Well... he had floppy wrists. My friend bent over with laughter. She had just asked me how my date last night went with this great, intelligent, interesting, cute, kind souled guy. Ya know, I know he was straight, but he moved his hands like a very dainty lady. I was totally the 'dude'. We were drinking tea and I swear, he was a knitted scarf away from pointing his pinky out when he sipped. This had been my luck lately, la lack of de spark. Though, I would NEVER not date a guy over something as silly as floppy wrists, it was a clue to something much bigger during the date, zero chemistry. But how can this be? He is one of many intelligent, interesting, funny, cute, sweet guys whom I have met, shared a conversation or coffee with, to only find out an hour later that we have less sparks than a wet match. Thus, I began a small quest about what a spark is, why I need it (maybe more than other types?) and why, possibly, in this moment in life I can't find it.
I had stopped listening to what he was saying, which was unusual. I could listen to his voice and stories all day, preferably for the rest of my life. Odd for me to think that, but he's the only guy I've ever said something so bold about. My mind drifted to images of him and me. Mentally, I had pushed the table out of the way, grabbed his skinny tie towards me and started kissing him on the verge of violence. If you're having a hard time imagining what that looks like, imagine that his lips are the only source of oxygen I have, and that I'm under water, like a mile down.... so if I stopped, I'd drown. Something vaguely like that. Yeah. The spark. That little cheeky bastard. As an ENFP, I can explain the spark as a feeling, it is something that is felt. It is an essence, je ne sais quoi, an undefinable, yet tangible something. I know when I do feel it, like above with that ENFJ. I am struggling to find an understandable way to articulate it. Perhaps it is a mixture of a really great conversation, a familiar feeling of an old friend, with a thirsty desire for physical contact. It combines all those elements, yet they are not enough; always wanting more. I am curious as to what "the spark" feels like to other types and how it happens for them?
I told my wise like an owl INFJ sister of my problems with my sparkless dates. She leaned against a wicker chair, tasting the air with her spidey sensy introverted intuition, and explained that she has noticed that "not feeling it" on dates has been a problem for other ENFJ's and ENFP's that she has observed. Perhaps it is because they are such creatures of passion, she mused. Other types who are much more practactly minded, or who are afraid of disappointing someone might be more okay without a spark and able to make it work through other avenues. But maybe for ENFP's and their strong need for authenticity, they could never "force" something that wasn't already there because it would be not genuine. Wise owl. I think she's onto something. I would feel ungenuine if the connection wasn't strong enough to pull me to them. I'm such a free bird, and to give up all my options for one guy when I am SO passionate about so many things is asking a lot for anyone but the best. I would never, ever want to intentionally hurt someone by making them think I am more into them then I am. And in the long term, if they're not the best for me, then I am not the best for them. Damn, she's good...
So why haven't I been able to spark with anyone in a while? Now, of course, I know there are several answers to this maybe it's just not the right time, you're not ready for him and he's not ready for you etc. and though I believe those explanations have merit, I also feel as if there is something else hidden deep down that is responsible for my luck laster. Hmmmm. Him. Why yes, of course. His spark was so bright that everyone else pales in comparison. Ah, the truth, I alas, am not over Mr. Wonderful, the ENFJ who is unrequited, forced apart by circumstances to become an elipses. He and I could ignite a whole forrest with our sparks. Evidently, it is not just any spark that I am wanting to feel, but rather, his spark. And nothing else, as of now, will suffice. Please don't misunderstand me, I am no fool. I do not imply that I'll never feel the flames of passion again, I will and it will be spectacular. But I guess I am grieving the loss of his brilliant, beautiful and unique spark that ignited something in me that I've never felt before. I need to be patient with myself. Then, when I feel the time is right, I will thank God for letting me see his flame and then tuck it deep into my soul, grateful for its warmth, and continue the search for someone who's spark will glow so bright, and deep, and magnificently that it will never go out.