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Hi there. Im an INFJ dating an ISTP. Crazy pair, right? Im emotional, he's too cool for that. :) Well, this is new ground for me. Ive never dated an ISTP and all the forums and books I have read, he displays the typical behavior of an ISTP. But knowing as much as I now do, I am scared. I dont know what to say concerning feelings because I dont want to seem "airy fairy" as I read the ISTP may percieve an INFJ. So, my question is, are there any other INFJ's on this forum that have dated an ISTP? What has been your experiences? This man has me confused because he doesnt verbalize alot and I only noticed recently he is far more observant than I ever imagined. He takes in everything I say whereas I take in the "emotional vibes" he is sending out. Id like to hear from other ISTP males about how they express themselves.
 

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I have dated an ISTP. I found his thinking intriguing and fun since it's my third function. I have heard it described as our "child" function, and we like to play with it in the form of puzzles and various logic games. I think maybe that was intrigue; he was fun. He was very active (Se) and even though he was an introvert, that part of him got me out of my shell a bit.

In my specific experience, I had to break it off because I didn't see him understanding me on a deeper lever. He didn't understand my intuition or feeling (especially feeling). I needed someone who could relate to me more. I just "had a feeling" as INFJs get, that he wasn't serious at all after 7 months. I didn't think he ever could be any more serious with me or make me feel any more that I already did. I can't say with anybody, because he had been engaged and very serious with someone else before. I didn't get he feeling he was really all that into it and I just couldn't take it any more. And he ended up dating my best friend a few weeks later- how right was I? lol.

ISTPs are wonderful unique people, and I'm not saying yours couldn't be serious with you and be crazy about you. Mine just wasn't.
 

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So, my question is, are there any other INFJ's on this forum that have dated an ISTP? What has been your experiences? Id like to hear from other ISTP males about how they express themselves.
I'm currently dating an ISTP male. His basic needs? Food, sex, sleep, space, and independence. This is all he needs to be happy.

When we first dated, we were inseparable. Couldn't keep our hands off each other and spent the majority of our free time together, like any other typical couple during the infatuation stage. I believed this to be normal behavior for him, so when he started pulling away a few months later, I was hurt, confused, and angry. I didn't understand why he "suddenly" didn't want to spend time with me anymore and why he was so upset that I wanted to continue our relationship the way it already had been established. Unfortunately for me, I was still in this infatuation stage, and had an extremely difficult time dealing with changing from seeing each other multiple times a week to once a week. The more he pulled away, the more I tried to pull him back, the more emotional I got. He was very flaky and also didn't seem to know what he wanted. During the times we were apart, he'd miss me terribly, but as soon I was around, he wanted me gone again. We fought about this all the time. After a year, we broke up for a year. During this year apart, we continued to sleep with each other for a short period of time, then we stopped and started seeing other people casually, but still harassed each other. One of us would be dating someone, the other would bitch, and then we'd reverse roles and continue to take our jealousies out on each other. Eventually I got tired of playing that game and just tried to be emotionally supportive for him whenever he'd contact me. He seemed emotionally unstable during this point (angry, jealous, depressed) but I was too.

During our time apart neither of us enjoyed dating other people; in fact I think it made us hate dating. At one point I suggested we fool around again and soon we were in a relationship again. Somehow, our relationship is much healthier this time around, close to ideal. We are supportive of each other, we give each other lots of space, we are very loving, open and honest with each other... we make time for each other (but not as frequently as before), and the thing that surprises me the most is that he hasn't been a flake! I guess giving him space makes him actually follow through with his words. He is also incredibly emotionally supportive, whereas before he'd hate how emotionally expressive I was.

Our current problems still include being stubborn and not resolving our conflicts in the best manner. My problem is that sometimes I am moody and become "emotionally compromised" so I can't think of the issue objectively, and his problem is that whenever I try to get him to do something, he flips his sh-- and thinks I'm trying to control him.

As for expressing himself, he doesn't use a lot of words. Like most men, he prefers to express their emotions through actions, so he is often holding me, snuggling with me, putting him arm around me, and always trying to sex me up. He loves to watch me sleep, and loves waking up next to me. I can tell how much he loves me through the look on his face when he looks at me. He has become much more verbally affectionate this round of dating though, so he does often tell me that he loves me (most of the time, he initiates ILY messages), and occasionally tells me how lucky he is to be with me. This time around, he has also become more verbally expressive of his feelings; he has become pretty open and uses "I feel" statements with me. I'm also surprised by his willingness to talk about the future, and sometimes he's the one initiating these conversations! We have talked about getting married, our wedding, our kids, and what kind of parents we'll be.
 

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This has been very helpful. I find this man SO interesting and fun simply just to be around. Just the way he is fascinates me. But yes, I have experiences the SAME things. He was all about me and then all of a sudden I sense he needs space. At one point, I told him if he couldnt do this, it was fine and just to say it. He said that is not what he wanted and I do feel like he cares immensely for me. I can just tell. Like Daydream said. The way he looks at me. The way he is. I can sense it. If I wasnt a strong N, I dont think I'd ever notice. He is not very verbal which is why I kind of thought maybe he wasnt listening for a while when I spoke. But he mentions the most random things that Ive said and brings them up so I caught on that he more observant than I ever gave him credit for. He doesnt say he loves me. But we are only a few months into this. I havent said it either. And I wont because I feel like a man should say it first. No other reason. I honestly love him. If I didnt know his personality type, Id probably think he was a jerk. But I doubt that he is. I dont get that feeling. Ive read that ISTP's struggle with communication. As an INFJ, I feel confident that this is one of my strong points but I am slow to speak most often. So it can create for many awkward moments. And Abryant, yes, I totally understand "that feeling" you get. Ive learned to go with it. Its almost always ALWAYS right.
 

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I'm glad to have been of some help! I'm a firm believer that two (mature) people of any type can have a great relationship. If you "just know" he's crazy about you in the same way the I'm sure you are right!!
 

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I totally agree. Especially if there is an understanding of how each person thinks and operates and the motives behind that. INFJ's tend to be emotional Ive noticed. Sometimes I feel like I need a support group just to support me being me. haha! Ok, Im teasing. ;)
 

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Hi there. Im an INFJ dating an ISTP. Crazy pair, right? Im emotional, he's too cool for that. :) Well, this is new ground for me. Ive never dated an ISTP and all the forums and books I have read, he displays the typical behavior of an ISTP. But knowing as much as I now do, I am scared. I dont know what to say concerning feelings because I dont want to seem "airy fairy" as I read the ISTP may percieve an INFJ. So, my question is, are there any other INFJ's on this forum that have dated an ISTP? What has been your experiences? This man has me confused because he doesnt verbalize alot and I only noticed recently he is far more observant than I ever imagined. He takes in everything I say whereas I take in the "emotional vibes" he is sending out. Id like to hear from other ISTP males about how they express themselves.
nothing crazy about it! my best friend (of 10 years) is an ISTP. :) it's easy to get along with ISTPs...just be yourself. really. they don't want you to be anyone else. they don't like interacting with facades or keeping up what they consider to be needless fronts. they are direct, straightforward, often incredibly genuine people. they either like you as you are, or they don't, and they aren't likely to pretend, either way.

if they dislike or don't understand something about you, if they like you, they'll be up front with you about it. don't be afraid to talk it out. (just realize that what they say is exactly what they mean, don't look for a lot of hidden meaning in it. assume the best - they want others to be bluntly honest with them, so they give the same kind of treatment to others that they want for themselves.) my best friend didn't understand my Fe at first and thought i was trying to manipulate people. but we got past that. when she realized i was just being myself she accepted me as i was.

ISTPs can be incredibly observant, perceptive people. one of the few people on this planet who understands me deeply is my ISTP best friend. she comes out with things not even my family has figured out about me, and it amazes me...like 'how do you know that about me?' an ISTP who is close to you will probably be able to see straight through you...and it will feel comforting that they know you that well and still want to be close to you. :)

don't try to morph yourself into who you are not, to please him. if you have to do that to please any guy, he's not the guy for you...the one for you will love you exactly as you are, and exactly FOR who you are. :)

i really wish you the best!! :)
 

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How insightful that was, Emerald Sea! Yes, I think you hit the nail on the head with everything. He seems so genuine. I have learned to just be me and relax with him. I was married to a man for 13 years (I cant determine his type because I dont know him at all...that sounds weird I am sure) that was really deceptive so I am really cautious now. So I am trying to learn as much as I can about ISTP's to at least give me something to work with and be able to understand him. Thanks so much for the feedback. I cant say how much I have appreciated it all.
 

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Been married to one for 11 years. Been together for 14. I wish I had the answer. Lol. I am an enfj. His mirror. It is rough most of the time. It wasn't until I found the mbti and could logically explain myself and why I am "me" tht things started to get better. But every day is still a challenge. And he still has trouble dealing with my emotional side. He still hates my explainations and metaphors and over all I had to really become more like him to deal with him. (Which being me is easy to do thank goodness)

And you being a lot like me other then the introvert should mean it should be similar

Good luck
 

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I dated an ISTP male and it was great. We considered each other twins. Technically, that's kinda true. I realized that he needed the opposite of what I needed in some things, but the same in others e.g. he needed logic and facts and I wanted abstract ideas. So, we had to learn to discuss subjects based on the topic and not our needs. His P balanced my J and I respected (fell in love with his T) and he fell for my N. We admired one another and were together for almost 6yrs. We're still friends today.


What I will say is his enneagram tritype will be more telling than the MBTI alone. If you two have different and conflicting motivations, it won't be as smooth. Instinct variant will factor in as well.


Also, if something about you i.e. enneagram or instinct variant doesn't push you more towards extrovert, there could be issues as you both may go into your different loops and not get anything done.


I think him realizing how useful my N was to his life helped tremendously. Also, depending on his occupation or hobby, you may be able to bring creativity into his world, which he'll appreciate. ISTPs are technical, but not creative, yet they appreciate creativity. My ISTP was a musician and the music we did together blew him away. He said he always wanted a musical partner like me.


This type of relationship can work but it will take maturity, communication, and will power. Once the two of you get how much alike, yet different you are, it may prove very easy. Well mine did. Again, I think our enneagram tritype compatibility had more to do with the success though.
 
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i'm an istp and my best friend is an infj. i think we complement each other perfectly, really. oftentimes with his depth of thought into things, he completes my more fleeting thoughts.
 
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I only dated a ISTP/ISTJ for a few months I was an INFP back then though.

In a way we were both similar on the surface level, it seemed as though we had great chemistry. We never minded too much of anybody's business but our own. We were very interested in furthering and succeeding ourselves, he and I were each very independent of each other though overtime I grew clingy to him...

I couldn't have deep meaningful conversations with him, which is very essential to me in a relationship. I would always talk to him about my ideas, deep thinking, and beliefs, but I felt like I got "nothing" back from him than filler words or just a smile. I kept searching and searching for depth in him, but in the end I simply could not connect with him.

He didn't like to deal with any of my negative emotions (back then I was a little unhealthy).
 
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