the more you grow, when you find out what sex is, you give into being violated and stripped naked mentally so for a few minutes or seconds you feel accepted. Years later your brain is tainted by the embarrassment. Oh well, right? Yes, until you start hating people, assuming every black male or white female is the same. You know, I'm not supposed to feel this type of resentment toward most of you, but I do. I jump the gun without questioning first. There's nothing I can do but explain and hope I'm understood and not hated. Everyone has a motive and I usually state by 'trolling' and assuming, being hateful toward the majority that I don't care about anyone else's motives but mine, and I'm not apologizing because I want to be this selfish. I've had the dangerous kind of rejection and it's killed my spirit, and almost the shell. What's the point of caring about your motives if I'm nothing but a shell?
 

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Discussion Starter #3
Meak, it's okay to be afraid. Ain't nobody's fault.

One of your greatest gifts in having so much stuff not go well for you is how you can also be such an inspiration. People need you Meak. We each and every one of us need you.
O.....O How does anyone need me? o_O
 

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Well, we would need you if you weren't so contrarian and decided to just say the opposite of what is being said, JUST so you can justify your way of life/mentality.

you're highly jaded and judgmental. black male, white female? racist anyone? wow
I jump the gun without questioning first. There's nothing I can do but explain and hope I'm understood and not hated.
your hope is baseless because you don't do anything to try to be understood because you don't try to understand. your words. not be hated? -______-

that's all.
 

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Discussion Starter #6
Well, we would need you if you weren't so contrarian and decided to just say the opposite of what is being said, JUST so you can justify your way of life/mentality.

you're highly jaded and judgmental. black male, white female? racist anyone? wow

your hope is baseless because you don't do anything to try to be understood because you don't try to understand. your words. not be hated? -______-

that's all.
Ok, perhaps I actually do take the time to understand motives of some people because what you wrote proved that I actually do. I've never gone around judging someone for expressing their motives, for explaining, and half apologizing, only half way because they, themselves don't think it's ok to say sorry when they don't mean it. At least I'm honest.

Yes, Black male, White female. No, I'm not racist. I have four beautiful nieces and nephews. I've had horrible experiences with rapists who were only black, and only one white male who was a rapist. White females and yes black females who picked on me in school, but the majority were black girls who used to beat me up for no reason. Perhaps you haven't experienced what I have and that is why you're talking this way. I can be friends with black and white people, and I have some actually.

You have just proved yourself as someone who is actually judgmental, very, without even reading through and seeing that there is not black and white, there are gray areas. Thank you for proving why I dislike most people. Those like you who ruin even going out and interacting with most of the world. Take a bow. You deserve it.
 

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Discussion Starter #8
I think you should stop browsing /b/.
Seriously though, what does 4chan have to do with how I've felt since I was 6 years old.
Rly tho, are you a /b/rother?
 

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I wonder how you feel about yourself. The world is the world and people are very much the same wherever you go. Most are no better or worse than you or me. We are all part good, part bad.

I used to say the same things you do. Something to the tune of 'everyone is evil and there is no love in their hearts'
Until I figured out that if I was saying that about everyone, what was I really saying about myself?

In truth people can just as easily be loving and caring if you let yourself see that side of the world.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
I wonder how you feel about yourself. The world is the world and people are very much the same wherever you go. Most are no better or worse than you or me. We are all part good, part bad.

I used to say the same things you do. Something to the tune of 'everyone is evil and there is no love in their hearts'
Until I figured out that if I was saying that about everyone, what was I really saying about myself?

In truth people can just as easily be loving and caring if you let yourself see that side of the world.
You read it completely wrong. I never said everyone is evil hearted. I know my heart isn't evil. It's been taken advantage of so I've become cynical and bitter and it's a given with what I've been through. I do give patience, and respect for those who have gone through awful crap, especially since I can relate. For those of you who think you need me, I get why you say it. Because I can help you. I was thinking about writing a book about my crappy experiences to help others but I procrastinate a lot so it might take me a while and also because I'm still young, I suppose I have not gone through half of the bs yet.
 

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I think it's good that you are getting this out now when you're young, expressing your feelings, challenging the turmoil you feel. If you just ignore it and suppress it, it will come out and bite you in the ass later in life.
 

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It could be because I'm a 4?, but have any of you ever been rejected so terribly only because you seek love, appreciation, the utmost type of adornment that you've tried finding for years, after being bullied from day one in school. Told cruel things to hurt you for no reason. When you do nothing but sit alone at the cafeteria table, watching all of the kids get along well and all you can focus on is how good your meal tastes. Singled out but only involved because the teacher makes them choose you to be on their team.

You grow further and the more you grow, when you find out what sex is, you give into being violated and stripped naked mentally so for a few minutes or seconds you feel accepted. Years later your brain is tainted by the embarrassment. Oh well, right? Yes, until you start hating people, assuming every black male or white female is the same. You know, I'm not supposed to feel this type of resentment toward most of you, but I do. I jump the gun without questioning first. There's nothing I can do but explain and hope I'm understood and not hated. Everyone has a motive and I usually state by 'trolling' and assuming, being hateful toward the majority that I don't care about anyone else's motives but mine, and I'm not apologizing because I want to be this selfish. I've had the dangerous kind of rejection and it's killed my spirit, and almost the shell. What's the point of caring about your motives if I'm nothing but a shell?
You sound so much like me when I was in high school. I was at the bottom of the barrel. Even the wimpy kids used me to look cool. I was heavy set, had really bad acne, and long messy hair. People would steal my stuff, spill all my things on the floor, harass me, anything they could do to me funny. I was never taken seriously. When ever we had group work in classes no one would work with me. It was hard. I had zero respect; I was always the ugly, quiet pussy. Girls wouldn't even stand next to me in line, believe it or not.

Senior year, I was frustrated; I wanted to lose weight, and prove to people that I wasn't a wimp or a coward. I joined the wrestling team, and in 6 months I lost 100lbs and gained a varsity position. I was on top of the world. Suddenly people knew I existed. I was now "attractive". The same girls that wouldn't give me the time of day were suddenly interesting in me. It made me hate people even more.

I graduated, started lifting weights out of anger. In my mind I was preparing for war, I wanted to make sure that I was as big and tough as possible so that I would never again have people bully me. I even fantasized about confronting all the people who picked on me with my new body and beating the living daylights out of them.

I was so fueled with hate and anger that I was as miserable as I ever was. No matter how strong I was, no matter how good looking people told me I was, I was miserable. And the kicker was, all these people that I hated, they moved on with their lives. For how much damage they did to me, it wasn't anything to them. It was high school, it was in the past when they were teenagers.Yet here I was, still dwelling on the past. Then it dawned on me; everything that happens in high school no matter how traumatic it is, has nothing to do with the rest of our lives. High school is just the beginning, it doesn't define who we are, or who we will be. It is meaningless. It is simply a means to an end.

I know how tough it is for you, I've been there myself, but take it from me; when you are out of high school and on with your life, all the things that you have been through in school will vanish away. Just keep studying, and working hard so that you ensure you have the grounds for a successful future. That's the most important thing. Not popularity, not fitting in. Getting grades that will give you a foundation. Then when you graduate, you can watch all the people around you eat their words. You will realize in your life that high school is the biggest joke that you'll have to deal with in your life.
 

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It could be because I'm a 4?, but have any of you ever been rejected so terribly only because you seek love, appreciation, the utmost type of adornment that you've tried finding for years, after being bullied from day one in school. Told cruel things to hurt you for no reason. When you do nothing but sit alone at the cafeteria table, watching all of the kids get along well and all you can focus on is how good your meal tastes. Singled out but only involved because the teacher makes them choose you to be on their team.
Story of my life. I can relate to this whole paragraph. I have been told I was to nice (wtf is to nice?) by so many females, that for the longest I actually started to hate them. I mean here I am doing all I can just to make so one who I owe nothing to happy, and to reject me for that reason alone was pretty heavy on my mind, body and heart. I would go days being completely alone wondering why I was this way? Why am I not wanted? Will I ever be happy. Why do I feel so different from everybody else? It's a lot to think about alone, and I never even got the answers.

Tho through it all I feel like I have learned enough to make me accept that that's just the reality of it. There is good and bad all around why bother to even question it. I learned how to deal with it and not dwell on it. No amount of thinking is going to change a persons mind about me, the best thing I can do is show them. If they hate me after that fuck em. Life would pass me by while they enjoy theirs and I am to stubborn to let a person break me.

You grow further and the more you grow, when you find out what sex is, you give into being violated and stripped naked mentally so for a few minutes or seconds you feel accepted. Years later your brain is tainted by the embarrassment. Oh well, right? Yes, until you start hating people, assuming every black male or white female is the same. You know, I'm not supposed to feel this type of resentment toward most of you, but I do. I jump the gun without questioning first. There's nothing I can do but explain and hope I'm understood and not hated. Everyone has a motive and I usually state by 'trolling' and assuming, being hateful toward the majority that I don't care about anyone else's motives but mine, and I'm not apologizing because I want to be this selfish. I've had the dangerous kind of rejection and it's killed my spirit, and almost the shell. What's the point of caring about your motives if I'm nothing but a shell?
So your the type that will just roll over and die? Your spirit can't die, it's just weakened. It seems like you have been through more than I can imagine so I'm not going to insult you by saying I understand. But what I do know is that all problems can be overcome. Do you want to live in fear or be able to smile in the face of ignorance? The latter shows your strength and real growth from all the pain you sustained so far. Learning from so it never happens again, and knowing that feeling, that feeling of overcoming something that has plagued you for most of your life will be enough to wake your spirit up. Or just let everybody win, and be miserable until you die. Your choice.
 
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Discussion Starter #14
You sound so much like me when I was in high school. I was at the bottom of the barrel. Even the wimpy kids used me to look cool. I was heavy set, had really bad acne, and long messy hair. People would steal my stuff, spill all my things on the floor, harass me, anything they could do to me funny. I was never taken seriously. When ever we had group work in classes no one would work with me. It was hard. I had zero respect; I was always the ugly, quiet pussy. Girls wouldn't even stand next to me in line, believe it or not.

Senior year, I was frustrated; I wanted to lose weight, and prove to people that I wasn't a wimp or a coward. I joined the wrestling team, and in 6 months I lost 100lbs and gained a varsity position. I was on top of the world. Suddenly people knew I existed. I was now "attractive". The same girls that wouldn't give me the time of day were suddenly interesting in me. It made me hate people even more.

I graduated, started lifting weights out of anger. In my mind I was preparing for war, I wanted to make sure that I was as big and tough as possible so that I would never again have people bully me. I even fantasized about confronting all the people who picked on me with my new body and beating the living daylights out of them.

I was so fueled with hate and anger that I was as miserable as I ever was. No matter how strong I was, no matter how good looking people told me I was, I was miserable. And the kicker was, all these people that I hated, they moved on with their lives. For how much damage they did to me, it wasn't anything to them. It was high school, it was in the past when they were teenagers.Yet here I was, still dwelling on the past. Then it dawned on me; everything that happens in high school no matter how traumatic it is, has nothing to do with the rest of our lives. High school is just the beginning, it doesn't define who we are, or who we will be. It is meaningless. It is simply a means to an end.

I know how tough it is for you, I've been there myself, but take it from me; when you are out of high school and on with your life, all the things that you have been through in school will vanish away. Just keep studying, and working hard so that you ensure you have the grounds for a successful future. That's the most important thing. Not popularity, not fitting in. Getting grades that will give you a foundation. Then when you graduate, you can watch all the people around you eat their words. You will realize in your life that high school is the biggest joke that you'll have to deal with in your life.
Err. I'm not even in school anymore, I'm 25. These are things that are haunting me still. Crap I've never gotten over.
 

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Discussion Starter #15
Story of my life. I can relate to this whole paragraph. I have been told I was to nice (wtf is to nice?) by so many females, that for the longest I actually started to hate them. I mean here I am doing all I can just to make so one who I owe nothing to happy, and to reject me for that reason alone was pretty heavy on my mind, body and heart. I would go days being completely alone wondering why I was this way? Why am I not wanted? Will I ever be happy. Why do I feel so different from everybody else? It's a lot to think about alone, and I never even got the answers.

Tho through it all I feel like I have learned enough to make me accept that that's just the reality of it. There is good and bad all around why bother to even question it. I learned how to deal with it and not dwell on it. No amount of thinking is going to change a persons mind about me, the best thing I can do is show them. If they hate me after that fuck em. Life would pass me by while they enjoy theirs and I am to stubborn to let a person break me.



So your the type that will just roll over and die? Your spirit can't die, it's just weakened. It seems like you have been through more than I can imagine so I'm not going to insult you by saying I understand. But what I do know is that all problems can be overcome. Do you want to live in fear or be able to smile in the face of ignorance? The latter shows your strength and real growth from all the pain you sustained so far. Learning from so it never happens again, and knowing that feeling, that feeling of overcoming something that has plagued you for most of your life will be enough to wake your spirit up. Or just let everybody win, and be miserable until you die. Your choice.
I am a self defeatist. The biggest one that I know.
 

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I am a self defeatist. The biggest one that I know.
So how do you expect to ever be any type of happy? With that mindset anything you do in life will have a negative outcome before you even do it. You don't like feeling crappy? Well change that about you, waiting for something good to happen that will make everything ok probably is not going to happen. And even if it did, the way you are now with all these unresolved emotional problems you wouldn't know what to do with it if you found it.
 

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Discussion Starter #17
So how do you expect to ever be any type of happy? With that mindset anything you do in life will have a negative outcome before you even do it. You don't like feeling crappy? Well change that about you, waiting for something good to happen that will make everything ok probably is not going to happen. And even if it did, the way you are now with all these unresolved emotional problems you wouldn't know what to do with it if you found it.
No. It has nothing to do with changing who I am or anything about me. I'm this way because of how people continue to treat me. I have no say so in defending myself though, because no one listens to me. This is not my fault. It's theirs.
 

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No. It has nothing to do with changing who I am or anything about me. I'm this way because of how people continue to treat me. I have no say so in defending myself though, because no one listens to me. This is not my fault. It's theirs.
But the bottom line is you are that way. How long can you go on with blaming everybody else for your problems? Yes people can be assholes, but do you have to succumb to that? This has everything thing to do with you. You can't control how people treat you, but you can control how you react to all the ill will. Be it their fault, your fault, or whoever you don't have to go through life with an attitude because you feel like you have been done wrong. Don't forget the pain, but accept it and move along with life.
 

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But the bottom line is you are that way. How long can you go on with blaming everybody else for your problems? Yes people can be assholes, but do you have to succumb to that? This has everything thing to do with you. You can't control how people treat you, but you can control how you react to all the ill will. Be it their fault, your fault, or whoever you don't have to go through life with an attitude because you feel like you have been done wrong. Don't forget the pain, but accept it and move along with life.
Stop with the general speak. I didn't blame everyone for my problems, and not for all of my problems. The problems I have are only some that were and are caused by others. You can't control how one treats you, yet you can make sure they don't do it again, and when I try, no one listens. I am ALLOWED to have an attitude, it makes me who I am. I will not "move along with life" because I am living life as it stands. I have a life, and so do you, as long as I'm breathing it depends on how I live it, right? To who? Not to you, not to anyone else but to me. I've never blamed anyone for how I feel inside until now. This is my ex boyfriend's fault, why I'm going through this, yes. People do crappy things, and I deserve my turmoil, so your advice is pretty moot. Thanks anyway. No, I didn't ask you for it so don't use that as a way to justify your advice. I don't hate everyone. I don't hate, I don't know how to. I do dislike a lot of people and for good reason. Why? Because I have free will and I intend to use it.
 

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Stop with the general speak. I didn't blame everyone for my problems, and not for all of my problems. The problems I have are only some that were and are caused by others. You can't control how one treats you, yet you can make sure they don't do it again, and when I try, no one listens. I am ALLOWED to have an attitude, it makes me who I am. I will not "move along with life" because I am living life as it stands. I have a life, and so do you, as long as I'm breathing it depends on how I live it, right? To who? Not to you, not to anyone else but to me. I've never blamed anyone for how I feel inside until now. This is my ex boyfriend's fault, why I'm going through this, yes. People do crappy things, and I deserve my turmoil, so your advice is pretty moot. Thanks anyway. No, I didn't ask you for it so don't use that as a way to justify your advice. I don't hate everyone. I don't hate, I don't know how to. I do dislike a lot of people and for good reason. Why? Because I have free will and I intend to use it.
Ok............
 
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