Personality Cafe banner

1 - 5 of 5 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
5 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Hello everyone, I left a hefty (kind of mean cause I was nitpicking my frustrations on parts of his personality) post on the ISTP page about my current ISTP. Let's say, ISTPs are complaining LOL.

I've been very frustrated on how to communicate with him effectively and get what I want out of him. Which for the most part is emotional support, I find him unreliable with many little things and I'm trying to really understand how he is.. I know he fancies me, I think he's a very sweet person but I've had alot of loss in my life and more emotional than most so I'm needy in terms of communication. I believe in expressing emotions.. or I'll go crazy. He doesn't mind to listen but I know it takes a toll on him. So I've been trying to keep it to a minimum and find other outlets. We give each other plenty of space, I love my alone time.. but sometimes I want to test the waters and not initiate any interaction/dates and see if he will do anything.. cause he doesn't do.. really anything.. LOL.

He doesn't express any other interests in me.. in the way I can see it. Physically very affectionate but I think it ties more into sex and ends up being his gain of satisfaction. Other than that, he def doesn't give me stuff, or tell me he likes me or why, we don't really hang out until I ask, he doesn't have a car, so I guess that can discourage him from asking me out more or he is a typical ISTP and doesn't PLAN ever. When we do hang out, he's broke and we dont go out, so we end up cuddling and watching tv ( I love it but.... ), he ends up sleeping... all the time. "quality time" becomes not really quality time anymore lol.

Anyways, I feel emotionally starving and want more from him.. and I understand ISTPs are very slow and just takes things day by day. But it's really hard to progress when their answers are always "I don't know." especially when I communicate a problem to them.. and suggest a solution/compromise for both parties to be happy.. I'm a very giving person and I know I'm very selfish too.. but I think that's why I give so much to try to counter it. When it comes to the love languages, I cover all bases, I'm just naturally like that. While he's distant.. and sometimes cold, but I don't take it personal, just trying to understand more of WHYs? Not that I'll ever get that kind of answer from an ISTP. Either way, I'm trying real hard to keep this relationship alive, but I feel like it's very one-sided, and I've definitely communicated this with him.. seen very little change. Do I just need to be more patient and understanding? It's been pretty hard but he doesn't seem to see any problems with the relationships. While I'm over here being a brat and trying to not get taken advantaged of.

I'd want to hear your experiences if you ever were in a relationship with an ISTP or currently with one. We all are different even though we are ENFPS. Other personality types are welcome to chime in as well. :)
Please and thank yous! <3
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
664 Posts
Yeah... ultimately this was exactly what led me to move on from an ISTP to an ENFP lol. Initially I thought it could work, I'm on the introverted side of ENFPs and could handle that aspect, and he too would do his best to listen to me and be present. But after a certain point in the relationship I guess he felt like he "had" me and became pretty complacent and the relationship became boring. I was feeling the effects of being emotionally "starving" and he eventually got to the point of being sexually "starving" because the lack of emotional connection was hurting my sex drive. It benefited both of us to just move on.

For it to work, there needs to be mutual effort. If it's just you, well, I've experienced that, and it really doesn't work. It's a recipe for years of emotional unfulfillment otherwise.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
15,578 Posts
Hello everyone, I left a hefty (kind of mean cause I was nitpicking my frustrations on parts of his personality) post on the ISTP page about my current ISTP. Let's say, ISTPs are complaining LOL.

I've been very frustrated on how to communicate with him effectively and get what I want out of him. Which for the most part is emotional support, I find him unreliable with many little things and I'm trying to really understand how he is.. I know he fancies me, I think he's a very sweet person but I've had alot of loss in my life and more emotional than most so I'm needy in terms of communication. I believe in expressing emotions.. or I'll go crazy. He doesn't mind to listen but I know it takes a toll on him. So I've been trying to keep it to a minimum and find other outlets. We give each other plenty of space, I love my alone time.. but sometimes I want to test the waters and not initiate any interaction/dates and see if he will do anything.. cause he doesn't do.. really anything.. LOL.

He doesn't express any other interests in me.. in the way I can see it. Physically very affectionate but I think it ties more into sex and ends up being his gain of satisfaction. Other than that, he def doesn't give me stuff, or tell me he likes me or why, we don't really hang out until I ask, he doesn't have a car, so I guess that can discourage him from asking me out more or he is a typical ISTP and doesn't PLAN ever. When we do hang out, he's broke and we dont go out, so we end up cuddling and watching tv ( I love it but.... ), he ends up sleeping... all the time. "quality time" becomes not really quality time anymore lol.

Anyways, I feel emotionally starving and want more from him.. and I understand ISTPs are very slow and just takes things day by day. But it's really hard to progress when their answers are always "I don't know." especially when I communicate a problem to them.. and suggest a solution/compromise for both parties to be happy.. I'm a very giving person and I know I'm very selfish too.. but I think that's why I give so much to try to counter it. When it comes to the love languages, I cover all bases, I'm just naturally like that. While he's distant.. and sometimes cold, but I don't take it personal, just trying to understand more of WHYs? Not that I'll ever get that kind of answer from an ISTP. Either way, I'm trying real hard to keep this relationship alive, but I feel like it's very one-sided, and I've definitely communicated this with him.. seen very little change. Do I just need to be more patient and understanding? It's been pretty hard but he doesn't seem to see any problems with the relationships. While I'm over here being a brat and trying to not get taken advantaged of.

I'd want to hear your experiences if you ever were in a relationship with an ISTP or currently with one. We all are different even though we are ENFPS. Other personality types are welcome to chime in as well. :)
Please and thank yous! <3
I've been with my istp partner for 12 years . He didn't fully open up his emotions to me until 2.5 years into the relationship and after 4 years - he displayed more emotions than I do on certain subject matters .
I think what worked for us was that instead of trying to get him to open up or share emotions - I was always curious about who he is and what makes him happy ( my istp was very cynical ) I'm quite sure you can relate- I want things to happen genuinely .
The longer I know him and observed him the more I realized how much action he puts into our relationship.
If your partner is istp realize that Fe is his inferior function so he's not that aware of his own feelings or emotion of others hence the emotional talk can make him feel extremely uncomfortable .
If you're looking for a person to open up to you and listen to your emotions and comfort them then perhaps stay away from ixtp - he may open up about his emotions to you later on but don't expect comfort when you do from him - Since his Dom function is Ti he will try to break down your problem and analyze them for you and tell you how to stop it ( most of the time he will state the obvious bc you didn't come to him for advice but more so for comfort )

The main question you need to ask yourself is can you feel that he cares for you (istp shows love through action ) and are you willing to be with somebody who may not understand your emotions - but care for it deeply ?

It takes time for anyone to open up - more so for istp . I wouldn't say more patient but perhaps try getting to know him more by playing games of this or that or ask him questions that aren't related to ones emotions - ask him what his interests are and I would suggest card games of truth or dare - if you want to get your point across more




Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 
1 - 5 of 5 Posts
Top