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I have seen that a lot of frustration with others who are dating an ISTP and how they don't show as much affection as they would like. Talking, Texting, Calling, Seeing One Another, blah blah blah..

I personally have a hard time picking up on the flirtatious comments and actions. Also, I can never really tell when someone is interested.

Mainly asking for better self improvement in relationships and dating. So thoughts, tips, opinions?
 

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To provide something semi-useful I would have to say practice makes perfect until it becomes natural. Especially for ISTP's we are naturals at a lot of things we just need to go out and try them, just follow your gut.
 

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Yeah probably the best way to learn is to try it out. It's also helpful if people you are seeing tell you what they want directly and have some sort of reason for it.

Best example I can think of takes me back to college. Was seeing this girl and she would get mad at me every time she left, and eventually she told me she wanted me to walk her home. Reasonable enough, but I didn't know it was (A) because she felt unsafe and (B) because I looked like I didn't care when I wasn't doing it. So now I just walk them home/to their car on habit, even though most of the time they protest, often times all the way and I just ignore it (it must be secretly flattering though they won't admit it).
 

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If you're dating someone and they're complaining about the above actions, try telling them that you need to be aware of these desires in order to act upon them. Also, be compromising, as I'm sure some of you would find some of the wishes to be pointless/dumb/etc.
 

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If you're dating someone and they're complaining about the above actions, try telling them that you need to be aware of these desires in order to act upon them. Also, be compromising, as I'm sure some of you would find some of the wishes to be pointless/dumb/etc.
"Some" would be an understatement :mellow:

Granted, can't say you're wrong, though.
 

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I get criticism for my inattentiveness all the time. You have to tell me things over and over again until they become habit, because I'm not good at keeping habits. So just make the actions habit.


Of course, I'm giving this advice and I'm not going to follow it.
 

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Start with your signature, for instance: You Can Not Imagine The Immensity Of The Fuck I Do Not Give.

You may find that the person you're dating would like you to give a fuck about them. This may seem very challenging at first, especially if you do not like the person that you are dating.

So, I suggest, first, that you date someone you actually like. This is a problem as well, since so many people are just boring and/or annoying as fuck.

When you really enjoy someone, their weaknesses are much less important and less bothersome. You care about their needs and desires and want to fulfill them, because you value them as a person and appreciate the differences between you.

Bottom line, find someone you like and give a fuck about them. Or, just date ESTJs and ENTJs - they enjoy bad treatment. :)


 

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*Ahem* I meant, like it rough.
 

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Personally, I learn from my mistakes. However, if I'm not aware I'm making mistakes then I don't learn. So my biggest tip is to ask for feedback while in a relationship.

When it comes to creating a relationship... I still have no clue. In my experience, the girl just gets fed up and pounces me like a lioness on a lame gazelle.
 

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Discussion Starter #12


Personally, I learn from my mistakes. However, if I'm not aware I'm making mistakes then I don't learn. So my biggest tip is to ask for feedback while in a relationship.

When it comes to creating a relationship... I still have no clue. In my experience, the girl just gets fed up and pounces me like a lioness on a lame gazelle.​
Ha. Shockingly, this is probably the only responce I've found helpful. Thank you.
 

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Picking up on flirtation is all about body language. I'm not sure if it's just you and I that have a hard time reading body language or if it's an ISTP thing. Reading stuff on the internet about body language should help you notice it more because you know what to look for.

Awkward flirtation makes me think of when I used to not know how to respond to someone touching me on the hand or leg in a flirtatious way. I'm talking like teenage years here. I would just sit there(like a gazelle? haha) and not do anything back and in my head be like uhhh what do I do. Even if I liked the person I wouldn't touch them back because I didn't know what to do. You just touch them back it's ok they like you or they wouldn't touch you like that :kitteh:

As far as self improvement for relationships and dating... drinking and talking to lots of people worked for me. Drinking for me makes me more of an extrovert I'm more talkative and I do less thinking in my head.

Talking to people is a skill, the more you do it the better you get at it. You can learn how to get past the small talk faster, how to lead a conversation to more interesting topics and figure out if that person is actually someone you want to get to know.
 

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Personally, I learn from my mistakes. However, if I'm not aware I'm making mistakes then I don't learn. So my biggest tip is to ask for feedback while in a relationship.

When it comes to creating a relationship... I still have no clue. In my experience, the girl just gets fed up and pounces me like a lioness on a lame gazelle.
This is pretty much what I had to do to my ISTP boyfriend.
 

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When it comes to creating a relationship... I still have no clue. In my experience, the girl just gets fed up and pounces me like a lioness on a lame gazelle.
This is the only possible way I will ever make it into a relationship.
 

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Picking up on flirtation is all about body language. I'm not sure if it's just you and I that have a hard time reading body language or if it's an ISTP thing. Reading stuff on the internet about body language should help you notice it more because you know what to look for.

Awkward flirtation makes me think of when I used to not know how to respond to someone touching me on the hand or leg in a flirtatious way. I'm talking like teenage years here. I would just sit there(like a gazelle? haha) and not do anything back and in my head be like uhhh what do I do. Even if I liked the person I wouldn't touch them back because I didn't know what to do. You just touch them back it's ok they like you or they wouldn't touch you like that :kitteh:

As far as self improvement for relationships and dating... drinking and talking to lots of people worked for me. Drinking for me makes me more of an extrovert I'm more talkative and I do less thinking in my head.

Talking to people is a skill, the more you do it the better you get at it. You can learn how to get past the small talk faster, how to lead a conversation to more interesting topics and figure out if that person is actually someone you want to get to know.
This is helpful. Explains the hesitancy I have encountered. Now ..a new question because you look very wise in your avatar.:cool: I am sort of dating an ISTP. Communication went from intense attention and adoration to none. I calmly and confidently asked the dude if he has lost interest. He says no, he didn't want to smother me. He also has initiated all convos. This guy even wanted to know if I was going to date anyone else besides him, VERY EARLY. Uhhhh wtf do I say to that. Lucky for him I don't really like to date multiples. I am not a juggler. I would totally call someone by the wrong name lol.

Is it normal to go about two weeks without speaking? I explained I am not at all upset if he has moved on to greener pastures, and I totally get it. A total open door for him to walk through and jet. He assured me I had nothing to worry about. I just don't understand the abrupt halt. Also don't feel like he is telling the truth. I am having a make or break moment. I have someone that wants to go out with me and I am getting VERY BORED waiting to interact with the ISTP. But I loathe annoying people with redundant questions. H..E..L..P .
 

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I get criticism for my inattentiveness all the time. You have to tell me things over and over again until they become habit, because I'm not good at keeping habits. So just make the actions habit.


Of course, I'm giving this advice and I'm not going to follow it.
Story of my life!
 

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This is helpful. Explains the hesitancy I have encountered. Now ..a new question because you look very wise in your avatar.
I am sort of dating an ISTP. Communication went from intense attention and adoration to none. I calmly and confidently asked the dude if he has lost interest. He says no, he didn't want to smother me. He also has initiated all convos. This guy even wanted to know if I was going to date anyone else besides him, VERY EARLY. Uhhhh wtf do I say to that. Lucky for him I don't really like to date multiples. I am not a juggler. I would totally call someone by the wrong name lol.

Is it normal to go about two weeks without speaking? I explained I am not at all upset if he has moved on to greener pastures, and I totally get it. A total open door for him to walk through and jet. He assured me I had nothing to worry about. I just don't understand the abrupt halt. Also don't feel like he is telling the truth. I am having a make or break moment. I have someone that wants to go out with me and I am getting VERY BORED waiting to interact with the ISTP. But I loathe annoying people with redundant questions. H..E..L..P .
Well, I think you're over thinking things just a little bit.

I know when I first meet someone that I'm interested in I can be very attentive, much like your ISTP. But, after the first little bit I always just pulled away. Mainly to keep myself from getting bored with things. Which sounds like what yours probably has done. And when you ask about it, and he told you not to worry about it that is why.

If you get the feeling he's lying, then why stay? No one wants to be lied to. So why would you waste more of your time. And if you have someone else who wants to "go out with you" then go for it.

You seem to be very young. So, don't worry about it so much.
 

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@VictoriaB I am not that young. I am not needy or clingy either. Just gonna rule out those stereotypes too haha. I think you are right. I dont care I just wanted a little insight before I stand firm on not caring. Once I go that direction it is hard to regain my attention.
 

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Honestly, I do reply to calls or texts when I'm interested. The problem is, that I get bored really quick. I might answer your calls for 3 days straight then dump you like a dead fly. The real reasons I really don't answer is simply because I don't care enough, which probably means that the relationship doesn't mean much to start with.

In fact, I don't answer phones and the things @Michelle Taylor Daniele said sound like the things I do when I'm trying to dump someone without having to talk about emotions and all that smelly stuff. Not that he's trying to dump you.
 
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