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Discussion Starter #1
I'm sure a variation of this thread has been started before, but I wanted to talk about it from a specific perspective.

I've been doing online dating for about six months now. I'm enjoying the process of meeting new people and dating different types. Ultimately, I'd like to find a relationship, but I'm not rushing the process.

As I go on dates, I'm realizing that I have a tendency to focus on one person at a time. That is to say, if I have a great first or second date with a guy, I stop looking at the apps or making new matches. I focus on developing my connection with that person and seeing what comes of it.

I've been advised to play the field more. That my approach might put too much pressure on one thing to turn out one way or another. And it's not that I think every guy I date will be "the one," but I feel like I want to give that relationship a shot without also comparing to someone else in the mix.

I've also noticed that while I might be focusing on one guy, he's definitely still talking to and dating other women. Especially at the beginning, this seems to be the norm. And so then it becomes a situation where I'm only talking to him and he's talking to multiple women.

I'm not sure if this disconnect in approach is good or bad. I guess I'm looking to see if other people feel like I do and want to focus on one relationship at a time? Or, should I be more open to dating multiple people at once?
 

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Quality over quantity. Doing something that feels unnatural to you would likely lead you to making decisions based on what others think you “should” be doing. In turn, you’ll feel inauthentic and you’ll likely feel like a fraud with yourself and others, completely dissatisfied. Plus, it’s tacky to go half-hearted when it comes to matters of the heart. Best to take it slow but discern well.
 

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Does it bother you?

I believe from my somewhat uneducated male opinion most [males] will keep dating multiple women because it's probable they'll be rejected by some.
More dates --> better odds. That is, if they're serious about the relationship part post-dating.
 

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Discussion Starter #4
Does it bother you?

I believe from my somewhat uneducated male opinion most [males] will keep dating multiple women because it's probable they'll be rejected by some.
More dates --> better odds. That is, if they're serious about the relationship part post-dating.
kind of? I guess I just hate feeling like I'm put in the position of competition with other options.

But between you and @strawberryLola you've hit on the crux of the issue - Quality over Quantity vs. More dates = Better odds.

So, does this come down to a value question? If I value Quality over Quantity, am I just looking for someone else who values the same? (posing this as a theoretical question more than wanting specific advice).
 

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I think quality over quantity is important because if you get to actually know a person you can get to know what you really like and dislike about them and this can help you assess people better in the future as well. There’s absolutely no need to do what “everyone else” may or may not be doing if it’s not what feels natural to you.
 

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I hardly ever find anyone interesting enough to go on a date with.

Never had this issue.
How do you know if they are interesting or not if you don't get to know them?
 
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I text for a few days, see if they can keep up reasonably well.

On average they fail at text no 2.7.
Oh the first impression thing I see. Yeah most of all relationships are built around the first impression.
 

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Well, that might be your problem. Texting can only tell you so much about a person. I always meet in person. If a guy I meet online won't meet up within a week it's not worth it.
B-b-but the first impression is built around the atmosphere of the dating apps!

Should just meet someone at a roller coaster ride. Much better atmosphere for first impressions.
 

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kind of? I guess I just hate feeling like I'm put in the position of competition with other options.

But between you and @strawberryLola you've hit on the crux of the issue - Quality over Quantity vs. More dates = Better odds.

So, does this come down to a value question? If I value Quality over Quantity, am I just looking for someone else who values the same? (posing this as a theoretical question more than wanting specific advice).
Food for thought, Sometimes you have to weed through quantity to find quality, too.
And I do think it comes down to preference; so whatever makes you happy. :happy:
 
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Well, that might be your problem. Texting can only tell you so much about a person. I always meet in person. If a guy I meet online won't meet up within a week it's not worth it.
Not interested in meeting anyone who can't even entertain me via text.

I had my fair share of those when dating offline.
 

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Not interested in meeting anyone who can't even entertain me via text.

I had my fair share of those when dating offline.
Hmmm. Must be a T thing. Intj preferred text as well while I was preferring to hear her voice. I would just rather connect a little deeper than text. Text feels... sarcastic. Fake.
 

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Discussion Starter #16
Hmmm. Must be a T thing. Intj preferred text as well while I was preferring to hear her voice. I would just rather connect a little deeper than text. Text feels... sarcastic. Fake.
Agreed. Texting is fine for keeping a connection going between dates, but it can't tell you about true compatibility. I need to hear your voice, see how you express yourself physically. Plus I want to talk on a deeper level that texting doesn't allow. I'm not going to sit there and type my whole life story with my thumbs. I want to have those conversations face-to-face. Texting is good for flirting and quick interactions, but it can't tell me if someone is truly worth my time or not.
 

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Discussion Starter #17
Food for thought, Sometimes you have to weed through quantity to find quality, too.
And I do think it comes down to preference; so whatever makes you happy. :happy:
It's something I'm considering, hence the post. It's not that I feel pressured to do what "everyone else" is doing. I'm just curious about different people's approaches. I'm open to exploring, but I do notice my own tendency to focus on one person, and was mostly curious if other's feel the same.
 

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Agreed. Texting is fine for keeping a connection going between dates, but it can't tell you about true compatibility. I need to hear your voice, see how you express yourself physically. Plus I want to talk on a deeper level that texting doesn't allow. I'm not going to sit there and type my whole life story with my thumbs. I want to have those conversations face-to-face. Texting is good for flirting and quick interactions, but it can't tell me if someone is truly worth my time or not.
Exactly! I don't want my thumbs to be ME, I want to be me. I exercise my whole body and condition my mind, every day.. That's me. I don't even consciously put myself into my thumbs unless I'm doing full supination concentration bicep curls. Otherwise they just kind of hang there waiting to hold onto something.

Also, the whole face to face thing expresses a lot more nuance. It'll help you detect sarcasm, racism, and stupidity that you wouldn't otherwise detect.
 
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I like how François Cluzet did it in Intouchables.
 
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