So, my question is, are there any other INFJ's on this forum that have dated an ISTP? What has been your experiences? Id like to hear from other ISTP males about how they express themselves.
I'm currently dating an ISTP male. His basic needs? Food, sex, sleep, space, and independence. This is all he needs to be happy.
When we first dated, we were inseparable. Couldn't keep our hands off each other and spent the majority of our free time together, like any other typical couple during the infatuation stage. I believed this to be normal behavior for him, so when he started pulling away a few months later, I was hurt, confused, and angry. I didn't understand why he "suddenly" didn't want to spend time with me anymore and why he was so upset that I wanted to continue our relationship the way it already had been established. Unfortunately for me, I was still in this infatuation stage, and had an extremely difficult time dealing with changing from seeing each other multiple times a week to once a week. The more he pulled away, the more I tried to pull him back, the more emotional I got. He was very flaky and also didn't seem to know what he wanted. During the times we were apart, he'd miss me terribly, but as soon I was around, he wanted me gone again. We fought about this all the time. After a year, we broke up for a year. During this year apart, we continued to sleep with each other for a short period of time, then we stopped and started seeing other people casually, but still harassed each other. One of us would be dating someone, the other would bitch, and then we'd reverse roles and continue to take our jealousies out on each other. Eventually I got tired of playing that game and just tried to be emotionally supportive for him whenever he'd contact me. He seemed emotionally unstable during this point (angry, jealous, depressed) but I was too.
During our time apart neither of us enjoyed dating other people; in fact I think it made us hate dating. At one point I suggested we fool around again and soon we were in a relationship again. Somehow, our relationship is much healthier this time around, close to ideal. We are supportive of each other, we give each other lots of space, we are very loving, open and honest with each other... we make time for each other (but not as frequently as before), and the thing that surprises me the most is that he hasn't been a flake! I guess giving him space makes him actually follow through with his words. He is also incredibly emotionally supportive, whereas before he'd hate how emotionally expressive I was.
Our current problems still include being stubborn and not resolving our conflicts in the best manner. My problem is that sometimes I am moody and become "emotionally compromised" so I can't think of the issue objectively, and his problem is that whenever I try to get him to do something, he flips his sh-- and thinks I'm trying to control him.
As for expressing himself, he doesn't use a lot of words. Like most men, he prefers to express their emotions through actions, so he is often holding me, snuggling with me, putting him arm around me, and always trying to sex me up. He loves to watch me sleep, and loves waking up next to me. I can tell how much he loves me through the look on his face when he looks at me. He has become much more verbally affectionate this round of dating though, so he does often tell me that he loves me (most of the time, he initiates ILY messages), and occasionally tells me how lucky he is to be with me. This time around, he has also become more verbally expressive of his feelings; he has become pretty open and uses "I feel" statements with me. I'm also surprised by his willingness to talk about the future, and sometimes he's the one initiating these conversations! We have talked about getting married, our wedding, our kids, and what kind of parents we'll be.
Well, this is new ground for me. Ive never dated an ISTP and all the forums and books I have read, he displays the typical behavior of an ISTP. But knowing as much as I now do, I am scared. I dont know what to say concerning feelings because I dont want to seem "airy fairy" as I read the ISTP may percieve an INFJ. So, my question is, are there any other INFJ's on this forum that have dated an ISTP? What has been your experiences? This man has me confused because he doesnt verbalize alot and I only noticed recently he is far more observant than I ever imagined. He takes in everything I say whereas I take in the "emotional vibes" he is sending out. Id like to hear from other ISTP males about how they express themselves.
