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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
Hi folks,

yesterday I got confirmed that my boyfriend is an ESTJ (as if I hadn't known before). I started searching for ESTJ-ENTP pairings here, but didn't find a lot. Is this kind of pairing really that unusual? As this is the best relationship I ever had, I thought that there might be others with good experiences (even though I'm also interested in the crashed ones).

What I really like about my boyfriend's ESTJness is the practical logics he approaches problems with, whereas he benefits from me arguing that in case x, y, z his solution doesn't even apply. So we can spend hours finding a suitable answer for everyday and imaginary problems. We both enjoy that a lot.
Furthermore we can be quite honest with each other, whereas with former partners (all of them were feelers) I either had to hide my real thoughts or really hurt them. (It helps a lot that he has a huge sense of humour.)
Nevertheless he really cares for people's well-being and harmony (something I lack).

I can imagine, that his love for tradition and my habit of asking uncomfortable questions can lead to unsatisfactory compromises, though. We never had a serious fight, but discussed about marriage once. We do want to get married (he wants it for the tradition, I want it for tax cuts and the right to switch off life support), but when I said that I wouldn't want rings, a bachelorette party or even a ceremony (honestly, if it was me to decide, I'd just get us sign the stupid contract via official correspondence) he was quite devastated, and when I stated that I most likely wouldn't change my name and would be perfectly okay if he kept his, too, he fell into a coma and I had to resuscitate him.

So I guess, it can be tricky. Do you have any experiences you still can share because you survived one of us?
 

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Perhaps I can be of service somewhat, being fellow NT type. My ESTJ was very traditional when we met, but over the years we spent together we learned to see things from each others' perspective. He became open to new ideas and I started to appreciate down-to-earthness of sensing types. Surviving each other wasn't the issue - making it work "till death do us part" was.
I think that taking it slow helps a lot, as well as logical arguments and "we are different but let's try making it work towards our advantage instead of fighting" attitude. Mature ST+NT types can definitely have a good working relationship. It's just lot of work. Like your marriage example, I also kept my maiden name, had super small non-religious ceremony etc. I made my case, explained why XYZ is important for me and vice versa. Eventually we agreed on a plan that was satisfying for both of us, not just compromise but deal that we both found satisfactory. You'll need to communicate A LOT but I think that ENTP + ESTJ isn't the worst combo out there, it just can get hard at times, especially if one/both of you are immature in some crucial aspects.
That being said, I think that sensors and intuitives can't have that "natural easy flow" feel you get with other intuitives. With sensors I always feel like there is some kind of intangible barrier I have to climb in order to make myself understood, to make myself and my opinions understandable by sensors. That sense of "opaqueness" between me and my husband contributed to the eventual end of our relationship after 7 years, no big fights, just the feeling of not being quite in sync, like two pieces of puzzle we molded to make fit but sometimes they revert to their original shape which doesn't fit, and those moments are so jarring it makes the relationship feel too unstable and at times forced.
I hope your relationship turns out better than mine. Best of luck!
 

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I don't know if I am interested enough in any ENTPs. I think it may work I suppose. I think I'd be tired of discussing or debating things all the time. the only two I've dated are feelers. and I've sort of decided it's not worth my time. I felt that most of what I had seemed like really close friendships. I am also asexual and mostly aromantic. I have some interest in an INFJ friend but not enough and I don't want to date any sexually active guy because It wouldn't be fair to them.
 

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I think what he really wants is a display of unity. If you're able to create that through different means in a way that appeals to him, he may be open to it.
 
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