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Discussion Starter #1
I'd like to hear about any experiences you guys have had dating someone with depression, as well as what it's like as a man facing depression while dating. Specifically a fairly new relationship, but one that's been nothing but extremely open and honest.

It's fairly shattering to see how it changes a personality (I can't specify his MBTI type as it appears that he's not in the right frame of mind for it to accurately capture him), and I only have my own experiences with depression to take into account. There seems to be a fine line between being there for them and just hindering their healing and I'm struggling to understand it.

But I'm also trying to understand how men process it differently.

Any inputs would be really really appreciated.
 

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I have found it very difficult to maintain a relationship so I chose to remain single. I am fourty and have been single for about a decade now. In the last ten years, i dated only three people for a short period of time.
Other than that, no dating, no relationship and I truly love my solitude.
While I never expected any of the people whom I dated to be there for me, I asked them to respect me and my life style that supports my recovery or depressive episodes. Unfortunately, they all wanted me to ‘snap out of it’ or they did not understand why i was anxious or why I would rather be alone and read my books.
Also, I disagree with sharing my mental health related issues with a person that I only know for few months. It is none of their business. My depression is my own personal struggle. If for some reason it comes up and/or he somehow figures it out, I would be uncomfortable him being there for me until it is the right time for the relationship.
Also, I think I have no right to expect him to be there for me if i only know him for few months. My depression is tough to handle and I wouldn’t want to burden a new relationship with my issues. As i said, it is also a private matter. I wouldn’t want to share it with someone who is new in my life, no matter how strongly I feel about him.
It should come in time.
 

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I dated a few depressed girls, who didn't know how to deal with that depression. I tried to help but i couldn't.... From my experience depressed people don't need you, will bring you down constantly and the worst thing is you can't help them. I would say run. There are people who are not depressed , you are not i psychologist and even if you were not everybody can be helped, or want your help. Good luck....
 

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I know how bad it is because I was once depressed and I was in a relationship. It was hell for the both of us.

I had a very loving boyfriend, but my depression was like a mire of mud that continuously held me down, and made me feel worthless and hence, making the relationship felt numb and meaningless. I do appreciate my boyfriend, but as he insist on making me happy, it is simply useless, because the only one that can make yourself happy is yourself, because there is an emptiness that only you can possibly fill. It felt horrible because it's torturing the two of us and it gave me pressure to be better when I simply couldn't and he had the pressure that it was his duty to make me feel better.

I think the best solution is to take a break and let the other person sort their own issues and just be there, if not as a boyfriend, but as a friend. It's a horrible feeling, really.
 

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Edgelord
INFP 5w4 - ILI - Chaotic Good
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I'd say it's worth it, but it will hurt. Even worse if you feel powerless.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
I feel extremely naive for not having recognised the signs that he has been feeling worse than he was portraying, and maybe unable to put a name to it. Instead it was 'stress' 'muscles pains' 'sleep problems' 'mind racing' and such. And gradually 'not looking forward to my days or talking to anyone'

I'm also aware I'm not a saviour here and very aware that it's up to the individual to take the steps themselves, but there is something here that I need to see through and I want to be there for him without imposing.

Thank you for the advice everyone. I guess I wanted to hear what it's like for the other side of this.

I'm not going to run, but I'm going to step way back and not crowd him.
 

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I feel extremely naive for not having recognised the signs that he has been feeling worse than he was portraying, and maybe unable to put a name to it. Instead it was 'stress' 'muscles pains' 'sleep problems' 'mind racing' and such. And gradually 'not looking forward to my days or talking to anyone'

I'm also aware I'm not a saviour here and very aware that it's up to the individual to take the steps themselves, but there is something here that I need to see through and I want to be there for him without imposing.

Thank you for the advice everyone. I guess I wanted to hear what it's like for the other side of this.

I'm not going to run, but I'm going to step way back and not crowd him.
I hope it ends better than it did for me i went lengths to help the girl who couldn't get over her father passing... we broke up twice. The second time was final. i hope she finds happiness somehow.... You're a good person for seeing your boyfriend through this. Just make sure he loves you and appreciates what you're doing for him. Best of luck
 

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That's why I don't date, and not sure if ever will now tbh. Even if I try to hide it, it still shines through. People deserve better than putting up with disorder they can't even do anything about.
 
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