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One of my friends is ENTJ and I am INFP. Our views on this matter in particular differ enormously. She believes that you kind of fall victim to society and to what is generally expected of you by people at a particular point in time. I'm more of the opinion that you can dream as wildly as you please, and with enough optimisim, determination and perseverance, you can achieve whatever you please.

Obviously I accept that priorities change with the number of responsibilities and commitments over the years, but I still believe that dreaming big is not just for the young and naive.

So I was wondering where everyone else sits on this matter, and why you feel the way you feel?
 

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I kind of err on the side of your ENTJ friends opinion. I don't think you can do anything. You can do a heck of a lot, but you are at the mercy of the limits of both human relationships and nature.

I believe that optimism, determination and perseverance are extremely important in adulthood. Those virtues don't always get you to what you exactly what you envisioned but they definitely get you to new places! And sometimes those places are even better than what you've envisioned. In fact, those places often are.

When I think about what I wanted when I was aged fourteen compared to what I want now (26), I see that this is true. Magical things that I couldn't have dreamed of happened to me and it changed my course and view of the world. I find what I wanted then was petty so it stands to reason that what I want now might also be limited in it's spiritual and imaginative scope.

I find this mans view very accurate and inspiring:


He's basically saying: By all means, start out with a target. You have to having something you're working toward. Just know that the target isn't the point and it likely wont be your ultimate destination.
 

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My first assumption is that any person can achieve anything. That's my starting point. Then in the next step I consider the most obvious realities, and move the possibilities backwards, so to say. If I feel like making a conclusion based on reality isn't worth the effort, or that it's not important considering the circumstance, then I'll often stick to my first assumption.

It's hard to draw the line for what I think an individual is capable of, but a more realistic view (I didn't say realistic) I very often have is that any individual is capable of becoming the best there ever was in their chosen field.
 

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I enjoyed dreaming big in the past, but the stress of trying to obtain more from my life about killed me.
I wish I was brave enough to dream big again, but I feel like I asked for too much, and I still don't know how much is too much, so I guess I'll just have to wait until I know my true value.

Mostly I'm just scared of wanting my dreams to come true.
 

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Generally I have always taken solace and found inspiration in my big dreams but it seems in reflecting on my life that those dreams are not always so much realistic goals as much as an emotional touchstone to draw energy from. I do think sometimes I am disappointed by me not having achieved those dreams, even if at this point I can see how maybe they were not what I wanted or needed. Maybe we kind of set ourselves up for failure if we only aim for an external endgoal because, one, it's not always going to be possible and, two, by the time we get there, it's not always going to be exactly what we envisioned at first, especially because we will have changed as people by the time we get there.

But if big dreams arise naturally to me in the course of trying to live in a way that makes me feel wholesome and fulfilled then I will pursue them! I like to think that the beauty inherent in my values naturally gets projected into my envisioned future, and if I can abide by my values then I will naturally end up creating a future replete with that beauty.
 

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I think it's a good idea to be aware of the social and environmental influences. They are there, and I've benefited from naming them (though all too slow) and identifying where they're seeping into my life and draining my energy.

I think it's a good idea to pick your battles, and use that info for effective defense for happiness. I do like being optimistic, but I also don't want to ignore the power of circumstances and influences outside of our control.
 

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Generally I have always taken solace and found inspiration in my big dreams but it seems in reflecting on my life that those dreams are not always so much realistic goals as much as an emotional touchstone to draw energy from. I do think sometimes I am disappointed by me not having achieved those dreams, even if at this point I can see how maybe they were not what I wanted or needed. Maybe we kind of set ourselves up for failure if we only aim for an external endgoal because, one, it's not always going to be possible and, two, by the time we get there, it's not always going to be exactly what we envisioned at first, especially because we will have changed as people by the time we get there.

But if big dreams arise naturally to me in the course of trying to live in a way that makes me feel wholesome and fulfilled then I will pursue them! I like to think that the beauty inherent in my values naturally gets projected into my envisioned future, and if I can abide by my values then I will naturally end up creating a future replete with that beauty.
I remember hearing somewhere an advice that your goals shouldn't be material echievements or tangible achievements. They should be emotional achievements. So you rather think what state of emotion or mind you want to achieve in the future and then look what will bring that.
To me, I think right now, it is peace of mind and no stress. I don't know the means to get there though yet...
I think it was Abraham Hicks actually.
 

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@aquirkynerd One doesn't fall victim to society if one doesn't allow society to make you its victim. Ultimately you have to choice to give in to the pressures of society and the expectations of people around you. There is no rule that you should work your ass off for 40+ years, there is no rule that you should drive a family saloon once you have children, there is no rule that you should start a family at age 25 and there is no rule that you have to stop chasing your dreams once you finished college. There are expectations, but those are no rules. The only rules, that are not your own, one should follow (although not blindly) are laws. Apart from that, you can do whatever you please and you should dream as big as you dare. Humanity didn't land a robot on an asteroid by dreaming small now did we? Without big dreams we would still be sitting around a campfire in the cave.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
@aquirkynerd One doesn't fall victim to society if one doesn't allow society to make you its victim. Ultimately you have to choice to give in to the pressures of society and the expectations of people around you. There is no rule that you should work your ass off for 40+ years, there is no rule that you should drive a family saloon once you have children, there is no rule that you should start a family at age 25 and there is no rule that you have to stop chasing your dreams once you finished college. There are expectations, but those are no rules. The only rules, that are not your own, one should follow (although not blindly) are laws. Apart from that, you can do whatever you please and you should dream as big as you dare. Humanity didn't land a robot on an asteroid by dreaming small now did we? Without big dreams we would still be sitting around a campfire in the cave.
I just wanted to thank you for your post, I concur with your opinions on this matter and it was just really lovely to read. Perhaps it was the way in which you phrased your mind and perhaps it was the ease with which the content was portrayed, but there's a lovely, self-explanatory correctness in what you've said and I just wanted to commend you for a genuinely lovely post to read :)
 

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I just wanted to thank you for your post, I concur with your opinions on this matter and it was just really lovely to read. Perhaps it was the way in which you phrased your mind and perhaps it was the ease with which the content was portrayed, but there's a lovely, self-explanatory correctness in what you've said and I just wanted to commend you for a genuinely lovely post to read :)
Thank you very much for the compliments :) Its an issue very close to my heart, that probably shone through in my words.
 
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