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Discussion Starter #1
A few questions for fives:
1. Do you have random hookups with friends without strong feelings?
2. If you loved someone, how would you let them know? Would you put in writing, verbalize, or hint?
3. Do you vacillate during the initial stages?
4. How can he/she reassure you of her love?
5. Would still enter into a relationship if it can't go anywhere (ex. you are married)?
6. If long distance, would you prefer to email, text, or call?
 

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1. Do you have random hookups with friends without strong feelings?
I would never do this with friends, but I have had casual sexual relationships, mostly with people I'd met online for that purpose.

2. If you loved someone, how would you let them know? Would you put in writing, verbalize, or hint?
I can verbalize it but it takes me a long time to feel comfortable saying the words...like a couple of years. I can easily put it in writing, and I often hint - I may want to just say it but something holds me back.

3. Do you vacillate during the initial stages?
In terms of how I feel about the other person? I've always known if a relationship was going to work by about 4-8 weeks in. The thing I worry about in a new relationship is if my feelings will dissipate. If they do, I move on because obviously we weren't a good fit. So far, I've really only had one relationship where the feelings didn't dissipate and we're still together. But it took me a long time to say "i love you" because I was scared I would lose my feelings and hurt him. Please clarify if that's not what you meant.

4. How can he/she reassure you of her love?

I don't need reassurance. If it's genuine I can tell. I've been told "I love you" by a couple of people who I didn't really know the real me and that's not love. If you know me and accept me and I trust you I'll believe it.

5. Would still enter into a relationship if it can't go anywhere (ex. you are married)?

I can't really see a realistic reason this would happen for me. If I was married and had feelings for someone else that were strong enough to want to act on them, then I would very likely have lost the feeling of love for my partner. If that happens I can't fake it and I would have already ended the marriage.
The only way I would I can really think I would enter a relationship that wouldn't go anywhere is if I were specifically seeking a casual relationship for fun.
I'm a Sexual variant and I feel the desire for a partner very strongly. I have 9ish sexual tendencies in that I also tend to try and merge when I'm less healthy.

6. If long distance, would you prefer to email, text, or call?

It would depend on the person. I've been in a relationship where phone calls would have been very silent so emailing was preferred (we weren't long distance). With other boyfriends we've had good phone conversations. I like random texting but I also need some space. So I can go a few days without answering texts. I guess if it was LDR I'd probably prefer email above all, because I can say some things I might not feel comfortable enough to on the phone, and I can easily articulate all my thoughts. By the way, I've never been in an LDR.
 

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1. Do you have random hookups with friends without strong feelings?
I have before, when I was going through a dark time and there was heavy drinking on both sides. I felt really uncomfortable with it. We both talked immediately after and apologized for letting things get out of hand and it never happened again.

2. If you loved someone, how would you let them know? Would you put in writing, verbalize, or hint?
I would pay more attention to them, try to learn a lot about them. I may write sometimes also.

3. Do you vacillate during the initial stages?
Not usually. I'm really engaged at first, curious. If I vacillate, it's more in the time period right before a big commitment is made.

4. How can he/she reassure you of her love?
Listen to me. Make sure their words match their actions [Honesty]. If they say one thing and mean another, it's very clear to me and I see they are holding back, not being open with me, which makes me feel I'm not respected and turns me away.

5. Would still enter into a relationship if it can't go anywhere (ex. you are married)?
No. If there is no possible future, I don't see the point.

6. If long distance, would you prefer to email, text, or call?
Text, and sometimes call. I'm not big on email.
 

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1. Do you have random hookups with friends without strong feelings?
No.

2. If you loved someone, how would you let them know? Would you put in writing, verbalize, or hint?
I have never told a lover interest that I was in love with them, or that I love them. I would probably put it in writing. I would also hint unintentionally.

3. Do you vacillate during the initial stages?
No.

4. How can he/she reassure you of her love?
Tell me that they love me, touch my back, come sit and read with me, support me.

5. Would still enter into a relationship if it can't go anywhere (ex. you are married)?
No.

6. If long distance, would you prefer to email, text, or call?
Email. Skype.
 

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A few questions for fives:
1. Do you have random hookups with friends without strong feelings?
Never. I have to absolutely certain about this sort of thing.
2. If you loved someone, how would you let them know? Would you put in writing, verbalize, or hint?
No...I let them know by teasing them. I liked this guy once, I put all my effort to distant myself from him or scared him because I felt insecure about my avaibility in a real relationship, I don't want to dissapoint anyone in the end.
3. Do you vacillate during the initial stages?
Yes.
4. How can he/she reassure you of her love?
By saying to your five exactly how you feel, if he don't trust you, convince them. And let him think about it for a while.
5. Would still enter into a relationship if it can't go anywhere (ex. you are married)?
Maybe its not all five, but I rather have a non-risky relationship. When I'm married, I try my best to commit because I know I'll choose the right person to tied a bond with. I take this stuff very seriously and reluctant to make mistakes.
6. If long distance, would you prefer to email, text, or call?
Call, and occasionally e-mail. I don't really like texting, but its different for each individuals.
 

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A few questions for fives:
1. Do you have random hookups with friends without strong feelings?
2. If you loved someone, how would you let them know? Would you put in writing, verbalize, or hint?
3. Do you vacillate during the initial stages?
4. How can he/she reassure you of her love?
5. Would still enter into a relationship if it can't go anywhere (ex. you are married)?
6. If long distance, would you prefer to email, text, or call?
1. no. i don't do things 'randomly'. especially this kind of thing.
2. always in writing and never mentioning the L word! i express myself better in writing.
3. no. once i decide someone is worth my time and energy it'll be either their (mis)fortune, or mine, to the (bitter) end. it takes ages before i come to this decision, though.
4. unwavering support. be strong for themselves when i'm not strong.
5. never! i'd rather have my kitty and myself.
6. email, and not too often.
 

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A few questions for fives:
1. Do you have random hookups with friends without strong feelings?
2. If you loved someone, how would you let them know? Would you put in writing, verbalize, or hint?
3. Do you vacillate during the initial stages?
4. How can he/she reassure you of her love?
5. Would still enter into a relationship if it can't go anywhere (ex. you are married)?
6. If long distance, would you prefer to email, text, or call?
1. No, I don't have random hookups with friends. I've had a few casual encounters with men, but they weren't true friends of mine. I wouldn't be interested or comfortable in such a set-up. It's much too taxing on me to engage in such things with friends.

2. I am not great via spoken word. I find it difficult to express how much I love and care for a person through verbalization. That is why I am best via the written word; somehow, the words and feelings involved come through this way much more easily.

3. I do vacillate during the initial stages. I can't help that I do an internal assessment of the pros and cons, longevity/potential of any pairing, prospective or otherwise. Even in my most significant and serious relationships, I vacillated; the men were future/marriage material, yet I still was not sure of how I'd fare in the long run as part of a solid duo/partnership.

4. I do appreciate affirmations from the one I am close to; I don't need it all the time, but I do appreciate it when a beau expresses he thinks of me and respects my thoughts and feelings.

5. No.

6. I prefer email because I truly love the written word. I love knowing someone took the time to sit down and write something of value and length to me. There is intimacy in that, for me at least. Next, some mild texting and IMing are good at times; I wouldn't want this on a daily basis, but such ways of communication are nice in moderate doses. I least prefer phone conversations.
 

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A few questions for fives:
1. Do you have random hookups with friends without strong feelings?
2. If you loved someone, how would you let them know? Would you put in writing, verbalize, or hint?
3. Do you vacillate during the initial stages?
4. How can he/she reassure you of her love?
5. Would still enter into a relationship if it can't go anywhere (ex. you are married)?
6. If long distance, would you prefer to email, text, or call?
1. No.
2. Body Lanauge and writing (I think it depends on the person if they are shy).
3. Yes, if I am not so sure about what they other person is thinking/feeling towards me.
4. Verbally and taking action.
5. Depends if the person is worth a chance and depends on if I really like him.
6. Everything. Its hard enough to be with them even they live locally, long distance requires a lot of communication because they can't physically be there when you need them the most. You are just all by yourself.
 

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1- As a rule no, but I've been tempted.
2- I'm an action person, if she pays attention she'll know, if she makes her curiosity known I will answer.
3-No.
4- Actions
5- Maybe, I've an eye for tragedy.
6- At this point in my life I won't go this route, did it before not interested in doing it again. I preferred calls.
 

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A few questions for fives:
1. Do you have random hookups with friends without strong feelings?
2. If you loved someone, how would you let them know? Would you put in writing, verbalize, or hint?
3. Do you vacillate during the initial stages?
4. How can he/she reassure you of her love?
5. Would still enter into a relationship if it can't go anywhere (ex. you are married)?
6. If long distance, would you prefer to email, text, or call?
1: No. What's the point of having casual fun if it doesn't mean anything? I don't see that as being useful, helpful, or prudent, all the more so if it's going to potentially jeopardize an existing friendship. I don't have any need or desire to put my heart into such a dangerous situation if it's not going to last.

2: Kiss them, hold them, cuddle them, write letters, tell them, basically any way to let them know they're loved. I think a good way would be to ask them what their love languages are and express my love to them in that language.

3: YES.

4: Well spending time with me and listening to my fears without freaking out.

5: No. What's the point?

6: Email / call. Email since I'm more expressive and better at expressing my feelings via written word and they can be saved and retrieved easier than texts. Calls to hear her voice.

Hope this helps :). For the record I'm a type 5w6 INFP.
 

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1. Do you have random hookups with friends without strong feelings?
No. I don't have sex with friends and never would. I might have sex with a hookup that I hardly knew, but I wouldn't consider them a friend. It's an INFJ thing, but few people are my friends.

2. If you loved someone, how would you let them know? Would you put in writing, verbalize, or hint?

I would have to figure out I loved them before I would say that I loved them. Last time, it took me 3 months, living and sleeping with the person to figure out I loved them. I'm rather thick about realizing it.

3. Do you vacillate during the initial stages?

I'm confused.

4. How can he/she reassure you of her love?

Actions.

5. Would still enter into a relationship if it can't go anywhere (ex. you are married)?

I've never considered having secret relationships. If I wanted to have a relationship behind my partner's back, I'd conclude I no longer wanted my partner and I'd dump her.

(PS - I wont get married so it's kind of hard for me to think in those terms.)

6. If long distance, would you prefer to email, text, or call?

LDR's are for retards. Present and in person, is the only way to have any meaning in a relationship. When I was young and stupid I tried to flirt with women online. I learned what a bunch of nonsense it is, slightly more nonsensical than normal dating.
 

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1. Do you have random hookups with friends without strong feelings?

This is not my thing. I have had some casual sex in my lifetime. I prefer mixing sex with safe, warm feelings.. It's way more fun that way

2. If you loved someone, how would you let them know? Would you put in writing, verbalize, or hint?

It usually doesn't take too long to figure out what they want. What I mean is.. How do they want to know? I am pretty adaptable.

3. Do you vacillate during the initial stages?

My feelings..No. If it's going to work or a good idea.. Yeah , of course. . I don't always feel the full impact of things until I have time to go over them, relive them and analyze the dynamics in relation to my feelings.
I often don't realize how good (or bad) a time I had until the next day.. You know?

4. How can he/she reassure you of her love?

I am not sure I have a formal answer for this. As I mentioned earlier I figure out what people want. One way to know this is to see how they express themselves.
If the expressions stop, I will likely ask them what's up.
What has worked for some, has not worked for others.
Each relationship brings it's own unique dynamics.
If I need reassurance something is not right anyway.

5. Would still enter into a relationship if it can't go anywhere (ex. you are married)?

I have made this mistake.

6. If long distance, would you prefer to email, text, or call?

Apparently I am retarded, since I am presently in a LDR. I suppose I am also retarded for spending the last year saving money and getting all the paper work done so I can go marry my apparently retarded partner.
I had no idea we were so retarded. I guess the warmth, friendship and love we feel, especially in person is just the product of our retarded delusions.
Here I was thinking I was being romantic, adventurous and experienced enough that I might know what love is.
Glad I found out otherwise.


We text and call everyday . Skype and e-mail.. We don't e-mail maybe as often as she would like.. She enjoys my writing.
 

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1. Do you have random hookups with friends without strong feelings?
No. I don’t want to lose my friends, I’m happy with the (small) number of friends I have now.

2. If you loved someone, how would you let them know? Would you put in writing, verbalize, or hint?
Hint through action. I’d be more willing to go along with the person to places I would otherwise not go, or do things I’d usually not do. And it takes a looooong time, but eventually I verbalize it (if the relationship managed to last long enough).

3. Do you vacillate during the initial stages?
No (so far).

4. How can he/she reassure you of her love?
Just be there for me and accept me for what I am. Be brave enough to thwack me when it seems I’m in danger of heading down the wrong road, but stick by me no matter what I choose. Show appreciation for my mind and body equally.

5. Would still enter into a relationship if it can't go anywhere (ex. you are married)?
Probably not… I don’t like putting effort into things which aren’t going to get me anywhere (especially when it involves interaction with humans). Then again, love is sometimes beyond reason.

6. If long distance, would you prefer to email, text, or call?
IM or texting is best. Email is too formal, and calling means I only have that fixed amount of time to say what I want to say (or worse, that I’m expected to say something when I don’t have anything to say).
 

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A few questions for fives:
1. Do you have random hookups with friends without strong feelings?
2. If you loved someone, how would you let them know? Would you put in writing, verbalize, or hint?
3. Do you vacillate during the initial stages?
4. How can he/she reassure you of her love?
5. Would still enter into a relationship if it can't go anywhere (ex. you are married)?
6. If long distance, would you prefer to email, text, or call?
1. No.

2. I wouldn't let them know until it's been made abundantly clear that they're in love with me. After this has been established, I'd prefer to respond in writing, as writing gives me time to choose my words.

3. My feelings, once established, do not vacillate. I've never experienced "blind" love and I've never been afraid to discuss any concerns with my SO directly. If I vacillate, it's when I've identified a serious compatibility issue that can't be adequately resolved.

4. Be direct and reasonable.
Do not attempt to read my mind, or pretend to 'know' what I'm thinking.
"Actions speak louder than words."
Give me plenty of time to think.
Enjoy insult-based humor.
Ruminate on various topics.
Sex, and lots of it.

5. No, I wouldn't enter a veritable exercise in futility, however, I've been guilty of staying in one far longer than I should have.

6. Email is preferable for the aforementioned reason, but phone calls are fine.
 

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Discussion Starter #15
I was reading on another posting that fives frequently use the internet or other resources to perform extensive background searches on their love interests. If this is true, what kinds of information are you looking to find? Also, how would you "make a move" on your love interest (assuming they had no idea you were interested)? Do you develop a plan to slowly seduce your love interest over time, anticipating his/her response with each step?
 

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1. Do you have random hookups with friends without strong feelings?
No, in fact I am a virgin and determined to stay that way despite constant pressure not to because I cling, perhaps naively, to the notion of waiting for a "perfect" woman.

2. If you loved someone, how would you let them know? Would you put in writing, verbalize, or hint?
I think the subtlest I've ever been is just demonstrating in really obvious ways my affection for someone (showering them with praise, telling them how special they are, how much they mean to me, etc). I may avoid describing the intensity of my feelings for fear of scaring her, but I really do not like beating around the bush so I try very hard to make sure my feelings for her are beyond doubt. Note: I am a Sx dominant 5 so my answers may vary widely from other 5s'.

3. Do you vacillate during the initial stages?
If I fall for someone I do so completely, even after things appear to be over (as they do for me now:sad:) I still find it VERY hard to just break off my feelings. That said I do occasionally worry if the other person could be as committed to me as I am to her.

4. How can he/she reassure you of her love?
This is actually really really simple for me. Just say you love me. One sentence a day can keep me on cloud nine.

5. Would still enter into a relationship if it can't go anywhere (ex. you are married)?
Absolutely not. First off I would strive to not marry anyone unless she were the apple of my eye. That said if for whatever reason I did get married to someone I didn't really love, I still would keep away from any tempting situations. Ultimately if I care about someone and take the time and energy to get close to them, then I want to eventually be with that person in an exclusive romantic relationship.

6. If long distance, would you prefer to email, text, or call?
I really don't care. See my answer to question 4 for details. Still if I really cared about someone, I wouldn't want to remain in a long-distance relationship indefinitely and would probably strive to eventually bring us closer together.
 

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I was reading on another posting that fives frequently use the internet or other resources to perform extensive background searches on their love interests. If this is true, what kinds of information are you looking to find? Also, how would you "make a move" on your love interest (assuming they had no idea you were interested)? Do you develop a plan to slowly seduce your love interest over time, anticipating his/her response with each step?
I really don't do this at all. If someone had no idea I was interested I might be apprehensive to make a move at all. Usually when I go for someone I have SOME kind of idea that they're also into me. If there was someone I was interested in and say we'd met online - if I had access to their facebook profile or something I would probably read it to see if we're compatible, but that's about it. I subtly flirt, want to have one-on-one time, get into deep conversations. I don't develop plans at all and I don't anticipate responses because I know no matter what I imagine will happen, it likely will be different in real life. I don't plan much in matters like these, I prefer to play it by ear because you never know what can happen.
 

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I was reading on another posting that fives frequently use the internet or other resources to perform extensive background searches on their love interests. If this is true, what kinds of information are you looking to find? Also, how would you "make a move" on your love interest (assuming they had no idea you were interested)? Do you develop a plan to slowly seduce your love interest over time, anticipating his/her response with each step?
I do this. I guess I'm searching to see if they're genuine, also to look at their humors, interests and what is going on without having to ask them. I don't really like to ask, I'd rather dig the information up on my own. I like to see their style in music, books, poetry, any informative thing that is teachable to me and new avenues for me to search through.

I think it's mostly to get to know them without having to do it in a required response or interaction, saving the time that we would interact to have more intensity with all that I'd found. I need time to notice and be with things on my own and then I can put it into play later when I know it.

.......


1. Do you have random hookups with friends without strong feelings? No.

2. If you loved someone, how would you let them know? Would you put in writing, verbalize, or hint? I have been known to flirt and hint and to put in writing.

3. Do you vacillate during the initial stages? Yes.

4. How can he/she reassure you of her love? I don't know that it's truly in their control.

5. Would still enter into a relationship if it can't go anywhere (ex. you are married)? I have prolly thought it in my mind often enough, but not act on it.

6. If long distance, would you prefer to email, text, or call? Email.
 
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1. Do you have random hookups with friends without strong feelings?

No, because I don't want to interfere with a good friendship that I took a while to develop and maintain. It's hard enough to connect to another person, let alone make things more complicated by following my sexual impulses and ignoring my conscious, crossing the border between a platonic friendship and a sexual relationship, for the sake of a quickie in an old Chevy. I'm usually very loyal to friends and wouldn't want to presume more than necessary, unless I feel so strongly that I want to actually form an honest and genuine relationship that goes beyond mere friendship. I have pretty friends, but I don't want to jeopardize their trust and respect for a blow job.


2. If you loved someone, how would you let them know? Would you put in writing, verbalize, or hint?

I'd probably be through action, such as how I talk to a person when there's a problem or standing up for somebody when nobody else would. I'll try to be understanding of what that person says by listening and considering the possibilities of what they think, without saying that what that person is thinking is wrong. That doesn't mean that I won't give my ideas on the matter, because if somebody is damaging themselves and cannot see the problem, then sometimes it's good to push them in the right path, or at least, get them to consider more beneficial options. I'm probably better at expressing feelings such as love through writing than talking. I am working on verbal compliments, but I don't want to force them. I express these feelings if they are honest, not forced, but even then, it's hard to talk about these things.

3. Do you vacillate during the initial stages?

I'm horrible at the initial stages. I am passive. If I really like somebody, I'll usually ignore that person, which is counter productive to what I want. I suppose I'm more of a reactionary person in terms of love than somebody who will actively pursue others. Sometimes, even if I know somebody likes me, I will push them away. It's because I'm very uncertain and uncomfortable with feelings.

4. How can he/she reassure you of her love?


As much as I will shrug off reassuring words and compliments, those words can be motivational if given by the right person. I don't really need somebody to tell me all the time that they love me, but I hope to find somebody who actually listens, even if we don't agree all the time. As long as somebody is trying to be considerate and understanding, that matters. I don't need gifts, hugs, or other things of that nature.

5. Would still enter into a relationship if it can't go anywhere (ex. you are married)?

Probably not. However, I don't really know the "anywhere" that I want to go.

6. If long distance, would you prefer to email, text, or call?

Text.
 

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Discussion Starter #20
I'm horrible at the initial stages. I am passive. If I really like somebody, I'll usually ignore that person, which is counter productive to what I want. I suppose I'm more of a reactionary person in terms of love than somebody who will actively pursue others. Sometimes, even if I know somebody likes me, I will push them away. It's because I'm very uncertain and uncomfortable with feelings.
@Kilgore Trout - Why would you push them away? Is this a test? What if they ignore you after being rejected? Does this mean you will not pursue even though you might have have been responsible for the current dynamic? On the other hand, what if this does not deter her interest? Would you try to avoid her even still?
 
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