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I'm an INTJ female. I'm seeing an INFJ. It's a casual relationship so far. We like each other a lot and share similar values and interests. Right now, it could be BFF or serious relationship. On our last date, I acted seductively, and he responded. Nothing physical came from it, but damn it felt good. Since then, he's backed off a bit from our relationship. He finds me attractive, and he values me as a friend. But he's classic INFJ. I have a feeling that I've stirred the pot, and he's uncomfortable because a relationship with a woman should be deep, sincere and respectful, and he shouldn't be constantly wondering what she looks like naked.
Do I play it cool? Any insight on this would be appreciated. There are lots of variables like man vs. woman, INTJ and INFJ to be considered. Dating is complicated enough as it is.
 

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... and he shouldn't be constantly wondering what she looks like naked.
Really? I think I'm doing this INFJ thing wrong :crazy:

On a more serious note, do you think he is the intuitive subtype of INFJ or the diplomatic/ethical subtype? Intuitive subtypes need a bit of a poke and more decisive partner while diplomatic subtypes are capable of stirring the pot themselves if they wish.

Intuitive subtype:
Facial expression is typically interrogative, and they seem calm, dreamy, and contemplative. Their line of behaviour is frequently passive. Romantic spirits. They live in the world of illusions, and they attempt to avoid negative emotions. They can be optimistic. They shrink away from conflict situations and support compromises. They are restrained in their clothing, elegant and refined. They can fulfill the functions of an abstract thinker, work in psychology and psychotherapy.
The intuitive subtype appears as a quiet, tactful, languid and diffident individual. They seem torn off from reality, inert and poorly adapted to life. However, such impressions are erroneous, for they possess a fine intuition, which aids them in establishing useful connections and obtaining support from influential people. Seem externally serene but sentimentally are disposed to experience moodiness and bouts of melancholy. While their voice at times seems monotonous they often induce a light surprise, even full interest, from the interlocutor. Outwardly are pensive, slightly strained/intense. Prone to emanate sadness masked in sardonic irony. Speech is measured, smooth and intimately heart-felt. On their face they almost constantly exude a polite half-smile that easily wins people’s trust. Gestures are modest, shy. Gait is ponderous, elegant.
Sexual behavior:
Act slowly, are patient and shy. Romantic, elevate themselves in feelings and dream about a great and prolonged love. Yielding in everyday demands (will try to be economically practical if their partner desires). Appear sexually timid, but their aim is for sexual harmony and the reaching of spiritual and physical perfection. Often act somewhat unsure of themselves. Require a volitional, decisive, active and energetic partner, whom possesses feelings of humor and inspiring confidence.


Ethical subtype:
Flatters and is charming and communicable. If they see negative emotions in the people around them, they will try to arrange things so that people will calm down. They will mobilize well in dangerous situations. Loves to be in the centre of attention and dramatize proceedings, possesses a sense of humour. They easily manipulate by intonation and voice; can work successfully as a journalist --- They easily succeed in enticing the person they talk to. Outwardly they can appear extravagant; frequently takes a bohemian and bright form.
The ethical subtype provides the impression of a soft, charming and emotional person. Usually look inspired and optimistic. Possess a fine sense of humor allowing them to list their problems and failures while smiling. Are ironic, crafty, unpredictably and inconsistent in behaviour and conversation. Creating original contrasts, they can unexpectedly prick and then just as quickly embrace/kiss. Artistic and charming; are eloquent in dialogue, occasionally portraying shades of familiarity and impudence. They’re generally affable, kind and careful. Easily draw attention and thereby attract people; talent towards persuasion: states requests in such a manner that it is difficult to refuse them. Movements are graceful as is their gait. Speech is emotional, rich with shades, sometimes melodious.
Sexual behavior:
Strongly emotional and they express their emotions easily. Are coquettish, enticing, and dress with taste. The aesthetes in relations, they value good manners. Know how to provoke their partner’s initiative. Usually remain diplomatic but sometimes become capricious, exacting and easily agitated, however they are easily appeased. Love sexual games and prolonged preparations. Need a strong, loyal, practical, sensitive and initiative-taking partner; and sufficient support in their lives.
 

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I'm not quite sure what to make of these subtypes, but they're very interesting. I identify a little more with the Intuitive, but still embody much of the Ethical side. I'd be surprised if most INFJs weren't well balanced between the two.

Anyways, like you said, there are a number of non-type related factors that would also need to be taken into account in this situation. So honestly, I wouldn't try to theorize about it too much. I'd just ask him straight up how he felt about you putting the moves on him, not to mention where he thinks the relationship is going. In fact, if I had to guess I'd say he's most likely just surprised by the sudden forwardness, which may have him guessing as to your own expectations for the relationship. As you said, it's more on the casual side right now, so he may be wondering if that's all you view it as.

So ya, being up front with what you're looking for in the relationship and the pace your comfortable going at should be all that is required, I think.
 

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personally i don't like to be sexual with a girl unless i'm very comfortable around her. maybe it's just me being shy, but i have actually turned down opportunities for sexual activities solely because i knew they didn't know me.

if he is like me, make sure you two know a lot about each other before getting, shall i say, promiscuous?
 

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Take into consideration that most INFJs need time to reflect on something unexpected. He just needs a little space to collect his thoughts and feelings to put them into perspective. So, if you choose to talk to him about your feelings, don't be surprise if it takes him a little time to respond. Who knows he may surprise you, since he has already backed off a little bit. :happy:
 

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I'm an INTJ female. I'm seeing an INFJ. It's a casual relationship so far. We like each other a lot and share similar values and interests. Right now, it could be BFF or serious relationship. On our last date, I acted seductively, and he responded. Nothing physical came from it, but damn it felt good. Since then, he's backed off a bit from our relationship. He finds me attractive, and he values me as a friend. But he's classic INFJ. I have a feeling that I've stirred the pot, and he's uncomfortable because a relationship with a woman should be deep, sincere and respectful, and he shouldn't be constantly wondering what she looks like naked.
Do I play it cool? Any insight on this would be appreciated. There are lots of variables like man vs. woman, INTJ and INFJ to be considered. Dating is complicated enough as it is.
It's very difficult for sex to be casual for us. You're saying the words "It's a casual realtionship..." And I have to confess that if he's responding to you, and pulling seduction out of you this is NOT casual for him, not at all. We're stalkers in general, and I don't want that to scare you. When we become interested in someone we like to observe everything about them. I don't mean that we'll start following them or sitting outside their house or any of that garbage, but I'd be very willing to wager that this INFJ has been quiet and attentive around you for at least 2 mos. if not longer. All of a sudden he started opening up, and then you reciprocated (that's usually how this goes, btw: the F makes the first move and if you open up they go for more depth.)

I can't speak for anyone, but my instincts and my own reactions tell me that he's pulling back to gauge your level of investment here because he's ready to commit. We like to know that the other person is as deeply into us as we are into them before giving the game away. We're never so vulnerable as when we sink ourselves into our relationships. So this is both an answer and a warning for you: If you want him then keep open and keep investing. If you don't want the intensity that a committed INFJ could give you at the height of their passion then pull back now and let him know that it's alright to keep it as friends.

It's all about asking yourself what you truly want. Relationships with us can be very intense especially when both partners are introverted intuitors because the level of connection can be shattering for them both. Do you want this? Do you want it casual? If you want it casual don't be afraid to ask if he can give you that, but be ready to accept it if he says he can't. He has needs, too, and our needs for connection FAR surpass our needs for a physical relationship. We can sexually starve for long periods of time if there's not connection there, and it's not painful to us.

Bottom line: what are your needs and what are his? These are the things you should ascertain before moving in either direction.

All the best to you and your possible partner! :proud:
 

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Continue being You; See what he does next

Really? I think I'm doing this INFJ thing wrong :crazy:

On a more serious note, do you think he is the intuitive subtype of INFJ or the diplomatic/ethical subtype? Intuitive subtypes need a bit of a poke and more decisive partner while diplomatic subtypes are capable of stirring the pot themselves if they wish...
OMG! Vel! you are like a Type / Relationship Guru. Did you write this? Or do you have a source for this information? Actually my first vision was like 'Barbara Eden' in the classic 'I dream of Jeannie'. Great information...hmm.

I have actually seen this in various INFJs I have been in communication with. It seems like a lady would have to be quite engaging / intriguing to appeal to an INFJ male. Too much work for me, for sure!

This post makes me ponder further. I don't know if you are old enough to recall the show, but Barbara Eden is gorgeous, it is the image that popped into my mind. Your post brings my mind there for some reason. Perhaps you are a person of great power and mystery!

I'm an INTJ female. I'm seeing an INFJ. It's a casual relationship so far. We like each other a lot and share similar values and interests. Right now, it could be BFF or serious relationship. On our last date, I acted seductively, and he responded. Nothing physical came from it, but damn it felt good. Since then, he's backed off a bit from our relationship. He finds me attractive, and he values me as a friend. But he's classic INFJ. I have a feeling that I've stirred the pot, and he's uncomfortable because a relationship with a woman should be deep, sincere and respectful, and he shouldn't be constantly wondering what she looks like naked.
Do I play it cool? Any insight on this would be appreciated. There are lots of variables like man vs. woman, INTJ and INFJ to be considered. Dating is complicated enough as it is.
provencal,

You are a lucky gal! From my communication, I understand that the INFJ person I was interested in would really mesh well with an NT person. I like him so much that I almost wished I was an NT, but I do have some T stuff going on! But screw him, if he doesn't like me the way I am-- well that aside! Your INFJ must be interesting. I don't have much to add. I like what Vel and Ana say. Be yourself, it seems whatever you are doing intrigues him. Since you initiated, perhaps it is his turn to do so. I would play it cool to see what happens, instead of busting out more seduction right away! I like to be intriguing a bit, tee hee

Perhaps some discussion about his goal in your relationship, or sleuthing to find out what type of INFJ he is, will help you. If he really likes you a lot, he probably does, because he is taking the time to spend with you. He could be waiting for the right moment, or planning something special for the two of you. I don't know how much you know about him. It is hard to give further advice without knowing more details, as INFJ males are complex.

There is lots of good info in this Thread already, I see, I don't think I can add much else. Some males perhaps should post their experiences with NT ladies. I would say to continue being YOU. INFJ men from what I read 'choose' their company selectively, and you have already passed several tests likely. I don't think him thinking of you as being non-respectful is the issue here.
I have a feeling that I've stirred the pot, and he's uncomfortable because a relationship with a woman should be deep, sincere and respectful, and he shouldn't be constantly wondering what she looks like naked.
This is the most interesting / odd thing I've read this morning! I don't know him, but as I've said, he's likely aware of you. And you said he did respond to your seduction, it likely turns him on greatly! what you say here is incredibly complicated. Do you know him to be the type of person that is conservative? This thought is somewhat in the right direction, because an INFJ, I feel, will have deep rooted feelings on how he wants his relationships to go about, and the type of lady he wants to be with.

Some communication for sure may be in order for you. It may seem like a mystery killer to do so, but it will save you time to see if he is right for you for sure...also mystery will be continuous, regardless if you have a 'talk' about it. I'm sure he has lots of that. I don't think he will think of you as shallow, he has enough complexity for two, likely. INFJs want who they want! and whatever you do will not change his mind right away, if his heart is set on you. Do you want something serious?

Clearly if he responded to you, passionately, I don't think this type of thinking applies. I think as I said, he likes you too, and it could be about something else, because he may be more interested in just 'looks' and I don't feel INFJ would have a split perspective like respectful woman / woman he lusts for; I think INFJs are more holistic in their approach...He likely already likes you, for you. And doesn't see your body as some constant distraction, he would be interested in all of you, I gather...I hope what I say is of some use here...I just tripped over your comment here, it just is so interesting! I never would think like that. I know I am not explaining my feelings perfectly in this post!

I don't want to break out the madonna / whore issue, because I think you, and general INFJs seem too intellectual / modern to approach relationships that way. I've dealt with a few archaic guys like that, that quite honestly belong in museums! so I get that angle for sure.

But sounds good, whatever you have going on with your INFJ. Perhaps you surprised him, and he has stepped back, to figure you out, or the situation out. Figuring out his next move. Find out more about him and think of what you and he both want from each other. Let us know what happens!
 

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As an INFJ male I really have to be comfortable with the girl I am with to be sexual.

Always remember though, Individual>type. You will find out more answers to all of your questions by looking at him as a person and not as a type. Patience and understanding goes much farther then analyzing his type which is all just subjective and only estimations on how he will act. Give him time and don't retreat away unless it becomes clear that he isn't interested.

MBTI is not the end all be all and it is not "God's word."
 

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I'm an INTJ female. I'm seeing an INFJ. It's a casual relationship so far. We like each other a lot and share similar values and interests. Right now, it could be BFF or serious relationship. On our last date, I acted seductively, and he responded. Nothing physical came from it, but damn it felt good. Since then, he's backed off a bit from our relationship. He finds me attractive, and he values me as a friend. But he's classic INFJ. I have a feeling that I've stirred the pot, and he's uncomfortable because a relationship with a woman should be deep, sincere and respectful, and he shouldn't be constantly wondering what she looks like naked.
Do I play it cool? Any insight on this would be appreciated. There are lots of variables like man vs. woman, INTJ and INFJ to be considered. Dating is complicated enough as it is.
A lot of good things have already been said on this thread, but one thing I'd like to add is that based on my self-knowledge and my observations of other INFJ men (or rather, what they share on here- I may not post much, but I read all your secrets!) it's unlikely he will make a move soon-ish unless he is absolutely sure it won't cause awkwardness. We're pretty sensitive to potential threats to our relationship. I have personally forced myself to be extremely direct about my intentions right off the bat so as to avoid this problem. But before I figured that one out I did a lot of tip-toeing around my relationships, wishing the other person would be the first to make it clear what they really want.

So if you really think he is into you, then go for it. He's probably having daydreams of extreme intimacy with you as you're reading this, and in his fantasy world you're already married and live happily ever after (very common INFJ thing, the daydreaming).

By the way, Vel, I really liked those subtypes. I seem to be the intuitive subtype. Thanks for posting it. :happy:
 

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He may need some reassurance right now as to why you acted seductively. Leave an INFJ alone to wonder and he'll have more theories than brain cells when he's done.

On what Vel spoke of: Im glad I was able to read up on the subtypes. The explanations were well-written and insightful. Thanks!

By what I can ascertain from your post, I play the ethical subtype to my friends, and the intuitive subtype around love interests. Interesting stuff!
 

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It could be that he is not quite certain upon which side of the friend/lover line he wants to remain. It sounds like the two of you are off to a great start. Perhaps he needs a bit more nudging. Not enough data to form a more accurate guess.

Wow, Vel. Thanks for posting those subtypes. I am definitely of the Intuitive persuasion. The Ethical subtype is me well into my third glass of wine...:laughing:
 

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It seems like a lady would have to be quite engaging / intriguing to appeal to an INFJ male.
Wow! My ego just got more inflated!:laughing:

Thanks for the insights everyone. The advice does seem to apply to the situation at hand. I don't know much about the INFJ, but it sounds they date like a girl, so to speak. In my mind, they seems like the men women are always complaining they can't meet but wish they could, ex. sensitive, caring, thoughtful.
 

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OMG! Vel! you are like a Type / Relationship Guru. Did you write this? Or do you have a source for this information? Actually my first vision was like 'Barbara Eden' in the classic 'I dream of Jeannie'. Great information...hmm.
hehe I wish I could write information like that but that took many years of research - I pulled it from Wikisocion - my latest addiction :laughing:
Source: IEI subtypes - Wikisocion

I'd say that male INFJs tend to be higher on Ni and Ti and introversion overall so are more likely to be the intuitive subtype which needs more space and 'processing' time so to say.

Another thing to add is that both INTJs and INFJs are classed as having victim romancing style (source: Victim - Wikisocion) so what this may result in a lot of push-pull kind of dance at the beginning of relationship, as both partners doubt their own attract and the other person's attraction to them. To pull another 'victim' out of it one of the parties can pretend to be the aggressor (source: Aggressor - Wikisocion) for at least initial stages of relationship. I think OP behaved more like aggressor at this meeting and so the 'victim' is doing the usual victim dance and pulling back a little now.
 

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much more the intuitive type here. i'm waitng for the right women to sweep me off my feet.
 

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Vel - you are amazing. Thanks for sharing those two types. And I totally agree with your post following that as I tend to lean on the intuitive side.
 

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As well, what y'all are telling me is that I'm not going to see any action anytime soon. :frustrating:
I certainly wouldn't say that. We just want to know it's safe and that we won't get shot down. I'm actually all for moving really, really fast (which has something to do with the daydreaming I mentioned in an earlier post; in my mind I'm way ahead of reality). But as a rule, we prefer the woman to make the first move. Since you're a badass INTJ I'm sure you can muster up the courage, no? :wink:

Anyway, congratulations on becoming a lesbian.
 

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I'm an INTJ female. I'm seeing an INFJ. It's a casual relationship so far. We like each other a lot and share similar values and interests. Right now, it could be BFF or serious relationship. On our last date, I acted seductively, and he responded. Nothing physical came from it, but damn it felt good. Since then, he's backed off a bit from our relationship. He finds me attractive, and he values me as a friend. But he's classic INFJ. I have a feeling that I've stirred the pot, and he's uncomfortable because a relationship with a woman should be deep, sincere and respectful, and he shouldn't be constantly wondering what she looks like naked.
Do I play it cool? Any insight on this would be appreciated. There are lots of variables like man vs. woman, INTJ and INFJ to be considered. Dating is complicated enough as it is.
Just be yourself and don't try to be something you're not.
 
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