I've read posts here before, but never posted. So, hello.
I have had a really difficult time dating, since my 20 year marriage ended. I find plenty of people to date, but... there is always something missing. Usually I feel like they are too much "think inside the box" or they seem to lack an integrity I need in a partner. Sometimes I feel like there is something wrong with me - I must be seeking something impossible to find.
The only times I did develop feelings for a guy, one was so emotionally distant (but a tragic, lost soul, very romantic and brilliant in his work, but so inattentive to me I cried every day), and the other was hiding from me the fact that he was engaged to marry another woman.
I've read "Women Who Love Too Much" and I've examined my own fears about commitment (because at this point, it's pretty clear to me the problem is ME, not the guys - there are nice guys who wanted something serious with me, but I just couldn't manage to keep an attraction for them).
I realize I am attracted to cave man. My gut reaction, my initial response to a man, my sexual interest, is with the guy who is inscrutable, distant, and unpredictable. Maybe because I'm INFJ, and I understand people well enough that I want the challenge of getting to know a man who is more difficult than the average person. Most people bore me, even though I'm a little ashamed to admit that.
The problem is, these men also tend to be a little crazy. And my happiness is never high on their list, at least not the point of making any sort of sacrifice (like actually showing up for a date on Valentine's Day...)
I realize I need something different in order to actually be happy in a relationship.
I finally am getting to know a guy who meets all my basic qualifications. He's smart, funny with the sort of humor I am comfortable with, he "gets" me. He seems dependable, attentive, and generous.
He's emotionally more mature than most men... by far. He's examined himself and his life, and he's a thinker and a feeler. Sometimes, a little too much.
Now, he tells me he is also INFJ.
There was another thread on this topic, and I read through it, but didn't want to post there, as it was a year old. But I'd like your opinions.
Sometimes I think I should just accept the fact that I can't be happy in a relationship, that I need the discordance there, and to not risk hurting this nice man by ending it now.
I would really like some feedback. Thanks.
I have had a really difficult time dating, since my 20 year marriage ended. I find plenty of people to date, but... there is always something missing. Usually I feel like they are too much "think inside the box" or they seem to lack an integrity I need in a partner. Sometimes I feel like there is something wrong with me - I must be seeking something impossible to find.
The only times I did develop feelings for a guy, one was so emotionally distant (but a tragic, lost soul, very romantic and brilliant in his work, but so inattentive to me I cried every day), and the other was hiding from me the fact that he was engaged to marry another woman.
I've read "Women Who Love Too Much" and I've examined my own fears about commitment (because at this point, it's pretty clear to me the problem is ME, not the guys - there are nice guys who wanted something serious with me, but I just couldn't manage to keep an attraction for them).
I realize I am attracted to cave man. My gut reaction, my initial response to a man, my sexual interest, is with the guy who is inscrutable, distant, and unpredictable. Maybe because I'm INFJ, and I understand people well enough that I want the challenge of getting to know a man who is more difficult than the average person. Most people bore me, even though I'm a little ashamed to admit that.
The problem is, these men also tend to be a little crazy. And my happiness is never high on their list, at least not the point of making any sort of sacrifice (like actually showing up for a date on Valentine's Day...)
I realize I need something different in order to actually be happy in a relationship.
I finally am getting to know a guy who meets all my basic qualifications. He's smart, funny with the sort of humor I am comfortable with, he "gets" me. He seems dependable, attentive, and generous.
He's emotionally more mature than most men... by far. He's examined himself and his life, and he's a thinker and a feeler. Sometimes, a little too much.
Now, he tells me he is also INFJ.
There was another thread on this topic, and I read through it, but didn't want to post there, as it was a year old. But I'd like your opinions.
Sometimes I think I should just accept the fact that I can't be happy in a relationship, that I need the discordance there, and to not risk hurting this nice man by ending it now.
I would really like some feedback. Thanks.