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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
Hello!

I feel a little weird talking about this, because i feel i'm a little too old (23) to be asking this kind of questions, but this subject is really important to me right now. So, my question is: should i friend request this guys to whom i have talked in real life a couple of time?

I know him from university, we're in the same year, we're in separate groups, and a group has aprox. 80 students, so we didn't "cross each other's path" until our teachers decided to randomly create groups of two students, and he and i got to work on the same thing. The project didn't take long, and after that, each of us went back to their business. But... a little after that, like a week, he texted me on my phone to ask something totally neutral, like how did the teachers appreciate my colleagues' work and other stuff like that. I replied, but didn't reciprocate the question, simply because it didn't cross my mind. :blushed: Oh, and while working on the project, he told me that i seem too formal, because of my use of language (could be...)

And a few weeks later, after i had an exam, he asked me about how difficult it was (he was going to have the same exam), how did i do etc. and wished me happy holidays, because it was the last exam. And silly me, i chose not to respond to the kind wishes, for fear of not seeming too available :rolleyes:.

But i realized this boy is cute and i like him, and now i'm thinking of adding him on facebook.

I know it looks like i'm overthinking it, but i really don't know what to do, especially because the in last two relationships i was the one making the first move and being too available, and they didn't work out, so now my principle is "less is more". Until meeting him, i wasn't even seeking to be in a relationship. But on the other hand, if this was a chance of getting closer to him, should i do it? Should i add him on facebook, despite being impolite and not replying to his last message? :laughing: School is over now, so i can't meet him anymore...
 

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dude, they dont not like you because youre too available. some guys are judges mostly on attractiveness and some want a girl who is kind and understands life but if a girl aggressively shows interest that doesnt make me go, oh shes too available. It makes me think oh this girl isnt an immature complicated type improves chances, playing hard to get is so overrated just do whatever the fuck you want, be yourself, be confident in yourself. If a guy doesnt like you back then you guys wouldnt have a good connection in the future, if he is the type to look for someone who has the same mind set and interests and you match that criteria and you are yourself then you win
 

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Availability literally never has even a small amount of impact on if I like someone or not. If that impacts whether you like men, maybe you are projecting (and maybe you should think about why it impacts your desire for a man, the deeper reason).

I can't speak for all men, but it probably wasn't availability that impacting your past relationships. It's other things. Being desperate for attention is not the same as being too available, but it can lead to it.

Add him. Send him a message with it. End of story.
 

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Naw girl hit him up! If someone sees friendliness, taking initiative, and being open to interacting with them as being "too available," that says a lot about them, don't you think? Like, do you really want to try to be with a guy who thinks you're "too available" because you want to reach out to him and interact with him? That sounds like a road leading down to Misery Town. I'm not going to make any assumptions about what you want, but I think when you want to genuinely connect with people and get to know them, being genuine and yourself is an important part of that :wink: How nice it would be if we were all pretense-free.
 

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Just add him. Stop thinking so much. If you start strategizing this whole thing and create a game out of it, he's not gonna be able to see you for who you are. Don't pretend to be less available. God, the games. Everyone plays them and in the end don't even know the person they are with.
 

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Sweet Matrimony.
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I think you're over-thinking it. Don't go into it with the intention of "getting into a relationship," try "getting to know you to see if you're relationship material and interested in me."

The latter is a bit more easy-going which is really important for a couple of major reasons: to help you save face if he's not interested and to help salvage a friendship in the event you want one since a relationship is now out of the question.

I don't think there's anything "wrong" in showing interest... but the way you go about should kinda be "easy and breezy." Kinda like easy come, easy go.

That way you can enjoy the experience enough that whatever the outcome, it would have been an experience worth having.

Hope that helps! Sorry it's full of "useless" clichés but the thing is, when it comes to dating you can't really control things (situations, people or outcomes) because another person is involved, so you might as well focus on enjoying yourself rather than the end goal.
 
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To add to @JungleDelRey, none of that means (I assume she agrees) you should pretend and just make him think that you are easy breezy. You should actually be that way and feel that way. Otherwise it's self-torture.
 

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Sweet Matrimony.
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To add to @JungleDelRey, none of that means (I assume she agrees) you should pretend and just make him think that you are easy breezy. You should actually be that way and feel that way. Otherwise it's self-torture.
Agreed.

Basically, I was trying to say to OP, just try to enjoy this entire experience without focusing too much on getting a relationship out of it.
 
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It's just facebook. I've added and been added by coworkers, classmates, people I've worked on projects with, friends of friends, etc. I just came back from some time off school and people I've never even met wanted to add me- I go to a small school so it's just another form of networking. I never get a request and think "oh my stars this person wants to date me!" If that's what you are afraid of. If you already have this guys number, I'm surprised you're not friends yet. Just add him! :)
 

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Adding someone on facebook is just a friendly gesture. When someone adds me, I don't think, "Ooh they have a crush one and are after me!" They just want to connect.

"Too available" to me would be liking all of his statuses, messing him constantly or trying to pin him down.
 

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Yes! Add him! Being a guy, he probably won't think much of it and if you don't you'll probably wish you would have down the road. Never give up on a small opportunity. Sounds like he likes you if he went out his way to text you and "Ask how hard the test was."

I will say, making the first move is the hardest thing for me to do! I don't want to come off a too needy or anything because then she might reject me completely and I'll never have the chance to date her again. However, at the same time I want to ask the person out because I don't want another one to "get away". It's so hard to know if a girl actually wants to date. :blushed:
 

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Geez, just add him and stop thinking about it.
 

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@lightscent: So it's been a few months since you asked. Do you have an update?

... and yeah, you should have just added him. It's just a FB request, no harm done either way. :)
 

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Discussion Starter #14
oh, yes, thank you all for your advice aaand ...sorry for not replying sooner!:blushed:
Yes, I added him, we talked a little bit, but right now i can't tell if things are going anywhere... so, i'll wait a little more. He temporarily moved to another country where he'll be studying for a year; he intended to move before the two of us met. Things don't seem to take shape, so i don't have any expectations. :unsure:
 

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Should i add him on facebook, despite being impolite and not replying to his last message? :laughing: School is over now, so i can't meet him anymore...
Lol, as if things would ever work out between you two if you don't contact him. You have nothing to lose. Do it.

Edit:
oh, yes, thank you all for your advice aaand ...sorry for not replying sooner!:blushed:
Yes, I added him, we talked a little bit, but right now i can't tell if things are going anywhere... so, i'll wait a little more. He temporarily moved to another country where he'll be studying for a year; he intended to move before the two of us met. Things don't seem to take shape, so i don't have any expectations. :unsure:
At least you'll be more confident in a future similar situation.
 
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