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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I am starting a new relationship with an INFJ and I was wondering if you guys had any tips for me or anything that I ought to keep an eye out for. So far the relationship is going well and it seems like we could talk for hours but the emotional connection is still pretty new. I am also nervous about inadvertently offending her.
 

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do not try to hang on in any way. if she wants space, let her go. if you let her go, she'll probably come back.

if you are honest, you will not inadvertently offend her or piss her off. INFJ's put almost all stock in intentions, not necessarily the specific word choice you use.

Above all, be honest as you can be.
 

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will you both knowingly date the same guy at teh same time????? If so, I'm in.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Honesty isn't really an issue for me, the bigger issue is being reserved with the thoughts that may been seen as offensive or could cause conflict. I abhor conflict.

I guess my biggest issue is that I find it difficult to portray or describe my emotions, and am even worse at showing my love. That, and I find humor in the irony and facetious sarcasm of life, which could be seen as offensive to someone who cannot understand the fact that even though the act is repulsive, the irony is sweet and succulent.
 
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Oh please be yourself! The last thing (as an INFJ) that really pisses me off is when someone hides something from me. I don't say much because I don't want to be rude or anything but...I really prefer if you just let it out. If a comment offends her, let her think about it and explain it to her. It should go back to normal! Isn't that the point of a relationship, to be able to be yourself and learn to communicate? It's a learning curve both of you have to go through! Good luck!
 

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I don't know about other infjs, I think it probably is a part of the IN, but I love ironies in life and light sarcasm as well, I can laugh about myself a lot too, but yes, you should probably avoid being sarcastic when she is talking seriously or when the topic involves something she deeply cares about. Remember we care deeply about our values and dislike when other people get hurt.

And I'd really be careful about that "being reserved with the thoughts that may been seen as offensive or could cause conflict" because she will most likely realize eventually you have those thoughts and feel a little offended that you didn't trusted her enough to show her all your colors. If they are random unnimportant thoughts it doesn't matter, but if they are trascendent things, I'd try to share them at the right time, remember, to have a deep healthy relationship, you need to work on the conflicts as well. Don't worry, she will try to avoid conflict too.

As long as you are true to yourself, as everybody has mentioned, don't worry about nt being able to portray your emotions, she will notice them in the slightests of details. Like when you hug her, try to concentrate in the way you feel about her, her empathy will let her feel your emotions ;)

Good luck, I have 3 close intps and i love them.
@PandaBear summed my point in a better way hehe
 

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will you both knowingly date the same guy at teh same time????? If so, I'm in.
If this is to me and @Nicole Hobbs: I'm exclusively into women, and engaged to be married to one particularly awesome one. I believe that my INFJ brain sharer is also engaged - to a man in her case. Never hurts to ask, I suppose :)
 

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Sometimes my intp friend says things when their filter is off that down right stab me in the heart with pointedness/offensive honesty. It doesn't bother me longer than a moment though, because it lets me know they're being completely honest and I cherish that. If you are upfront and pre-apologize for any lack of eloquence on the premise of letting your infj see the real you, they will probably be extremely happy with that. Just make sure they know- nothing you say is purposely to hurt them -you enjoy their company, and are simply letting your thoughts flow truthfully. The thing that causes conflict with an infj is when they perceive underhanded motives behind someones words or actions, not necessarily the words or actions themselves.

Redundant yes, but we loooooove honesty even MORE than politeness :proud:
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
Sometimes my intp friend says things when their filter is off that down right stab me in the heart with pointedness/offensive honesty. It doesn't bother me longer than a moment though, because it lets me know they're being completely honest and I cherish that. If you are upfront and pre-apologize for any lack of eloquence on the premise of letting your infj see the real you, they will probably be extremely happy with that. Just make sure they know- nothing you say is purposely to hurt them -you enjoy their company, and are simply letting your thoughts flow truthfully. The thing that causes conflict with an infj is when they perceive underhanded motives behind someones words or actions, not necessarily the words or actions themselves.

Redundant yes, but we loooooove honesty even MORE than politeness :proud:
Now I understand why this pairing is often seen as advantageous. I guess I am just used to INFP and the constant swirl of emotions running around. Not to say anything bad, I love INFPs.
 

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Now I understand why this pairing is often seen as advantageous. I guess I am just used to INFP and the constant swirl of emotions running around. Not to say anything bad, I love INFPs.
My own INFP is quite brutally honest. I know that no matter what she says, she's telling me the truth as she sees it. It's part of why I trust her so much. She has for sure hurt me, but never because she was telling the truth. Her honesty is like a rock I depend on.

Edited to add: that doesn't mean she's always right. Just that she always tells the truth as she sees it at that moment

:)
 

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If this is to me and @Nicole Hobbs: I'm exclusively into women, and engaged to be married to one particularly awesome one. I believe that my INFJ brain sharer is also engaged - to a man in her case. Never hurts to ask, I suppose :)
Yes yes. One's married to a woman, the other to a man.

Flattered to be asked, though. :crazy::blushed:

So.. @Aquarian... which one of us gets to be the evil one? :kitteh:
 
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